The Gamble

by Alice Ward

  I’d worked so hard to push her from my life out of a jacked up sense of self-destruction. It seemed to be working. I hadn’t heard a word from her in the last six months. If it hadn’t been for the workout areas and time to force pain upon myself through exercise, I would have lost my mind.

  “Good to know you’re still my jack-ass brother.” Mark glanced back and let out a long sigh. “I’ve been so worried about you.”

  “Me? You’re the one sporting a cane. What’s the latest from the doctors?” I settled into the backseat and turned my head slightly, wanting to capture the city as we drove through it. There were nights in my cell that I felt like I might never get to see it again.

  “I have another surgery in a couple of months. That should help out. It’s just a nerve that was destroyed in the accident. It causes me too much pain—”

  “Not when you take your pain meds.” Lizzy reached over and popped my brother in the chest softly. The smile on her pretty face warmed me, and I wanted someone to smile at me the same way.

  Not someone — Alisa.

  “Those pain meds make it hard for me to get aroused, Liz. You know I hate that.” He turned and gave me a serious stare. “Pain or limp dick?”

  Lizzy let out a yelp as I chuckled. At least the accident hadn’t dented my brother’s quirky personality.

  “I’d rather be in pain.” I closed my eyes and took a quick breath. “Hey—”

  “So Alisa was going to come today, but she changed her mind at the last minute.” Lizzy’s voice turned into something more professional, and I opened my eyes to watch her in the rear-view mirror as she adjusted it. “I think she felt like it was a time for you to be with your family. I tried to tell her that she was damn close to being family, but she wouldn’t have any of it.”

  I was grateful that Lizzy saved me from having to ask about Alisa and sound as needy as I felt, but hearing why she didn’t come left me aching. Absently rubbing my chest, I turned to look back out the window and let the conversation die between us. One thing I’d learned in prison was that I didn’t have to be anything that I wasn’t. If I was pissed, people knew it there. If I was sad, hurt, happy, or lonely — I let myself be just that. It was a different life, but I knew I was changed for the better.

  No more making people think I was something I wasn’t, or forcing myself into the mold that society or the women I dated believed I should fit in. I was my own man, and once I figured out exactly who I was in the scope of my freedom, I was going to live that life to the fullest.

  “It’s all good. She’s right.” I reached up toward the front of the car and squeezed Mark’s shoulder. “You guys taking me to the police station?”

  “No. Your parole officer was moving in this morning. I helped facilitate all of that earlier, but Alisa did all of work prior to today.”

  Lizzy turned off the freeway and headed down a narrow street that led to my mansion. Half of my net worth had been split off to Jeffery before the government applied their fine, so I was hit with a fifty percent fine on a much smaller number. I still had the house, my building downtown, and more than enough money to support me and my family for the years to come. I was blessed and grateful.

  “Who is this guy and is he with me all the time?” I sat up as my house came into my vision through the front window.

  “His name is Ronald, and he seems like a great guy.” Mark turned to watch me. “I was with Lizzy this morning. I wanted to see who he was and try to get a read on him for you.”

  “Great.” I unbuckled. “I’m nervous about being home. How weird is that?”

  “Not at all.” Lizzy parked the car next to my Lexus and turned in her seat. “Ronald will be here all the time because of the way the judge wrote up the sentence. Not unusual for rich dudes like you.” She gave me a warm smile. “He seems like the kind of guy you’ll come to like, but he has rules on top of him that, of course, flow down to you. Don’t go against any of them, or the state has the ability to throw you right back into jail. Got it?”

  “I’m good.” I reached for the door handle and got out, pausing beside the car to take in the beauty of my house. It reminded me of the hard work I’d put into my life for so long. It was a symbol of the goodness in my past that I knew I could cling to as I worked to rebuild the future.

  “You want us to go in with you?” Mark rolled down the window as Lizzy turned the car off.

  “No. I’d like to do it on my own, but thanks.” I turned and leaned down so that I could see Lizzy as well. “Thanks, guys. I love you both. See you soon? Can you visit or what’s the deal?”

