Max (A Carter Brother series Book 4)

by Lisa Helen Gray

  “It was freeing,’’ he grins, a tinge of pink showing on his cheeks.

  “I’ve done that a time or two,’’ Max nods, agreeing with Cowen’s comment. “Nice to get a little air down there.’’

  “You need to be my…’’ Cowen clears his throat, looking to Marybeth for help but she just smiles and nods encouragingly.

  “I reckon me and you should be best friends,’’ Max grins and my heart warms at seeing how gentle he’s being with my brother. It’s like he knew what my brother was trying to say and instead of helping him out and embarrassing him, he turned it around so it was him asking. Pretty fucking sweet if you ask me. “What do you think?’’

  “I think… I think it’s… It’s great.’’

  “Goody,’’ I clap, rolling my eyes at Max. “He needs more friends,’’ I tell Cowen.

  Max and Cowen begin chatting about other friends; Marybeth joining in every so often but seeming nervous around Max. I don’t blame her, Max can be too much for anyone at times.

  My dad squeezes my hand, grabbing my attention. Turning towards him I find he’s still got tears shining in his eyes, causing mine to start up again. I think I’m still in shock that they’re here, safe, alive, and just… Fuck… Just here.

  “Never leave us again. We’ve missed you, missed you so much. Please tell us you’ve been safe, that nothing bad has happened to you?’’ he chokes out, his face paling like he’s waiting for me to tell him bad news.

  “I’ve been fine, Dad,’’ I half lie. I want him to rest easy, not feel bad over everything that went wrong in my life. I’ve had some ups and downs, but what teenager living on the streets wouldn’t? He can sleep easy now knowing nothing terrible actually happened to me. What matters is that I was taken in by one of the most caring, most generous families I’ve ever known. I’ll never get over everything Joan and the Carters have done for me.

  “You look so different, so grown up. Your hair is much longer, your body fuller and I swear you’ve grown ten inches,’’ Mum says, her words laced with sadness and she looks me over once more, her eyes glistening with more tears. After today I think I’ll have cried myself dry.

  “I’m sorry I ran away,’’ I tell them, feeling ashamed now that I know the true story, wishing I had just stuck around a moment longer.

  “Baby, we found you, that is all that matters.’’

  “What about Cowen? Is he really okay?’’ I ask, turning my watery eyes to my mum.

  “Yes, sweetie. He wasn’t at first but he’s improved so much over the year. He suffered with some dark depression at the beginning, but once he started going to speech therapy he began to recover.’’

  “I think meeting Marybeth at the centre helped him. It showed him life didn’t need to change just because of his injury,’’ my dad adds.

  “Marybeth?’’ I question, wondering why she needed speech therapy. Granted, I’ve not heard her speak more than a few words but she doesn’t seem like someone to need it.

  “She would take her little brother while her mother worked,’’ Mum answers smiling.

  “She seems really nice,’’ I admit, smiling over at my brother, Max and Marybeth.

  “She is. She’s so good for him.’’

  We sit in silence, all three of us just processing everything when my mum’s hand reaches out of nowhere, touching my cheek.

  “I just need to touch you,’’ she breathes out.

  The evening wears on and my stomach rumbles ready for dinner. I’m too scared to say anything about it just in case Mum and Dad decide to leave. It’s who they are. They’ve never been ones to overstay their welcome and I know if they think we’re not eating because they’re here then they will leave. It’s short-lived, though, when my dad clears his throat, sitting forward in his seat, looking reluctant to say what he needs to.

  “We should be going. We need to find a bed and breakfast or a Travelodge to stay in,’’ he says, looking like he’d rather do anything else. I don’t blame him. I don’t want them to leave either. They just got here. I’m also glad they’re not heading back home right away and that they planned to stay.

  “Nonsense. You can stay next door at Mark’s old place. The boys still live there but there is still plenty of room for you all to sleep.’’

  “We couldn’t,’’ Mum says, waving Joan’s invitation away.

