Viva Alice!

by Judi Curtin

  ‘No offence, Grace,’ said Alice after a while. ‘But your brother isn’t the happiest guy I’ve ever met in my life.’

  Grace sighed. ‘He’s not always like that,’ she said. ‘Usually he’s great fun, but his girlfriend broke up with him and he’s kind of gone to pieces.’

  ‘The poor boy,’ I said. ‘That’s so sad.’

  Grace rolled her eyes. ‘It’s been nearly two weeks,’ she said. ‘He should be over it by now, and anyway, he had a lucky escape. His girlfriend, Leah, was a total witch.’

  I laughed. ‘Why?’

  ‘Well she always called me “kiddo”, for one thing, like she was all grown up, and I was just a baby. And she called him “Gavvy”, which is just pathetic. And when she was around, Gavin was different – like everything he did had to please her. She made him cut his hair, and she tried to scare away his friends.’

  ‘That’s evil,’ said Alice. ‘Everyone needs friends.’

  ‘I agree,’ said Grace. ‘But I haven’t got to the worst part yet. You see, it’s not the first time Leah’s broken up with Gavin. She’s done it at least three times before. Each time, just as he’s starting to get over it, she bounces back into his life and messes him up all over again.’

  ‘Ouch,’ I said. ‘She sounds kind of mean all right. Pity he’s so sad though.’

  Grace sighed. ‘He’s a mess. I bet he’s in his room right now, listening to sad songs, and looking at pictures of Leah on Facebook. That girl is so totally mean. Every time they break up, she posts pictures of herself hanging out with other guys and having a great time at parties. Gav can’t help looking at the pictures and then he gets really upset.’

  Alice sat up suddenly. Her eyes were all bright and sparkly. ‘That’s not healthy,’ she said. ‘We’ve got to fix him. We’ve got to help him to get over the witch lady.’

  ‘Gavin’s nineteen,’ said Grace. ‘He’s grown-up. He doesn’t need us to help him.’

  I smiled to myself. Grace doesn’t know my best friend as well as I do. Alice had that dangerous look in her eyes, and she was on a mission. Nothing was going to stop her now.

  Chapter Seven

  Next morning, after a totally delicious and porridge-free breakfast, Grace, Alice and I put on our bikinis and went to lie outside in the sunshine.

  I took out a monster-sized bottle of factor 50 sunscreen and started to rub it all over my arms and legs.

  ‘Your mum?’ asked Alice.

  I nodded. ‘If I go home with the tiniest trace of sunburn, she’ll go crazy and she’ll never let me out of her sight again – and I’m sooo not going to let that happen.’

  ‘Anyway,’ said Alice quickly. ‘Enough about your mum. We’ve got more important things to worry about. We need to get started on our plan.’

  ‘We have a plan?’ asked Grace.

  I giggled. ‘Alice always has a plan,’ I said. ‘Don’t bother arguing, because you’ll end up doing what she wants anyway.’

  Alice ignored me. ‘Where’s Gavin gone, Grace?’

  Grace pointed to an open window at the side of the house. ‘Can’t you hear the sad music?’ she said.

  ‘That’s why we need a plan,’ said Alice. ‘Music that sad can’t be healthy. Anyway, the first problem is the way Gavin spends time looking at photographs of Witch-girl. Did you see him at breakfast-time?’ He looked like he wanted to climb into the phone and hug her. He’ll never get over her while he’s doing that.’

  ‘That’s true,’ said Grace. ‘But how do you suggest we stop him?’

  ‘Could you tease him until he gets really mad, and then your mum and dad could take his phone from him?’ I suggested. ‘My parents are forever doing that to me when I get mad at Rosie.’

  Grace and Alice both laughed, which was a bit mean. ‘He’s nineteen,’ said Grace. ‘I think he’s a bit old to be banned from his phone.’

  She was right of course, and that made me feel worse.

  ‘I know,’ said Alice. ‘I could “accidentally” push Gavin into the pool while he’s got his phone in his hand.’

  I rolled my eyes. Trust Alice to go for the dramatic option.

  ‘No way!’ said Grace. ‘He just got that phone last week and it was really, really expensive. If it goes for an “accidental” swim, Gav will go crazy. We need to find a way of stopping him from checking up on Witch-girl, without actually damaging his phone.’

