“Bye, Roman.”
Okay.
I didn’t even know how to react to this.
How was I supposed to react to this?
As I got dressed, I wanted to reiterate to her that I hadn’t done anything wrong, but I kept it to myself. Simone followed me to the door, and when she grabbed my hand as I was about to head down the hall, I hoped it was an effort to clear some of the tension with a kiss. She gave me the sweetest smile as she reached up to cup my face, then looked me right in the eyes and said, “Don’t come back until that bitch is out of your apartment,” then closed the door in my face with a resounding thump.
Shit.
So… maybe I needed to rethink this. I pushed my ear buds into my ears and hit shuffle on my playlist. The first thing that came up was Jay-Z’s 99 Problems. Nope. Wrong thing to listen to. I skipped it, and the next thing was Kanye West’s Heartless. That was a little melodramatic, but okay. I could roll with it. Leaving Simone’s building, I stuffed my hands into my pockets as I made the short trip back to my apartment.
As I walked, I tossed the situation around in my head, trying to figure out how I had gotten from where I was seven months ago — a happy, innocuous Leah, and more importantly, a happy Simone — to a pissed-off girlfriend and a live-in seductress. Things with Simone were expected to change. We were supposed to grow closer, fall in love, and so on. Whatever was happening with Leah, on the other hand… hmm.
I thought back to the conversation with Leah, right before the miscarriage. That had been the first of the “what happened to us” conversations that I found… honestly weird as hell. But I chalked it up to Leah being Leah, searching out a way to fix stuff that didn’t even really need to be fixed. I still considered her a friend because we had history, but the only thing really keeping me tied to her was Zahra, and I preferred it that way.
And really, I didn’t get why Leah was all of a sudden so uptight about the state of our friendship. She seemed just fine with the pleasantly distant state of our friendship for the entire five years that we co-parented Zahra. She did her thing, and I did mine, we just made sure everything meshed well enough that Zahra was covered.
Until she moved in.
Then we were actually kicking it like friends again. I got used to it, and I didn't mind it until Simone came along, and I didn't have the freedom to pursue her like I normally may have. I would never consider my responsibility to Zahra a problem, but I was used to a set schedule, alternating weeks and weekends. It didn't escape me that if I were married to, or actually with the mother of my child, I would have the same lack of "free" time, but the difference would be the woman waiting at home was the one I actually wanted to be around.
In any case, if I’d grown comfortable with the living arrangement, so had Leah. We had redeveloped our friendship, so it wasn’t implausible that once Simone came into the picture, Leah felt a little abandoned. It didn’t automatically mean she was trying to “take” me… unless it did.
I frowned as I used my key card to get into my building. It was time to think about this another way. Simone saw something I definitely didn't, so I tried to imagine how it looked from her point of view. The texts, the miscarriage comments, the “misunderstood” invite for Zahra’s birthday, and then the whole drunk in my bed thing…damn. When I thought about all of it together, the shit was suspect.
That realization shed a whole new light on the last few months of living with Leah. Yeah, she’d been totally cool with Simone at first, even encouraged it, but now, if I brought her up, it was an immediate change in subject. Leah would give me flack about the time Simone and I spent together, even though I made sure she got an equal amount of time to spend with Justin and I never complained about her running off to be with him, because I didn’t give a shit. What had really been grinding on my nerves was the increasing frequency of her little subtle hints that she wasn’t very fond of Simone being around Zahra. I didn’t understand the change. It was as if the closer I got to Simone, the more Leah was acting out, like a stingy little kid with a cookie.
Wait.
Holy shit.
I cringed as I pushed my key into the lock, remembering I’d used that same analogy to explain my ambivalence for Carter to Simone. I didn’t want someone else horning in on what I had, and if I had to flex, just a little to get the point across…
Wait.
Holy shit.
