Frangipani

by Célestine Vaite

  Just now Leilani is hanging on to every word Dr. Bernard—tall and gray, with his arm around a young woman holding a newborn—is telling her. She’s smiling and nodding in agreement in between scribbling Dr. Bernard’s words. Just being a perfect assistant/ receptionist, and an overqualified one at that.

  And Materena cannot help feeling a twinge of disappointment, but then she reminds herself that Leilani only intends to be an overqualified assistant/ receptionist for one year.

  Sighing, she keeps on walking, with her daughter’s well-earned degree facing the public for anyone interested to see.

  At the Drive-in Cinema

  The movie tonight at the drive-in cinema is a love movie, and Materena loves movies about love. But the love movie tonight is not the reason why Materena is here at the drive-in cinema. She’s here to help Mama Teta raise money for the church, and they’re going to do this selling mape.

  Tonight is not the first time Materena has helped raise money for the church, but tonight is her first time selling mape at the drive-in cinema. It’s against the law to sell things to eat at the drive-in cinema. There’s a snack for the customers to buy popcorn, packets of chips, Coca-Cola. But as Mama Teta said to Materena this morning, it’s for the church they’re going to sell mape, so it’s fine. With the church in a story there’s no law, because when the church needs money, it’s to do good deeds, and when you help the church do good deeds you get help from above.

  Mama Teta’s car is now three cars away from the ticket office. She leans over to the glove box to get her rosary beads, which she then hangs on the rearview mirror. And Materena, half-laughing, says, “And what’s this for, Mama Teta? So they don’t suspect we’ve got about sixty bags of mape in the pandanus bag hidden underneath the blanket at the back of the car?”

  “Shusssh!” That is all Mama Teta replies.

  And to the young man at the ticket office, she says, smiling a friendly smile, “I hope the movie is good!” Then Mama Teta drives away. But unlike the other cars circling around the parking lot looking for the best parking spot, she parks at the first spot she sees. The parking is not an issue since Mama Teta won’t be watching the movie, being too busy selling mape, hopefully the whole lot. That is the goal tonight. The car is parked next to the headphones, and Materena reaches for her pandanus bag out of the back.

  Mama Teta snatches Materena’s hands off the bag. “You can’t go selling the mape right now, girl!” She explains that they have to wait for the movie to start, for the lights to be switched off. The selling can only take place in the dark.

  “Mama Teta,” Materena says, “when people are watching a movie, they don’t want somebody annoying them with mape. Now is the best time.”

  But Mama Teta insists that the operation be carried out in darkness. Well, not really in total darkness, since there will be a little bit of light coming from the screen, but it won’t be as bright as it is now.

  “There’s a security guard, girl,” Mama Teta says. “He’s mean, he patrols with a flashlight and a baton. He used to be in the army.” Then, almost whispering, she continues, “If he catches you . . .”

  A story follows, a story about the mean security guard catching a woman, a good, innocent woman selling mape to the people inside the cars watching the movie, because she was poor and she needed the money to feed her children. And the good woman begged the security guard to close his eyes on her illegal act, but he took her with his baton and his flashlight into his office for interrogation. He interrogated her, although she had already confessed, then he called the gendarmerie and two gendarmes arrived in their police car with the siren and took the good, innocent woman into their office for interrogation. They interrogated her, then they took her fingerprints, and that meant she got a criminal record.

  Materena sighs. She’s getting Mama Teta’s message, all right, which is: You don’t think you could, by any chance, sell the mape, all the mape, by yourself? The fact is that Mama Teta is afraid of gendarmes, everybody in the Mahi family knows this.

  “Mama Teta, I’m going to do the selling, you just stay in the car,” Materena says.

  “Non, I’m going to do the selling too . . . but my legs . . . aue, they hurt a little tonight, I don’t know why.” Mama Teta puts a hand on Materena’s hand. “It’s okay with you if you sell the mape . . . all the mape? I’m not forcing you.”

  “Of course it’s okay,” Materena replies. “I’m not really here to watch the movie.”

  As soon as the movie begins, Materena is off on her mission to sell sixty packets of mape.

