Neck-Deep In It: A LitRPG and GameLit Series.

by Jason Cheek

  “How are we looking?” Mike asked the large Russian who closed the iron cage’s door with a loud clank.

  “Is good,” Dmitry said, nodding to the rest of the cages that were being swung up onto the shoulders of the line of zombie Trolls, “We need your gospozha to load up then you free to, as you say, move out.”

  “Gospozha,” Mike asked, giving the Russian a confused look, “Is that zombie in Russian?”

  “No, my damskiy ugodnik friend,” Dmitry said with a guffaw, “that means mistress in Russian.”

  “Foock you,” Mike said, dragging out the “o” sound as he tried to emulate a cheezy Russian accent.

  “That is not very Russian,” Dmitry said, rolling his eyes.

  “I know,” Mike said, giving the Russian a broad smile, “that was the point.”

  As Dmitry laughed and clapped him on the shoulder, Mike looked back to the Matriarch to see Bogan stepping back away from the zombie to proudly inspect his work. Honestly, he didn’t begin to comprehend why the man was acting like he was working on some sort of model posing in a swimsuit competition. It was a freaking zombie … and a literal Troll. Seeing Mike looking his way, the Aussie called out.

  “Ain’t she a beaut?”

  “Only if you’re into horror movie monsters,” Mike unenthusiastically said, responding with the first thing that came to mind.

  “Oh, are yea into monster horror design too,” Boden asked, as his face flashed with interest in what Mike could only guess was the Aussie man’s hobby.

  “Only when I’m trying to kill them,” Mike said, as the man indifferently shrugged before turning back to the zombie.

  “The designers really did a top-notch job on the design,” Boden admiringly said as he looked over the Matriarch and hefted a dug with a hand, “She’s truly gruesome. The waxy texture of the cadaver-like flesh is uncannily realistic.”

  “Except for the whole zombie walking around part,” Mike said, turning slightly green as he looked away and took a few deep breaths, “If you don’t mind, we really need to move out.”

  “No worries mate,” Boden said, laughing at Mike’s pale face, “your girlfriend is ready to go.”

  “Thanks,” Mike dryly said, not bothering to argue the point as he turned away while mentally directed the zombie over to the iron cage. Obviously, his new friends weren’t going to let him off the hook with having a naked female zombie Troll.

  “Everyone hold on,” Dmitry called out to the people inside the cage as the twelve-foot-tall Troll’s misshapen hand clumsily slammed down onto the iron bars, “the lift is worse part.”

  “Yeah, the mental commands are a little bit tricky,” Mike agreed as he got the Matriarch’s hand to clasp the ring on top of the cage. “It’s not like there’s much in the way of fine-motor-control.”

  The four players inside urgently clutched at the bars for support as the cage swung crazily from side-to-side as the zombie lifted it into the air. Mike flinched as he saw the red-furred Panda Kin girl lose her grip and get flung through the air. She deftly caught herself with a loud clank as she slammed into the opposite side of the cage and wrapped her arms and legs around the iron bars.

  “Umm, this is kind of freaking me out,” Steph anxiously said as the iron cage jerked back and forth like a salt shaker. To her relief, Toxi let himself slam into the bars next to her and helped to brace her in place with his broad chest as they rode out the uncomfortable motion together.

  “Just picture this is sex game with your big man,” Natasha said, as the Russian woman gave the Panda Kin girl a saucy wink from where she was braced in the corner, “that helps every time.”

  “Umm, wow, how many times do you find yourself locked in an … umm … cage with your lover?” Steph asked, her eyes nervously darting around as the zombie got the cage solidly braced on her shoulder.

  “Ha! I have many lovers, but that is not point,” Natasha throatily chuckled as the Panda Kin girl’s cheeks darkened in embarrassment, “I meant only that it helps put uncomfortable situations in new perspective to, how do you say,” she eyed the large Half-Orc up and down as he furiously blushed, “deal with performance anxiety.”

  “Sam has no performance anxiety,” Steph defensively said, getting slightly riled up at the teasing as she angrily released her death grip around the iron bars and pushed away from Toxi’s chest to face the Russian woman head-on.

