Their eyes were on a level and she gazed into his as he drew closer to her, their lips only centimetres apart.
‘This is just another barrier you’re throwing up.’ He put a hand under her chin and forced her to look at him. ‘I know you want me, Jess. I can see it in your eyes.’
She stared at him, her eyes wild. ‘I don’t think it’s a good idea, Xander.’
He snorted and pushed himself up to standing, moving away from her. He’d never met anyone so wary about sleeping with him. Perhaps his damn reputation was getting in the way here? She seemed pretty hung up on how he ran his sex life.
‘Are you scared of me?’
The question seemed to shock her. Scrambling backwards onto the bed, she curled her arms around her drawn-up legs, staring at him, frowning hard. ‘Of course I’m not scared of you.’
‘Then what is it?’
‘I just don’t need any more complications in my life right now.’
‘Why does this need to be complicated?’
‘I’m not the sort of person that sleeps around for fun, Xander. It’s not my thing.’
‘How can having a night of hot, meaningless sex with me not be your “thing”?’ he said. ‘It seems to me you’re severely lacking something, because you’re clearly not happy.’
She frowned hard. ‘I don’t need sex to be happy.’
He threw her a scathing look.
‘I don’t,’ she said, giving herself away with the wobble in her voice.
‘So you’re totally fine without any affection, are you? Without allowing yourself the odd night of crazy, random fun, just for the hell of it?’
‘Yes.’ She tried to push her shoulders back and give it some front but she was obviously too tense to make it work and sank back into her crouch again.
She looked younger, smaller and more vulnerable like that and a sudden raging need to protect her came out of left field. He sat back down on the end of the bed so he wasn’t towering above her any more.
‘Why did you say you’re worried about disappointing me?’
She huffed out a sigh and shook her head. ‘Come on, Xander, you know what I’m talking about.’
Twisting onto his knees, he moved up the bed and slid into the space next to her, close enough to smell the heady scent of her perfume.
‘I’m not even remotely like the women you usually date.’
‘Perhaps that’s why I like you so much.’
‘You like me?’
‘Believe it or not, I like your company. You’re the most genuine, interesting, surprising person I’ve met in a long time. And correct me if I’m wrong, but I think you’ve got a thing for me, too, despite your misgivings,’ he said, flashing her a grin. He was being totally honest with her here and he hoped to God he hadn’t read the situation wrong.
He really wanted this thing between them to grow and develop. She was all he could think about at the moment and he wanted her. Badly.
The corner of her mouth twitched up into a smile. ‘Okay, I admit, I like being around you. You can be good fun when you’re not trying to trip me up with your massive ego.’
The little minx.
Before she could react, he moved towards her, pulling her arms from around her body and hooking one knee over her legs, while simultaneously trapping her wrists against the bed behind her—imprisoning her beneath him.
‘Maybe you should let go of that disabling control and do something crazy for once. Just for the hell of it,’ he murmured, gazing down at those captivating eyes of hers as he dipped his mouth towards her.
‘Wait. Xander.’
He paused midway to her lips and waited for her to finish her sentence, feeling her breath hot and sweet on his skin.
She screwed up her eyes, as if she had to pretend he wasn’t there in order to get the words out. ‘I don’t find it easy to orgasm. I’m too self-aware.’ Her cheeks flushed with mortification. ‘I’m useless in bed. That’s why I’ll disappoint you.’
When she opened her eyes, all he could do was stare at her in disbelief. ‘Who on earth told you that?’
She looked up at him, barely able to meet his gaze. ‘The last guy I had a relationship with. But I’ve always been unsure of myself where sex is concerned,’ she rushed on. ‘I don’t exactly have a lot of experience.’ She looked away from him again, her face pale now.
He stared at her in silence for a moment, feeling inexplicably angry. ‘What a jerk.’ No wonder she was so afraid of letting him get physical with her. Who said things like that to someone they were meant to care about? Even though he’d never allowed himself to get emotionally close to any of the women he’d slept with, he’d never dream of being so callous and cruel to them. The guy clearly hadn’t bothered to get to know Jess very well if he couldn’t see how saying something like that to her would destroy her fragile confidence.
‘I guess my inability to enjoy sex with him must have fed into his deepest insecurities about not being man enough or something,’ she said, looking at him now with shame in her eyes.
‘Clearly he wasn’t man enough.’
She gave him a tentative smile back and something tightened in his chest.
‘Yeah. Maybe.’
‘Jess, listen, I hear what you’re saying, but I don’t want to walk away now, leaving you believing you’ll never enjoy or be good at sex. Give me the opportunity to change your mind.’
He wanted to give her this—a chance to step out from behind that cloud of doubt that followed her around and to feel the sunshine on her face for once. He knew his strengths and weaknesses, and while he couldn’t offer her a hearts-and-flowers relationship, he was more than qualified to show her a good time in the sack.
‘You like a challenge, don’t you?’ she said, the corner of her mouth twitching.
He put a hand up to her face and stroked her cheek with the backs of his fingers.
‘Trust me, Jess, you won’t regret it.’
