A Knight of the Word

by Brooks, Terry

Hardly at all. A friend of your mother's. How about that' She seemed amazed. Nest blushed. `Oh, now, don't you be embarrassed, Nest. I'm just making conversation to hide my surprise at anybody knowing John from before hum corning here. 'you know, really, he spends all his time with Stef that's Stefanie Winslow,•, his . . . oh, what do you call it, I always forget? Oh, that's right, his "significant other:" Sounds so awkward, saying it like that, doesn't it? His significant other. Anyway, that's what Stefanie is. Real pretty girl, his sweetheart. Do anything for him. They came here together about a year ago, and neither one of them talks hardly at all about what went on before'

  Nest nodded, distracted.The uneasiness vas stealing over her again, a persistent tugging that refused to be ignored. She couldn't understand where it was coming from. She had never experienced anything like it.

  Della stood up abruptly. `You want a cup of coffee while you wait, Nest? Tell you what. Why don't you come with me, and I'll introduce you to a few of the people who work here, some of John's friends, let them catch you up on what he's been doing? He's downtown at the Seattle Art Museum checking things out for tomorrow night. Big dedication party. Simon's giving a speech John wrote, thanking the city and so forth for the building, their support and all. You probably dorit know about that, but John can fill you in later. C'mon, young lady, right this way,'

  She led Nest around the intake desk and down the hallway toward the elevator. Nest followed reluctantly, still trying to sort out the reason for her discomfort. Was Ariel responsible? Was the tatterdemalion trying to communicate with her in some way?

  As they reached the elevator doors, a tall, lean, mostly balding black man walked through a doorway from further down the hall and came toward them.

  'Ray!' Della Jerkins called out to him at once, `Come over here and meet Nest Freemark. Nest is an old friend of John's, come by to say hello:

  The black man strolled up, grinning broadly. `We talking about John Ross, the man with no past? I didn't think he had any old friends. Does he know about this, Nest, about you being his old friend? Or are you here to surprise him with the news?'

  He held out his hand and Nest took it. `Ray Hapgood,' he introduced himself. `Very pleased to meet you, and welcome to Seattle'

  'Ray, you take ".lest on dawn and get her some coffee, will you? Introduce her to Stef and Carole and whoever, and keep her company until John gets back,' Della was already looking over her shoulder at the lobby entrance as the elevator doors opened. `I got to get back out front and keep an eye on things. Go on now.'

  She gave Nest a smile and a wave and walked away. The doors closed, leaving Nest alone with Ray Hapgood.

  `What brings you to Seattle, Nest?' he asked, smiling.

  She hesitated. `I was thinking of transferring schools; she said, inventing a lie to suit the situation.

  He nodded. 'Lot of good schools in Washington. You'd like it out here. So tell me. You know John a long time? I meant what I said; he never talks about his past, never mentions anything about it'

  `I don't know him all that well, actually: She glanced up at the floor numbers on the reader board. 'Mostly, my mother knows him. Knew him. She's dead. I didn't know him until a few years ago, when he came to visit. For a few days, that's all'

  She was talking too much, giving up too much, but her uneasiness was increasing with every passing moment. She was beginning to hear voices-vague whispers that might be coming from her, but might also be coming from someone else.

  `Oh, I'm sorry about that. About your mother.' Ray Hapgood seemed genuinely embarrassed. `Has she been gone a long time?'

  Nest suddenly felt trapped in the elevator. She thought that if she didn't get out right away, right this instant, she might start to scream. She was racked with shivers and her .skin was crawling and her breathing was coming much too quickly. 'She's. been dead since I was little,' she managed.

  The elevator doors opened, and she burst through in a near panic, feeling stupid and frightened and confused all at the same time. Ray Hapgood followed, leaking at her funnily, `I don't like close places,' she lied.

  Oh, he mouthed silently, nodded, and gave her a reassuring smile.

  They were in a basement room filled with long, multipurpose tables and folding chairs, a coffee machine, shelves with dishes, anal storage cabinets. There were mingled smells of cooking and musty dampness, and she could hear a furnace cranking away from behind a closed door at the back of the room. Fluorescent lighting from low-hung fixtures cast a brilliant white glare over the whale of the windowless enclosure, giving it a harsh, unnatural brightness. Al young man sat alone at a table to one side, poring through a sheaf of papers. Two women sat together at another table close to the coffee machine, talking in low voices. The women looked up as Nest appeared with Ray Hapgood. One was middleaged and unremarkable, with short blond hair and a kind face. The other was probably not yet thirty and strikingly beautiful. Nest knew at once that she was Stefanie Winslow.

  `Ladies,' Ray greeted, steering Nest toward their table. `Say hello to Nest Freemark, an old friend of John's. Nest, this is Carole Price, our director of operations here at Flesh Start, and Stefanie Winslow, the boss's press secretary and all-around troubleshooter'

  Nest shook hands with each in turn, noting the looks of surprise that appeared on both faces when Ray mentioned her connection to Ross. It .vas becoming dear that when John Ross had ceased to be a Knight of the Word, he had turned his back on his past entirely. The women smiled at Nest, and she smiled back, but this whale business of her relationship with Ross was growing awkward, and she wished he would just hurry up and get back so that she could get this visit aver with.