That’s what Leah’s ass was doing. Flexing — no, sabotaging — but to what end? What did she hope to gain? She knew as well as I did that a romantic relationship was out of the question. The only time we weren’t at each other’s throats during the entire two month span of our relationship was when we were having sex. We weren’t even together anymore when she found out about the pregnancy, and hadn’t been since. Leah seemed perfectly happy with Justin, so… what the hell did she want from me?
When I entered my apartment, it came as no surprise that Leah was at the counter, laptop open. I closed the door, but didn’t move away, pressing my back into it as I waited for her to stop typing and look up, but she didn’t seem to be in any hurry. I took out my phone and pulled up my text messages to read aloud the one she’d sent.
“Roman… I just want to reiterate how sorry I am about the night of Zahra’s birthday. We were both pretty drunk, which will never happen again. Are you gonna tell her what happened? I mean, like I said, we were drunk… I don’t think you should worry about it. What does she gain by knowing I ended up in your bed?”
Her eyes shifted to the keyboard. Even though she wasn’t looking at me, I had her attention. Pushing away from the door, I walked into the kitchen to stand across from her at the counter. “Leah… what the hell is going on here?”
“What are you talking about?” She still didn’t look up.
“I’m talking about you sending me this text while I was with Simone. I’d just left the apartment, you could have said it to me then. The schedule is pinned to the refrigerator— you knew I was coming back tonight, you could have waited. Instead, you send it to me while I’m with my girl, and surprise surprise, she saw it.”
Leah let out a puff of air through her nose. “Like that’s my fault? I texted you, not her.”
“Bullshit, Leah. I think that text reached exactly who you wanted it to.”
“How would I know Simone would see it?”
“Well, considering I’ve mentioned to you before that Simone checks my phone all the time— a habit I got her started on, to prove I didn’t have shit to hide, specifically in regards to you. We’ve talked about her seeing less-than-appropriate texts from you before, Leah, and I asked you to chill with that. Saying it via text or period. So what do you do? Wait until I’m with Simone to text me about this bullshit from two weeks ago like we haven’t already talked it to death!”
Finally, she looked up, and had the audacity to look angry. The fuck was she mad about?
“So if I did do it on purpose… now what? What do you want from me, Roman?”
I scoffed. “What do I want from you? Are you kidding? I want the only damned thing I’ve ever wanted from you Leah— be a good mother to our child. You’re the one bringing in all of this extra bullshit out of nowhere! What do I want from you. How about you tell me what you want from me.”
“I don’t know!” She raised her voice dangerously close to a yell, and I lifted an eyebrow, nodding in the direction of Zahra’s room. “I don’t know,” Leah repeated, her voice lowered.
“So you’re telling me you’ve got my girlfriend ready to break up with me, and probably kick your ass, and you don’t even know why you’re doing it? Stop playing, Leah. I’m not buying that you don’t know your motivation, I mean… do you call yourself wanting us to get back together?”
Leah sucked her teeth. “Hell no. It’s not like that. I don’t want you like that.”
“Then…?”
“I. Don’t. Know,” she reiterated, suddenly sounding almost… defeated. “I swear, I don’t know.” Her voice cracke
d, and all of her defiance melted away as tears sprang to her eyes. “I’m… I’m sorry. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, and I don’t know where it’s coming from. I just know I felt like something was being taken from me, and it’s… it’s like, I had to do something about it. The night of Zahra’s birthday, that wasn’t a plan, I swear to you. I love Justin, you know that. Everything else though… I admit I was trying to drive a wedge, and I don’t know why. I knew it was wrong, and I did it anyway, like… it was like I couldn’t help it.”
I believed her, but that didn’t make it good enough. Crossing my arms, I gave a heavy sigh. “So… that’s it? That’s the best you can do, after admitting you were purposely trying to get between me and Simone? You “couldn’t help it”? Nah, Leah. I need a better explanation.”
“I can’t give you something I don’t have, Roman.”
I scowled. “Figure something out then! You're smart enough to disrupt some shit, but can’t say why? That’s bullshit, Leah. Try again.”
“Roman—”
“Try again.”