* * *
Jess stared at him and thought about how much she wanted to let herself have him—have this—and how she needed to start taking risks in her life if she was ever going to start really living.
‘Tonight doesn’t have to mean anything, Jess. Just think of it as a blip in the timeline. A chance to step out of yourself for a few hours. You can button yourself right back up again afterwards if you want.’ He shot her a playful grin. ‘Give me the chance to prove to you that sex can be more fun than you think.’
Her blood pulsed hard through her veins, the crazy adrenaline rush making her head spin. There was a good chance she’d go loopy if she didn’t let this happen. The regret would stay with her till her dying day.
After all, she’d come here determined to get some new experiences out of the trip and he was offering her something incredible—a no-strings night and his heavenly body on a plate.
Her deeply ingrained insecurities waged war with her libido.
She wanted to, but the thought of him seeing her naked terrified her.
‘You can’t take all my clothes off and it has to be dark,’ she stated, wondering if she was pushing things a bit too far. Surely he’d get fed up with it all soon and get up and leave. That was what most men would do.
But Xander wasn’t most men.
He raised an eyebrow. ‘You’re determined to throw every single obstacle in my way, aren’t you?’ Lifting a hand, he trapped a curl of her hair between his fingers and gave it a gentle tug before wrapping it around her ear. ‘It’s a good job I relish a challenge.’
He leant across and turned off the lamp next to the bed, plunging the room into darkness.
He wasn’t giving her any time to back out.
She felt him shift his position on the bed next to her and wished for a second she hadn’t insisted on turning off the l
ight. Suddenly a layer of control had gone. If she couldn’t see him, she couldn’t pre-empt what he was going to do and stop him.
Man, she was strung out. There was no way he was getting an orgasm out of her tonight. The thought made her even more tense. A vicious circle.
He obviously sensed her growing panic because he laid a hand gently on her foot. ‘Jess. Relax. It’s going to be okay.’ Xander’s words twisted through her head and she clung onto the sound of his voice to steady herself.
Pushing herself up onto her elbows, she tried to locate him in the gloom. She could make out the general shape of him, but no details. ‘I apologise in advance if it takes me a while to...you know,’ she said quickly, before the insecurity won and muted her.
‘Don’t worry, we have all night.’ Her whole body responded to his seductive tone with an intense shiver from her ears right down to her toes. ‘Trust me, okay? Just trust me. This is about you tonight. I don’t want you to worry about me. I want to do this for you. I’m going to enjoy it.’
Oh. My. God.
‘Lie back,’ he said, skating his hands gently, oh, so gently, up her thighs.
It would be so much easier if she just got up and left right now, but she couldn’t do it. Didn’t want to. Wouldn’t let herself. Not this time.
He had her pinned there with the sheer force of his magnetism.
Moving his hands slowly under her skirt to the apex of her thighs, testing her reaction inch by inch, he eventually encountered her knickers.
Biting down on her lip to stop herself from asking him to stop, Jess allowed him to slide his thumbs inside the leg holes, close, so close to where her body throbbed and buzzed with the heat he’d continually triggered in her ever since she’d arrived here.
Closing her eyes, she raised her hips and let him slide her knickers down her legs, feeling the pads of his fingers trail from the tops of her thighs, right down to her ankles, his touch leaving a burning trail along her skin.
Sucking in a breath, she waited—the anticipation of his next move making her blood pulse hot and fast through her body.
‘Tell me what you like, Jess. Where you want to be touched.’ His voice rumbled through her.
‘I don’t know. I don’t know what I like,’ she whispered, so glad he couldn’t see how hard she was blushing. She was amazed he hadn’t commented on how hot it was in the room—how she seemed to be giving off more heat than the national grid.
‘Okay, let’s experiment. You tell me when I’m hitting the right spots.’
Before she had chance to process what he’d said, she felt a movement of air on her legs and the bed dipped underneath her. A second later, his breath tickled the now hypersensitive skin of her inner thigh before he dropped his head to kiss her there, right below the juncture of her thighs.
She jumped in shock at the intimacy of it all, struggling for a second with the realisation of exactly what he was about to do to her. He didn’t comment on her reaction, just moved his kisses lower, down towards her knees, as if he realised he’d gone in a bit too hot and heavy. He was reading her body like a pro, shifting his position and the intensity of his kisses depending on how she reacted. He spent a while working his way from the tips of her toes right back to the tops of her thighs, his slow exploration ratcheting up her need to be touched in a way she had no words to describe. They wouldn’t come, refusing to allow her to ask for the pleasure she craved.
Seeming to sense her struggle with herself, Xander finally moved higher, between her thighs, then higher again, slowly and so gently, until he hovered over where she ached to be touched, his breath tickling her, teasing her.
He was waiting for her to say the words, to give him permission.
Gripping the bedspread hard between her hands for courage, she screwed up her eyes in concentration and forced the words to leave her throat. ‘There. Just there. Yes.’ She sounded so guttural, so desperate, it shocked her.
