If Wishes Were Curses

by Janeen Ippolito

  Cendric pulled away, but his hands clutched my arms, forcing the curse-marks back little by little. I shuddered, and my knees buckled. He held me upright as fresh pain rippled through me, and the curse-marks bubbled under his touch. Finally, they ripped apart, scalding my arms.

  Something new surfaced, claiming me even as I claimed it.

  I felt something lock into place. A force like wind and flame and mysterious mist filled me, flooding my veins like a frozen heat. Filling the empty, lost places inside my heart.

  Chaos. Newness. Constant change, like stars exploding and reforming, like flowers bursting into bloom and shriveling into nothing. Eternal sparks and embers of uncontrollable creation and destruction. Fierce and beautiful as a whirlwind, yet fearful and wayward as a wildfire.

  All mine. All contained within the beat of my heart, within every inhale and exhale.

  A laugh escaped me. Not evil, but wild. Oh, very wild.

  Not safe.

  All of me.

  Chapter 12

  Cendric’s voice called out to me as if from the other end of a long tunnel, speaking my name over and over again. Asking me questions. Wanting to know if I was all right.

  But I turned away from the vampire. How could I focus on him when there was so much to see? It was as if I’d been blind before. Blind to the true nature and possibilities of the world. My lips twitched into a grimace. I had been blinded, by the Fae. And they feared me, feared what I would become.

  At this moment, I was too overwhelmed with perception to turn into a raving, chaotic death-creature, or whatever the Fae assumed I’d be if my Jinn side were unleashed. The nyctophage wasn’t merely white but filled with a prismatic array of colors and potentials. My skin prickled with the sensation of every speck of air hitting it, of molecules colliding with the tiniest amounts of tinkling music.

  So elegant. So full of possibilities and endless moments of change. The nyctophage wasn’t an absence of magic. It absorbed it like a sponge. And every bit of that magic was at my fingertips to use however I saw fit.

  An odd, delightful glee consumed my heart.

  No one could stop me.

  “Allis, are you all right?” Dimly, I felt Cendric come close to me. I could sense him too, though in a different way. His bones, his marrow. His blood rushing through his veins as though it rushed through my own. Holding me fast, somehow.

  Joined together, inextricably.

  But not for the first time. We’d known each other before. Memory after memory assaulted me in a blur of knowing too swift, too sudden to interpret.

  I whirled around to face him, taking in every feature, from the sharp angles of his face and the gleam of his piercings to the mussed black curtain of his hair and the strength of his body, still clothed in the t-shirt and jeans.

  His lips were only a face tilt, a half-tiptoe away.

  “I’ve never been better.”

  I grabbed his shirt, and his gray eyes met mine like electricity. Our mouths pressed in a kiss that was as intense and searching and quick as lightning. His fingers traced my forearms, drawing fresh tingles. A new sense of magic.

  I gasped and stared down at the skin. Before, black and silver curse-marks had marred the freckled flesh. But now my forearms were covered with fresh, intricate tattoos, symbols entwined with coils and threads of magic manifested as ink. On my right forearm were waves and flames intersected by a cross. On my left forearm, there were deep blue flames interspersed with what appeared to be roses, dripping with liquid.

  “What are these?”

  “Well, among ravens, bonds are shown through the emergence of magical marks.”

  I nodded impatiently. “Yeah, same with all kinds of magic, Cid. But what are these ones

  about?”

  “When the curse-marks were killing you, I gave you my own magic, such as it is, to

  bolster you.”

  “Through the song? The one I returned with my own magic. Why did I do that?”

  “I didn’t expect it myself.” Cendric held out his left arm. His tattoo there was identical to mine. I traced it with my fingertips, feeling each curl as if it were my own skin. “It was a desperate move. I’m not sure how it worked.”

  A rueful laugh escaped me. “So what does this all mean?”

  “We’re connected, somehow.”

  “I get that. How?”

  “Well, if you were another raven, and I were not…” A strange disappointment flooded his features. “But it can’t be.”