  Materena walks past the cars, her eyes looking for people of her age because, in her opinion, people of her age have a conscience about the church. Well, she doesn’t see many young people at the church on Sundays, but people of her age, ah yes, lots. Materena looks for those people and at the same time follows the movie—without sound. The actor is so handsome and the actress is so beautiful. Right now, the actor and the actress don’t know that they’re going to fall in love with each other. They’re too busy arguing. Materena can’t hear what they’re saying but she can see by their faces that they don’t like each other and that they’re arguing. But soon, they’re not going to want to argue. Soon, they’re going to want to be in love.

  Okay, time to sell some mape.

  She stops at a car to ask an old woman if she would like some mape. “It’s to raise money for the St. Joseph Church,” she explains. The old woman wants to see the official paper signed by the priest, and the church’s official church stamp must be on that official paper. “How do I know you’re not lying?” she asks.

  “Pardon?” Materena says. But some people! she thinks.

  The old woman goes on about how she’s had lots of people asking her for money for the church and the money is not even for the church, it’s for them.

  “Well, the priest didn’t give me any papers,” Materena says.

  Well, no official paper means no mape.

  “Okay, thank you,” Materena says.

  In the movie, the actor and the actress are now smiling at each other. Eh, eh, Materena thinks, they’re falling in love!

  “Mape? Delicious mape cooked today.”

  Materena sells two packets and moves on to other people of her age. “Mape? Delicious mape cooked today.”

  Materena sells one packet.

  “Mape? Delicious mape cooked today.”

  The woman in the car asks if the mape are hard, she says that she likes her mape hard and not soggy, she can’t eat soggy mape.

  “The mape are very hard,” Materena says. “We don’t sell soggy mape.” She sells five packets.

  One packet.

  Two packets.

  A young Frenchwoman is now asking Materena what mape is.

  “It’s very delicious,” Materena says.

  “But what is it?” The Frenchwoman turns the light in the car on and asks to see the mape. Materena passes her a packet and glances at the man sitting in the driver’s seat looking bored. The Frenchwoman looks at the mape, then she prods the mape, then she tries to squash it.

  “Is it a vegetable? A fruit?” she asks.

  “The mape tree is very tall, it takes years to grow,” Materena says.

  “Oh, that’s very interesting, but is it a vegetable or a fruit?”

  “It’s a fruit.”

  “And is it in its natural state?” the Frenchwoman asks.

  “Eh?”

  “Did you pick the fruit off the tree and put it straight in a packet?”

  “You have to cook it.”

  “How long did the process of cooking take?”

  “Natalie!” This is her man speaking. “Just give that woman her money and get a packet of whatever it is called.” But the woman says that she wants to know what she is eating because she’s wary of food poisoning.

  “You must always know what you are eating, Louis,” she says. “Do you recall our holiday in Germany when you were ill? Do you recall the mushrooms? One can never be
too cautious about poisonous —”

  “Our mape is not poisonous,” Materena interrupts. “We’ve been eating mape for hundreds of years. If mape were poisonous, there’d be no Tahitians left in Tahiti today and I wouldn’t be selling you mape right this moment to raise money for the church.”

  “Oh, it’s for the church, I’m sorry.” The Frenchwoman hurries to get a banknote from her bag. “I admire you.”

  She gives Materena the money and Materena gives the woman the packet of mape she prodded and tried to squash minutes before. And after saying, “Thank you very much for helping the St. Joseph Church,” Materena goes on with her mission.

  She has a lot of luck tonight selling mape. It seems everybody wants to eat mape. Nobody wants to get out of the car and walk to the snack. If only she’d brought along some drinks to sell too. But suddenly, a flashlight illuminates Materena and a man is walking toward her.

  Hei! It’s the bloody security guard! Materena shrieks to herself. She runs this way and she runs that way, she runs in front of Mama Teta’s car and sees Mama Teta watching the movie and enjoying her popcorn. That Mama Teta! Materena thinks. Her legs must have got miraculously better in the last twenty minutes for her to run to the snack!

  The security guard is getting closer and closer, and poor Materena has got a stitch. Her legs can’t take it anymore. She’s slowing down, actually, she’s going to have to stop and give herself up.