  “We can visit daily, and if you get in good with Ronald, we can stay longer than the orders allow.” Lizzy reached across Mark and squeezed my arm. “You might only have your phone during certain hours of the day, so use your time wisely.”

  “I will. See you tomorrow.” I moved back from the car and watched them go as I tried to slow my racing heart. I was being childish about the whole matter, but I couldn’t help it. Memories were all around me, and having to stand alone left me weak. Too bad I’d made the call to be exactly where I was and not with Alisa standing beside me.

  “You must be Zek.” A deep, rich voice sounded behind me, and I turned to find a bulky dark-skinned man with a welcoming smile and bright blue eyes.

  “I am. And you’re Ronald?” I extended my hand and smiled. “Nice to meet you.”

  “I don’t hear that too often.” He chuckled and shook my hand firmly. “Come on in and reacquaint yourself with your place. I’m going to run out and pick up a pizza. You picky on the kind?”

  I shook my head. “No. Anything sounds good.”

  “Great. I’ll put the ankle bracelet on you as soon as I get back. I’d advise that you enjoy a hot shower before I do. They’re not real friendly in warm water, and once it’s on, it stays on.” He smirked and pulled his keys from his pocket.

  I turned and let my eyes run across the driveway, searching for a car. A beautiful black Harley sat on the far side of my Lexus, and my stomach tightened just seeing it. I’d always wanted one, and yet never found the time or energy to make it happen.

  “Beautiful bike.” I crossed my arms over my chest as he walked toward it.

  “Stop staring at my girl. She only belongs to one man, and that’s not ever changing.” He chuckled, and I couldn’t help but smile. He seemed like a good guy. Lizzy was right... I could become friends with him, though I doubted he’d allow that to happen.

  “She’s a looker. Better hold on tight.” I waved and turned to walk into the house. Another shot of fear raced through me, and I stifled a groan as my heart constricted in my chest.

  I wanted Alisa with me. I needed to catch a whiff of her perfume when I walked into the house, or see her purse on the counter. We hadn’t gotten that far in our relationship when everything went to hell in a handbasket, but I’d imagined a life together countless times over the last year. I couldn’t help but wonder if she’d imagined it too.

  I walked into the kitchen and moved to the living room, stopping to catch my breath. It felt as if I’d run around the block ten times, and yet I was in perfect shape.

  The image of us on the floor together, her on my lap, trying like crazy not to fall for me brushed by the back of my eyelids as I closed my eyes. A soft cry left me and tears burned, threatening to spill down my face. I’d had to be strong for the last twelve months, and I would for the rest of my days, but for that one moment, I needed to breathe.

  “I miss you so fucking bad,” I whispered into the emptiness and pressed my hands to my face as a sob resonated from deep in my chest. I prayed like hell that she’d found someone else, someone better than me. She deserved everything life could offer, and I wanted to promise her the moon if she would just wait with me one more year, but I couldn’t. No matter the desire, the need, the intense pain that wrecked my insides, I wouldn’t reach out to her.

  Besides, she had to have found a man. She was too much woman to be alone for too long
unattended.

  CHAPTER TWO

  Alisa

  “Ms. Manning. Are you listening?” The older woman in my office tapped the table between us, yanking me from my thoughts as I sat before her and nodded absently.

  “Of course. I’m sorry if I looked like I dozed off a little. It’s been a long week, and I’ve not been sleeping. Tell me one more time what Fred wanted to do with the estate in London.” I pressed my pencil to my lips and forced myself to remain cognizant.

  “I’m sorry to hear that.” She reached out and squeezed my hand as she droned on about the various estates her late husband left, and the items that would be worth millions each. I could care less. My job was to prove that she was owed some part of that derived value. Her late husband’s children weren’t too happy about sharing, and I couldn’t blame them. My client had been married to the deceased man for less than six months before he passed.