  “Da, that I can see,” Natasha purred as her emerald eyes twinkled in amusement, “but it was you that I was referring to little bear.”

  “Me,” Steph said, somewhat taken aback.

  “Feeling better now, da?” Natasha asked, giving her a knowing look.

  “I’m uh, surprisingly okay now,” Steph agreed, trying to understand what had just happened. She’d been afraid just a second ago. Now, she was worked up and angry, Steph thought, when the Russian Ranger/Fire Mage spoke up from where she was braced in the opposite corner of the cage.

  “Is old Russian trick,” Yelena Volk explained, giving the Aussie girl a tight smile. “Is hard to feel fear when angry.”

  “Well, shit on me,” Steph said, suddenly getting it. That slight burn of anger had completely removed the fear that she’d been feeling from the jerking movements of the cage. If anything, she was wanting to fight something.

  “Okay people, hold on tight,” Mike called out, interrupting the conversation going on inside the cage, “It’s going to be a rough ride.” This time, when he commanded the Matriarch to fall into the back of the line of zombies, there was no cries of fear. Surprised that such a simple psychological trick had worked, he called out to the Sub-Commanders under his command, “Get the Trolls moving out.”

  “On it, Lord Eyedol,” Sub-Leader Pevnuth snapped as she began issuing orders to the rest of the House of Tuin’Dyrr’s Shadow Assassins. While his other Sub-Leaders affirmatives rang out, Mike turned to Dmitry as the line of Troll zombies set off.

  “This is going to be tight," Mike said in a low voice as his face turned unusually serious, “once you hear us fighting-”

  “Da, we come running,” Dmitry assured him, “I also have messenger ready for Arcturus.” Seeing the concern in Mike’s eyes, the Russian’s face broke out in a broad smile. “Is simple. Run up ramp and across stronghold, we can do even if rim is full of Trolls?”

  “We better,” Mike said, flashing the Russian Guild Leader a tight smile as they clasped wrists, “or this is going to completely suck.”

  With that said, Mike turned around and headed off at a run. Quickly, he used Shadow Step to make his way to the front of the column and tucked himself underneath the lead zombie’s cage next to Sub-Leader Pevnuth. As the rest of his Shadow Assassins did the same up and down the line of Trolls, Mike mentally started weaving his Shadow Illusion spell.

  It was a feat that was surprisingly difficult to pull off while moving, Mike silently thought, even if the spell was supposed to work that way. Another annoying point was that Stealth couldn’t be used while casting magic. Talk about a pain in the ass. While the spell was only good for a five square yard area, he had enough subordinates with Shadow Illusion spell to cover each of the Trolls in the line separately. It was the only way that Mike could think of to make the zombies look realistic enough to pass for living Trolls.

  The most difficult part was making sure to keep the complete image of the illusion that Mike wanted active in his mind at all times. That, and remembering to keep himself and his helper hidden as part of the Shadow Illusion. One hiccup or a moment of distraction and the spell would fail. Another trick that Mike had learned was that the more natural shadows there were, the easier it was to pull off the Shadow Illusion. With the setting sun dipping below the western mountain peaks, they had plenty of natural shadows to work with.

  By the time the lead zombie was walking around the last bend in the path that led to the base of the stone ramp which led up to the Troll’s stronghold, the entire line of Shadow Assassins was invisible to any watching eyes. As they climbed the
nearly two-hundred- and fifty-yard-long ramp to the divot in the side of the caldera, Mike was silently thankful for the mental distraction needed to hold the Shadow Illusion together. Otherwise, the sheer drop-off to either side of the stone ramp and the strong wind blowing between the peaks would’ve completely freaked him out. There was no safety railing or anything like that, Mike thought, as his heavy cloak whipped and snapped in the wind behind his back. One misstep would send him tumbling to his death miles below.

  It was an excellent natural defense, especially if it were raining. Without having the Troll zombies to use as a distraction to sneak up the ramp, there was no doubt in Mike’s mind that the entire raid would’ve been slaughtered to the last man and woman while trying to advance up the stone ramp. The Troll defenders didn’t even have to kill them outright. One solid whack from a spiked club would’ve easily sent a number of them plummeting to their deaths.

