Ghost

by Charmaine Ross

  I spoke to Laura, telling her about Elliot’s partner. “Sure. I’ll ring Thadius.”

  I swallowed, half fearing where his mind would go. Now that the gates had opened, the rest might come flooding back. I watched him fighting the emptiness of his mind.

  “November second,” he said.

  My insides froze, fear gripped my gut, “Elliot. That’s the date when you…that’s when you...” I couldn’t say the word. Couldn’t tell him.

  His eyes blazed black fire, “Died.”

  I nodded. I didn’t want to know. There was something dark about knowing, but I had to. “Do you remember...how?”

  His eyes darkened as tension tightened the line of his mouth, “There was a meeting. Something off about it. Just a feeling, nothing I could put my finger on. But I still went. It was important. Sam came with me. If anything happened, I knew he’d protect me. Back me up.”

  “Where was the meeting? What time?” My fingers dug into the hard plastic of the table so hard I almost imagined I’d break the table in half. In reality, I didn’t. In reality, my hands started to cramp with tension.

  He ran his hand through his hair, I watched the ends spike all over the place, wishing I could feel them, smooth them back down again. “It was night. Late. Everything was dark and quiet. In a building. A board room. Luxurious. When I got there, the room was empty. I had to wait. They were late....”

  Moments stretched and he said nothing. “Who was late?” I whispered. I didn’t want to know…couldn’t not know. I didn’t breathe. Didn’t move as I waited for his answer. Time elongated into eternity as I waited for his answer.

  When he finally looked at me, his gaze went right through me, “He told me no guns otherwise the deal would be off. I didn’t take a weapon. Didn’t want to risk it.” He shook his head, his voice monotone, “It went wrong.”

  “What was the deal?” My lungs constricted. Suffocating. “What went so wrong?”

  “We were double-crossed. Our fault... my fault. Sam was hit…Then there was noise. Confusion ...then there was the grey.”

  “It couldn’t have been your fault. If I know nothing else, I know you wouldn’t have done anything to make things go bad.”

  He looked up at me, his eyes bleak. “I’d set up the meeting with one of the worst criminals in Melbourne. I can’t remember his name. Just his face. Every cop wanted him, but he was too hard to bring up on charges. I wanted him like I wanted nothing else. I put Sam into a dangerous situation. I took risks. Too many risks.” His face contorted, pain welled deep in his eyes. “God, no! I was me! My fault!”

  “What was your fault?” I didn’t want to see him like this. As cruel as it was, I wanted to wipe his memory free so he didn’t have to face the agonising memories coming back to him.

  Elliot put his hands over his face, trying to wash away the demons. “Sam was shot, went right to the floor. I went to him. Tried to stop the blood. A bang. Pain. In my chest. They shot me from behind. There was so much blood. Red everywhere.” He looked at me, his eyes stricken and my heart seized and froze with that knowing look, “It was me, Cassie. No wonder I couldn’t remember! Deep down I didn’t want to remember. I killed him. I killed my partner!”

  Chapter Ten

  “No! It can’t be you. You wouldn’t do something like that!” I tried to stop the tears, but they ran freely down my face. My hand dropped from the able to clasp in my lap. Opening. Closing. My fists becoming tighter and tighter.

  He turned from me, fingers threading through his hair, indescribable pain etched in the lines on his face, so lost in his own personal torment. “God, it’s all coming back. I was on the take. I was caught up with this criminal. I worked for him. I was dirty. A dirty cop.”

  I couldn’t believe it. Elliot couldn’t have done the things he thought he’d done. He just couldn’t. I was beginning to know the man, and he wasn’t this criminal he thought he was. But he wasn’t listening. Was lost in the torrent of his mind. All I could do was stare at Elliot. My mind spun trying to catch fragments of reasons why it couldn’t be him, but they slipped free before I could understand their entirety.

  “I was paid for turning a blind eye. I was the man on the inside. No-one could pin anything on him because I made it impossible. Hide evidence. Lean on someone else to take the blame. Pay someone else off.”

