“I can’t change what happened Jea…Mary I can’t and I’m truly sorry. So the question I need to ask is what you want from me?” Mary bent forward and clenched both of her fists and as she did they seemed to coil with venom like a snake waiting to make an attack, “I want him dead John. I want him to suffer and then I want proof.”
“Mary this is out of the question I can only assist you with military law this is preposterous.” Mary sat back on the bed annoyed at John’s response starring at the foot of the bed she took a deep breath and looked him directly in the eye.
“Then there is nothing you can do for me and I will be pursuing a more public approach.”
“Ok Mary I get it I have seen the aftermath and I know the feelings I’m not going to lie to you, “John paced in the small space knowing Matt was right. His actions had made the situation even more difficult to handle and Mary had him trapped waiting for a response.
“I know who he is and I want to help but Mary this is ludicrous there’s only so much I can do,” moving her hair away from her temple she glared at the reaction.
“I saw you after Jeanie don’t get me wrong she was a nice lass….but I’m not her and I’m not so forgiving. You’re a distinguished soldier I’m sure something must spring to mind.”
“Mary I can see you are a strong woman and I understand your position. I’m sure something can be arranged and I will get the confirmation myself I can’t guarantee you understand.”
Mary smiled, the kind of smile that girls make when they know they have got exactly what they want, “I know you will do your best John I just don’t want anyone else going through what Jeanie and I have had to go through.” John stood at the curtain and replaced his cap, after adjusting his tie he left through the wisps of clean white curtain.
Standing in the corridor he placed his hands on his hips unable to bear witness to what had just happened.
What have I just gotten myself into?
His time was running out and knowing that he wasn’t just battling a war, propaganda and a raving lunatic Mary had just started to become the straw that broke the camels back.
Throwing his jacket into the rear of the car he proceeded to rummage around for another cigarette, slamming the door shut he opened the window knowing it would be long until Matt had his piece of mind to share.
“That good!” John stayed silent his brow pained by the thought that he now had to become and accomplice to murder in order to satisfy Mary’s demands.
“I told you. I told you when we entered this one would be tricky don’t tell me she wants revenge?” John dropped the butt out of the window and wiped the sleep out of his eyes.
“Oh yes and not just revenge proof.”
“What are you going to do?” John sliding another cigarette from the packet turned towards the passenger side window hoping inspiration could be found on the moor.
“Nothing…Nothing until I’ve found Jeanie.”
Matt arrived back at the base worried for his friend, but equally worried about the complex dilemma which had now started to unfold and as John waved goodbye the only thing either of them could do now was wait.
Walking into his quarters John took off his shoes and tie, undoing the top buttons of his pristine shirt he poured himself a drink and placed his weary body in the chair. The week’s events played on John’s mind like a Shakespearian tragedy.
Jeanie had nearly died in his arms and the baby he so desperately wanted had died and all through the events Jeanie had never asked for revenge. Mary on the other hand wanted revenge and wanted proof. Unable to settle his mind he gulped down the last drops feeling the relief as the alcohol hit his blood stream. As he undressed and showered, he couldn’t get Jeanie off his mind, he remembered pleading with her in the infirmary and they way his jealousy and pride had took control because of James. His insecurity didn’t count either as no matter what she wanted James.
Sitting on the edge of the bed he pulled a hand made box from the drawers of the bedside table and as he ran his fingers across the intricate wooden carvings Jeanie still played on his mind. Opening the hand made hinge photo’s spilled out onto the floor and as he gathered them he stumbled on a rare find. A time when they where both happy together.
Lying on the bed thoughts of her kisses, her touch and the way her skin smelt beleaguered his senses and as he closed his eyes he could see her vividly. Her bright auburn hair and piercing brown eyes burned into his thoughts, he wanted to remember and he didn’t want to forget. His memory’s drifted through the fields of wheat that grew as children and the sounds of smiles and laughter filling the streets as they played innocently side by side.
His thoughts saw Jeanie disappear into the orchards which met the edge of the field and where the line of wheat broke and as they tumbled their innocence shone in the sun. As he lay her down on the blanket the kisses the touches of there adolescence filled his soul.
She was beautiful.
Happy.
Contented.
The feeling of her hair against his skin and the passion he felt overflowed in each passing moment and as Jeanie handed him the intricate box, the world in his memory spilled out into his dream
“I made this for you John Stanton…I made this for your memories…”
Her voice echoed around him as if she was in the room and as he took the gift he studied the detail. The rose carvings and swallows which had graced his parents back garden had been weaved into the wood.
Jeanie’s talent had always astonished him and as he lay in her embrace he moved her hair away from her face remembering how inadequate he felt.
She deserved more
She needed someone to be proud of and that wasn’t him.
Feeling his inadequacy again the dark clouds gathered in the bleakness and in his passing moment of bliss she had gone. The happiness together grew cold and the anger in the air intensified.
As he desperately tried to find her a figure under the tree at the edge of the field beckoned him closer. As he started to run the panic started to rise in his chest and stopping before he reached the tree he found Jeanie.