  “Tell me more, please.” I gave her a weak smile and slipped on my facade tightly as my thoughts moved back to Zek. They were always on Zek, but it had been so for the last twenty years. If I hadn’t thought about him more than a couple of times a day, something would have been wrong. He was bordering on obsession in my mind, but I was good with it. He and I had gone our separate ways, and I would heal eventually.

  By the time you’re this chick’s age.

  I hadn’t seen him in just over six months, but he was being released from prison that morning. Glancing up at the clock, I realized that he was probably already home. A warm jolt of desire ran through me at the thought of showing up at his door and throwing myself at him. He wouldn’t refuse me. He was far too good to me to do something like that.

  I’d almost forgotten how good it felt to have him hold me, to hear the sound of his voice, to feel the warmth of his lips. I needed a refresher, and yet he’d been quite clear the last time I visited him that he felt nothing for me. It was only a friendship when we were kids, and that’s all it was now too.

  Fucking liar.

  I’d known him too long to believe his bullshit lies, but I’d simply nodded that day and said my goodbyes. He wanted to have time to think things through and play martyr in the process, and that’s what I gave him. I had no doubt that he was hoping I would come with Lizzy and Mark to get him, but until he opened himself up to trust me, there was little I could do to get him back. Going to his house that night was on my mind to the point of dragging me from all other thoughts.

  “So that’s all of them. Tell me what you think.” The older woman sat back and let out a weary sigh. She had to be exhausted from talking about all the riches that belonged to her. It was a conversation that would tire out anyone. I stifled the need to make a handful of inappropriate comments and instead opened the file in front of me.

  “I think we have a good chance of winning this.” I glanced up at her and forced a tight smile. “I’ll need a list of the assets, their relative values and a handful of other things.”

  “Oh, excellent.” She stood and picked up her purse. “Just send my assistant an e-mail with everything you need, and we’ll get it right over to you.”

  “Wonderful, Ms. Deeming, and thanks for coming to visit. I think we’ll be a great match for your needs.” I walked her to the door of my office and offered my hand as she turned.

  “I think so too. With all the work you guys have done over the last few years to bring good karma to your name as a firm, I just couldn’t go anywhere else.” She shook my hand as she clutched her bag tightly with the other hand. “Thanks again.”

  I nodded and sucked my bottom lip into my mouth to keep from saying anything under my breath. I’d always wanted to be a defense lawyer, and I was damn good at it, but it was wearing on me much faster than I expected it to.

  It probably had much more to do with the fact that I didn’t have someone to go home to at night, or anyone to share my life with, and less about my interest dimming in the field of law. There was nothing like a good mystery that needed solving. I could only think of one thing that got my heart racing faster — Zek Kellington.

  “How do you keep getting all of the good cases?” Our newest addition to the firm moved toward me, pausing just beside me and watched Ms. Deeming as she left. Dillon was a few years older than me, handsome as sin and so full of himself that it made most of us ill.

  “Did you want this one? Have it.” I turned on my heel and walked back into my office, making a bee-line back to my desk. “She’s going to win because we’re good, but it’s going to feel icky helping her do it.”

  “Why is that?” He walked in and ran his hands down the front of his suit jacket before slipping them into his pockets. His casual stare screamed, ‘you love me... you know you do,’ and I couldn’t help but chuckle a little each time I saw him. He had no clue how much most of us couldn’t stand him, and yet I was a kind person. I hated turning anyone down, or God forbid, kicking out the legs on their high-horse, but this man needed it.

  “Because she married the man for his money, and she deserves none of it. The cops need to be looking into cause of death. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was involved.” I gave him a cheeky grin and took my seat.

  “Now you’re just being mean.” He smiled and nibbled at his bottom lip. “Hey. How about you take me up on the offer for lunch? You know I’m new here and don’t know too many people. Your denials are starting to hurt my feelings.”

  “Go take one of the other women in the office. All of them are hankering to get some time with you. They’re interested in a friendship. I’m not.” I shrugged and pulled my keyboard toward me. “It’s nothing personal, Dillon. I’m damaged goods, and I like the idea of staying that way.”

