Max (A Carter Brother series Book 4)

by Lisa Helen Gray

  “Why are you laughing?’’ he growls, looking annoyed with me.

  “I’m lying,’’ I wheeze through laughter. “I lost my virginity with my ex boyfriend.’’

  Still laughing, I don’t notice the sudden change in Max until I feel him move to face me. His body tenses and when I look over at him his face is like stone.

  “You weren’t a virgin?’’ he grits out, causing me to laugh more. He needs to make up his mind which he’s more pissed about. The fact we’re even having this conversation right now is just ridiculous.

  “No, Max, I wasn’t. Were you a virgin?’’ I ask teasingly.

  “Fuck, no. I lost mine…’’ he loses his grin before his eyes turn sharply at me. “This isn’t about me. If you hadn’t just fucked me senseless I’d spank your ass.’’

  I just roll my eyes punching his shoulder lightly.

  “I’m fucking serious. If you and I are going to work out we need to be able to communicate. Joan talked to me about the importance of a relationship the other day and communication was on that list. If we can’t communicate we aren’t going to work out,’’ he mutters, shaking his head like he’s disappointed in me.

  “You’re acting like we’re boyfriend and girlfriend,’’ I tease, shoving his shoulder a little.

  “Um, that’s because we fucking are,’’ he grunts and my heart stops. My hands are frozen in my lap and I can’t look at him in fear of what he’ll see. I can’t be with him like that. I can’t get attached to him, but even thinking the words I know it’s already too late. If he knew the real me, the person I’ve hidden, the person who I will always be, he wouldn’t be with me. He wouldn’t want to sit in the same room as me. I’ve seen the way he is with his brothers and how loyal he is with them. There is no way he’d understand that I didn’t mean to do what I did. If I could go back and change that night I would. I would do everything, from the second I read that text, differently.

  Max still talking snaps me out of my own thoughts. “You need to be a good girlfriend, though. You have to have sex with me whenever I please or when you’re in the mood. If you want to wake me up by wrapping your mouth around my cock, I’m game. Just saying. Or if you want to sit on my face and shake me awake some time, I’m good with that too. Okay, I’m game with anything that ends with me deep inside you. I reckon we should have rules…’’ he stops when he realises I haven’t spoken, giving me a look that breaks my heart.

  He looks so happy. I know being in a relationship is the last thing he ever wanted and what he’s giving me is something I should be treasuring. Instead, I’m about to throw it all in his face, something I’m sure he’s been scared of.

  But we can’t be together. It’s better to end this now before we get too invested. I can’t hurt him like that.

  My heart feels heavy and I swear it’s breaking in two from just watching him trying to figure out what’s going on inside my head.

  “Why aren’t you saying anything? You can’t agree to all the terms, you’re a woman. You argue over everything,’’ he mutters, looking at me closely.

  “I…’’ I begin, but my throat is clogged up with emotion and I have to clear my throat. “We… I… I can’t be in a relationship with you, Max. I can’t be your girlfriend. This,’’ I gesture between us. “Can’t happen again. I’m so sorry.’’

  “Why?’’ he asks quietly and it breaks my heart even more. I can feel my eyes flood with tears as he stands up, grabbing the t-shirt from off the floor. “WHY?’’ he roars, looking upset.

  “Because it won’t work. You don’t know me, Max, and if you did you wouldn’t want to be with me.’’

  “So, tell me. Tell me whatever this fucking big secret is that you keep bottled up inside you. I know it haunts you. Maybe getting it out in the open and talking about it will help.’’

  “What? You mean like you talk about your problems?’’ I snap. I shake my head not wanting to hurt him further, but I couldn’t help the question coming from out my mouth. Ever since I first met Max I knew he had dark secrets behind those brown, soulful eyes. I knew he kept things hidden and disguised his true feelings by acting like the charming, fun loving Max everyone knows and loves. But I see beyond all that. I see the scared little boy who just wants to be loved. He wants what everyone else around him has but for some reason he’s scared of having it, or wanting it.

  “This isn’t about me, Lake. This is about you pushing me away.’’