“Fine! She was breaking up my family, and I wanted her out of the way.” Leah pressed her lips into a flat line as her hands bunched into fists over the keyboard.
I jerked my head back, catching myself before I let out a bark of laughter. That response wasn’t helpful. Instead, I chose my words carefully. “Leah… we aren’t that kind of family. You had a boyfriend before Simone ever came into the picture.”
“I know.” Her shoulders hunched, and her gaze dropped, unseeing, to the screen of her computer. “But it doesn’t change how it feels, Roman. Yes, we’ve had this conversation countless times. My head gets it. My heart… doesn’t get it. And I’m not saying I’m in love with you or something, I’m saying that for those five months I was here before you and Simone got really close, I felt like I came home to my family at night. My romantic needs were met with Justin, but this ,” — she waved her hand at the open space in the apartment— “ felt like home, until… it didn’t. You and Simone moved fast, so it happened suddenly, and it’s hard to reconcile, Rome.”
I thumbed my ear as I shook my head. “So that’s your excuse? A hard time adjusting?”
“I’m not making any excuses. You asked for an explanation… there it is.” She clasped her hands, propping her chin on them as her elbows rested on the counter. “Obviously… this is the end of any remnants of a friendship. And that’s probably for the best, you know? I’m moving, we’ll be out of each other’s way, except for what we need to do for Zahra.”
I huffed. “Agreed. And we aren’t gonna have any problems with that are we?”
Leah’s mouth slacked, and she flinched. “Seriously, Roman? Do you really think I’d ever try to keep her from you?”
“I don’t know, Leah. Before you did this shit, I never would have thought it, but… here we are.”
She lifted her palms, then dropped them back down to the counter. “Fair enough.”
With my jaw still clenched, I scrubbed a hand over my face, then turned to leave the kitchen. I was at my door when Leah spoke up again.
“Roman.” When I turned to her, she was still seated, but facing me, hands clutched in her lap. She had to force herself to meet my eyes, and her voice was trembling. “For what it’s worth, I truly am sorry.”
“Okay, Leah.”
“I’m serious. I was wrong, and I was selfish.”
I gave a half-hearted shrug. “Just make sure nothing happens with you moving into your place. Two weeks.” Then I turned and went into my room, closing the door behind me.
Are we back to this again? Really?
My eyes welled with tears as I stared at the damned security gate covering my store. Halfway up, halfway down.
Kinda like my life.
I swallowed hard, trying my best to keep the tears at bay. Of course, today of all days, after I’d all but broken up with Roman the night before, the gate wanted to malfunction again, after working beautifully for months. I guessed that maybe everything in my life was supposed to fall apart this month. Lost my best friend for the second time, the man I loved was apparently absent of common sense, my “fat” jeans were squeezing the life out of me, and now, I couldn’t even get into my own business, after waking up feeling like shit this morning.
With a long, low sigh, I stepped up to the gate, weaving my fingers into the metal as I rested my head on the cool, laser-cut surface. I looked at the ground, watching the moisture spread across the sidewalk as tears dripped down my face.
“Looks like you could use some help.”
My heart surged, then sank when I realized the male voice behind me belonged to Carter, not Roman. Not that I wanted to see — wait, who was I kidding? Of course I wanted to see Roman, but I’d told him pretty explicitly to stay away. Was that even the right thing to do? What if right now, instead of feeling as sick to his stomach as I did, Roman was…
Damn.
I burst into sobs, and I felt Carter move closer, then his arm was around me, hugging me tight. The gate creaked as he pushed it up, and he pulled the key from my hand and opened the door, pulling me inside the shop. I kept crying. All of the tears I hadn’t shed the night before because I was too angry came spilling out, and Carter kept me held close.
“If I didn’t know any better… I would think you’re having a bad day,” Carter said, when my tears finally subsided. “What’s going on?” Slowly, despite my little pity party, a smile spread across my face.
I pulled away from him so I could see his face, and as always, Carter looked good. He was hat free, and his locs were freshly twisted and pulled away from his handsome face. Very, very briefly, the petty little thought struck that maybe I should have gone with him, instead of Roman and his Leah-print baggage. The part of me that loved the hell out of Roman bucked up against that so fast it gave me a headache.
