In any ordinary life (In any oridnary Book 1)

by Clare Stanley Midgley

  Ivy squoze Jeanie’s hand and smiled uneasily. Jeanie felt Ivy needed to talk more but seeing how uneasy the conversation had made she didn’t push it any further. The last thing she needed was an argument spoiling the only time she had at home.

  “I’ll start the stove and get a fire going.” pulling her coat around her she went outside to collect some logs. The unease in Ivy’s response intrigued Jeanie further and more than anything she felt Ivy knew more than she was letting on. Regardless Jeanie felt she had to know.

  The living room looked as if life had never disappeared and even though the curtains where closed the room felt more alive as the flames danced around the mantel.

  Ivy had settled Jayne down and Jeanie watched from the settee. Part intrigued to her behaviour and trying to mask her feelings Jeanie buried her head in her book.

  Ivy sat on the floor next to Jayne stroking her hair.

  “What is there to do tomorrow?”

  “All I can see is cobwebs so it looks like getting rid of them might be a start, I don’t know lets see what it looks like in the morning, “

  “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t wrap you up as well, and I know you don’t need it. Maybe we should talk after breakfast.” With that Ivy scooped Jayne into her arms, “Night Jea Love you.”

  The uneasy feeling in Jeanie’s stomach returned knowing something was going to happen, but not knowing till morning wasn’t going to sedate her into a goodnights sleep.

  The sun peered through the curtains in Jeanie’s bedroom and as the rays illuminated the room with an orange glow Jeanie was already sat upright and counting down the minutes to when she could confront her sister. The suspense of not knowing what was wrong was too intense to bear.

  Hearing stirrings from the corridor Jeanie opened the door and made her way to the kitchen. Jayne was sat on the kitchen floor playing with a wooden duck looking the picture of innocence.

  “Auntie Jea, is going to put the kettle on. Let’s see if mummy is going to tell me what’s going on.” Jeanie paced whilst the kettle simmered and as it started to scream, Ivy poked her head around the corner.

  “I’m just getting dressed,” she yawned, “pour us one out...”

  Peering out of the window Jeanie noticed a car moving into place at the bottom of the path. Looking outward the distinct colourings of the vehicle immediately made her heart sink,

  “Jea what’s up…?” peering over her sister’s shoulder she noticed the base car pulling up on the farm track outside the back of the cottage.

  “Jea it might not be what you think.”

  The panic could be heard in her voice and Jeanie knew this time there was no escaping from it. Throwing the tea pot into the sink she stood at the side of the stove in silence. Jeanie stood stern as the knock came to the door.

  “Open it.” Ivy looked for reassurance but Jeanie was severe, cold there didn’t seem to be an emotion that would justify her look. As the gentleman walked into the room, Jeanie raised her head to greet him.

  “Ivy Jeanie Ivy I need to talk to Jea.”

  “She can stay John get on with it.” Jeanie glared heavily knowing there was only one reason John would make the trip. Angered by his presence she anticipated his words.

  “Jeanie I’m sorry to have to say this but we have received communication that James is missing in action. I’m sorry to say presumed dead. I have the telegram here but I thought it would be better for me to deliver it.” Jeanie stood unyielding with no reaction and her glare intensifying.

  “You mean you thought you would drive up here and gloat.” Jeanie spat her words out. John shocked at her reaction, didn’t know what to do. He had expected her to fall to pieces and as she stood firm he seemed unsure how to continue.

  “That wasn’t my intension Jeanie I thought...”

  “You never think John. The only thing you think about is what’s best for you. What did you think I would do break down throw myself back into your bed so you could comfort me in my hour of need….” John stood tall placing his cap underneath his arm and stepping back into the doorway he felt the tension and tried to deflate her anger.

  “You know that wasn’t my intension Jeanie we’ve been through so much doesn’t that count for anything…” Jeanie turned around to the stove; swallowing deep she took another huge breath adamant she wasn’t going to cry and adamant that John would never manipulate the situation.