  `Sit down. Nest; Carole Price suggested, pulling out a chair. `I can't believe we have someone here who actually knows John from. . . well, from when?

  long time ago; Nest answered, trying not to sound evasive. She sat down. `It was my mother who knew him, really.'

  `Your mother?' Carole Price prompted.

  `They went to school together:

  'Good heavens!' Carole Price seemed amazed. 'Even Stef doesn't know much about our boy from those days.'

  Stefanie Winslow shook her head in quick agreement. `He never talks about himself, about what he was doing or who he was before we met:' Her smile was dazzling. 'Tell us something about him Nest. before he gets back. Tell us something he won't tell us himself'

  `Yeah, go on; Ray Hapgood urged, drawing up a chair across from her.

  What Nest Freemark wanted to do mast right then was to get out of there. The room felt impossibly dose and airless, the fluorescent light hot and revealing, and the presence of these people she didn't know a weight she could barely shoulder. What was happening inside her was indescribable. The uneasiness had taken on a life of its own, and it was careening about in her chest and throat like a pinball, shrieking unintelligibly and battering her senses. It was taking all her energy to keep it from getting completely out of control, to prevent it from breaking free in a form she could only begin to imagine. She had never experienced anything like it before. She was frightened and confused. She was wishing she had never come looking for John Ross.

  `Come on, Nest, tell us something," Stefanie Window urged cheerfully.

  `He was in love with my mother,' she blurted out, saying the first thing that came to mind, not toeing if it was true or not, just wanting to shift their focus to something else. What in heaven's name was wrong with her?

  There was a flicker of uncertainty in Stefanie Window's eyes. Then Ray Hapgood said, `Her mother died some years ago, Stef This was a college romance, Id guess'

  `It was' Nest agreed quickly, realizing what Stefanie Winslow must be thinking. `It happened a long time ago'

  `Let's get you some coffee, Nest' Hapgoad announced. `I don't want Della on my case for not keeping my promises'

  He stood up and walked over to the coffee machine and drew down a cup and filled it. `Cream or sugar?'

  Nest shook her head. She no longer wanted the coffee. She thou
ght if she drank it, she would throw it right back up. She was physically sick to her stomach, her head was throbbing, and there was a buzzing in her ears. But it was tile uneasiness that rolled through her like a riptide that commanded her focus.

  `Nest, you don't look well,` Carole Price said suddenly, concern shadowing her blunt features.

  `I am a little queasy; she admitted. `I think maybe it was something I ate at breakfast'

  `Do you want to lie down for a little while? We've got some beds that aren't in use, up on two'

  Nest shook her head. `No, I just need to ... you know, maybe what I need is to go back up and get some fresh air for a moment'

  Carole Price was on her feet instantly. `Here, I'll take you right up. Ray, forget about that coffee. I don't think it's what she needs just now. C'mon, Nest, come with me'

  She took Nests arm and led her toward the elevator. `Nice meeting you. Nest,' Stefanie Winslow called after her. `Maybe I'll see you later'

  `Bye, Nest,' Ray Hapgood said.'You take care:

  Carole Price had her almost to the elevator when the doors opened and Simon Lawrence stepped out. .She knew him right away from his pictures in the magazine articles and books. He was dressed in jeans with the sleeves of his plain blue workshirt rolled up, but there was something polished and elegant about the way he held himself as he stepped out of the lift and smiled at her.

  He held out his hands. `Here, here, what's this: Carole, where are you taking her:' She just got here. I haven't even met her yet. Is everything all right?'

  `She's feeling a little queasy, that's all,' Carole replied, slowing. 'I was taking her up for some air.'

  Simon Lawrence soak Nest's hands in his own and held them. 'Well, we cant Stave you getting sick" he said. `you go on upstairs, Nest, and we'll talk later. I want you to know that I'm very pleased you've come to see us. I didn't realize you were a friend of John's, but I certainly know who you are:

  Everyone stared at them, confused. Simon Lawrence laughed. `You don't recognize her, do you?' He shook his .head. `1 have got to get you out of the office more, all of you. Or at least reading the papers about something besides the homeless once in a while. Ray, I'm especially disappointed in your: He squeezed Nest's hands. 'This young lady is the best college distance runner in the nation-maybe in the world. She's been written up in any number of articles as the next Mary Decker Slaney - except that Nest isn't going to fall when she runs in the next Olympics, are you, Nest? You're going to win'

  Nest knew she was expected to say something, but she couldn't think of what it should be. Finally she said, `It's a long way off yet'

  Simon Lawrence laughed and released her hand. `Good point, young lady. We shouldn't get ahead of ourselves. But you'll do fine, I know. Its very nice to meet you. Now you go on up with Carole, and I'll see you later:

  He walked past Nest with a smile, already back to kidding Ray Hapgood about his failure to recognize Nest Freemark when he was such an avid sports fan. Stefanie Winslow was on her feet, grinning and joking, as well. Nest stepped into the elevator with Carole Price and let the doors close behind them.