  “I’m not pushing you away, Max. I’m telling you we can’t be in a relationship. I don’t want to be in one,’’ I lie, feeling the first tear fall from my eyes. “You’ll never understand.’’

  “No. You’re right. I don’t fucking understand. You let me believe you wanted me, that you felt for me the same as I felt for you. Was it all a lie?’’ he asks, his voice rising with each breath he takes.

  “No. No,’’ I shake my head, tears falling freely. I stand up trying to calm him down. It’s killing me see him breaking inside. I didn’t want this. I didn’t want to hurt him. But it will hurt him more knowing he’s been sleeping with a murderer.

  “You’re full of shit. You’re so fucking scared of telling the truth you’re willing to lose me. You’re willing to throw what we have away all over something you won’t talk about. You don’t even know what I’ll think. You can’t decide that for me,’’ he shouts.

  “Yes. Yes, I can. You don’t know anything,’’ I sneer, feeling anger rising.

  “Because you won’t talk to me,’’ he roars, throwing his hands up in the air.

  The door bursts open. Malik stands there looking between me and his brother with concern and curiosity.

  “Come to see how the mighty have fallen?’’ Max sneers at him and I flinch at the same time Malik does.

  “Bro, what are you talking about?’’ Malik asks gently and I notice Harlow behind, tears filling her eyes as she watches Max heave with anger.

  “Take a picture. Or get a good fucking look. I guess mom and dad were right, I’m not worthy of love,’’ he laughs bitterly and my heart completely stops and a sob breaks free.

  “Come on. We can go downstairs and get a drink,’’ Malik offers, but Max snorts in return.

  “Fuck you. Don’t baby me. You all knew this would happen. You all warned me that my whoring around would come back to bite me in the ass. Guess what? You were right. First girl I’ve ever pictured a future with and I pick a scared coward who doesn’t want a relationship,’’ he bites out.

  My breath hitches again listening to him. I want to reach out to him, to tell him I take it back and that I’m sorry, but I’m completely frozen. I never realised how deeply he felt up until this moment and now I’ve ruined it. I’ve ruined my life for the second time in my life.

  “I’m not, bro. But you need to calm down,’’ Malik warns him, his tone still gentle.

  Max looks behind Malik to Harlow, a pained noise rising in his throat when he takes in the pregnant girl crying, her hand covering her mouth. His pained eyes reach mine again and I break down sobbing. He looks so hurt, so betrayed that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to make this right. I hear him push past Malik before storming down the stairs. Next I hear Harlow whisper something quickly before the door to my room shuts.

  A strangled sob tears through my throat as I collapse to the floor, burying my face into my blanket. The smell of Max still lingers and it kills me more. The pain is too much. It’s unbearable. My chest feels tight like I can’t breathe. I try to catch my breath but another sob catches in my throat taking my breath away. My vision starts to become blurry through my tears and my whole body heats alarmingly.

  “Hey, calm down,’’ Harlow whispers soothingly. Her voice makes me jump. I had thought she had left when Malik and Max did. I didn’t think she’d stay, not when I broke her brother-in-law’s heart.

  “I… I…’’ I start but I can’t breathe. It all feels too much. I rub at my chest trying to catch my breath but it doesn’t help. A surge of overwhelming panic tak
es over and I try to suck in a deep breath and fail.

  “Lean forward and put your head between your legs. You’re having a panic attack,’’ Harlow tells me gently, moving me so that my head is placed between my legs. She keeps a soothing hand on my back, rubbing up and down with little pressure. “Now count with me. Even if it’s in your head,’’ she tells me. “One. Two. Three. Four. Five,’’ she counts.

  I listen to the sound of the voice counting with her in my head while I try to calm down my breathing. We get to twenty before I’m able to sit back up, my body shaking.

  “What have I done?’’ I ask her, holding a hand to my chest. It still feels tight but not in a suffocating way like it was before.

  “Lay down for a minute,’’ she whispers, pulling the blanket back. On wobbly legs I do as I’m told, lying down facing Harlow. Her eyes are still tearstained and her expression is full of concern and sorrow.