  “But you can,’’ Joan winks. “Believe me, it’s fine. You should all be together as a family. Now, I’m going to order in some dinner as I don’t have anything prepped. Is there anything you guys would like or something you don’t want?’’

  “No veg,’’ my brother grunts, then blushes when everyone turns his way.

  “We’re like twins,’’ Max says in awe.

  “We are twins,’’ Cowen tells him smiling.

  “Veggies are good for you,’’ Joan reprimands, giving Max the eye like he shouldn’t be encouraging Cowen.

  Both boys groan, shaking their heads, and I laugh. My brother turns in my direction and his face falls a little. He’s been doing it a lot since they arrived. I’ve also noticed Marybeth whisper to him, seeming to be encouraging him do something. Just when I think he will say or do what he needs to, he sighs in defeat and looks away from me sadly.

  “Can Lake and me talk outside?’’ he asks, and although it sounds like he’s asking for permission, he’s actually addressing me when he asks.

  “We can. Do you have a coat? It’s pretty cold out this evening,’’ I tell him.

  He nods his head and gets up. He grabs his coat that’s hanging on the door and steps towards me. I move out of the living room, grabbing my coat from the hook in the hallway by the front door.

  Outside, I gesture for Cowen to sit on the wall, knowing there’s nowhere else we can go and have privacy since Denny is at home and so is Myles with Kayla. We sit in awkward silence for a while until I hear Cowen clear his throat, shifting his ass on the wall.

  “I’m sorry for what happened to you,’’ I start, my throat clogging. “If I had gotten to you sooner…’’

  “Don’t blame you. W-we don’t blame you. I was a wanker all the time.’’

  Opening my mouth to interrupt him, not wanting to listen to him beat himself up over something that doesn’t matter anymore, he surprises me by placing his hand over my mouth, shutting me up. Just like when we were younger I stick my tongue out, licking his hand.

  “Eww,’’ he laughs and before I can pull away in time he’s wiping salvia down my face with the hand I just licked.

  Laughing, I shove him away playfully. “Don’t,’’ I squeal causing him to laugh harder.

  “Can you shut up so I can talk,’’ he says softly, but his words rushed, coming out slightly harsh. “Nicely,’’ he smiles, but it’s sad. “I want to get you on your own. The reason I behaved like a wanker was because May… May… She.’’ He stops, taking in a deep breath, looking frustrated with himself. Placing my hand on his knee I smile softly at him. His hands clench into fists as his mind ticks over. I can see it in his eyes that he’s struggling.

  “Take your time. There’s no rush.’’

  “No rush,’’ he agrees. “May killed my baby,’’ he blurts out, his face flushed red. His eyes glisten like saying it out loud has taken him back to that time.

  “What?’’ I gasp, tears filling my eyes. How did I not know this? Why didn’t he ever talk to me? No wonder he was acting like he was. Everything begins to make sense. Why she broke up with him out of the blue and why he seemed so cut up over it when he had never been one to wallow over anything. It also explains why May left school and wouldn’t return my calls.

  “I’m sorry for all of it. S-she told me, Cowen, that she would let me keep baby, that I could be the dad. That I’m the dad. I was excited and scared, so scared, but I wanted a baby,’’ he sighs, looking down at his hands that are folded up in his lap now. I take one in mine, squeezing it reassuringly.

  “You will be a good dad, Cowen. The best. Why didn’t you tell me?’
’ I ask, the hurt evident in my voice.

  “Because she killed it. She had… She had a,’’ he grunts, scrubbing his face as he tries to get his words out. Even only being in his life again for a short amount of time, I know he wouldn’t want me to help him, to speak for him. We’re alike in a lot of ways.

  “I know,’’ I tell him, knowing what he’s trying to tell me. She had an abortion. “Do Mum and Dad know?’’

  “Yes. Now. They cried. A lot. Do you like Marybeth?’’ he blurts out, looking deeply at my expression for an answer.

  “Yes,’’ I smile widely. “She’s amazing. Do you like Marybeth?’’ I tease.

  “I loveeee Marybeth,’’ he grins. “She loves me. She doesn’t think I’m a… a… a spaz.’’