  “The only thing that has ever counted was the baby we made and he’s gone. But as for anything else no it never did.” John replaced his cap knowing she was upset he tried to understand.

  “You don’t mean that I know you don’t and I know you still feel for me Jeanie. I came up here to help because I appreciated what you did for me with our son. I though a friendly face, hell familiarity would help. I know you’re in shock but……” Jeanie walked towards him and without hesitation she slapped him hard across the face, John held his head to one side unable to look at her.

  “You only came here for yourself. Leave the telegram on the table and get the fuck out of my house.”

  “I did everything to get back to you and when you where lay cold and dying in my arms Jeanie I knew I could never love someone as much as I love you. I knew I’d lost so I let you go and burying our son whilst you were still fighting for your life just made me understand how wrong I had been.

  I thought I meant something to you. I thought with you helping and understanding how isolated I had become that we had made a new connection. I thought maybe this time it would be different.

  James loves you I get that but just maybe we have both found substitutes Jeanie. Here is your telegram. Oh and just in case your wondering what I mean why you don’t ask your sister.”

  John slammed the door disappointed that he had lost his temper and disappointed that any chance he had of cementing a reunion had frayed a little more.

  As the door closed behind him, Ivy stood petrified as Jeanie’s heavy glare waited on her.

  “What does he mean Ivy?” Ivy shook from head to toe and as she pressed her lips together she tired to move. Jeanie shouted again forcing an answer.

  “Tell me what he means.”

  “Give me a minute to get Jayne sorted Jea please...” Jeanie sat at the kitchen table fixated on the unopened telegram however with her anger seething she could help but be impatient.

  “Ok Jea you should know, you need to know…..Eighteen months ago George received a letter from John stating he was home on leave and at that point. Jesus at that point I knew that John’s marriage had broken down and he needed a place to stay for a little while.

  I didn’t want to tell you. I didn’t know how to tell you but with everything that happened. John moved in and George said he needed to sort a few things out for his new base and I swear to you now I didn’t know he was going to be stationed up here he said he couldn’t wait to meet up with an old friend and he was looking forward to getting away from London.” Jeanie clenched her fists, wondering where all this was going to lead. Ivy stood up and walked over to the kitchen sink still unable to look at Jeanie she placed both her hands on the basin.

  “George got his papers and off he goes back to war and in the meantime John is still at the house. One night he opens his case and there is a bottle of brandy in it. I don’t know how to tell you this….John and I been intimate before. George knew and I said some things before he left that I have regretted ever since.

  John said he- he said he had spoke to a solicitor and Olivia was going to cost him a small fortune. Something about a business deal or something that went wrong so we start to drink.

  Anyway one turns into two. I can remember falling over in the kitchen and as he picks me up he kisses me then apologises but I didn’t stop……I suppose I didn’t want him to stop see he wanted you and I’ve always been your substitute. I wanted him so I kissed him back and before I knew it we where making love in the kitchen and before I knew it I was having an affair with my brother in law.

  Every time John wa
s on leave, he was with me…..anyway a couple of months went by and George returned home for a while with injury. I told George then I was pregnant. But I knew Jayne wasn’t his…..” Jeanie sat motionless, closing her eye’s she anticipated Ivy’s conclusion, confused as to why she needed to know.

  “Jeanie I don’t have to tell you that Jayne isn’t George’s daughter, she’s John’s, you know it but just listen to me I know he’s been in love with you forever and I was foolish to think that he loved me.

  He would call me Jeanie and I would ignore it and I know he used me and I let him. See you weren’t the only one in love with the wrong man and I’m just as guilty as John in fact I’m no different, I married George because he reminded me of John, not because I loved him. I used his brother as a substitute because I was in love with him but I know better now. I pleaded with George to stay but secretly I was happy he was going.

  See when John turned up again our relationship all started again and I didn’t feel guilty until the telegram arrived.”

  “What about the conversation I over heard, what was that about?”