  “How am I going to make this right? I broke him,’’ I sob, clutching the pillow that smells of Max.

  “Do you love him?’’ she asks quietly, running her fingers through my knotted hair.

  I nod shakily. “Yes, I think I do. So much.’’

  “So what happened?’’ she asks looking confused.

  “Me. I happened. I do nothing but cause destruction. If Joan wants me to go can you come and let me know? I don’t think I can handle it if she asked me herself to leave,’’ I sob, crying harder.

  “She wouldn’t want you to go. Please, don’t think that. We will sort this out,’’ she promises. I ignore her, closing my eyes, letting grief consume me.

  As soon as I close my eyes all I can see is his stricken face, the heartache so clearly written in his expression and how angry he was. His words about being unloveable cause the ache inside my chest to tighten. If only he knew just how loveable he truly is. Anyone who comes into contact with him falls easily into his charm and easy-going attitude. There isn’t anyone I know immune to it. Not even me who promised to never get close to anyone ever again.

  What have I done?

  CHAPTER TWENTY ONE

  MAX

  “Are you sure about this?’’ Liam asks from his desk.

  “Yeah, man. I need answers,’’ I grumble, feeling exhausted as I settle back on his bed waiting for him to find out what I need.

  Walking out of Lake’s room last week had been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. She broke me in ways I never thought possible. I’d gone straight to my room where Malik followed, Maverick shortly after when he heard me begin to smash my room to shreds.

  Maverick had pulled me away from punching a hole in my wall, pinning me to my bed before growling some shit in my face. It wasn’t until I calmed down that I realised why I was reacting the way I was.

  I loved her.

  I fucking loved the crazy bitch that has more secrets hidden behind those big round eyes than an entire class at Grayson High. She’s so fucking stubborn, hard headed and so sure of herself that she acts like she doesn’t need anyone. I see behind all that crap. I know she craves family. I see the way she looks at Hope, at Joan and at me and my brothers. She couldn’t hide her longing any more than I could hide my boner for her.

  Once things had settled down and my brothers had left me to deal with my self-pity party, I remembered everything from the night before. I don’t just mean how fucking great she felt when I was balls deep inside her. Just from that alone, though, should have proven she was just pushing me away. But then I remembered the dribble babble she spouted off when we were dancing. She said she killed her brother.

  At first I wasn’t sure if she was having me on. I mean, it wouldn’t be the first time that girl has pulled some crap to play me up. It’s like foreplay for me. I guess being hammered made me brush it under the rug. I even made myself think she said, ‘I could kill your brother’. I mean, the music was loud and I was drunk as fuck. But as soon as I began to think about it, the more I was sure she said she killed her brother.

  So that was how my week started. I avoided her at all costs, even forgoing family dinners and opting to eat out.

  On Wednesday I went to Hope’s birthday party and was surprised to find Lake wasn’t there. When Harlow mentioned to Denny that they hadn’t seen much of her my gut twisted, thinking the worst. Was she running? Was she seeing someone else? What the fuck was she up to? It was then I knew who I needed to go to get some answers.

  It was Friday and we’d been working non-stop for two days trying to figure out what happened.

  “Here’s another newspaper article,’’ Liam calls, grabbing my attention.

  I jump off the bed and walk over to his desk. Looking over his shoulder at the computer screen, I grimace. On the screen is a picture of a wrecked car being pulled out of a flooded stream.

  “Zoom in,’’ I ask Liam, looking closer to the screen. Reading through the article, my gut twists. This has to be it. A link attached to the bottom of the article confirms that. “Click on that link,’’ I tell Liam, pointing to the highlighted link.

  “Jesus!’’ he hisses, his eyes meeting mine. “Is this her, the girl you’ve got a boner for?’’

  “Yeah,’’ I whisper, my gut clenching.

  The more I read the sicker I feel. I’m willing to put my life on the fact she doesn’t know any of this. She couldn’t. There’s no way she’d be here if she did.

  “Find me everything you can on the family. I mean everything.’’

  “It could be a while. Do you want to stay or do you want to go do something?’’ he asks, his fingers clicking a mile a minute on the keyboard.