  “You’re not a spaz, Cowen. You might have trouble remembering words or getting them out, but that means nothing. Even normal people can get stuck sometimes. In fact, I prefer this new you. You seem more relaxed, happier, and you don’t act too cocky,’’ I grin.

  “I’m cocky to Marybeth. She thought I played.’’

  “Played?’’

  “No. Player. She thought I’m a player.’’

  “Ha. She’s right. You were. But now you’re not. I can’t believe you’re getting married.’’

  “I want babies with her.’’

  I laugh, loving this new side to my brother. It’s like he doesn’t have a filter. It’s also a sad reminder of everything that happened and everything I caused.

  “I’m so glad you’re happy.’’

  “I want to talk to you,’’ he tells me again and I wonder if he’s forgotten about our talk already. “Talk more,’’ he adds breathlessly.

  “Okay,’’ I nod.

  “No one is to blame for the crash. If there was then it would be. But it was an accident. I’m sorry if you left because of me,’’ he tells me sadly.

  “I left because I thought I lost you. Without you there is no me. And the look on Mum’s face when the paramedics couldn’t revive you will stay with me forever.’’

  “I’m sad,’’ he tells me and I give him a sad smile, resting my head lightly on his shoulder.

  “Hey,’’ a chirpy Harlow greets, walking down the street towards us wrapped up in hat, scarf, gloves and a woolly coat.

  “Hey,’’ I smile and frown when I notice her eyes narrowed on Cowen. It’s then I realise she doesn’t know who he is or that I’ve even got a brother. “This is my brother, Cowen. Cowen, this is Harlow. She’s Joan’s granddaughter and Malik, Max’s other brother’s, girlfriend.’’

  “Hey,’’ she smiles but she can’t hide the shock on her face. I shake my head subtly hoping she understands that I’ll explain everything later.

  “I’m a twin,’’ he greets holding his hand out.

  I giggle at her expression. “We’re twins,’’ I add, easing her confusion.

  “Max is my friend and he’s a twin too,’’ Cowen adds, looking flushed. “Nice big baby.’’

  Harlow laughs. “Yeah, two very big babies. I’m having twins too,’’ she smiles, proud of her unborn babies.

  “No!’’ Cowen shouts, jumping off the wall. “Two? Twins? Max, Lake and me are twins. We’re all twins,’’ he smiles, genuinely happy about the fact.

  “Max got this excited too,’’ Harlow tells him.

  “Can we see Max now?’’ Cowen asks, now looking at me. “We can tell him she’s having twins.’’

  “Come on then before Marybeth comes and kicks my ass for taking you away for so long.’’

  “Marybeth won’t hurt no one,’’ he tells me sternly, looking unpleased at the suggestion.

  “I’m joking,’’ I tease, nudging him with my shoulder.

  He laughs. “I can joke good,’’ he tells Harlow and helps her up the walkway to the door. I follow with a Cheshire grin upon my face.

  I thought I felt free on Friday, but having my brother and parents here, nothing could beat that. All that pain, all that sorrow from believing my brother was dead and I was the cause finally leaves my body. And I know the second I walk over the threshold my life will begin again. I just hope I don’t lose anyone else in the meantime.

  CHAPTER TWENTY SIX

  LAKE

  Having my family back in my life has been a whirlwind since the second they arrived. I haven’t had time to really process anything or what it means, them being here for me. It all feels like a foggy dream and I keep expecting to wake up any second.

  At times it feels like old times, falling into old habits, laughing and joking. It’s hard to believe it’s been a year since I last saw them. It’s like we’ve never been apart. But then there are times when everything stops and I look at how much has changed, how much they’ve changed, and it all floods back, feeling like it’s been far longer than a year.

  Max has been great. He’s supported me since their arrival and has made sure I’m okay with everything and him after he went behind my back and called them. At first I was angry but now I know that he did it with good intentions. It also helps knowing everything that really happened and that I didn’t lose my brother. I kind of owe him my life. I’ll be forever thankful for what he did for me, for my family.