  I grappled for the good. Stumbling on any reason that this couldn’t be true. “But…your badge. You were one of the Commonwealth Police.”

  Elliot frowned, his mouth flattened into a thin line. “It was my cover. No-one would suspect me. I was one of the elite alright. The crooked elite.” His eyes were so sad, so full of self-loathing that my gut rolled. I couldn’t stand watching him desecrate himself like that. “I won’t believe that, Elliot. I’ve never seen that streak in you. You’re not made that way.”

  He levelled a gaze at me. “If I can kill my partner, there’s no telling what I’ll end up doing to you.”

  “You’re not that person, Elliot.” I yelled. Some people stirred at a nearby table and sent me filthy looks for yelling in their nice quiet McDonalds, but I didn’t care.

  “It’s the truth.” Pain etched white lines of his face, “Undeniable proof. That’s what we cops do. Find the truth. And I’ve just done it no matter how hard it is to hear…excuse me. I need to...arrange my thoughts.” I watched him disappear through the wall and stride up and down the walkway outside of the windows. At least he didn’t disappear. He promised me he wouldn’t and he didn’t. To me, that said more about his character than a sketchy, distorted memory.

  I knew deep down inside me that place was fuelled by intuition that I was right. Somehow. Someway beyond logic I knew Elliot was who I thought he was. Not a criminal, but a moral man who stood up for what was right. Even if was an impossible battle. I had to make him see that.

  “Cassie. Calm down,” Laura tugged my arm.

  “You didn’t hear what he told me,” I said, my voice low and coarse.

  “I heard what you said and I filled in the gaps.” She paused, then looked at me as though she really didn’t want to say what she was about to tell me, “You might have to conclude he could be right.”

  I was right. I didn’t want to hear what she told me, “You’re wrong, Laura!”

  “There wasn’t a whole heap of information in the system about him which is pretty strange. There’s just no trail. As though he’d been wiped clean.”

  “He can’t be the person he thinks he is. He’s got it all mixed up in his head. He told me he’d been an insider. That he’d been on the take and had got his partner killed.”

  “Only he would know what really happened on the night he died, Cassie. There are no records of it.”

  “He is not who he thinks he is. Death doesn’t change a man.”

  “We really don’t know a thing about him. Sometimes, things are as they seem. If it smells rotten. It is rotten.”

  My gut was telling me there was so much more to Elliot than he could remember. “He’s only remembering pieces at the moment. And disjointed ones at that. He’ll remember more and then he’ll know who he is for certain. He’s one of the good ones, Laura. He is!”

  Laura stared at me with a level gaze. She seemed to soak me in with that knowing look. When she finally spoke, her voice was no more than a heated whisper. “You’re in love with him.”

  I sat unmoving, just staring at her. And I knew she was right. I knew it right to the depth of my soul. I was in love with Elliot. I didn’t even try to deny it. I slumped back into the seat, the fight in me dissipating, “Do you...do you think he knows?”

  “If he doesn’t, he will soon. You can’t hide that type of emotion.”

  “You think I’m a fool,” I said. Hell, I even thought I was a fool. If she said it out loud, I was sure I might even agree with her.

  Laura squeezed my hand. “I think that this is an impossible situation and you’re trying your best to do something you’ve never done before to the best of your abil
ity. And if that includes Elliot…well, then it just does.”

  “It doesn’t have anywhere to go.”

  Moments passed. She kept herself as neutral-faced as she could, but I could see her struggle, “I can’t see how it can work.” Her words were measured.

  That same thought that haunted me. I was here, in flesh and blood, and he was a ghost. A fragment of this earth. We touched for a moment, but that was only a moment, let alone do any of the things I so wanted to do with him. “Opposites attract,” I said.

  Laura grinned sadly, “But will the attraction bring you everything you need? Maybe Mum was right. Here and now is for the living. Life and death don’t mix.”

  “What happened to all that talk about gadgets and sexual adventure?” I huffed a laugh, thinking I’d been so shocked when she’d said that.