“Nothing… just… personal stuff,” I said, drying my face with my hands before I turned my back to him to fix a display.
“Personal stuff, meaning… Roman did something.”
“And why would you assume that?”
“Well… last time I saw you this upset, he did it. So… I think it’s a pretty safe assumption to make.” Carter leaned against my front counter while I began my morning ritual in the store, checking the flowers for wilting, dead leaves and so on, trying to pretend I hadn’t had an emotional breakdown in front of him. “So tell me what’s up with Vivienne, since you don’t wanna talk about you.”
I chuckled a little at the attempt to break the ice, even though I still felt like crap. “What do you mean what’s up with Viv?”
“You know what I mean. What’s up with Vivienne?”
“If you’re asking if she’s single now, the answer is yes, but it looks like you have some competition.” I nodded toward the front windows, where Viv was walking past with one of the artists from Eddie’s tattoo parlor, looking quite cozy.
Carter sucked his teeth, shaking his head as he looked back at me. “Okay, so… since Viv is currently occupied… back to you. What’s going on?”
“Carter… I’m not about to talk to you about my love life.”
He jerked his head back. “Why not? I’m a great listener, I give good advice…”
“And you’ve also tried to push up on me, and made it no secret you would swoop into Roman’s place if you had the opportunity.”
“Are you saying I have the opportunity?”
“No.”
Carter leaned forward, meeting my eyes. “So then what’s the problem?”
I considered it. Over the past months, Carter really had proven himself to be a friend.
“Okay,” I said, tipping my head back to look at the ceiling before I returned my gaze to him. “But… this is all entirely hypothetical, okay?”
Carter laughed, then nodded. “Okay.”
He wasn’t lying about being a good listener. For the next few minutes, he listened to me give a quick, sanitized run-through of everything tha
t had occurred in the weird little threesome between me, Roman, and Leah. When I was done, he shoved his hands in his pockets, letting out a low whistle.
“That’s…. that’s a tough situation,” he agreed, a slight frown marring his face. “I mean, we all knew Roman had a little girl, she’s around a lot. I’ve even seen the three of them together, met Leah… she didn’t give the vibe that she was into Roman like that. She was actually shooting me “the look” if you know what I mean, but I couldn’t do anything about it. You know… crossing lines, and all of that. Anyway…He’s even brought Zahra in with him to get his hair cut before, so I know he wasn’t trying to keep her a secret.”
“Zahra isn’t a problem, by any means. It’s her mother.” I’d glossed over the fact that she’d tried to get Roman drunk and seduce him, but there was enough other stuff — to me, at least — for Carter to get the picture. “I wish Roman would… I don’t know, be a little more firm with her… hypothetically.”
Carter pursed his lips like he was considering something, then shrugged. “I don’t know. Hypothetically, you may have to look at this from his point of view, you know? He’s trapped between doing what’s right for the relationship with you, and doing what’s right for the relationship with his child’s mother, which is directly related to the relationship with his child. I can see why he would be hesitant to really go too hard on her. I mean… kids are perceptive. He probably doesn’t want Zahra picking up on any conflict, so he tries to be diplomatic. Maybe a little too diplomatic sometimes, but I’ve known him for years, that’s just Roman. But… you’re dating a man with a kid, who actually parents the kid, so… sometimes, when it comes to that relationship, you’re gonna get the short end of the stick. But really… would you even want him if he was out here talking grimy to his kid’s mom, kicking her out on the street, giving you all of his time instead of being with her? Be for real.”
I bit the inside of my cheek, while resting against the glass display. “Probably not,” I admitted, sighing. The amount of love, care, and attention Roman gave Zahra was part of why I loved him. And… as much as I despised her right now, I understood that a good relationship with Leah really was part of caring for his child.
A Crazy Little Thing Called Love (Serendipitous Love Book 1) Page 16