  They might’ve been able to sneak more of the raid up if everyone had been able to tuck in tight with his people that could use the Shadow Illusion spell while the rest of his people were in Stealth. The sad reality was that they didn’t have enough Level 45 Shadow Assassins to cover everyone in the raid along with their Troll zombies under the veil of Shadow Illusion. That was a major problem since the Troll zombies were the main linchpin to the entire operation. Having them summoned ahead of time was going to make a major difference in the fight to come, besides stopping Mike from having to worry about losing his people to multiple deaths.

  They reached the edge of the caldera and the massive stone barrier began to tower above them, as Mike felt a shiver run down his spine while he studied the barren rough-hewn rock. Nothing seemed capable of growing or even living here off the land, which made him wonder how the Trolls survived. What could you eat this high up? There weren’t even other monsters in the area to easily feed off of, Mike silently thought, unless having the Trolls living here was the reason that everything else was more or less gone. It was hard to say which it was. As they neared the large opening that functioned as a gate, a group of five Trolls that were on guard stepped out across the twenty-five-yard-wide opening.

  “Wgy duy kume gro CragFang,“ the lead Troll of the group aggressively bellowed in a guttural voice, “Quayn Zujia of Curseling Rotbody nu zen frya uel.”

  Holding his breath, Mike could only hope that this next part would work as the lead Troll came within fifteen yards of the entrance and his living brethren. Otherwise, there was no way they’d overpower the forty-five other Trolls that were camped on the inside of the entrance before the alarm was sounded. Most of what he was betting their lives on were rumors and legends of Trolls from other MMO games that made up the general mythos of the creatures. That, and the normal ways dominant females reacted to bossy lower-ranked males within society. Silently crossing his fingers that he was guessing right and that some things transcended species, Mike did his best to split his concentration as he commanded the Matriarch to respond.

  “Gggaaaahhhhrrruuugggaaahhh!” The enraged bellow that rang out from the zombie Matriarch in the rear of the column was bestial in every sense of the word. If anything, it expressed a mindless zombie hungering for flesh and blood more than anything. That was because there was no way to make a zombie intelligently speak in any tongue.

  So then, why were the Trolls suddenly stripping off their gear and puffing out their chests like a bunch of posturing weightlifters on California’s Muscle Beach, Mike unbelievably thought, as Sub-Leader Pevnuth sidled up next to him to brace his arm and keep him from accidently walking off the side of the stone ramp. Unable to break his concentration to say thank you, he nonetheless appreciated the support as he did his best to ignore the impromptu Male Review of fugly disfigured Trolls that began aggressively gyrating in a display of what Mike could only assume was some sort of mating rite.

  To Mike’s abject horror, the Trolls’ fetid loin cloths did nothing to hide anything of relevance as more and more of the guards began hurrying over to join in on the dance off. Not that what these monstrous demi-humans were doing could’ve been called dancing anywhere else as they came forward sniffing at the air as if they were following an invisible trail of pheromones. While having them strip off their weapon and armor was a huge plus for the coming attack, Mike was sure that the appalling visual would forever be seared into his mind.

  “This is working out better than I thought possible,” Mike managed to say in raid chat as they reached the end of the stone ramp and the guards stepped back to make room for the line of Troll zombies to enter the stronghold. Realizing that they needed to take advantage of the changing situation, Mike began issuing new orders.

  “Sub-Leader Pevnuth take over the Shadow Illusion of the lead Troll. Everyone else, keep your Shadow Illusions up. I’m going to fall back and take over the Matriarch’s Shadow Illusion.” Getting a squeeze on his shoulder from the Dark Elf to let him know that she was ready, Mike cancelled his own Shadow Illusion and slipped into Stealth, before stepping aside to let the line of Troll zombies pass by. “Once we’ve cut them off from the rest of the stronghold, we’ll attack on my order.”

