Becoming James Black

by Skye Turner

  “I’m barely living and some days, I don’t want to. And then I hate myself for thinking that. I have a tiny life inside of me, but I don’t know who else created it. I don’t want a baby with any of those monsters, but I can’t bear the thought of anything happening to it.

  “I love it and I hate it. I hate myself. I hate everything, but then I feel a tiny movement like a reminder from God that I have a purpose.

  “What is it though? What could my purpose possibly be? Why would God let this happen to us? Yet, we’re here, so I think that God is with us.

  “I’m so confused, Rose. I don’t know what to do. I’m lost and I know that I can’t live like this. If they find out, they’ll kill me. Or they’ll take the baby or make me get rid of it. I can’t do that. I can’t live this way.

  “We have to go. It’s time to go. We can’t just wait anymore.”

  Her voice is rising with her panic and I try to calm her. Wrapping my arms around them both, I hug them. When I first got here, I thought these girls were so strong and tough, but they’re not. They’re just like me.

  We’re all kids and we don’t deserve this.

  As I hug them, I say clearly to make sure they hear me, “I’m going to meet Jaye in a minute. I think it’s time. He’s been talking with Sam. Let me go talk to him and see what we need to do. Trust me, ok?

  “Please don’t do anything crazy. I promise you that we will all get out of here, but let me talk to Jaye and hear what he has to say.

  “We’re going to escape this. I promise.”

  Their somber expressions make it hard to breathe, but finally they nod. Raquel eats the food I’ve brought. As the sky darkens to an unrelenting black, they huddle under their blankets and try to rest, and I cautiously make my way down the stairs and out the door to meet with Jaye.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Jaye

  I’m on pins and needles as I wait for Rose. I pace the ten by ten room that’s been my home for the past four hellish years as everything races through my brain.

  Finally, I hear her soft footsteps in the barn. Racing to the door, I yank it open and as she sees me, she sprints the remaining distance. It’s been a few days since I’ve held her, so I swing her around the small room as I simply breathe in the scent of her hair. She clutches me just as tightly and buries her face in my neck.

  Her lips press kisses to any skin she can find there.

  Pulling back, I crash my lips to hers and we get lost in each other for a few moments. She’s the one who eventually ends the kiss. She whispers against my lips as she hugs me so tightly that my breathing is restricted, “Jaye, please say we are good to go. The girls are desperate. They’re talking about just running away. Tell me we have a solid plan?!”

  Taking a deep breath, I step back with her still in my arms and sit on the bed, pulling her into my lap. She moves so she’s straddling my hips, facing me. Scooting back, I lean against the wall and sigh.

  My hands play with a piece of hair that’s escaped her twist as she looks at me expectantly. “It’s happening the day after your birthday. Five days. The judge is coming out here that night. Sam had the phone in the house tapped and they’ve been listening to every conversation.” She gasps and her eyes widen with apprehension. Reaching out, I take her hands in mine, cradling them. They’re like ice.

  She nods cautiously. “Ok, so what’s the plan?”

  I hate this part. I hate what I’m about to say…

  “They wanted to talk to you, but I told them there was no way and that you never leave the farm. It would be way too suspicious if you suddenly left to go to town and there would really be no way for you to meet with them without anyone seeing you.”

  She nods, but stays completely silent.

  “You’re the bait, Rose.”

  Her terrified cry makes me jump… “What? Noooo. I can’t…”

  Wrapping my arms around her, I pull her into my chest to try to comfort her. She burrows into me like she can’t get warm and my hands clench and unclench on her back. When she stills, I continue. I just need to get this out.

  “You can, Rose. You have to… The Judge is going to come out and pay the Meagers half of the money. In cash. Then, Tobias is to deliver you to the room in the house where everything happens. The Judge was told that you would fight and he said that was fine, he likes that and he just wants restraints for your hands and feet.”

  Rose wails into my chest and starts to shake in absolute, bone-numbing terror. The sounds she’s emitting make me want to call the whole thing off.

  The next part is the worst part in my opinion. The whole thing is sick and twisted, but this part… this part freezes my blood. I rub her back and push forward before I break down and I’m unable to get it out. “Tobias wants to be in the room. He wants to watch. He wants to watch you be violated, then when –––– when you’re broken and bloody, he wants to take his turn…” I have to stop. The image in my head is threatening to suffocate me.

  Rose’s tears are soaking my shirt and her body is jerking with her sobs.

  My own voice cracks as I hurriedly spit it out, “It’s not going to happen, baby! I promise you… Once the Judge enters the room, the authorities are going to storm the house, Rose. They have to get him paying the Meagers and entering the room with you in it. You have to be in the room or he’ll walk.

