Her Last Love Affair

by James, Clara

  “No,” Allie responded. “Of course it wasn’t, but…”

  “Hey,” he soothed, shuffling off the bed and moving towards her. “You said we didn’t have to label it, right?”

  Silently, Allie nodded her head.

  “So, let’s not label it,” he urged, moving close enough to touch her, but keeping his hands to himself. “It’s not a relationship, but it’s more than sex. We don’t need to know any more than that.”

  Allie considered that proposal. It didn’t solve all her problems, but with him standing there completely naked, it was incredibly tempting. “Can we think about it?” she asked quietly.

  “Okay,” he replied, with a nod. “On one condition,” he added.

  “What’s that?” she asked.

  “That we go back to bed right now,” he smiled, cocking his head at the mattress.

  Allie couldn’t prevent the smile that spread across her face. “I don’t know,” she murmured, with mock suspicion.

  “If I haven’t left yet, it’s still the same date, right?” he asked jovially, both arms reaching out to her and tugging her towards him.

  “That’s your logic, is it?” she giggled.

  “Yep,” he confirmed proudly. Keeping a firm hold on the sheet, he spun her before pushing her back onto the bed. The sheet stayed with him, unraveling from Allie, until, when she landed on the mattress, she was naked once more.

  She laughed loudly as she fell, screeching when she realized he was ripping the sheet from her. However, her laughter soon tapered off, when she noticed Reece wasn’t laughing with her. “What’s wrong?” she asked, looking up at him.

  Reece was gazing back at her, a look of horror on his features.

  “What is it?” Allie quickly blurted when she was met with silence.

  Reece’s jaw slackened in dismay, as he lifted his hand and pointed at her torso.

  Allie followed the line of his finger and found herself looking at a large blue bruise beneath her left breast. She didn’t notice Reece moving, but he stepped towards her and placed his palm on her right knee. Allie’s eyes flashed to his face in alarm. She opened her mouth to speak, but was forestalled when Reece gently parted her legs. There, on her inner thigh, was another bruise, this one much larger than the first.

  “I hurt you,” Reece whispered, barely able to say the words for the bile rising up from his stomach.

  “No,” Allie quickly stated, covering his hand with her own.

  “Look at you,” he mumbled, flinching and sweeping his hand out from beneath hers. “They weren’t there last night, Allie,” he said, standing straight and raking his fingers through his hair. “I did that to you.”

  “It’s not your fault,” Allie tried to placate him. “I just….I bruise easily,” she awkwardly explained.

  “Allie,” he shook his head, disbelievingly.

  “It’s true,” she insisted. “I’m a little anemic.”

  Reece stood silently, watching her carefully, as he seemed to assess whether her body language suggested she was telling the truth. He couldn’t make up his mind. The fact that he remembered the night well and was certain he hadn’t been even remotely rough with her supported her explanation. And yet, something in her eyes troubled him.

  “I promise,” she added sincerely. “You did not hurt me,” she insisted, looking him directly in the eye.

  That, he was fairly certain, was the truth. “Are you sure?” he urged.

  “I swear, Reece,” she stated, shuffling towards the edge of the bed, until her legs were hanging off the end. “Now,” she sighed, desperate to change the subject. “What were you saying about coming back to bed?”

  ***

  Tossing her purse into the deep bottom drawer of her desk, Allie kicked the thing closed before angrily throwing herself into her chair.

  “Hey, you feeling any better?”

  Lifting her head to the sound of Grant’s voice, Allie scowled at him. “Huh?” she asked.

  “Are you over the flu you had last week?”

  “Oh,” Allie finally sighed, remembering the excuse she’d given for taking the latter half of the previous week off work. “Yeah, thanks,” she grumpily added.

  “You’re a little late, I was wondering if you weren’t coming in today, either,” he noted good-naturedly.

  “You keeping track of me?” she snapped.

  “No,” he innocently replied. “No, I was just worried about you.”