  “What can’t be?”

  He grimaced. “I can’t suddenly produce answers just because you demand them. We’ll have to figure this out together.”

  “Which it seems like we’ve been doing off and on for some time.” The rush of memories filled me again, and again, I shoved them aside. Too much right now. Too much.

  Get a hold of yourself, Allis.

  I held out my right arm. “What about this one?”

  He studied the marks for what seemed like endless minutes. “I’m not sure. I’ve never seen curse-marks that tried to kill someone to block their magic. The amount of power it took—” He shook his head. “I can only imagine these marks are whatever else held you together during the curse-breaking. Your Jinn magic. Your faith.” He frowned. “I’m not sure about the waves.”

  Waves? What or who did I know with any affinity with water…

  Then I laughed. “Gideon. My half-brother. He’s an otter shifter. His gray mark is a wave. You need to meet him...that is, if you want to.”

  “Of course I do!” His words were sudden and enthusiastic. “I want to know about everything in your life. Everything that was kept from us.” Cendric’s face grew serious. “I’m already sensing the memories of us.”

  “Same here. Trying to ignore them.”

  He frowned. “Why?”

  “Because we need to get out of here, and I have enough things pounding at my head without dealing with any more.”

  “Granted.”

  “Wishes? Nope, that’s my job.”

  Cendric rolled his eyes. “I do remember your puns.”

  “One of my secret superpowers. Now let me focus.”

  I stared around the nyctophage. My Jinn magic rattled through me, eager for release. A grin spread across my face. I was ready to give in to it and have some fun. I reached out toward the nyctophage, embracing the prisms and the possibilities and releasing them into the magisphere. They still existed, but they weren’t harming anyone. They weren’t holding us. They were simply bystander elements.

  I snapped my fingers.

  All at once, the white nothingness and the bed disappeared. Darkness surrounded us once more, but this time it was a dimly-lit darkness, broken up by swaths of moonlight streaking in through two windows. The moonbeams illuminated cobwebs strung over golf clubs and across plastic shelves.

  Next to me, Cendric scoffed. “Neil always did enjoy golf. I used to go with him. I never cared for the sport, but it seemed to give him enjoyment outside of hunting and draining others.” His tone turned grim. “And the entire time, he was playing me more than the golf.”

  “Hey, you didn’t know.”

  “Yes, I did.”

  “What?”

  “I’m not a fool, and I work with vampires on a daily basis. I suspected he had some schemes about.”

  My mouth dropped open. “So you knew he was going to come after me?”

  “No, although even if I did, I didn’t remember you anyway. As for his schemes, my colleagues and I were allowing the situation to play out and keeping our own counsel. Hoping to learn what he planned so we could prevent it.” He sighed. “I wanted to give him the benefit of a doubt, but I have too much experience to expect that.”

  Regret filled his voice. A part of me admired that. The other part searched for more answers, pushing through the very memories I’d just cast aside. A gas station. Cendric and I had first met at a Sheetz near a house Gideon and I were cleaning in Woolport. I’d just signed a contract with M
omoru Investigations, and I hadn’t gotten much work. All I could afford was a cheap coffee, but I kept tapping the screen, imagining I could get something fancy.

  I blinked. “You were waiting behind me, and you got me a fancy coffee.”

  Realization showed on his face. “That was the only working kiosk. I saw what you were doing, and at the time, I thought you might have some kind of obsessive-compulsive condition, so I offered to pay. You accepted, we spoke for a moment, and then you left.”

  I snorted. “Gee, real romantic. Why were you there?”

  Cendric shrugged, barely visible in the shadows. “My work often requires me to keep late hours. I needed coffee as well.”

  “So no weird, irresistible shifter biological urge to your destined mate?”

  “I’m a vampire. And even with ravens, when I was one, we choose our mates.” A brief smile gleamed in the darkness as he drew nearer. “The connection might be there, but the pursuit is all ours.”