  “He visited, because he wanted to talk to you. I told him to leave you alone, he said I was jealous, I told him he wasn’t going to use me again to get to you. “

  “Does John know Jayne is his?” Ivy shook her head.

  “I couldn’t I felt so ashamed and before James you where so squeaky clean. No exploits no illicit affairs. Jeanie I love you but at one point I couldn’t I just couldn’t relate to you. You could have never understood.” “You could have made me understand, and you could have made me see. Is that why you said take a chance at the hospital is that it...?” Jeanie shook from head to toe as the anger took hold of her body.

  ” Ivy for Christ sake ANSWER ME!! Is that why you said you’re a good girl you wanted me to fall in love with James so then you would have John all to yourself.”

  “Jea no…..no I could ever compete with you. That was my fault not you. I didn’t expect you to be nearly killed by a raging psychopath I- I don’t know how far.”

  “I know what you wanted Ivy. I know exactly what you wanted you thought I had a fucking moral pedestal that I needed to be taken down from. You thought sleeping with James was your answer and John would come running back to you once……once I’d lost my virginity and I was no longer a conquest for John but it didn’t work did it DID IT!!

  This is fucking unbelievable my own sister you wanted this…..you wanted me to fail at all of it didn’t you so you could say I told you so” Jeanie had started to breath deeper trying to keep her emotions under control. The betrayal inside felt too much to comprehend.

  “You don’t understand I didn’t want you to nearly die! I just wanted you to feel like me…I don’t know Jeanie it’s poisonous what I wanted”

  “All your advice all your promises it was all lies and you did it on purpose why would you do that? If you wanted him so badly why didn’t you tell him? I don’t love him, or want him he’s nothing to me anymore, but you….” Jeanie clutched the telegram in her hand and gritted her teeth, “Maybe I would have been in this position anyway without you. My husband may be dead or dying and all you can think of is how to fuck John Stanton and how to screw me over in the process. I don’t think I know you anymore...”

  “It’s not like that. I was wrong. Please Jeanie I don’t understand. What are you going to do?” Jeanie threw the telegram at her feet and as all the hurt and the hate started to rise she felt the bile rise in her throat.

  “I am going to find him this time without you or your advice….”

  Grabbing her coat she ran down the hallway trying to escape the chaos that sat in her kitchen. Laying her hand on the glass the fog surrounded her fingers and as the heat of her anger still raced through her veins it moulded her fingers around the etching in the glass.

  Slamming the door behind her Jeanie swallowed her tears unable to comprehend that she could have lost him.

  The actions of her sister had left a bad taste but underneath she was more alone now than what she had ever been. Walking through the forest didn’t ease the situation and just the thought that her own sister had conspired against her made her sickness return.

  Confused and alone Jeanie sat on the bank of the river looking for inspiration. “You look lost my dear, “Dorothy Partridge stood at the side of Jeanie her stern gaze and plad suit propped up her head mistress features.

  She was a very petite smart lady and Jeanie instantly fell in love with her when they met, “If you don’t mind me saying, it looks like you have been given bad news.” Holding out her hand Jeanie took it and gently arose, “I was miles away, yes…yes I suppose it’s not the best news Dotty.” Smiling she wrapped Jeanie’s arms around hers,” I guess cause we are British it’s time for tea…come along.”

  Jeanie clasped her arm tightly trying to hold onto to anything that felt safe. Tea and sympathy was never Jeanie’s forte but this time she needed the comfort.

  “I’m sorry Dotty James…..” Jeanie coughed and cleared her throat determined to keep her emotions in check, “….He’s been lost presumed…..dead...”

  Dorothy sat cosily at the small kitchen table with her head slight cocked to one side she continued the conversation as if Jeanie had never uttered any words.

  “I knew James as a child, peculiar little boy obsessed with pulling things apart and putting them back together…..never really connected well with children, no surprise he became a doctor, so young lady how do you feel?”