  Allie had wanted to take another day off. She’d intended to do just that. However, after she’d been unable to convince Reece to get back into bed with her, she felt too depressed moping around the apartment.

  He’d left shortly after discovering her bruises, although he’d assured her that he no longer believed he’d hurt her, he still felt responsible for harming her. No matter how many times she told him she hadn’t even known the marks were there, he refused to make love to her again.

  He’d gone, leaving her with nothing more than a kiss on the forehead and a promise that he’d call.

  “I’m sorry, Grant,” she sighed, leaning both elbows on the desk and massaging her temples with her index fingers. “Things are just…” she stalled, before changing tact. “Anyway, I shouldn’t be taking it out on you.”

  “Hey, no sweat,” he replied, beaming at her like a loyal puppy.

  Allie had suspected for some time that Grant had a crush on her. She’d brushed it off, because he was too young and she was too busy. His willingness to excuse her bad moods and his eagerness to help with whatever shitty job she called on him to do, were proof of something beyond professional admiration.

  As Allie allowed that thought to marinate, an idea came to her. Perhaps all she needed to lift her spirits was a good screw. And Grant, although not exactly the kind of guy she’d usually go for, was someone she knew and would, undoubtedly, be only too eager to please.

  “Grant,” she said picking her head up.

  “Yeah,” he called back.

  Allie opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. She tried to picture herself with him, maybe in one of the store cupboards, or upstairs in the morgue, amongst all the dusty old files. However, the image just wouldn’t come. Instead, all she could see was Reece.

  “Allie?” Grant probed, noting some kind of conflict behind her eyes.

  Shaking her head, Allie dismissed the thought of Grant and tried to picture someone else. Kyle, he wasn’t bad looking. Stephen or Carl. Still, the only face that occupied her brain was Reece’s.

  “Are you okay, Allie?”

  “Yeah,” she nodded numbly. “Sorry, I just…” she mumbled, pushing her chair back and rising to her feet.

  “Did you want something?” Grant asked.

  “No,” she responded. “No, thanks,” she assured him, making her way across the open plan office space. “I think I need a coffee,” she absentmindedly tossed over her shoulder, as she plodded towards the break area.

  She stood for several minutes, her fingers clamped around the handle of the percolator, as she tried to work out what the hell had happened over the course of twelve hours. Suddenly, her desire to make up for a lack of sexual experiences was narrowed to a desire to simply have more sex with Reece. This was something she hadn’t expected: that one of the men she’d dated over the last few weeks would become a preoccupation. She thought about all of the others fondly, she remembered her time with them as exciting and she certainly didn’t have any regrets. But this was different, the night before wasn’t just another good memory to add to the collection. Was he really that good? She shook her head at the rhetorical question. He was absolutely that good. However, there was much more to it than his performance.

  There was no longer any question in her mind: she had to see him again. Whether or not that fitted with the original plan didn’t matter. Whether he had seen bruises on her body didn’t matter. The only thing Allie cared about was spending another night with Reece. She could only hope that one more night would be enou
gh to quench her thirst for him.

  Chapter Nine

  One Last Night

  But one more night, turned into two nights, three, four and then five. The frequency with which she saw Reece was complicating matters. Allie had taken to trying to cover her bruises with foundation. Sometimes it worked well, especially when she was able to wake before him and apply the make-up to the blue patches of skin. Other times, Reece noticed the discoloration. However, Allie was satisfied with the fact that he believed her to have anemia and, as long as he didn’t see any large or particularly bad contusions, she felt sure he would continue to believe that.

  Lying to him was not something that came easily, though. Truth be told, she hated it. She couldn’t look him in the face whenever he mentioned the marks on her flesh or the fact he thought she’d lost a little weight.

  And it was all made so much worse by the fact that the more time she spent with him, the more time she wanted to spend with him. She loved being in his company, it didn’t matter what they did and it had gone far beyond just fulfilling a sexual desire. On the third night, they didn’t even have sex. Instead, cuddled up on her couch, watching an old Cary Grant movie, they’d both drifted off into peaceful sleep and remained there ’til morning.

