Letting Go (Another Falls Creek Romance Book 3)

by SF Benson

  “Give up, Marcus?” she asked, her voice muffled and dangerous through her close-fitting helmet.

  “Only for a kiss, sweet Cordelia,” I husked.

  She removed the weapon along with the helmet, her dark hair toppling from it. Cordelia ran a hand through the tangles before offering it to me. As soon as I was on my feet, I pulled her close. My lips crashed against hers in a passionate kiss.

  Kissing Cordelia was my second favorite activity—right after fucking her. Her lips were as sweet as ripe damson plums. After a few minutes, Cordelia’s palms landed on my breastplate and pushed me away.

  Grabbing at her wrist, I asked, “What’s the problem?”

  “We could get caught.” Her voice lowered. “Which would be bad for both of us.”

  “Let them catch us.” I dropped her arm. “We’re doing nothing wrong.”

  Cordelia sheathed the sword. “Marcus, you’re a Guard. You’re not supposed to be training me.”

  “And you’re the daughter of a blacksmith,” I shot back at her. “You shouldn’t be training in the first place.”

  A sly smile slid across her pretty face. “Do you have a problem with me fighting?”

  “Hell no. I like that you can take care of yourself.” My gaze swept over her athletic body. “You know I won’t always be here to save you.”

  She elbowed my ribs. “I don’t need you to save me.”

  I cupped her cheek and stroked her sun-kissed skin. “We all need saving sooner or later.”

  “Why are you here?”

  The rough voice cuts through my memories like the edge of a pugio. Glancing up, I see Antoinette staring at me.

  Stalling for time, I clear my throat. “I could feel something was wrong.”

  Antoinette moans loudly and pushes her good hand through her hair. “Why won’t people let me die?”

  “Why do you want to die so badly?” I tap my fingers against the chair arm. “There’s nothing great about the afterlife.”

  Her eyes widen, and her mouth slackens. “When I asked before, you wouldn’t tell me. What are you?”

  “Why does it matter?”

  “Ab-Abby’s family is a founding family.” Antoinette’s voice breaks. It takes her a moment to compose herself before she continues. “She wasn’t supposed to tell Marie and me, but hey, little kids talk. We’ve known about the presence of supernaturals in Falls Creek since second grade. I didn’t believe until you.”

  According to the pact made centuries ago, the founding families are forbidden from sharing their knowledge with other humans. I’m sure the girls haven’t communicated the information to anyone else. Council would have heard about it if they had. But I do wonder how many other chatty kids are out there educating others. An innocent, but potentially disastrous action which could nullify the long-standing agreement.

  “I’ll answer your question if you answer mine.”

  Antoinette nods. “You first.”

  “I’m a wraith—an apparition.”

  Disbelief and wariness mix in her gaze before it flicks to the ceiling. “A fancy way of calling yourself a ghost, don’t you think?”

  “Perhaps. But a ghost gets a chance to redeem itself. A wraith is punishment for misdeeds.” I exhale loudly. “Your turn. Why do you want to die so badly?”

  “Because I have nothing left to live for.”

  Is she serious? I saw her time line. Death isn’t calling her name. “Not true. People would miss you if you died.”

  “Only my parents,” she mumbles. “The person who should miss me wouldn’t.”

  “And who is that?” Although I shouldn’t care, I do. A beautiful woman like Antoinette must have a boyfriend.

  “My ex. He showed me how much he cared by dumping me today.”

  Despair hits me like a ton of bricks. It takes every ounce of strength I possess to hold onto my pattern. Antoinette’s anguish makes me think of Cordelia. When I denied knowing my love, I did it to save my ass. Back then, I didn’t consider it. Now I’m wondering if my inaction broke her heart.

  “He left you when you needed him most.” The words tumble from my mouth unbidden.

  “Yes,” Antoinette confirms.

  “He turned his back on you even though he said he loved you.” Whether that’s what happened between her and this boy doesn’t matter. I could easily relate, and the centuries’ old guilt plagues me like mentagra in a whore house. Much like the abhorrent disease spread by kissing, I can’t shake the sensation.