  Then what happened with our magic in the nyctophage? He pursued me? Why didn’t he say anything? As I was about to speak, my consciousness was bombarded by everything around me. Every object and particle screamed their possibilities. From the piles of golf gloves in a corner to the metal ceiling, everything rang with ceaseless noise. Louder, so much louder than in the nyctophage. That had been a quiet waterfall compared to the cacophony of feeling the molecules, sensing the spaces between atoms, hearing the noise of so much material beckoning with potential.

  All of it was mine to use. Mine to shape and wield, to silence or shove away. I could incinerate everything from the inside out until I was left in peace.

  Cendric’s hands closed over mine, and his voice spoke in my ear. “Not now, Allis.”

  “What tipped you off?” I exhaled slowly, trying to steady my mental whirling.

  “I heard your heartbeat.”

  “And I can hear yours. I can hear everything.” At the same time, a gust of air blew through the shack like a windstorm, rattling the clubs and golf balls. A faint smile curled my lips, even while my breath hitched. “Now I know why Jinn like the desert sands.”

  The isolation sounded incredible. Or maybe just hiding in a bottle or a lamp. If I could only get away from everything. Or maybe I could get rid of the stuff. Who cared about any of it? I could make it disappear.

  The winds ricocheted around me, siphoning matter away and dissipating it into the breezes. Breezes that were wet with tears yet hot with flames, if water could burn. It could. I could make it do whatever I wanted.

  Destroy everything.

  Leave it to dust and ashes.

  Free yourself. It is your right.

  A groan escaped me. “It’s too much!”

  Cendric grabbed my hands, his touch cool. Centering. “Remember, you’re not fully Jinn. You’re also human. Use that as a shield.”

  “I can’t!” The tempest whirled frenetically with Cendric and I in the center at the eye of the hurricane I had built in the small shed. “Why can’t I just destroy everything?”

  “Not now. It will give us away.”

  “I don’t care!”

  “Focus. You’ve never given up, no matter what people did to you, and you won’t give up now.” His words were sharp with certainty. “There will be other times to set the world ablaze. Find your humanity and cling to it.”

  I swallowed. Searched my mind for the face of my mother, a woman who had tirelessly worked two or three jobs to keep food on the table. Who did everything she could to raise two grayling children who were constantly getting into trouble. Who didn’t give us up, even though there were easier options.

  I was Allisandra Evanenko. Grayling. Called by destiny.

  And I was not giving up.

  My eyes pinched shut and I swallowed a scream. With it, a burst of magic escaped me, spreading out through the room in a great clap of thunder. I clenched my hands, pushing up shields against the magic and the overwhelming sensations as I often had done to block out the desires and fears of others. The shield held tenuously, but it was enough.

  I opened my eyes to moonlight, suddenly far brighter than it had been before. There was a good reason for that.

  The shed, and everything in it, was gone. Vanished into ash and wind.

  A shudder rippled through me. I swallowed hard.

  “Let’s get out of here.”

  Cendric nodded, exhaling. “Can you teleport us somewhere else?”

  I shook my head. “I’ll need a minute.”

  Or twenty. Or twenty thousand. The Jinn magic still hovered close, a vibrant, chaotic thing on the other side of my mental shield. The last thing I wanted to do was to get our molecules mixed up with the possibilities of the universe. We’d emerge with five ears or concrete for toes or something.

  “Can’t you just focus harder?”

  I glared at him. “Are you kidding me? I just made an entire golf shack disappear!”

  “I’m aware of this, but—”

  “Are you sure you want to go through life with an extra appendage or a pineapple sticking out of an orifice? Because that’s what will happen if I try to teleport right now, Cid!”

  I jabbed my finger into his chest. An impatient look flickered over his face, but he nodded. “Very well. Let’s take a midnight stroll across a golf club and hope my former close friend hasn’t turned it into a horrific bloodbath or laid a terrible trap to kill us before we’ve had a chance to figure anything out!”

  I grinned in relief. “That’s the spirit!”

