Destination D

by Lori Beard-Daily

  “Yes, you are and so am I! I don’t know what on earth I was thinking about agreeing to meet with you! I can’t take this—I just can’t!” Tears formed and she could no longer stand it; she got up abruptly and walked away.

  Greg jumped up. “Please, Pammy, don’t go,” he said pulling her hand.

  Pam wiped her eyes with her other hand. A small smile formed on her lips because Greg was the only person who called her Pammy.

  “Good, I can still make you smile. I always said you look tough on the outside, but on the inside you are just as soft and sweet like jam. And since I can’t call you Jammy, I’ll always call you Pammy,” he whispered in her ear.

  She followed him reluctantly back over to the park bench.

  “Thank you for coming to hear me out,” Greg said. “I couldn’t think of anything but you and what happened to our—”

  “You can’t even say it! Our baby!”

  “I know,” he said as he balled his fists. “I’ve been avoiding it. I just had to. It killed me not to be with you when it happened.”

  Pam stared at the pond as if she could draw strength from it. She did not want to bring up the past. She placed her hand gently over Greg’s mouth. “It’s behind me now. I don’t want to talk about her.”

  “I know—but I do! I never heard from you again! Dee would come by, but…”

  “Dee? What in the hell was Dee coming by to see you for? She never told me that!”

  “Well, that doesn’t surprise me at all. She was like a surrogate mother for you when you lost…I mean, she didn’t want you to know,” Greg said as he dropped his head and peered down at his hands. “She felt like I needed to know the update on your progress because I was on suicide watch at the time. And she helped me not to kill myself !”

  “I never knew…”

  “I didn’t want you to know. I had put you through so much already.”

  “I can’t believe Dee never told me this.”

  “I begged Dee not to tell you. She was a good friend to me. Something I didn’t have in anyone else after I lost you. You know, Pammy, it’s been three long years and I needed to see how you’ve been doing.”

  Pam batted her eyes to hold back the tears, then made eye contact with him. “It’s been difficult for me—very difficult. I’m not the same woman that I used to be.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Pam was silent again. “What I mean is that I’m very bitter, Greg. I try not to be, but I am. I’m afraid to even get close again with another man. I still harbor so much bitterness and hate for what happened between us. It’s hard to believe that’s what drives me through the caseloads and the ungodly hours. Not to mention, I just lost one of my best friends that I’ve known for years because she says I’ve treated her so badly.”

  “Who?”

  “Amanda Shipman.”

  “Amanda? Your girl from Spelman?”

  “Yes, I helped her get into SMS on one condition—that she never take advantage of our friendship or ask for special treatment. And then she up and quit on me, just like that!” she said snapping her fingers.

  “Well, unless she’s changed dramatically, I can’t imagine Amanda acting like that without good reason.”

  “Oh, so what are you saying? I’m lying?” Pam lashed out and snatched her hand from his reach.

  “No, I—”

  “Listen, I’m not here to discuss that woman,” Pam said, seething at the thought that she was sharing anything personal with Greg.

  Greg held up his hands and started playfully backing away. “Whoa, hey, I’m not here to judge you.” His tone was empathetic. “I didn’t come to talk about Amanda, either. I just wanted to see you and tell you that I want you to be happy.”

  Pam rolled her eyes at his ridiculous suggestion. He inched himself closer and reached out to touch her hand. “Pam, you deserve happiness. True love. Don’t allow what happened to us ruin your life.”

  “Greg, it already has,” she said removing her hand from his reach. “But you know what the irony in all of this is?”

  “No,” he said twisting his hands together.

  “This horrible experience has made me one of the most successful attorneys in our firm. All I have to do is think about June 16 and…”

  “No, Pammy, don’t…”

  “When I waited in my wedding dress in a chapel filled with people!”

  “Please don’t do this—”

  “And you never showed up!”

  “I didn’t mean for it to happen that way. You know I wanted to be there!”

  “You never showed up because you were being handcuffed on our wedding day!”