  “Halt!” The security guard yells.

  Materena has got to do something about the evidence real quick because when there’s no evidence, there’s no crime. She’s learned that rule watching a detective movie once.

  Okay, the mape have been discarded under a truck and now Materena can start running again. But here, she recognizes Hotu’s car five spaces up. Saved!

  She didn’t know Leilani and Hotu watched movies at the drive-in cinema. She thought they only watched movies at the Cinéma Concorde in town. Well anyway, they’re here tonight.

  Ah hia, here’s the security guard! Better start running!

  Materena starts to run toward the BMW with the intention to sneak in and hide, but . . . just a minute . . . Yes, that’s Hotu at the wheel, and he’s kissing the woman sitting on the other seat. But that woman Hotu is kissing has got very, very short hair. Materena’s daughter has very, very long hair. What’s going on around here? Materena is so shocked she stops running. Her heart is going boum, boum, boum. She can’t believe her eyes.

  Aue . . .

  But what should Materena do now? Should she go and tell Hotu off? It’s not really her onions what Hotu does when he’s not with Leilani . . . or is it? Like father, like son! Eh, eh, my Leilani, eh, Materena thinks. They’re still kissing, Hotu and that woman, and now he’s taking her top off and now he’s licking that woman’s breasts!

  Aue! Is this what happens when a couple spends too much time together? Materena wonders. The man gets bored? He needs a change? Since they’ve met, Hotu can’t go anywhere without Leilani following, and vice versa. They’re always in each other’s shadow, those two, and Rose is always telling her cousin how lucky she is to be with the man she loves, unlike Rose, who hasn’t seen her Australian husband, also the father of the baby inside her belly, for five months.

  And here is Hotu now in flagrant délit. Materena is so confused. The last time she spoke to Leilani and Hotu’s neighbor (alias Materena’s spy), she said it was still the big love on top of the hill.

  Last time she spoke to Leilani on the telephone, which was yesterday, Leilani talked about her new favorite subject: Dr. Bernard (Hotu often jokes that luckily Dr. Bernard is sixty-five years old, otherwise he’d be jealous). “Dr. Bernard is my hero,” Leilani said yesterday. There was not a word about Hotu playing around, but then again Leilani wouldn’t know . . .

  A hand grabs Materena’s wrist, making her stop thinking and jump with fright. Ah, it’s only the security guard. He’s saying how he’s seen Materena selling mape and how it’s against the law to sell anything at the drive-in cinema. There’s a snack for people when they want to eat. The security guard wants Materena to follow him into the office, but Materena is not going anywhere and right now she really doesn’t care that she broke the law, right now she’s more concerned about what her son-in-law is doing behind her daughter’s back.

  “Eh,” Materena says to the security guard, “let go of my wrist . . . See that couple there? In the BMW? Switch your flashlight off.” The security guard, still holding Materena by the wrist, looks up, and now he’s chuckling away. He lets go of Materena’s wrist and switches his flashlight off. And now both Materena and the security guard are watching the couple half-illuminated by the light from the screen. And what are they up to, Hotu and his mistress?

  Ah . . . the mistress has flattened her seat and Hotu is . . . well, he gets on top of his mistress and . . . one of the mistress’s legs is out of the window and . . . the other leg goes on top of the wheel . . . and . . . well, now the mistress’s legs are around Hotu, and her arms are around Hotu too . . . and Materena glances at the security guard and it looks to her as if he’s getting a bit too close. She takes a step to the side.

  The security guard also takes a step to the side.

  Meanwhile, in the BMW . . . Oh, la-la, it’s the full passion. Hotu and his mistress are kissing as if tonight was their last night together. Now what is that security guard trying to do? Materena just felt his hand on her back. Is he crazy? She takes another step to the side.

  The security guard also takes another step to the side.

  Meanwhile, in the BMW . . . Ah, finished already? That didn’t take long . . . The mistress is now putting her top back on and Hotu is doing his pants up.

  And what is that security guard doing?

  Well, he’s trying to kiss Materena on the cheek. “Eh!” She shrieks. “Are you crazy?”