  She was happy, happier than she had been in a long time. Ironically, the knowledge of that made her profoundly depressed, because she was acutely aware of the fact it couldn’t last. She’d found true happiness, a man she could imagine herself growing old with, and she wasn’t going to get the chance to grow old at all. Her low moods were yet another cause to lie to Reece. She’d tell him she had a lot on at work, that she was stressed and just needed to unwind, which, at first, he had no reason to disbelieve. As time passed, she knew he’d begin to suspect there was something more to her mood swings.

  Meanwhile, she’d been cancelling or postponing dates with old flames she’d met online, including Mitch Hatley. He continued to write and send text messages, while she politely stalled him. Allie was reluctant to give up the idea of grabbing that particular lost opportunity, but, at the same time, wondered if she could ever want to sleep with any man except Reece - she certainly couldn’t imagine it. Her dreams were filled with him and her waking fantasies refused to drift to any other man, no matter how handsome.

  In short, Allie knew that her relationship with Reece, for, like it or not, that’s certainly what it had become, had to end. She simply couldn’t continue to lie, and she didn’t want to torture herself with the taste of a life she would never really get to experience.

  But breaking things off was going to be difficult. Like a crack addict, she lacked all will power around him. He only had to flash a glimpse of that gorgeous smile or say her name in that deep, baritone voice of his and she was unable to resist. Nevertheless, she had to find the resolve from somewhere.

  ***

  “You’ve been quiet,” Reece noted, reaching for the glass of Shiraz in front of him.

  Allie was just pushing the food on her plate around, feeling far too sick to put anything in her mouth. “I’ve just been thinking,” she shrugged.

  “About?” he prodded.

  “Us,” she replied, sucking in a steadying breath, as she mentally prepared herself for the conversation she’d rehearsed a hundred times.

  Reece could see she was nervous and guessed good news was not on her mind. “Okay,” he nodded, replacing the glass on her small kitchen table and leaning forwards. “What is it?” he asked.

  “Reece,” she sighed, staring at the fingerprints he’d left on the glass. “I told you, I can’t be in a relationship right now.”

  “I know.”

  “So, we can’t do this anymore,” she continued, realizing that he simply didn’t see the problem.

  “Why not?” he smiled.

  “Ree-”

  “Look,” he quickly interrupted, knowing exactly what she would say if he allowed her to continue. “You said no relationship, we’re not in a relationship.”

  “Do you know how many times we’ve seen each other over the last several weeks?” she argued, leaning back exhaustedly against the uncomfortable wooden chair.

  “Most nights,” he admitted. “But that doesn’t mean anything,” he added. “There’s no pressure, Allie,” he urged. “You’re busy, that’s fine. You don’t want to tell your parents that we’re dating again, that’s fine, too.”

  “Reece,” she muttered, shaking her head.

  “It’s completely casual, Allie. If that’s what you want, you got it.”

  Drawing in a shaky breath, Allie tried to remind herself of what was at stake; why she had to call a halt to things now. “And what do you want?” she asked, wondering if a different angle would help her cause.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Let’s forget what I want for a second,” Allie said, meeting his eyes. “What do you want?”

  Placing his palms on the table either side of his plate, he glanced down thoughtfully. “Honestly,” he mumbled. “I don’t know.” Turning his eyes back to her, he shrugged one shoulder exaggeratedly. “I’m not promising you romance and roses, Allie, because I don’t know where this is heading any more than you do. What I do know is that I like being with you.” He paused momentarily, before smiling to himself. “I really like being with you, so I’ll take whatever it is you’re offering.”

  “I’m not offering anything, Reece,” she responded sadly, tears welling in her lower lids.

  Refusing to answer right away, Reece sat quietly, running his fingers up and down the stem of the wine glass. “You want me to go?” he asked.