  Getting affirmatives from the rest of the raid, Mike waited with bated breath. The whole rutting ritual going on amongst the male Trolls was the weirdest thing he’d ever seen, especially as the excited guttural speak and wordless howls increased in intensity at the sight of the humanoid prisoners in the iron cages. Luckily, this was exactly what they needed as his people began using Shadow Step to quickly blink away to the base of the stone barricades still in Stealth. The plan was for his Shadow Assassins to make their way to the top of the wall before the fight began to offer range support from there.

  As the Matriarch zombie approached the end of the ramp, Mike did a Shadow Step to get behind her as he hurriedly recast Shadow Illusion to make sure she continued to look real enough to keep the deception going. At the time that he’d come up with the plan, none of them had expected for them to make it this far without being forced to fight. Commanding the Troll zombie to come to a stop, Mike let the male admires get a good look at the Matriarch as the rest of the raid ordered their zombies to set down the iron cages. While everyone began forming up across the entrance, an especially large male came stomping up to the Matriarch doing an especially aggressive lurching dance.

  Obviously, this guy wasn’t going to be denied, Mike nervously thought, as he did a quick Identify on the male. He nervously gulped as Level 60 Elite Mountain Troll, Guard Captain Ugoki the BloodGuzzler, appeared over the large Troll’s head. While he’d lucked out faking it this far, Mike had a sinking feeling the shit was about to hit the fan and there was nothing he could do to stop what was going down.

  Mike caught a glimpse of the red-furred Panda Girl’s eyes widening in fear as the iron cage jerked to the side as the large male shot a hand out and yanked the Matriarch against his lumpy grey-skinned chest by the waist. Even as he urgently ordered the zombie to shove the male away, it was already too late. As Ugoki the BloodGuzzler reached up to maul the thick black nipple of a sagging dug, Mike saw the male’s lecherous face screw up in alarm as the Matriarch blasted the Troll on his ass with an immense two-handed blow.

  “Gggaaaahhhhrrruuugggaaahhh!” As the Matriarch bellowed again and the rest of the strutting males howled in cruel glee at their leader’s rejection, Mike hurriedly ordered the Troll zombie to continue towards the defensive line that his people were setting up across the entrance. “Get ready to attack!” he urgently said in raid chat as the Matriarch stomped past the warily sniffing Guard Captain with Mike a step behind struggling to keep up the Shadow Illusion, when the Guard Captain’s immense head turned to look directly at Mike.

  “Wak awk eul?” Ugoki the BloodGuzzler roared as the Troll’s clawed hand slammed Mike into the ground like he was flattening a bug.

  The immense blow knocked the wind out of Mike’s lungs and ripped away half of his hit points in the blink of an eye as the Shadow Illusion fizzled out to nothing. Gasping fo
r breath and feeling like all of the bones in his body had been broken, he could only watch in stunned helplessness as the Guard Captain climbed to his clawed feet. As the Troll’s oversized hand wrapped around Mike’s body and lifted him up to sniff him directly, he could only think “Great, I stink like a female Troll in heat!” as he heard Sub-Leader Pevnuth’s voice ring out in raid chat.

  “Attack!”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  (Startum Ironwolf fighting with this raid against the Orc Horde in the Valley of Stones.)

  “General Dell, pull them back,” I shouted in raid chat as the front ranks of the horde suddenly surged forward, “they’re going for another quick rush!”

  “Kayden Dragoons mount up by the numbers,” General Dell bellowed out in command as the barrage of stones being pelted at the spread-out line of House Kayden troopers intensified and the Orc charged all out.

  This was one of the most dangerous parts of training the House of Kayden Troopers in Dragoon tactics, especially since most of their mana pools were still on the low side. At least, it was until they gained a few levels by taking out their enemies with pure casting only. Additionally, there were no kill shots here like there was on Earth. Every enemy had to have their hit points worn down the hard way to be killed, which was an extremely difficult proposition against the massed ranks of the horde.

  That was because magic spells were typically low range with most only being effective within sixty-yards of the caster. While that was basically the effective range of a smoothbore musket, that wasn’t saying anything much when faced with a horde of demi-humans that could cross that distance in twenty-five to thirty seconds while fully armed and armored; even if it drained the fuck out of their endurance. The only thing that was going to keep my people alive was to keep up steady volleys while getting the fuck out of dodge as soon as humanly possible.