  Antoinette says, “Yeah. It’s stupid because I was thinking of doing the same thing to him.” Clearing her throat, she continues, “All he had to do was show me that he cared. I would have forgiven his flaws. I wouldn’t have called it quits.”

  Her words cut me deep. It’s as if Cordelia said them herself. Hanging my head, I feel like a world-class heel. My shame surrounds me as the picture becomes abundantly clear. Antoinette’s former boyfriend is guilty of betrayal, just like I am. His act of treason bordered on life-and-death proportions. If Antoinette had been discharged when he dumped her, the woman would be dead.

  As much as it pains me, I say, “No man is worth taking your life over. Please understand that.”

  “If you only knew, you wouldn’t say that,” she replies.

  My head rocks up. “I understand better than you think, Antoinette. Get some rest. I’ll be here when you wake.”

  Her gaze jerks toward the door.

  “Don’t worry. I’ll tell whoever walks in I’m a friend of the family.”

  After a few hours, when I’m certain she’s asleep, I slip out of Antoinette’s room and leave the hospital. Our conversation weighs heavily on my mind. All I can think of is the last pitiful moments I spent in Cordelia’s presence.

  Brutus Carius and Octavius Tibertinus, two friends and members of the Praetorian Guard, drag Cordelia into the room and dumped her at the feet of Augustus. The Prefect, Afranius Burrus, rushed in behind them.

  “What is the meaning of this?” the Emperor barked, looking down upon Cordelia.

  “A possible traitor, sir,” Burrus said.

  “Forgive me, sir,” Octavius interrupted. “I think there’s been a mistake.”

  Cordelia’s gaze landed on me. Suddenly, my breast plate felt too snug. Something sucked the air out of the room, leaving me short of breath.

  “What mistake?” Burrus demanded.

  Octavius glanced at me before speaking. “Marcus, do you not know this woman? I’m sure I’ve seen you together.”

  Admission of knowing Cordelia would have cost me my position and possibly my life. But denying her meant her life. Denying her meant rejecting every emotion I had for her. But love didn’t matter. Saving my own wretched neck outweighed my affection. I pushed past the fractures sketching across my heart and placed conviction in my tone.

  “No. You’re mistaken. I’ve never seen this woman before.”

  Cordelia didn’t say a word, but she didn’t have to. The tears streaming down her cheeks spoke volumes.

  The Emperor studied the woman kneeling in front of him before turning to Burrus. “One question. Where did you find her?”

  “There was a group of rebels speaking in the Forum, Emperor.” He glanced at my fellow Guards. “We broke through the crowd and found her passing out parchments.”

  Ever since the stabbing death of Julius Caesar, Augustus’s great-uncle, any action or word against the Principate was seen as treason. There would be no leniency for Cordelia. She knew it, and so did I. Standing my ground at Augustus’s side was the hardest thing I’d ever done.

  I never saw her again. Cordelia was executed at dawn the next day.

  Maybe this whole damned predicament is some sort of punishment for my despicable behavior. For years, I’ve presumed my failure to cross over was tied to my misdeed. Whatever it might mean, I only know one thing. Another woman will not lose her life because of my failure to act.

  It’s time for me to relinquish my selfish nature, but I can’t do it al
one. I’ll need Cherina’s help for what’s required.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Uraeleus

  Disbelief shines in Cherina’s unblinking, dark eyes. We’ve been bickering back and forth for the past hour. I don’t think it’s the request bothering her. Most likely it’s the fact it came from me. The entire time we’ve been friends I’ve never asked anything of Cherina—nothing on this grand scale anyway.

  She fingers the antique crystal wine glass before taking another long sip of the Merlot. Her eyebrows squish together, and her gaze goes distant. Unfortunately, there’s nothing I can do to lighten the confusion settling on her like a stack of bricks. If I could make sense of it myself, then maybe… Nope. There’s no explanation. Only facts telling me to act.

  “Marcus, do you realize how insane this is?” She reaches for the wine bottle and offers it to me. When I refuse, she refills her goblet. “What do you hope to achieve?”