  Greg grabbed her and tried to hold her close. “Pammy, please, let’s not…”

  “Let’s not what?” Pam yelled as she yanked away from him. “Discuss the fact that you were arrested for being a CPA who was on the take at his own accounting firm!”

  Greg was quiet. Pam needed to let this out. He had served his time in federal prison and now it was his turn to face the moral prison sentence with her.

  “All I can remember was feeling like it was my darkest nightmare coming to life as Dee drove me to the jail. She was in her bridesmaid dress, and I was still wearing my wedding gown—veil and all—hoping that this was some terrible mistake.” Pam laughed and tried to choke back her tears. “I actually thought that they had the wrong guy, and that I would just clear this minor error up and we would go on and get married! Ha! What a fool I was!”

  Greg put his hand on her back to comfort her, but Pam was on a roll. She sharply pulled away from him. It was as if she was the defendant giving her testimony to a jury, as if he were still on trial. “My God, Greg, you lied to me! You lied to our family. Everybody!”

  “I know, Pammy. I know,” Greg whispered.

  His self-restraint only fueled her anger more. “And not to mention the fact that I worked my ass off trying to defend you. Then I find out that all of the evidence the Feds had against you was overwhelming!” Pam’s hands were trembling. “And that was the day I lost her.” The tears that Pam had been holding back now flooded her eyes. “I had to sell the $600,000 house we bought together! I had to get my name off of all our bills! Damn you, Greg! You made my life a fucking financial mess!”

  Greg had more self-control than Pam could take. He had learned to be that way biding his time in prison. The quieter he got, the angrier she became. Her words spewed out of her mouth like a scorpion’s venom.

  “Here I am thinking that I was marrying someone who loved me for me, and you were running a scam on me just like the rest of these brothas out here on the take! I was four months pregnant and poof! Our baby girl was gone in an instant! Just like you! I hate you! I hate you!” Pam started pounding at his chest with her fists. He managed to pull her arms down and hold her as she sobbed against his chest.

  “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for it to be this way. I love you, Pam. I always have.”

  Pam pulled back as he wiped the tears from her face. “Greg, I don’t want to continue to feel this way. I have so much hate inside of me, and the thought that Dee stayed in contact with you…” She shook her head angrily as her words trailed off.

  “Oh, Pam, please let me set the record straight with your girl, Dee. She was not sympathizing with me—no way. And not under any terms was I to contact you while I was still in prison. She wanted you to have a fresh start. Hell, I had even thought you might be married by now.”

  “You’re kidding, right? I can’t go through that walking down the aisle thing again. You drove me out of town, Greg! The news hit the paper like an uncontrollable fire. Successful Attorney and Wealthy CPA Wedding Ends up behind Bars,” she said, pointing in the air to an imaginary headline. “I couldn’t take the rumors.”

  “So, that’s why I kept getting a disconnected number when I tried to call you. You had already left Chicago and moved to Atlanta,” Greg said.

  “If it hadn’t been for Dee checking on me, flying in and out of Atlan
ta while I was in the hospital in Chicago, I don’t think I would have survived. My mother had to be hospitalized for our entire trauma. My siblings blamed me for getting caught up with someone I didn’t know—again. Nothing’s been right since.”

  Greg’s words were stuck in his throat. He could only look at Pam with tear-filled eyes as he felt them run down his face.

  Pam threw her hands up in the air with exasperation. “Well, you asked how I’ve been. And now you know.”

  “Pam, I know nothing is going to change what happened between us. But I need to at least admit to myself and to you that I just got caught up in the life. It just seemed so easy to take a little bit here and there. I had seen other CPAs do it before without getting caught. And…”

  “I know you thought you could get away with it. But at what cost? How could you think you could get away with stealing over half a million dollars?”

  “I was stupid.”

  “Yes, you were. And I was stupid for agreeing to marry you.”