Only this time she was different, older. She stared into the sky as the violence of the night grew. As he ventured closer all the fears of losing her collated together in this one moment and there she stood, not moving. Her blackened filthy uniform and with her shirt ripped and torn, she looked fearful and isolated. The dried blood stained her shaven head and as he grew close he could see a noose wrapped around her neck.
Grabbing her arms Jeanie’s gaze didn’t falter she was still, no emotion, no comfort and no happiness. John began to try to release her from the rope, but everything he tried bound her further and tighter squeezing the life out of her.
She screamed, “He’s here.”
The rope snatched back around her throat and John awoke brutally from his sleep. Throwing back the covers he went to the sink splashing his face with water.
He had become the epitome of what she had needed and all it had done was push her away. Lying back down on the bed he picked up the picture which lay on his pillow, wiping his face for the final time he threw the towel to the floor.
The picture haunted him; his inadequacies drove him away from her especially when it should have been the happiest day of his life. She had asked him to marry her that day and she had wanted him to make love to her under the tree that had hanged her in his dream. Instead he felt like the noose strangling her from the tree. Starring into the smiles of the photo he knew all his regrets had been pin pointed into that one moment.
Matt was right this was more than being in love. She ran too deep in his veins and without him knowing she had been the voice pushing him further and further. His army career wasn’t forged by lies and deception it was formed on the understanding that one day it would lead him back to her. He had stepped on numerous toes and even used his own wife and his future father in law to get what he wanted.
Lieutenant Colonel Stanton was still not good enough
for Jeanie as it had made him into the type of man she loathed. Standing in front of the mirror he looked at the excuse he had become, egotistical, false and unfaithful, knowing she needed more had pushed him further away, but he knew if he had the chance now he would give it all up just for her.
Chapter 29
“This is my sixth month and I still haven’t found anything to lead me back to James, all I find is death.
There are only six of us left, radio communications are non existent and trying to find a friendly in this god forsaken place is like looking for a needle in a hay stack. The men keep talking of home, I feel like I have forgotten the good memories of home. I keep feeling like this is a dream and I’m going to wake up with James beside me but all I have is the stench of death rising up from my feet.
I always thought there was hope; this place drains it out of you like a leach.
They seem to respect me now, far cry from what it was back in the dorms. We attacked a carrier yesterday, coordinating the attack has been something which I strangely enjoyed.
How can that be when the only result is death?
We are still alive though. I keep thinking about my sisters and that I’ve left my family alone, the reliance on them is something that I now crave it was so simple.
I suppose taking care of these men and making sure we stay alive has become a priority.
My dreams have turned into nightmares, I’m haunted by the screams of my battalion dying, I’m haunted by the things I’ve done. This feels like murder. I feel like this is punishment. Staying alive, this is survival nothing else. This war is leaving me with more scars than what I care for. I still feel like this has a purpose and there is something more I’m going to face. Maybe I need to learn to survive!
I need to get these men back to a base camp, I’m lost and frightened I can’t do it but if I don’t that’s all of us dead. James dead or alive I’m going to find you even if it’s the last thing I do.”
Putting her pocket journal away she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, after the decimation of there regiment she knew it wouldn’t be long before they stumbled across someone on the same side.
Anyone from the same side please for god sake we need help!
“Mike stop hiding in corners it’s your patrol tonight.” Jeanie didn’t lift her head; she didn’t even change her glance.
“What you writing about?” Mick sat down at her side and lit a cigarette, the emphasis of him looking after her had become ironic and almost the butt of a bad joke.
“Nothing that would interest you I need you to stay on patrol. If you keep wandering off you’re not looking after the group I can’t...you know the plan we need to keep together.”
“Jea…Sarge I do know the drill my turn your rules you’ve made that plain enough. But you know if I was at home…”
Jeanie looked up raising an eye brow and wrapping what was left of her jacket around her, “If you where at home go on I’m intrigued to know cause I’m sat in a fucking jungle with half of the squad dead and the other half wondering what the fuck is going on so enlighten me Kowalski please.” Mick cricked his neck trying to respond calmly and trying to rephrase the meaning of what he said.
“I shouldn’t have to take this bullshit from you. You’re a fucking wo…pain in my arse.”
Mick wandered about the camp like a child scorn she wished she could tell them everything would be ok she also couldn’t say how much she wanted this nightmare to end for all of them.
“I wish I was back home Mick….I really do.” Huddling under her jacket, she attempted to sleep and as she lay in the dark she listened to the rain hitting the leaves in the trees. No matter how tall or wide the leaved felt they didn’t give you much shelter and the fact that death was around every corner made it even harder to relax.
Mick stood at the bottom end of the camp lighting another cigarette, staring at her intently.