  “Can I hang out? I’ll be going out of my mind if I go home and probably call you every five minutes to find out what you found.’’

  “What exactly am I looking for? I can pull up their information easily but I’m guessing you need more?’’

  “Yeah, mate. I need to know that there isn’t another reason she’s running. Her family could be abusive, we don’t know. If you can find anything out about the brother, his background and shit, let me know.’’

  “Like I said it might take some digging and a few phone calls to his old school. I can only do so much from here, though.’’

  “You should get a job with Denny’s brother. He’s a PI or some shit. You’d be good. Want me to hook you up?’’

  “They couldn’t afford me,’’ Liam laughs. “But I guess working for someone will help keep me out of jail. Some of what I do is illegal.’’

  “You wouldn’t make it in prison. You’ve got a Beyonce ass,’’ I chuckle.

  “Why the fuck you staring at my ass, mate?’’ Liam asks disgusted.

  “Can’t help myself. I’m an ass man.’’

  “Are you sure you’re not gay? Ash’s cousin is an alright guy,’’ Liam tells me like it’s something I need to know.

  “He doesn’t have the right equipment,’’ I growl. Liam chuckles, holding his hands up in surrender before he carries on typing.

  “Fuck off then. Go play Call Of Duty or something. I can’t work with you breathing down my neck,’’ he growls.

  “No need to get snippy,’’ I mutter, moving over to the bed and grabbing the controller.

  Five hours later I’m sitting in front of my own desk typing out an email. I just hope none of this backfires on me. She already hates me enough right now.

  My first thought after finding out everything I needed to know was to go find her and tell her. But from what I’ve learnt over the past few months of knowing Lake, she won’t believe hearsay. She will want proof. So I’m doing what I can to give her that.

  I’m just finishing off the email when my phone starts ringing. Groaning, I pick it up and see Joan’s number flashing.

  “Hey, beautiful, you miss me?’’ I tease.

  “Now, now, Max. You know I miss my troublemaker. You keep me on my toes.’’

  “I’m pretty sure my Granddad does that,’’ I chuckle.

  “Oh, he does more than that,’’ she laugh
s.

  “TMI, Joan. We’ve talked about boundaries. You and Granddad are a huge boundary for me. Now what can I do for you? And if you want to talk dirty to me, I’ve told you, my ears can’t take it.’’

  “What will I do with you?’’ Joan giggles.

  “I’d rather you didn’t tell me,’’ I reply quickly, my lips pulling up in a smirk.

  The phone cuts out and I smile down at my phone shaking my head. Grabbing a fresh t-shirt, I pull it on over my head before grabbing my trainers.

  The house is quiet when I walk through it which is unusual. Maverick and Myles both said they’d be home tonight. Personally, I think they’ve just wanted to keep an eye on me. Well, balls to that. I can look after my own goddamn self.

  Tripping over the threshold I grab a hold of the door to steady myself as I leave the house.

  Goddamn it. That’s the second time in three days that I’ve done that. Maverick really should get that looked at.

  “Well, if it isn’t one of them,’’ Miss Davis from next door snarls.

  “There’s only one of me,’’ I shout back smirking. “Trollop,’’ I whisper under my breath.

  “All you Carters think you can take what you want when you want. I’m telling you, you’ll regret the day you ever met me,’’ she hisses.

  Shaking my head, confused, I wave my hand to her, giving her an attentive smile. “We already do,’’ I reply back before letting myself into Joan’s. “Joan,’’ I shout, walking down the hall. “You need to tell Granddad about your obsession with me. I keep telling you, we can’t have an affair. It will break the ol’ man’s heart and we both know he’s getting on a bit. The ticker might stop ticking.’’

  Reaching the kitchen I open the door to be greeted with four unamused gazes.

  “Well, shit. Guess I let the cat out of the bag,’’ I smirk, looking apologetic.

  “Sit down dic-” Maverick starts. “Ouch!’’

  “Maverick,’’ Joan warns, looking at him sternly. Jesus, she’s scary when she looks pissed.

  “Sorry,’’ Mav mumbles, putting his head down like the naughty boy he is.