  “You can have all that…it would be nice to also have the real thing too. Look, Cassie, you’re my sister and I just want you to be happy.”

  I squeezed her hand and offered her a twist of my lips which I hoped was something like a smile. “I know that, Laura. The thing is, I think Elliot is the man that can make me happy.”

  I knew I’d never felt this way about any man I’d met or dated. I felt fondness, certainly attraction, but never this deep down knowing that what I felt was so right that I’d felt I’d finally found the missing part of myself. There was a completion in my soul that only Elliot could fill. If that was what love felt like, then I was in love with him, fool that I was.

  The next instant Henry appeared, leaning over my shoulder at the computer screen. I jumped back and nearly landed on the floor, managing to just contain my scream. The people on the next table got up and walked out, “Isn’t there some way you can warn me before you just pop in like that?”

  He looked at me sheepishly, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you. This looked interesting.”

  “It’s your son’s computer,” I said.

  “My…son?” He looked genuinely confused.

  “Paul. Your illegitimate son. The one who probably stole your will. The one we’re trying to track down at the moment,” I said.

  “I…I have a son?”

  “Cassie, he doesn’t know about that,” Laura hissed, but I was in a bitching mood.

  “Yes, you had sex, you had a son. Might have been better for him—and you—if you’d acknowledged him.”

  Pain flashed across his features, “I never knew. I never heard from Lucy beyond our one night together.”

  I wilted. I didn’t mean to take my bad mood out on Henry. He was just trying to do the best he could, “I’m sorry, Henry. I didn’t mean to blurt it all out like that. All this is taking a toll on me.”

  “I understand. It’s a lot to ask of you. If only I would have known. A son. My boy. Would you believe that! I would have loved him. I would never have left him alone like that! I never saw Lucy again after that night. It was just one night. I never thought it would end up anything more than a fond memory,” Henry shook his head, sadness washing over him. His eyes misted, he’d suffered. He’d lost his only child. His daughter. As well as a son he never knew anything about.

  “I need to make this right. Have you…found my will?” Henry asked.

  “You might want to rethink that when we tell you about Paul. But no, we haven’t found the will. That’s why we’re here in a Maccas in the middle of the night looking at his computer,” I said.

  “I’m betting he hid it at his workplace,” Laura said.

  “Not exactly private,” I commented, “Anyone could walk into his space and rifle through his stuff.”

  “We’re not dealing with a normal mentality, remember. Look at the state of his house. That’s not normal. The only other place he belongs to is his office,” Laura said.

  “What does she mean that Paul isn’t normal?” Henry asked.

  I quickly explained what we’d found in his bedroom and the life he led as tactfully as I could.

  Henry shook his head, “He should have had a father. He should have had me. If only I’d known.”

  I bit my lower lip, hesitating, but there was no easy way to say this so I just went ahead, “There’s something we haven’t told you yet, Henry…we think he had something to do with your death. That he actually murdered you and changed the details of your will for your money.”

  “You…can’t think…he’s my son!” Confusion and horror mixed on his face and my heart reached for him. I could only guess what he was feeling and none of that was good. But I needed to press on as tactfully as I could. Time wasn’t on our side and I needed to see if he could remember anything that might help us.

  “He’s our number one suspect. We have video evidence he was there at the hospital on the morning you died. His name is on the will and has been put there on purpose. We need to try to find the original will to be one hundred percent sure. One thing I don’t want to do, is accuse people of doing something that they really didn’t do.”

  “He…he came to the hospital?”

  Poor Henry looked as though he was going to fold in on himself. If I could have put my arm around him, I would have but I had to settle to speak, “I’m afraid so. But we think he needed help. You died from a massive dose of Valium and people without medical knowledge wouldn’t know what dosage to give you to be lethal, or even how to get it in such a quantity. That’s why I need you to think back. There must have been someone else in your room that night. Someone who helped Paul.”

  Henry shook his head, “As I said before. I can’t remember a damn thing. I was in and out of sleep the whole might. It’s just a blur.”