“Oh bozo got another smoke.” Pete had seen his glare and broke it to cut the tension, “Yeah…hold on.” Pulling the crumpled packet from his inside jacket pocket he threw one down, “Thanks you know he’s only trying to do the best he can. You’ve got to give him a break….some days I swear it’s like you want to kill each other and if I didn’t know any better I wouldn’t think you where friends.” Smiling under his breath Mick bent down and lit his cigarette grabbing Pete’s collar his discontent at his thoughts fell through the puffs of smoke.
“It’s none of your fucking business what I talk about especially to that over there are we clear.”
“Listen Mike I think you need to take it easy the wars out there not in here.”
Throwing his cigarette away Mick disappeared into the dark. Jeanie sat up and watched him from the distance knowing that everybody was on edge. The only thing she could control was letting him walk off his anger. Jeanie nodded to Pete acknowledging that she had seen the event. Pete shrugged his shoulders as Mike’s reaction had become a usual daily occurrence.
The stress of survival had affected some more than others and in Mick’s case Jeanie put it down to just that. Watching Pete settle back down in the undergrowth Jeanie felt relieved that he hadn’t taken Mike’s outburst too personally.
Watching the darkness Jeanie saw the shadow of Mike and she was pleased that he’d at least done as she said for one night. Trying to get comfortable she rested her head back against the tree Jeanie thought of her sisters in the parlour next to a warm fire. The comfort of at least knowing they were safe gave some relief.
Jeanie had been already been up a couple of hours as dawn had broken. Looking at the maps of the surrounding area Jeanie sought for points of reference. They had been isolated for so long that the lack of radio contact made it feel as if the where walking in circles. Sitting with Merle she hunted for the easiest trek and the safest route down to base camp. “Merle point us in the right direction. Eugene pack up the rest of the supplies and count what artillery we have left. Pete help Eugene. Billy find Mike,”
“Sarge…Mike’s at the stream I found him down there before.” #
“Thanks Billy go get him we leave in five.”
As everyone dispersed Jeanie winced with pain throwing back her jacket she bent over counting to ten over and over again until it subsided.
Having to bind her breasts with dressings had created pressure sores and as she packed to leave it was noticeable she had a problem.
“You ok Boss?”
“Thank you.” still sheepish from the disagreement he began to swallow his pride,” You can’t keep doing this, there going to turn bad and then what’s going to happen..” Jeanie trying to ignore his concern started strapping the rest of the equipment around her.
“I appreciate that you’re worried about me but you know as well as I. I have no where to go.”
“So let me help?” Jeanie laughed uncomfortably at the thought of even showing her boobs to him.
“Can’t do that soldier…fall in.”
Wading through the under growth Jeanie couldn’t help but admit to herself that things had started to get tough. Between the sores, the gun and the uniform the irritations of jungle life where starting to bring her down.
Though the rains had started to dry up the damp dark stench made her pray for a clearing of daylight. “Sarge look down there.”
Hurrying from the side to the front of the group Jeanie took hold of the binoculars.
“Looks like POW’s…shit looks like there digging…Fuck me.”
Jeanie didn’t want to look anymore, the emaciated bodies of the dead where being burnt and the rest of the POW’s looked as if there on the brink of death.
“The rumours where right then those fucking men are being tortured.” Jeanie slid down the tree and sat on the floor, kicking the dirt as the helplessness she felt was evident.
“This fucking war!”
“What can we do? We need a plan we can’t leave them there Sarge.” Jeanie starred into the overgrown mangled earth and as she shuffled her feet she start
ed to dig her own hole. “With what Eu we are just about staying alive. We need to get over that ridge and we at least need to retain some fucking fire power.” Eugene stood and looked at the silent crowd unable to comprehend what she was saying.
“So where just going to leave them to die?” Mike placed his hand his shoulder trying to reassure his concerns. “What the fuck do you want you’re fucking preoccupied all the fucking time you don’t give a shit.”
“Eugene that’s enough. Sit the fuck down. Don’t you think we all feel helpless spouting off is not going to do us any good it may even get us all fucking killed and if anything happens to us they die any way so sit down and let us think.”
“Sorry Sarge it’s just fucking SNAFU!”
Pete tried to make out the acronym sounding words out to try to make out what he meant. Looking over his puzzled stare continued
“And where the fuck have you heard that.” Eugene ruffled around in his pockets for something which resembled a cigarette.
“What never heard of situation normal all fucked up SNAFU!”
Jeanie curled the corner of her mouth in jest at the acronym She was please for the small light relief but she was just as angry and frustrated as the rest, after all James could be down there dying or even dead for all she knew.
Looking at the equipment she knew there was no possible way they could even make a successful attack.
“Right listen all of you I know how you feel but in order to make this any better we have to get supplies, artillery is down to shit and Eu thank you for your SNAFU but we need to be realistic, if we get caught both us and them are fucked.
If we make a stand we don’t have the fire power to deal with it so we need to carry on down the ridge and hope that we hit a base by tomorrow morning. If anyone’s religious pray for the poor bastards and if your not give it a go. Right round up everyone bayonets on everyone with full rounds lets keep going.”
In any ordinary life (In any oridnary Book 1) Page 27