  ‘OMG!’ I said. ‘I know what to do. My mum threatened to do it to me last week when she caught me on the computer when I was supposed to be doing my homework. One of her loser-hippy friends told her about a way of blocking access to particular sites.’

  ‘Yesss!’ said Alice. ‘Good idea, Meg. Only thing is if we block Gavin’s phone, he’ll probably find another way of getting on the internet. Is there a computer in the house, Grace?’

  Grace grinned. ‘No. There are no computers or laptops here. Mum and Dad wanted this house to be kind of a computer-free haven. They don’t bring their smartphones with them either. If we block Gavin’s phone, he won’t have any other way of getting on to a site to gaze at his lost love.’

  ‘Sounds good,’ I said. ‘Except for one small detail.’

  ‘Which is?’ asked Alice.

  ‘How are we going to get at Gavin’s phone?’ I asked. ‘He always has it in his hand. I haven’t seen him put it down since we got here.’

  ‘I heard him saying he was going for a run this morning,’ said Grace. ‘He’ll bring his phone with him, of course – he always does. But after the run, he’ll have a shower, and even he doesn’t bring his phone into the shower with him. Hopefully he’ll leave it in his bedroom and we’ll be able to get it then.’

  ‘We won’t have much time though,’ I said.

  Grace laughed. ‘We’ll have ages,’ she said. ‘Gavin always has really, really long showers – Mum and Dad kill him for using so much hot water. Trust me, we’ll have plenty of time to do whatever we want to his phone.’

  ‘Perfect,’ said Alice. ‘That’s when we’ll do it. Get ready, girls, step one will be happening very soon.’

  * * *

  An hour later, I was standing guard outside the bathroom, and Grace was at Gavin’s bedroom door, waiting for a signal from me. Inside the bedroom, Alice was madly trying to figure out how to block all social media sites from Gavin’s phone. She’s really good at computers and stuff, but still, I was all nervous and jumpy.

  Much too soon, I heard the sound of the shower being turned off.

  ‘Quickly,’ I whispered to Grace. ‘Tell Alice to finish up. He’s going to be out any second.’

  Grace nodded and passed on the message.

  From the bathroom, I could hear the shower door opening and closing. Then there was the sound of a towel being pulled from a rail. Gavin was whistling the chorus of a sad love song. I felt a bit mean listening to him, but mostly I felt terrified.

  What was I going to do if Gavin came out, before Alice was finished?

  How was I going to stop him from going into his bedroom?

  Was it going to be totally embarrassing if I had to stand on the landing with him while he was only wearing a towel?

  I heard the sound of bare feet on tiles.

  ‘Quick,’ I hissed. ‘He’s coming. He’s coming.’

  For a second, nothing happened. I heard the rattle of the key in the bathroom door. I wondered if I should throw myself on the floor and pretend to be dying. I mightn’t even have to fake it. I actually felt like I was going to die.

  And then, at the very last second, Alice came racing out of Gavin’s room. She slammed the door behind her, just as Gavin opened the bathroom door.

  ‘Hey, Gav,’ said Alice breathlessly. ‘How’s it going? Did you have a nice shower?’

  And before the poor boy had time to answer, Grace, Alice and I raced up the stairs to our room. My heart was all jumpy, and I thought I was going to faint. Alice was laughing though. She loves danger.

  She threw herself onto her bed and sighed. ‘Phew,
that was close,’ she said. ‘But the good news is, it’s done. I’ve blocked Gavin from every site he’s been on in the past week – and that’s pretty much every social media site in the world.’

  Even though the whole thing had been my idea, now that Alice had actually done it, it seemed kind of extreme.

  ‘Is Gavin’s phone going to stay like that forever?’ I asked.

  ‘Nah,’ said Alice. ‘I could easily have blocked him forever, but that might have been a bit mean.’

  ‘So what happens?’ asked Grace.

  ‘He’ll be automatically unblocked after five days,’ said Alice. ‘And hopefully, by then he’ll have forgotten all about Leah.’

  I smiled. ‘The wicked witch will just be a distant memory. Well done, Alice. I think this is really going to work.’

  * * *

  When Gavin came down for lunch, he had his phone in his hand as usual.

  ‘He doesn’t look happy,’ whispered Alice.

  ‘No change there, then,’ said Grace. ‘He hasn’t been happy for weeks.’

  ‘Everything OK, Gav?’ asked Lorna.