  Jeanie looked puzzled, Dorothy had always been a direct woman but this sudden change took her by surprise, “Dotty what has this got to do with him going missing. I don’t understand?”

  Dorothy picked up the pot swilled the leaves around and placed it back down on the mat. Jeanie watched thinking she was going to read her fortune but instead she continued her direct line of questioning.

  “And what do you feel about the gram?”

  “I don’t believe it…it doesn’t feel right and I know it sounds ridiculous, but I know he’s still alive. It feels calculated planned I don’t know I have recently gotten this feeling that other people are pulling the strings and I’m stuck playing along.

  You’re probably going to tell me I’m stupid for feeling this way and thousands of other women in my position are going through the same thing but it just doesn’t feel right.” Dorothy smiled walked around the table and picked up Jeanie’s coat.

  “Well you’re a resourceful girl you will know what to do. The first thing you have to do is get yourself sorted oh and don’t forget to write.”

  With that Jeanie stepped outside feeling more pushed then ushered out of the door. Dorothy stood at the window waving as if she had given her the piece of mind she needed.

  Looking back Jeanie felt more bemused by the whole conversation and as she peered at the light from the lantern that graced Dotty’s door she felt uneasy knowing Ivy would still be at the cottage.

  Contemplating Dorothy’s words she made her way down the steep hill, and back to the cottage. Weaving around the path Jeanie’s thoughts, where constantly of James but as she reached the front door reality of dealing with this situation crept slowly from behind.

  Closing her eyes, everything Ivy said had fallen into place. Jealousy, betrayal and hurt all because of a man. Her sister was still in love with him even though he had treated both of them despicably. The only problem was Jeanie’s connection to John was dead and Ivy’s was a living breathing wonderful little girl.

  Entering the house the glow of the fire in the living room warmed the hallway. Hearing the latch Ivy raced to the doorway

  “You had me worried. Jeanie I’m so so sorry.” Jeanie took off her coat and as she hung it on the peg she wavered on the hook for a few moments.

  Knowing Ivy would need an answer she contemplated her next move. Jeanie could see that her sister had been crying. The puffy red circles around her eyes and the look on her face felt enough to prove to Jeanie that she had just made a
wrong decision.

  “I love you and I love Jayne, as much as I could ever love anyone. Whatever has been done or not done doesn’t matter all that matter’s to me. It’s about getting James home and I still believe he is out there lost and he just needs to be found.

  You need to tell John he has a daughter. It’s only fair and I don’t want to discuss it anymore tonight. I’m really tired and I’m going to bed and I think you need to do the same.” Jeanie hugged Ivy tightly and as she squoze Ivy’s hand she disappeared down the corridor. Ivy’s echo’s of goodnight rung through the cottage.

  The feelings of emptiness arose in Jeanie’s heart. She hadn’t felt this alone for a long time previously just knowing her family was there for support made everything seem bearable. This time knowing Ivy had deceived her made her feel very isolated.

  As she closed the door to the bedroom she leant on the back of it and as the darkness filled the space quickly and she felt the fear creeping up on her as if she was a character in a horror show.

  Placing her head in her hands she wiped them down her face and across her mouth unable to shake off the claustrophobia. Switching on the small lamp Jeanie closed her eye’s confirming her irrational fear. She wanted to scream and she wanted to hit something hard to make it feel as bad as she did.

  Trying to push the feelings away Jeanie followed the stream of light through the slit in the curtains. As the moonlight dripped in she noticed and old friend glowing in the rays.

  “How did you get here?” Running her fingers over the lip of the old garage table she pulled a file from the draw. The repair schedules and sign offs on completed vehicles glistened in the stream and on noticing a familiar signature she pulled at the paper wedged in at the bottom of the drawer.

  It had been signed by John and the general and the crest on the front gave it away as official war office papers. Racing her eyes through the content one word struck her immediately.

  Enlistment.

  Delving further Jeanie realised she had officially enlisted Jeanie into the RAF as an engineer. Sitting down in the chair at the side of the window she placed the signed document back in the file.