  “You didn’t know…”

  “You’re right, I didn’t know. And that was my fault. I got so caught up in your handsome looks, your wining and dining me, and I fell for you—all of you—and way too hard from the first day I met you. Now look at us,” she said as she hung her head down and felt an ache in the pit of her stomach. He took his hand and stroked her tear-stained cheek. The warmth of his touch made her tremble. She shoved his hand away. “Just leave me the hell alone!”

  Greg ignored her remark and lifted her face with his other hand. He moved in closer and kissed her lips tenderly. His tongue felt so good inside her mouth.

  “Greg, I gotta go,” Pam said, almost out of breath.

  “Pam, I’m sorry,” he whispered. “Can you ever forgive me?”

  “Forgive you?”

  “Yes, I’ve changed Pam. I found the Lord.”

  “You found the Lord in prison?” She managed to laugh. “I didn’t know He was ever lost!”

  “Okay, you’re being sarcastic, but I’m serious.”

  “And what did the Lord tell you, Greg, when you found Him in prison, huh?” She paused still stunned about his newfound spirituality. Where was his faith when he was stealing that money three years ago?

  “He told me to—”

  Pam held her hand up to stop him. “You know what? Don’t even bother answering that.” Her voice started to quiver as she buttoned the top button of her coat. “Just save your testimony, Greg. Save all of it for your probation officer.”

  Briefing

  While buckling into her jump seat, Birdie asked, “So, Dee, did you get a good night’s rest?”

  “Yeah, I did, actually,” Dee grinned. “How about you ladies?”

  “Oh, yes, we were quite comfortable. I love that hotel. We missed you at dinner.”

  “I know. I was so tired Birdie, that I slept right through it,” she said, smiling again at the thought of Chris keeping her busy through dinner.

  “Well, you missed out on some good Mexican.”

  Yes, but I bet what I had was a whole lot better than what you had. “Yeah, I’m sure. What’s on your mind, Birdie? You look like the cat that just swallowed the canary.”

  “Oh, nothing.” Birdie started to giggle.

  The plane began its roll for takeoff and they both got into the “ready” position—palms up underneath their thighs, and their heads resting firmly on the back of their jump seats. The engines grew louder.

  “Am I missing something here?” Dee said.

  “I just heard someone talking this morning.” Birdie started laughing so hard that tears were running down her face.

  “All right, Birdie, what’s up? I’d like to get a laugh also.”

  Birdie took out a tissue from her smock and wiped the tears from her eyes. The plane had finally reached the cruising altitude and the captain had turned off the seat belt sign. They both unbuckled their seatbelts to start preparing the carts for the beverage service.

  “Well, when I was coming down the elevator this morning, I happened to be in the same one as Chris Dickerson—my, he is handsome,” Birdie said as she fanned herself playfully. “Anyway, he was talking to someone on his cell phone about an attorney friend of his named Desiree. Dee was her nickname and she was from Atlanta. Supposedly, she works for this big firm, and he was going to ask if she would help his friend out with some type of legal problem.” Birdie burst into laughter again. “Is that not the most hysterical thing you’ve ever heard? I mean how many people would you think had the same first name as yours? Not to mention you both live in Atlanta!”

  “That is ironic,” Dee said with a hollow laugh. “What else did he say?”

  “Oh, he was talking about how he stayed in this woman’s hotel room that kept him up so late that he was now running late for a meeting.” Birdie started to whisper. “He kept going on and on about how sexy she was.” Birdie was beginning to look embarrassed as Dee’s face flushed.

  “Geez, these men have no shame these days,” Dee said, trying to balance bags of pretzels, but dropping them on the floor instead.

  “Here, let me get those,” Birdie said, looking at Dee suspiciously.

  “Thanks. I guess I’m all thumbs today.”

  “Hey, it happens to all of us.”

  “You know, these jocks really have the life.”

  “It seems that way,” Dee said, trying to sound unconcerned.

  “I mean, they run around with all different kinds of women—probably have one for each day of the week—get a big ol’ fat paycheck for getting a ball across a goal line. In the meantime, these silly women believe anything and everything they tell them just so they can be a part of their own fantasy. The truth is, the women that date these men need to take a cold hard look at themselves.”