  Besides... you’re not Zek.

  “I like damaged goods.” He pulled his hands from his pockets and pressed them to my desk as he leaned over. I’d have been a little overwhelmed if this happened in my earlier days, but now it was a moot point. I almost felt sorry for the guy. Almost. “Just come have lunch with me. It’s nothing more than a meal. We can just sit in awkward silence and eat.”

  I laughed and snorted. “No. Close the door on your way out. And don’t take me the wrong way. I’m just not interested in anything right now.”

  “Healing from something?” He moved back from my desk, but didn’t leave.

  His eyes moved around my face like he was trying to find the key to unlock my secrets, but it wasn’t to be found.

  I was confused by the failed marriage with Ben and broken by Zek’s denials. Even more than the combination of those two things, I was angry at myself for wanting to force Zek into a relationship with me. I wanted to scream in his face that I’d waited this year for him. No kisses or hugs, no one touching me, holding me, or making love to me in the darkness at night.

  Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

  “Lots of things, but thanks for the offer.” I looked down at my computer screen as Lizzy’s voice caught my attention.

  “Hey. Can you come to my office for a few minutes when you’re done?” She smiled warmly at me before turning her attention to Dillon. “How are you holding up after your last case load?”

  “Good, actually. I was just trying to get Alisa to take a break and grab a sandwich with me.” He turned his back to me and walked toward Lizzy. I’d yet to ask her what she actually thought of the guy, but I’d make a point to do it soon. Something about him gave me the creeps, but I felt sure I was being overly sensitive. No one was Zek or my brother, Clark, but I found myself comparing all guys to the standard set by the two of them.

  “She’s our hardest worker. No telling her to take a break. We’re having a Christmas party later this year thanks to her efforts.” Lizzy laughed and moved back as Dillon walked out.

  “If you change your mind...” His voice faded as he moved down the hall.

  “I won’t.” I stood up and walked toward her as butterflies danced in my stomach. I’d had lunch with Zek’s sister-in-law at least once if not twice most weeks. She knew how much I loved him,
and even helped me work through a lot of my struggles where he was concerned.

  “Lunch?” She asked with a cocky grin on her lips.

  I grinned back. “Yeah. I’m starving. Let me grab my purse and we’ll go to that new deli that opened up in the building across the street. I hear it’s got—”

  “Hey.” Lizzy touched my arm, cutting me off. “I know you want to know how it went. You’re talking a million miles an hour. It went great. He looks good. No, he looks great. I bet he’s put on thirty pounds of muscle. His eyes aren’t dull like they were when we had to let him go, but full of hope. He’s the man I met all those years ago when I married Mark. You’re going to need to put up your guard in full force. He’s going to tear your resolve down with nothing more than a few sexy looks.”

  “Shit.” I pressed my hand to my chest as tears burned my eyes. “I’ve missed him so fucking bad. I can’t even express how hard it was to not go with you guys this morning. Did he... did he ask about me?”

  “Yeah. He didn’t want to be too obvious about it, so I cut him off and saved him from it, but I told him that you were doing well.” She released me and nodded toward my desk. “Get your purse and we can talk about it more over lunch. I know one thing…”

  “What’s that?” I turned and walked back toward my desk.

  “He missed you like crazy too.”

  “How do you know?” I grabbed my purse and moved out into the hall with Lizzy.

  “I just know Zek, and I could see it all over him. He was thrilled to see me and Mark, but it was you he was hoping would show up.” She gave me a sideways ‘I told you so’ glance.

  “He was pretty rough with me the last time we spoke, Lizzy. You know that.” I repositioned the strap of my purse on my shoulder and waited outside of her office door as she gathered her stuff.

  “He did that to make sure you went on with your life, but you haven’t.”

  “I can’t.” I reached up and brushed my tears away. There had to be some point in life when a person simply couldn’t cry another tear. I was praying it was soon for me. I had cried far too many.