  She rode back up to the ground floor with something approaching panic, but she made it down the hall past a wondering Dells Jenkins and out the front door, where she stood with Carole holding on to her while she took huge gulps of fresh air in an effort to steady herself. The deep breathing seemed to work. The nausea and headache went away. Her uneasiness lingered, but gradually it began to lessen. Her insides quit churning, and the whispers and buzzing receded into the sounds of the city shout her.

  Are you feeling better?' Carole asked her after a few minutes.

  Nest nodded. `I am, thanks. Much better: She straightened, gently freeing herself from Carole's proprietorial grip. She tried out a fresh smile. 'I didn't come here to bet underfoot. I know you must have work to do, and fm fine now. I"11 just wait out here for John. Maybe I'll come back inside in a few minutes.'

  Carole seemed uncertain, but Nest reassured her, and the other woman left her alone. Nest leaned .against the wall of the building and stared out at the people and traffic, trying to make sense of what had happened. .She could not account for it. This odd uneasiness was an entirely new experience. It was like having a sudden bout of flu coupled with a good scare. It didn't make any sense. The feeling had started when she entered the building and talked with the people who worked there. Was it something connected with that? Was it her magic, reacting to something' If so, her magic was taking a new direction; it hadn't ever done anything like this before.

  She whispered Ariel's name as she stood with her back against the building wall, thinking that the tatterdemalion might appear and reveal to her the source of her discomfort. But Ariel stayed hidden.

  Nest stood to one side of the doorway and considered the matter from every angle she could imagine, but the answer she was seeking eluded her.

  She was still deliberating when a taxi pulled up in front of her and the man she had come to Seattle to find stepped out.

  CHAPTER 12

  John Ross.

  She recognized him immediately. Even though it had been five years since she had seen him' last and she had been only a girl at the time, she recognized him. He didn't look as if he had changed at all. His boyish face was still weathered and rugged, still all planes and angles, still the face of the bay next door grown up. He still wore jeans and a blue denim shirt with worn walking shoes and a silver-buckled belt, looking as if he might be one meal or one paycheck from being homeless himself He still wore his long brown hair tied back from his face with a bandanna, and lie still carried the heavy black staff.

  It was as if he had been frozen in time, and while she had changed, grown into a young woman, he had remained exactly the same.

  She watched him climb gingerly from the taxi, leaning heavily on the staff, reach back to pay the driver, then start toward the front door of Fresh Start. She straightened and moved away from the wall. He looked at her without recognition and smiled pleasantly.

  Then surprise shadowed his face and turned quickly to astonishment mingled with something else. He stared at her" slowing, then came forward again, an uncertain smile chasing the feelings back into hiding.

  `Nest?' he asked carefully. `Is that you?'

  `Hello, John; she greeted.

  'I don't believe it; he said.

  He stopped in front of her and stood there awkwardly, shaking his head, the smile broadening. His clear green eyes looked her up and down, assessing her, comparing her with what he remembered. She could read everything in his expression-how much she had changed, and at the same time, how familiar he found her.

  She started to extend her hand, then stopped, feeling it wasn't enough. He glanced down, then up again, meeting her gaze, and their arms extended toward each other at the same moment and they embraced warmly.

  `Nest, Nest, Nest,' he whispered, and he said it with such tenderness that it made her want to cry.

  She drew hack after a moment and grinned. `Guess I've changed a bit from what you remember'

  He returned her grin. 'Guess you have. You look good, Nest. You look. . . terrific.'

  She blushed in spite of herself. `Well, gee' She shook her head in embarrassment. `You look pretty terrific yourself'

  They stood in the middle of the sidewalk staring at each other. People walked by, a few glancing over curiously, but neither one paid the least attention. For Nest, it was as if time had stopped completely. She wasn't prepared for how good it was to see him. She wasn't prepared far haw good it made her feel. She had come looking for John Ross because she believed she must if she did not want his death on her conscience, and not because she felt she needed to see him. She had lived five years with such ambivalent feelings about him that she could not come to terms with whether she ever wanted to see him again. Now, in an instant in time, five hears of uncertainty were swept away, and she knew that coming to find him, that seeing him, was exactly the right thing.

  'I just can'
t believe that you're standing here' He opened his arms to emphasize the extent of his amazement, °I suppose I should have written you or called, but I wasn't sure . . . well, that you would want to speak to me'

  She smiled sadly. `Neither was I. Not until right now.'

  'How did you ever find me?'

  She shrugged. 'I had some help:

  `I didn't think anyone knew where I was. I haven't talked to anyone, told anyone here about. .

  `I know. They told me you've kept your life a mystery'

  'You've been inside already:' He glanced toward the doorway. `You met Simon?' She nodded. `And Stef?' She nodded again. `Ray, Carole, all the others?'

  'Some of them, anyway. The lady at the reception desk, Della, sent me downstairs to wait far you. I met everyone there. They were amazed you had any friends from the past: She gave him a meaningful look. 'They were amazed you even had a past'