Her reward for finally allowing the words to come was worth every ounce of effort. He stroked his tongue gently over her and she responded without thinking, raising her pelvis off the bed and pressing herself into him. Clearly taking that as a positive response, he spread his fingers against her thighs, pushing them wider—a gentle flow of movement that made her whole body throb and ache.
He dipped his head to her again and kissed her there hard. ‘I love your body, you smell so good, taste so good,’ he murmured against the sensitive nub of her clitoris, the vibration upping the intensity of the feeling.
Oh, he so knew what he was doing.
He worked his tongue against her, taking long leisurely sweeps, only touching her directly there for a second before moving on.
It was torture. Sweet torture.
Moving his hands up her body, he found the hem of her top and slid his fingers beneath it, finding the hot skin of her stomach. She sucked it in quickly, distracted from the roving path of his tongue for a second.
He sensed her withdrawal and removed his hand, placing it instead under her buttocks, pushing her upwards, harder against his mouth until she forgot all about her insecurities again.
Her breath tore against her throat and she gasped as each stroke of his tongue took her closer, closer than she’d ever been before to an orgasm with someone else.
But she needed more. Something more.
As if sensing her hesitation, Xander pulled away from her and she felt him shuffle his way carefully up her body until his dark shadow loomed above her.
‘You are easily the sexiest woman I’ve ever met,’ he said in such a guttural voice she felt a jubilant thrill deep in her chest. ‘I love how you respond so honestly to me, even when you don’t know you’re doing it.’
Dropping his head slowly until he found her mouth in the dark, he kissed her gently, skimming his tongue across her lower lip. Moving a hand back between her thighs, he slid his fingers over her swollen folds, parting her there before sliding downwards slowly, so excruciatingly slowly. She gasped against his mouth as his fingers penetrated her, delving deep inside, opening her up to him.
A groan escaped from low in her throat and she instinctively opened her legs wider to give him better access.
His fingers slid deeper, the silkiness of her arousal allowing him easy access, and he pulsed them inside her, finding a spot that made her jump and twist with pleasure when he pressed hard.
Slicking his thumb against her clitoris, he kept up the pressure of his touch, and she moved, unthinking, against it, forcing herself to relax into the moment and just feel.
She wanted to be able to do this. So much. And Xander didn’t seem at all concerned about how long it was taking her to get there.
Turning her thoughts away from anything but how he was making her crazy with only the amazing dexterity of those beautiful hands of his, she rode the movement with him, breathing in the enticing tang of his scent as he hovered his mouth above hers, the intensity of it all making her head spin.
Focus, Jess, focus on the pleasure. Find the joy.
As she relaxed into the rhythm of their movement she became aware of a concentrated pressure building inside her where his fingers twisted and pulsed. It started as a slow tingle, steadily growing into a great throbbing spasm, which intensified second after second, keeping her on the edge of reaching something amazing, for what felt like for ever.
‘Let go, Jess,’ Xander whispered against her mouth, the words vibrating on her lips, and suddenly, without warning, the feeling seemed to break and implode inside her, the rush of intensity taking her breath away.
‘Whoa...whoa...whoa!’ She writhed and twitched in ecstasy, completely out of control of her body’s movements as a great thundering orgasm twisted through her, emanating from deep inside and radiating out until she felt it to the tips of her fingers. Blood roared through her head, and exquisite pleasure chased
around her body as wave after wave of intense sensation flowed through her.
It took her a while to return to reality as she lived through the aftershocks her body seemed intent on throwing at her.
Xander hadn’t moved, but now she felt him lean across her, his hard body pressing against the tips of her breasts, his breath tickling her ear. There was a click next to her head and the bedside light flickered on.
He hovered above her with the smuggest smile she’d ever encountered splashed across his handsome face.
She stared up at him in incredulity. ‘What did you do to me?’
‘I found your G spot.’ He flopped onto the bed next to her.
‘Wow. I’ve never come like that before,’ she said, sitting up and pulling her skirt back down, smoothing her hands over it to flatten it out. She was finding it hard to look at him. All her barriers had been smashed to smithereens and she didn’t know how she was supposed to act any more.
‘Well, congratulations,’ he murmured. Leaning forward, he put a hand to her chin and tipped her face towards him. Quickly closing the gap between them, he kissed her gently on the lips. ‘It just takes a bit of patience. I’m guessing the men you’ve slept with in the past were more interested in their own pleasure than yours.’
She thought back to the last guy she’d slept with. She hadn’t liked the way he’d touched her, all urgent and hard, as if he’d wanted to get her pleasure out of the way quickly so he could focus on his own.
‘You could say that,’ she said. ‘The last sexual relationship I had started off as uninspiring and went downhill from there. I ended up faking my orgasms just to get it over with so he’d leave me alone.’ Pulling her legs towards her chest, she wrapped her arms around her knees and hugged her legs tightly against her body.
It had been easier to lie to the guy, but she’d felt disappointed and angry with herself afterwards. She knew it was a psychological block she had about relaxing enough to let her body respond how it should and she’d reconciled herself to the belief that she’d never be able to let herself go enough.
Lessons in Rule-Breaking Page 11