  “To give Antoinette a fighting chance.” I weigh my words carefully. Last thing I need is for Cherina to think I’m obsessed with this human. “She’s determined to kill herself.”

  “Have you considered it might be for the best?”

  My hands instantly ball up.

  Cherina holds out her palm. “Just listen, please. You saved a life, but the girl doesn’t want this second chance. Why are you forcing it upon her?”

  Am I forcing her?

  Sorry, I don’t see it that way. What human truly wants to die? Yes, I’m aware people commit suicide on a daily basis. Personally, I believe those are desperate cries for help.

  “Antoinette needs a reason to live. She’s lost so much, including an asshole of a boyfriend.” If I ever cross paths with that jerk, he’ll answer to me.

  “And you’re thinking you can be her reason?” Cherina’s eyes narrow and her lips purse.

  “No.” I’ll never be anyone else’s reason to live again. “She needs someone who can watch over her. I can’t do it without a body.” My constant materialization is draining. Normally, it takes a few hours for me to recharge. If I behaved like a normal wraith, I’d feast on souls and would never be exhausted. But I swore I’d never take another life again.

  My friend moves her head side to side. “You’ve been watching over her without one. Why now?”

  Scrubbing a hand over my scruffy face, I exhale and recall the pain and agony I perceived earlier. Can’t quite forget the nausea either. “I sensed the bond I created. If I’m human again, even for a short time, the connection should break. Cherina, I experienced what Antoinette felt. I don’t want to go through it again.”

  I have my own loneliness and grief to deal with. Sharing Antoinette’s is too much.

  Cherina pushes away from the table and takes her glass to the sink. “How long do you expect to need a body?”

  Have we finally reached a point of agreement? “Until Antoinette recovers.”

  “Are you kidding me?” Cherina exclaims, turning toward me. “Marcus, her recovery could take months. Years even.”

  “No.” I’m fairly certain Antoinette won’t need me that long. “She doesn’t need me for a full recovery. Once I know she won’t have any more setbacks, I’ll give up the body and be on my way.”

  Cherina’s eyes widen. “On your way? Marcus, what are you planning?”

  I wave toward the chair. “Sit down, Cherina.”

  She leans against the counter, a dark expression crossing her face. “I don’t need to sit for you to tell me you’re leaving.”

  Wow. I guess my requesting to become human crossed the line for Cherina. She swore she’d never read my thoughts.

  “Yes, it did. You can’t come to me asking for far-fetched things and not expect consequences.” Her gaze flicks toward the ceiling. “Please tell me why you’re leaving.”

  “It’s time, Cherina.” I lean back on the wooden chair and let my hands rest on the table. “I’ve been in Falls Creek for fifty years. Things have changed a lot during that time, not all of it good.”

  “You’re talking about Luc,” she says flatly.

  I nod. “But he’s not the only reason. Besides, he hasn’t been here that long.”

  Cherina looks at me with watery, dark eyes. “What if I don’t want you to go?”

  “This isn’t about you, carissima. It’s what I have to do.” Ever since my death, I’ve avoided staying anywhere too long. Spending half a century in Falls Creek is the longest I’ve remained in any one place. I’ll miss Cherina’s company, but other than her, there’s no reason for me to be here.

  Really? What about Antoinette?

  Cherina sits and grasps my hand. Rubbing her thumb across the flesh I’m borrowing, she says, “Nonsense. I’m your only friend. Leave and who will you spend time with?”

  I offer her a weak smile. “I’m a wraith, Cherina. I don’t need anyone.”

  “Bull. We all need someone.”

  Hell. This isn’t going as I intended. Her reaction is why I wasn’t going to say anything about my plans. “Maybe I want a change of scenery.”

  “Then take a damned vacation,” she shouts. “I’ll go with you. We’ll take a few weeks and—”

  “Do what, Cherina?” I squeeze her hand. It’s so soft. “Listen, I appreciate your concern, but back to the reason I came here. Are you going to help me?”

  Her big brown eyes lift to mine. “You realize this won’t be easy?”

  “I imagine it won’t be.” I’ve been dead a long time. Like I said, things have changed.