  “Well, you sure seem to know about the life of an NFL player. Have you had first-hand experience?”

  “No, but when you’ve been flying as long as I have, you’ve seen it all. These women have no lives. Usually they’re insecure about themselves and are dating them so that they can have some identity through them.”

  “Really, now? So, you don’t think a woman can have her own career and date a jock?”

  “They can, but it’s rare.” Birdie laughed.

  Dee couldn’t tell if Birdie was trying to see if she was really the woman that Chris was talking about.

  “Hey, are you ladies ready for the beverage service?” Jodie said as she walked into the galley.

  Dee filled the buckets with ice. “Yes, I’m ready.”

  “Hey, Birdie, did you tell Dee who you saw in the elevator this morning?”

  “Uh, huh, she told me,” Dee said, anxiously, before Birdie could answer.

  “Hey, you have a law degree, don’t you, Dee?”

  “Yep, sure do,” Dee said as she unlatched the brake on the cart.

  “I didn’t know you had a law degree,” Birdie chimed in.

  “Yeah, she’s big time. She got it from Columbia. I remembered when we flew a line together shortly after you had gotten it,” Jodie said.

  Dee was hoping that the uneasiness she was feeling wasn’t showing in her face. She could feel the depths of Birdie’s eyes penetrating through her.

  “So you are an attorney!”

  “Nope, still need to take and pass the bar,” Dee said as calmly as she could.

  “So, the plot thickens,” Birdie laughed.

  “What plot?” Dee asked, trying to sound naïve.

  “Oh, Birdie’s just trying to be the private investigator that she’s always wanted to be,” Jodie chuckled. “It’s such a coincidence, though, that the person Chris Dickerson was talking about had the same name as you.”

  “Yes, it is. Well, it’s obvious that I’m not the only Dee in the world.” Dee pulled out the beverage cart from the galley. “C’mon, let’s get this service over with.”

  Back at Base

  As she poked her head in the doorway, Dee shouted, “I’m home! Is anyone here? P
am?” Legal papers were scattered across the kitchen table and a sink load of dirty dishes greeted Dee.

  “Man, this place is a mess! Why she picks this spot to do her business, I’ll never know.” Shaking her head, she locked the door behind her. With luggage in tow, she walked briskly through Pam’s clutter cave and retreated to the cleanest part of the condominium—her bedroom.

  Dee’s room was her own private getaway. It exuded tranquility, something she definitely needed in order for her to return to her real world. The room’s décor was influenced by her many trips to the Mediterranean. Soft yellow faux painted marbled walls served as a backdrop to the king-size bed, which was upholstered in antique gold silk. Crackle finished bed chests with marble tops flanked the sides of the bed. The bed coverings were a combination of luxurious silks in gold, coral, and blue hues punctuated by solid and striped pillows with the same color scheme.

  Across from the bed was a small sitting area with an elongated window lavishly draped in gold and blue drapes that hung to the hardwood floors. The nook consisted of a neoclassic round wooden table and an overstuffed cane-backed chair where Dee would often unwind with a good book.

  “Ahhhhh, there’s no place like home,” Dee giggled, mimicking Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz. She clicked the back of her heels three times before kicking off her shoes and collapsing backwards onto her bed.

  She lay there for a while and briefly contemplated taking a nap, but decided instead to unpack from this trip and repack for her next one. Afterwards, she changed into some gray sweatpants and a red tank top and decided to call Tracey before she proceeded back into Pam’s mess hall. Before she could press the last number, her phone rang.

  “Hello.”

  “Auntie Dee!”

  “You beat me! I was just about to finish dialing your number.”

  “Oh good. So, this is a good time to talk?”

  “It’s a perfect time,” Dee said as she sat down on her bed.

  “Okay, let me first catch my breath. There’s so much going on that I don’t know where to start.”

  “OOOOOkay,” Dee said sounding a little apprehensive.

  Dee could hear Tracey breathing laboriously as she began to speak. “Well, I don’t know how to say this, but when was the last time that you and Mama have spoken?”