  He’s also been great with Cowen. They’ve hung out like they’re old friends, played football, played the Xbox and even gone out together to do boy stuff. Even Mum and Dad have both commented on how happy they are at seeing Cowen so happy, glad that he’s finally interacting with someone other than them and Marybeth.

  It worried me that he had no one other than those three during such a hard time in his life and even asked my parents why none of his friends were there for him. She explained how he pushed everyone away after the accident due to the deep depression he was suffering with. Even after he got better he refused to make new friends, scared of what they’d think of him or that they’d think he was an invalid. It kills me knowing I could have been there for him, helped him through it all.

  I’m just glad he met Marybeth. She is genuinely the kindest person you could ever meet. All the girls have welcomed her into their fold and have kept her company while Max has been out with Cowen and I’ve spent alone time with my parents.

  I’ve also gotten to know Marybeth, not as well as I would have liked, though. But even if I didn’t, just listening to her talk about my brother or the way she looks adoringly up at him any time he is near would tell me everything I need to know about her. She truly does love my brother and he loves her and she doesn’t seem bothered by his illness. She’s also given me another perspective on my brother, filling in things Cowen couldn’t talk to my parents about during the time his illness was at its worst.

  And although the past few days have been a blast, a sickening feeling that it’s all about to come to an end is churning in the pit my stomach. I don’t want my parents to leave and I don’t want to leave Joan and everyone else. It’s tearing me up inside.

  It’s the fourth day of having my family here and Joan has arranged a meal for everyone over at her house. We’ve all stayed at Mark’s the past four days, even me, only going back to my room for a change of clothes. My parents didn’t even blink when they found out I was sleeping in Max’s room which surprised me.

  With there being such a large number of us, Mark has had to pull out the large table, my dad helping him set it up with the extended middle to make it bigger. It barely fits in Joan’s large kitchen.

  My heart warms watching and listening to my two families laugh and get along together. It’s true what they say, not all family is through blood. Sometimes a family is those closest to you. Joan and the Carters have been a family to me since I was found in the shed at the church. They’ve done nothing but show me kindness and love and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to thank them enough.

  “You look so different with your guard down,’’ Kayla tells me, walking up to my side. Turning my head to the side, I look at her, my eyes pulling together in confusion. Out of all the girls Kayla is the one I’m closest to,
second to her is Harlow but that’s only because we live together. Everyone else is busy with their lives, work and college.

  “What do you mean?’’

  “Before your family arrived you were so secretive, always on guard. It was like you had the whole world on your shoulders, always checking over your shoulder, worried about what was following you. The guilt you carried in your eyes, the pain and sorrow would make me catch my breath every time I saw you. Now you’re relaxed, light, free, your eyes softer and that strain you carried in your expression has now gone.’’

  “WOW! You make it sound like she looked constantly constipated,’’ Max tells Kayla, jumping behind us.

  “Shut up,’’ I laugh, turning to slap him on the chest. For some reason he doesn’t get on my nerves as much as he used to. I’ve also found myself acting like a thirteen year old teenager with a huge crush when I’m around him. It’s sickening really.

  “God, no!’’ he says looking horrified. “Imagine the constant awkward silence,’’ he tells us, exaggerating.

  “Yeah, but think of the silence,’’ Kayla giggles, moving over to the table and taking her seat.

  “Where’s Denny?’’ Joan asks Mason as he walks through the back door, catching mine and Max’s attention.

  “She’s about a minute behind me. Evan and Kennedy just picked Hope up for the night,’’ he answers, giving everyone a chin lift.

  “I got friends,’’ Cowen tells Marybeth as they walk into the kitchen, sitting down at the table.

  “Yeah, you do,’’ she smiles, leaning up to kiss his cheek.

  “Your brother fucking loves me,’’ Max whispers in my ear, causing me to shiver. With my parents under the same roof, I’ve not been able to explore Max the way I would have liked. We’ve touched each other but it’s never gone too far. So after four days of constant foreplay between the two of us, I’m craving him like a pregnant woman does her food. My body is always hyper aware when he’s around and I’ve found myself damp just looking at him.