  “You won’t be able to live the way you’ve been existing. Vagrancy is frowned upon,” she warns and drags her hand from mine. Instantly, I miss the warmth.

  “It doesn’t matter what you say. I won’t change my mind.”

  “You’ll need a place to live.” Cherina’s shoulders sag along with her pretty features. “I suppose you can stay with me. There’s a spare room upstairs.”

  “Sounds good.” Pushing to my feet, I walk around the table and pull her into my arms. “Thank you.”

  Cherina rests her cheek on my chest. “Take as long as you need, Marcus. It’s going to take you a moment to get used to being human again. In the meantime, can I ask a favor?”

  “Anything.” If this female will allow me to inhabit a human body for a time, I’ll do whatever she asks.

  “Rethink your decision.”

  Except that.

  I pull back and look down at her. “Cherina.”

  “Don’t you give me an excuse. I’m serious. I’ll grant your request, but I want you to think long and hard. I know you’ve never been completely honest with me about your life. If you’re going to be human, I require honesty. Let me see the real Marcus Antonius Uraeleus.”

  It’s a monumental request I’m not sure I can fulfill. My inability to have any type of relationship with anyone has kept me guarded, making this empty existence easier.

  It hasn’t erased the loneliness though.

  “Cherina, I don’t know if I can do what you ask,” I admit.

  Her arms wrap around my waist. It’s a nice feeling. Wait. I feel her arms. It just occurred to me I also felt Cherina’s hand on mine earlier.

  She smiles up at me. “Yes. I granted your request while we were talking.”

  Shit. Now I have to honor Cherina’s plea regardless of what I want.

  “So, how do we do this?” Dropping my arms, I step back.

  “Baby steps, Marcus. We’ll go out tomorrow and purchase clothing. For now, there are items in the spare room. You’ll also need a cell phone, but that can wait too. Tonight, enjoy being human.” Cherina walks past me.

  Her gently swaying hips wake up a part of my anatomy—dormant for a few millennia. I reach out and grasp Cherina by the elbow.

  “Marcus.” Her gaze lands on my hand before sliding over my body. Cherina’s lips part, and her voice comes in a whisper. “We’ve never… In all the years we’ve known each other.”

  “I know, but it wasn’t because I didn’t find you attractive.” Bei
ng able to maintain form for only a few hours at a time made it difficult. If it weren’t for that limitation, I would have shown my affection. Regularly. Endlessly. Tonight I’ll do what I’ve been wanting to do for years. I lean in, but Cherina turns her head.

  “Not like this,” she says, her hot breath fanning my ear.

  She offers me a slight yet unnecessary smile, and I drop my hand. Being dead for centuries hasn’t made me stupid. I’ve never forced myself upon a woman, and I’m not about to start. “Forgive me. I think I’ll shower and go to bed.”

  “Let me explain.” Cherina steps in front of me. “I don’t want to be anyone’s conquest, especially yours. You’re my best friend, Marcus. Sex would ruin what we have.”

  “No need to say any more. I get it.” The friend speech still hurts, no matter what time period.

  “It’s been a long time for you, Marcus, but I can’t replace Cordelia.”

  My head whips up. “What the fuck does this have to do with Cordelia?”

  Cherina folds her arms, drawing my eyes to her large breasts. Have they always been so big? “If you hadn’t betrayed her, would you have married her?”

  “I couldn’t. My station in life prevented it.” I step toward the door, needing to put some distance between us. “My father was a Senator, and I was a Praetorian Guard. Cordelia was the daughter of a blacksmith and a female gladiator. There’s no way we could have married, not without sacrifice. We would have had to leave Rome.”

  “I understand you never had a chance for a real life with her. You need someone to take her place, but it’s not me. I can’t be her.” Cherina pushes past me and saunters down the hall.

  “Where are you going?” I say to her back.

  “I need to make up your room.”

  The bottom step creaks as Cherina makes her way upstairs. My stomach growls and reminds me I have other needs to pursue. Welcome back to the human world.

  “Cherina,” I yell. “Take your time. I’m going out.”

  Suddenly, I have the taste for steak and maybe a whiskey—something I’ve been curious about for years.