  She takes another step to the side, and the security guard follows, all the while going on about how Materena has lured him here to watch that couple and so it must mean she’s interested.

  What? Materena can’t believe her ears. But! Is this all men think about? And he’s getting a bit desperate, the security guard. He wants his kiss. Materena has to slap him across the face to bring him back to reality. She also has to make a quick dash to the BMW, and before you know it, she’s in the car on the backseat, surprising Hotu and that woman, who turns around.

  “Chérie!” Materena exclaims, all happy and relieved to see her darling sweet daughter. “You had a haircut today?”

  “Mamie!” the daughter also exclaims, hurrying to grab her deodorant out of her bag. “What are you doing here?” Leilani goes on madly spraying her deodorant around. “What are you doing here at the drive-in cinema?”

  Eyeing the security guard, who’s looking a bit stunned now, Materena explains the situation, that she was helping Mama Teta sell mape to raise money for the church.

  “Ah,” Leilani says seriously, “that’s very nice of you to do that.”

  “Ah oui,” Hotu confirms, cackling, “that’s really nice of you.”

  There’s an awkward silence now in the BMW and Materena guesses that her daughter and the boyfriend are thinking, Did she see us? Materena understands. It’s embarrassing being caught doing sexy loving by your mother. Materena was caught by Loana twice in her life with Pito. She didn’t know what else to say but, “Eh, Mamie!”

  “Eh, Mamie,” Leilani says, pinching Hotu’s leg to make him stop cackling, “otherwise, did you sell a lot of mape tonight?”

  Rose’s Baby

  The story on the coconut radio is that it’s so nice Rose’s Australian husband stays at the house to look after the baby because some men, even if they don’t have a job, you’re not going to see them at the house looking after the baby. You’re going to see them by the side of the road looking after their drink and their mates. Ah, true, many relatives are saying. It’s so nice for Rose’s daughter she is in the hands of her father, who can’t get a work visa, and not in the
hands of the nounou. Eh hia, what a lucky baby girl Taina-Duke Johnson is, even if her father lets her cry for hours.

  That’s why Tapeta visits her granddaughter every day straight after work. She visits to see that all is fine, that her granddaughter has got diapers and that there’s milk powder left in the can and that she’s not crying her eyes out.

  Rose’s Australian husband never minds Tapeta visiting. The moment he sees Tapeta arrive he smiles. He kisses Tapeta on the cheeks, he asks her if she’s fine, he asks her if she’d like a coffee, a cookie, and then he asks her if she’s staying for a while. If she’s staying for a while, like a couple of hours, he asks her if she could look after the baby while he goes for a quick surf. And Tapeta always says, “Of course I don’t mind. Go.” Tapeta much prefers to be alone with her granddaughter anyway. That way she can carry her like she wants.

  Tapeta is visiting now, expecting to find Matt reading his English books in the living room with the baby locked in the bedroom, crying her eyes out. But the front door is closed.

  “Matt, iti e!” Tapeta calls out. “Are you in the house?”

  No answer.

  Tapeta calls out again until the neighbor appears. Some people came in a Toyota, she informs Tapeta, and there were surfboards on the roof of the car and they tooted the horn, they shouted out the window. They shouted in English, so the neighbor can’t say what these people shouted. But Rose’s husband came out of the house running, and then he talked to the people in the car for three seconds, and then he ran back inside the house and then he ran back outside with his surfboard, and then he put his surfboard on the roof.

  “And the baby?” Tapeta interrupts. “My granddaughter?”

  “Ah, the baby? Yes, the baby went in the car too with her papi. And yes, the baby was crying her eyes out.”

  Tapeta thanks the neighbor and walks home, thinking. Thinking that Matt is going to leave the baby in the car because he’s a man and he’s got nothing in the coconut and he wants to please himself.

  Thinking that he’s going to ask a woman sunbaking on the beach to mind his daughter and the woman is going to say okay because she’s going to succumb to Matt’s spell—the blond hair, the American face. Or maybe the woman is going to say yes because she’s a very nice woman, but what if she says yes because she’s got plans to steal that baby because she can’t have a baby and that baby is so cute?