  I nodded. It sounded about right. Although his wound wasn’t severe, I’d asked him to be medicated, so he could have a good night’s rest. I glanced at my watch and grimaced. Dawn would be in approximately three hours away. No wonder I was exhausted.

  “That’s all right, Henry. Just have a think about it. Something might come back to you.” But for the moment, we couldn’t just sit here and do nothing. I turned to Laura, looking for an answer my slushy mind couldn’t work out for the moment, “What now?”

  “Want to go to Paul’s work now? The night is still young and the address is ten minutes away. Besides, are you in a hurry to get home?”

  My shoulder seemed to shirk their responsibility of keeping my back straight and I slouched over the table. I leant my elbow on the sticky surface and rubbed my eyes. Call me a coward, but suddenly my body craved the sleep I knew I wasn’t going to get just yet. I knew Mum would be worried. She always was. We’d disappeared on her for more than twenty four hours. If we went home now, Mum wouldn’t let us out of her clutches. And I knew the plans she had for me. If I ever wanted to step foot back inside my own house, we’d better get to the end of this mystery.

  I took a deep breath, stood and nodded, “One break and enter, and dodging death via Soul-Eater in one night. Couldn’t get more exciting. Why stop now?”

  * * *

  Paul’s workplace was a forgetful building. Two stories high. Light brown brick. Posters falling from the windows on the outside. Inside, a blind had stuck at an angle no-one had bothered to straighten up. The whole atmosphere was one of depressive neglect and a budget too tight to warrant spending on anything as frivolous as maintenance.

  We were in one of the smaller, out of the way lanes in Dandenong which, at this time of night, was completely deserted. Not even a stray leaf blew down the footpath. There was just stillness and the hint of trouble only absolute calm in such a suburb could bring.

  True to his word, Elliot had come with me but his preoccupation in the car was eating me up. When this was all over I was going out of my way to make him see he wasn’t anything like the man he thought he was. Even if we had to break into a police basement and rifle through ancient files to prove it.

  We parked in a black lane at the side of the building and as we got out of the car my heart ramped up its beat. I looked up and down the street, nervous and on edge. “Shouldn’t we find a ba
ck door?” I whispered.

  There was a click. Laura turned the door handle and the door swung open. “Not going to be out here long enough.”

  I shook my head, following her into the building and closed the door quietly behind me, making sure it was shut properly.

  “Just make sure you’re not in here too long,” Elliot said. “I’ll keep a watch out,” then more quietly, “at least I can do that.” He spoke with a self-depreciating tone but before I could say anything he’d disappeared through the front door to the footpath outside.

  I sighed and looked around the office with the thin torch light Laura gave me. “The office that time forgot,” I muttered.

  The inside looked as bad as the outside. It was filled with desks, seats, old computer screens and sad, grey office dividers to which papers had been pinned one over the other many times. It seemed no-one here cared about mess. The desks were littered with papers, as though, when the time came, people left without a second glance. The colour scheme reminded me of an office of the seventies, but the computers had brought them just into the twenty-first century. Maybe somewhere circa two-thousand and three. They were huge cube screens, large beige keyboards and thick wires everywhere.

  “How are we going to find Paul’s desk?” Each desk looked pretty much the same to me. We couldn’t possibly go through each drawer at every desk to find what we were looking for.

  “Easy,” Laura said. She swung the light into a cubicle. On the first desk, there was a picture of a woman with her arms around two children that were nearly as tall as her. “Not this one,” she said.

  I went through the centre aisle, passing a desk with an open calendar near the screen. A date circled with very large, obvious red hearts. “Unless he’s prone to feminine romantic tendencies, he doesn’t sit here either.”

  I passed three more desks when my torch beam shone on a photo of the black dog that chased us out of Paul’s second story bedroom window. “That bloody dog,” I said under my breath.

  Paul’s desk was a replica of his bedroom. It was way beyond the normal messiness of a normal busy workspace. Papers were pinned on top of each other on the divider walls so thick the pins were hanging on by their tips. There were stick-it notes around the computer screen and paper untidily shoved into a tray with half over the keyboard.