  ‘No,’ he said. ‘It’s not OK. It’s a disaster. There’s something wrong with my phone. It won’t let me go on to any of my usual sites.’

  ‘Let’s have a look,’ said Alice, winking at Grace and me. ‘I’m good with phones. Maybe I can figure out what’s wrong.’

  ‘Look,’ he said, as he handed the phone to Alice. ‘I’ve tried all my favourite sites, and the same message keeps popping up – This website is blocked.’

  Alice pressed a few buttons, managing to look like she was trying to help. ‘Oh, dear,’ she said in the end. ‘You probably have a virus.’

  ‘That doesn’t sound like a virus to me,’ said Lorna.

  I agreed with her, but Alice just smiled at Gavin. ‘It’s a new virus,’ she said. ‘And that’s probably why you haven’t heard of it. I only know about it because my dad got it on his phone a few weeks ago.’

  ‘And how did he fix it?’ asked Gavin, taking the phone back from her.

  Alice pretended to think. ‘Hmmm,’ she said. ‘Oh, yes. I remember now. He took it to an expert and he said it was one of those things that usually fixes itself after a while.’

  ‘After how long?’ asked Gavin.

  ‘Oh,’ said Alice. ‘I can’t really remember. I think my dad’s phone was OK after a few days, or maybe a week or something.’

  Gavin looked at her with wild, scared eyes, like she’d told him the virus was going to last for a hundred years.

  ‘Anyway,’ said Eddie. ‘Lunch is ready now. Why don’t you leave the phone down, Gavin, and engage with the outside world for a bit?’

  And, amazingly, that’s what Gavin did. Lorna brought out some cold drinks, and Eddie served us really delicious bowls of pasta, and Gavin put the phone down, and chatted to us, and he was really quite sweet and funny, and Alice grinned at me, and I remembered once again how very, very good she is at sorting things out.

  Chapter Eight

  After lunch, Gavin went upstairs, Lorna and Eddie went to play tennis, and Grace, Alice and I went back to our sunloungers.

  ‘That was a great idea,’ said Grace. ‘I’m glad you two were able to fix things for Gavin.’

  ‘Hey,’ said Alice. ‘We’re not finished yet. That was only the beginning. We’ve got lots more to do.’

  ‘Like what?’ I asked.

  ‘Well,’ said Alice. ‘Clearly Gavin doesn’t feel good about himself.’

  ‘Why do you say that?’ asked Grace.

  ‘Because if he felt good about himself, he wouldn’t have let that awful Leah person treat him so badly,’ said Alice.

  ‘And now that she’s dumped him again, he must feel even worse,’ I said.

  ‘Exactly,’ said Alice. ‘So our next job is to make him feel better about himself. As soon as we’ve managed that, we’ll find a nice girl and get them together. It’s time he moved on.’

  ‘Hey,’ said Grace. ‘Hang on a sec, Alice. Don’t you think you’re getting a bit carried away here?’

  ‘No,’ said Alice.

  ‘You’re just going to find some randomer, and hope that Gavin falls in love with her?’ asked Grace.

  ‘Sure,’ said Alice. ‘And anyway, don’t forget that everyone in the world is a randomer until you get to know them.’

  Grace was looking at Alice like she should argue with her, but I shook my head, warning her that she’d only be wasting her time.

  ‘Let’s worry about the love story of the century later,’ I said. ‘Before we get to that, we’ve got to make Gavin feel better about himself. How do you suggest we do that, Alice? Are we all supposed to sit around taking turns saying nice stuff about him?’

  ‘That’s a brilliant idea,’ said Alice.

  I’d only been joking, but I like when Alice goes with one of my ideas, so I didn’t argue.

  ‘Gavin’s up in his room,’ said Grace. ‘And there’s no way I’m sitting on the landing saying nice stuff to him through his bedroom door. That’s just weird.’

  ‘And I want to sunbathe,’ I added.

  ‘Calm down, you two,’ she said. ‘I’m not suggesting that we stalk the poor boy. That would be crazy. We can take the afternoon off to catch some rays, but at dinner-time, we have to get going on part two of the plan. Everyone has to help, so I expect you two to have lots of good things ready to say about Gavin. OK?’

  Grace and I nodded obediently.

  ‘Yes, Boss,’ I said. ‘Whatever you say, Boss.’

  Alice rolled her eyes. ‘Sometimes you are sooo immature, Megan,’ she said.