  “I can’t offer you anything,” Allie continued, ignoring the question. “I should never have let things go as far as they did. I shouldn’t have agreed to meet you in the first place,” she told him, hot tears beginning to spill onto her cheeks. “Sooner or later, this has got to end.” Sniffing she tried to hold back the droplets that trailed zigzag patterns down her cheeks. “I think it might be better for both of us, if we just end it now.”

  Scraping his chair backwards on the tiled floor, Reece shot to his feet. Allie had half-expected him to just turn around and march out of the door, but he rounded the table and crouched beside her. Placing one hand on her leg and the other curled around her chin, he turned her to face him. “Allie, what’s going on?” he asked.

  “Nothing,” she sniffed, trying to remove her face from her grasp.

  Reece refused to let go. “I know you’re lying to me,” he responded flatly. “Look, whatever it is, you can tell me.”

  “I can’t,” she sobbed, the dam breaking and tears flowing with abandon.

  “Yes, you can,” he insisted firmly. “Are you pregnant? Did you kill someone? Are you on drugs? Is your husband coming home any minute?”

  No longer able to form intelligible words, Allie made abortive attempts to answer. However, to Reece a reply wasn’t necessary at that moment. Shuffling onto his knees, he placed his arms around her waist and pulled her towards him. Allie moved without any fight, her arms quickly clamping around his neck and embracing him furiously, as she continued to sob into his neck. For several minutes, they clung to one another like that, Reece gently rocking her and whispering nonsense words of comfort.

  Eventually, still weeping heavily, Allie began to press her lips to Reece’s neck and the top of his collarbone, which was visible in his T-shirt. As she continued to nibble, and lick at his skin, her sobs softened.

  “Allie,” he nudged, rubbing his hand reassuringly over the small of her back. “It’s okay.”

  Her lips moved up the side of his neck, sucking on the thin layer of flesh. “I need you,” she gasped breathlessly, starting a trail up his chin.

  “Allie,” he breathed, torn between his desire to comfort her and the need to finish their conversation. “Maybe we should…”

  “Please Reece,” she begged her mouth teasing at the corners of his lips.

  His tongue reflexively ran along his bottom lip and tasted he
r salty tears. Slowly, he released his tight hold of her waist and lifted his hands to her face. Cradling her head in both of his large hands, he drew his thumbs under her eyes, wiping away most of the tears that had spilled there. “Whatever it is,” he said softly. “We can get through it together.”

  Almost imperceptible, Allie shook her head.

  “So, this is it?” he asked. The question was spoken quietly and without accusation.

  “I’m so sorry,” she whimpered.

  Reece inhaled a jagged breath. “What do you want from me now? One last fuck?” He was hurt, that much was evident and Allie didn’t blame him for that. And that had, after all, been the original plan. Except it wasn’t ‘fucking’.

  “It was never just sex,” she stated calmly, fresh tears stinging at the backs of her eyes.

  Reece’s fingers slowly slipped from her face. “I’m not so sure any more,” he shook his head, as he rose to his feet. “I mean, if you can’t talk to me…If you don’t trust me,” he added. “Then, what the hell has this all been about?”

  Leaping to her feet, Allie grasped his forearm, sensing that he was about to make a move for the door. “It’s not about trust,” she countered. “You know I trust you.”

  “Then why can’t you tell me?” he yelled in frustration.

  “It’s not that simple,” she screamed back.

  “Why not?” Reece snapped.

  “Because I think I’m falling in love with you,” she returned, the words flowing before she had time to think about the consequences, let alone stop them.

  Residual anger caused Reece’s chest to rise and fall in jerky heaves, as he gradually processed her blurted admission. It was said too quickly to have been a ploy, it was too nonsensical in regard to the things she’d been saying just moments before to have been a lie. In fact, he could see the panicked look on her face, which told him she wished she could take the profession back.

  Allie waited anxiously for his response, her heart pounding violently against her ribcage.