  “You’re insane.”

  “Yeah, I’m realizing this.” But maybe for now, I could control it.

  We crept across the edge of a massive golf course lit by carefully-spaced outdoor lights. A cool summer breeze blew across my shoulders. The open space was lovely and blissfully empty. To the right was a putting green and a driving range. To the left stood an ornate, red brick facility with white shutters. Splashing fountains circled an expansive slate patio dotted with wrought-iron tables and chairs.

  Cendric’s lip curled. “The Chartlan Country Club, part of the Chartlan Gated Community.” He gestured toward rows of neat, expensive-looking mansions that dotted the distant landscape. “Neil moved out here when he finished the program I have for vampires. He said the quiet and privacy of the community freed him from the temptation of the vampire blood lust.”

  I shrugged. “Sounds legit.”

  The vampire’s face looked as though he’d swallowed a bag of lemons. Here I thought nothing could make him look less than absurdly attractive. “The entire place stinks of blood and death.”

  “Funny, it looks squeaky-clean.”

  “Covering his tracks, no doubt.” Cendric scowled at nothing in particular. “We need more information. Whatever Neil’s doing must be stopped.”

  “Bummer. I wanted to throw him a tea party.”

  “Has anyone told you that you have a mouth?”

  “Sure. I’m all for people stating the obvious.” I gave him my best sarcastic look, which he returned with an air of aggrieved patience. I broke first with a huff. “Fine. Which place do we break into?”

  “Pardon?”

  “Well, the light elves will be after me for not being cursed, and after you for un-cursing me. I’m surprised they’re not here already.”

  Cendric shook his head. “I can handle them.”

  “Yeah, but why not use this to our advantage and get all the dirt we can on Neil? Proof is a great thing. The guy let me get framed for killing a vampire bear shifter so he could use me as his personal Jinn-for-killing and who knows what else. So let’s break in and see what we can find. At the very least, we can steal some useful things, like clothes and cell phones.”

  “I take it you have some experience breaking into places?”

  “Oh yeah!” I paused. There was a healthy amount of judgement on his face. “Didn’t that come up in any of our ‘first meeting’ conversations?”

  He shook his head. “Not that I recall, from my extensive
study of a handful of minutes.”

  “Sarcasm looks good on you, Cid. Also, I grew up on the street. Sometimes it was easier to sneak around here and there. I’m not proud of it—”

  His lips twitched. “You sound proud of it.”

  “Okay, maybe I’m a little proud of it. But that’s because we only stole from criminals, so not getting caught was extra work and danger.”

  “Only stole from criminals? That makes it so much better.”

  “Yup! We can debate my moral core later, but the point is, I can get us into most of these places. Even without using my magic, which is completely untested.” I studied him. “You can smell blood, so you can find us a place that’s empty, right? Or should I just break into the main building?”

  He sighed and shook his head. “No, I can sense the blood magic alarms from here.”

  “What about Neil’s house?”

  “Yes, let’s just announce ourselves to the man who entrapped us.”

  “A random house it is then! C’mon, let’s give it a shot!”

  “At least it will be a place I know is harboring vampires,” he muttered. “If Neil is truly collaborating with other vampires, there should be some kind of residue I can bring before the court.”

  “As long as they aren’t at home. First rule of breaking in: not smart to do when the residents are at home.”

  “How clever of you.” Cendric rolled his eyes and started off at a relentless pace toward the residential area. He seemed to meld into the shadows while I struggled to keep up, my flip flops slapping at the ground. At this point, they felt half-disintegrated. More than ever, I wanted my sneakers. And a jacket, while I was at it.

  After a while, he stopped and turned toward me, frowning. “You need to take off your shoes.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Gunshots would be less noisy.”

  “I know for a fact that’s not true.” But I slipped them off and disintegrated them with a giggle, trying not to worry about how happy it made me to turn something into dust. “Well, try to walk on grass, okay? Or you could take me up in your arms like those dashing vampires of old.”