  Whatever,’ I said. ‘Now pass me my suncream, I’m wasting precious sunbathing time.’

  * * *

  That evening, when we were sitting enjoying the delicious barbecue that Eddie had prepared, Alice went into action.

  ‘Hey, Gavin,’ she said. ‘I totally love that shirt you’re wearing – and those shoes are great. What do you think, Megan? Doesn’t Gavin look well tonight?’

  The table was lit by lots of flickery candles, and I hoped that no one could see how red my face had gone. As usual, Alice was going completely over the top. Also, I was kind of starting to think that Gavin looked really well all of the time, and there was no way I wanted anyone to know about that.

  Alice wasn’t happy with my silence. ‘Hello? Megan? Don’t you think Gavin looks great tonight?’

  ‘Er, yes, I guess he does,’ I said, not looking up from my dinner.

  ‘And your hair is totally cool, Gavin,’ said Alice. ‘I love the way the sun has started to bleach it at the ends. You look like a Californian surfer or something.’

  Eddie gave a sarcastic laugh. ‘It would be a miracle if the sun managed to bleach Gavin’s hair. We’ve barely been in Lanzarote twenty-four hours, and Gavin has spent most of that time in his bedroom.’

  I’d have been embarrassed, but Alice wasn’t even listening to what he said.

  She turned to Grace. ‘What’s your favourite thing about your brother?’ she asked. Grace hesitated, and then I saw Alice kick her under the table. I felt sorry for her. Alice’s kicks are usually kind of painful.

  ‘Er …’ said Grace, ‘I guess he … well … he … he’s … he’s funny. He’s good at telling jokes and … stuff …’

  That was fairly pathetic, but Alice didn’t seem to notice.

  She turned to Lorna. ‘What’s your favourite thing about Gavin?’ she asked.

  Lorna leaned over and put her arm around Gavin. ‘He’s my son,’ she said. ‘And I think every single thing about him is perfect.’

  Grace rolled her eyes and pretended to vomit into her serviette. Before anyone else could say anything, Alice turned to Eddie. ‘What about you?’ she asked. ‘What’s your favourite thing about Gavin?’

  Eddie looked up from his dinner and stared at Alice. ‘That’s easy,’ he said. ‘I think my favourite thing about Gavin is that he doesn’t keep on and on asking stupid questions while I’m
trying to enjoy my food.’

  Ouch. That was direct enough, even for Alice.

  ‘I’m just trying to make conversation,’ she muttered. ‘Is there a law against that in Lanzarote? And would someone mind passing me the salad?’

  Gavin picked up the salad bowl and passed it to her. She smiled at him, like he’d just given her a bowl full of diamonds. ‘Thank you so, so much, Gavin,’ she said. ‘You’re always really, really helpful.’

  Lorna gave Alice a funny look. ‘What’s going on?’ she asked. ‘Is this an official “be-kind-to-Gavin” night?’

  This was a bit close to the truth, and I hoped it was the kind of question that didn’t expect an answer. Alice suddenly seemed very interested in cutting up her steak, and Grace started to tear her serviette into tiny shreds.

  Suddenly Gavin stood up. Alice had done her best, but he didn’t look like he felt better about himself. Mostly he just looked embarrassed, which wasn’t really part of the plan.

  ‘I’m finished my dinner,’ he said. ‘And I’m kind of tired. May I be excused?’

  ‘Of course you may,’ said Lorna. ‘Good night, and sleep well.’

  As soon as Gavin had gone inside, Alice leaned over to me. ‘OK, so maybe that wasn’t a huge success,’ she whispered. ‘But don’t worry. Tomorrow’s another day, and we’ve got the whole night to come up with a bigger, better plan.’

  Chapter Nine

  When I woke up the next morning, Alice was sitting on the end of my bed, grinning.

  ‘What?’ I asked, rubbing my eyes.

  ‘I’ve been awake for ages,’ she said. ‘And I’ve got a brilliant plan to make Gavin feel good about himself.’

  ‘What is it?’ asked Grace, sitting up in bed. ‘It needs to be good, because, no offence, Alice, last night’s plan was a bit of a disaster.’

  ‘I’ve already forgotten about last night,’ said Alice primly. ‘The past is past – and today’s plan is perfect.’

  ‘What is it?’ I said, half afraid to hear the answer. Alice’s plans are never boring, but often they are totally, totally crazy.