  “The house of cards will fall… All of these sick fuckers… They’re all going down… The house will be completely surrounded and the cars will be disabled so no one can leave. I’m checking the room for weapons before they get here. They’re tossing smoke into the room and it’ll distract them. No one will get near you. As soon as the smoke bomb is dropped, Sam is coming in the window. He’s getting you out, baby. And he’s handing you to me…

  “Once they have Tobias, the Judge, and Bernice, they’re grabbing the notebook. The notebook will implicate everyone else…

  “I saw it… I looked into it the other day. I snuck into the house and looked. So much money… So much abuse… Names, dates, and money… She’s smarter than we thought. She kept very detailed records… For years, Rose. As soon as they grab that, they’re all going down. This place will be vanquished from the map.

  The shudders racking my body as I try to absorb Rose’s panic and terror almost break me. I cannot believe what they’re asking of her. I whisper, “The fact that you’re a minor… they don’t want to use you, but they also know there’s no other way…

  “I begged them for another way, but there isn’t one.”

  Tears are streaming down my face and falling into her hair at the horror I’m asking her to endure. Her body is shaking so badly I’m terrified she’s going to shatter her bones. Her teeth are chattering in my ear as she raises her head. Her red-rimmed green eyes pierce my soul as she stares at me.

  I cup her face with my palm and she presses her cheek into it more deeply as she closes her eyes. She cries, “I don’t know if I can do that, Jaye. I don’t know if I can handle it…”

  I make her a promise. “You can. You’re strong, Baby and they will not touch you! I swear to you, they will not touch you; but, you’ll have to be restrained… naked.” I can’t believe they’re asking this of her. She’s only sixteen. She’ll be naked and exposed to those perverts. But, I swear that they will not touch her. I’ll kill them first. I made Sam promise that I could be there. She’s going to need me there.

  He wasn’t happy, but he agreed.

  Rose’s body is pressed against me so tightly it’s as if we’re one person. Her tormented sobs are gutting me.

  Finally, she opens her eyes and focuses on me. I ask her hoarsely, “Can you do this, Baby?”

  Her sobs echo in the room before her eyes clear and her back straightens. Her face hardens as she nods. “I can. I can do this. I have to. It’s not just about me, Jaye. Gabby and Raquel have to get out of here.”

  I swallow. I love her. I love that she’s willing to risk herself to save the others, but I’m so terrified t
hat something is going to go wrong.

  What if something goes wrong?

  Stop thinking that. Nothing is going to go wrong…

  Then why is my gut twisted with foreboding?!

  Shaking my head to clear my scattered thoughts, I kiss Rose softly while I hold on to her for dear life.

  She hugs me back and we’re both quiet as we embrace on my bed. The same bed where she gave me her innocence and I made her mine. Those beautiful memories are the only thing that keep me warm when my soul freezes with fear as I think about what we’re about to do.

  So many things could go wrong. These people deserve everything that’s about to happen to them, but I don’t for one second think that they wouldn’t kill all of us if they knew their world was about to blow up in their faces.

  This is big. We’re talking about taking down an entire town and almost every person in it. The repercussions from this will last a lifetime. People’s lives will be ruined. But other lives… the lives I care about will be saved. Those are the only people that matter. Fuck the rest of this place.

  My pulse picks up as I think about the faces of the people involved. Some have children… families… But, I can’t think about that.

  They also hurt children. They take advantage of them. They exploit them and use them for their own selfish pleasures. What happens in the privacy of their homes?

  Do they do to their own children… to their neighbors’ children what they have no issues doing to us?

  People like that are sick. They’re twisted and they made the choice to use children for their perverse pleasures… They made the decision and eventually every decision has a price.

  I haven’t told Rose yet, but Sam asked me in a roundabout way if we’ve been sexually active. I didn’t lie to him, but I didn’t answer him either. I know he knows that we have… he wouldn’t have asked otherwise. But, I figure as long as I’m not confirming or denying it to him, if it comes out and I’m charged with statutory rape, he can’t be involved.

  I’m protecting him. He’s always tried to protect me… It’s not his fault no one gave us a chance.

  He’s helping me. He loves me and he wants to protect me. I know that he would lie for me… and I can never allow him to do that. He means too much to me for me to take away his integrity. I’ll never take that from Sam. I can’t.

  Samuel McAllister is a good man. No, a great man… I can only hope to be a fragment of the man he is someday.

  I can’t help but think of how different my life would be if he’d been allowed to raise me like he wanted. I wouldn’t be in this hellhole. I wouldn’t hate myself for the things I’ve done with countless women… I would be a different man. A man that would be deserving of Rose.

  But then again, if I wasn’t here, I wouldn’t know her.

  No, I can’t imagine not having Rose. Not loving her. She saved me. She’s the reason we’re doing this. I don’t know that any of us would be able to go through with this. I don’t know if we could take this town down without her.

  Sam is a spiritual man. He’s a Christian man and is always telling me not to lose faith. I lost faith a long time ago… How could I not with the life I’ve lived?!

  But lately… I’ve been thinking about what he’s always said. He’s told me since day one that it’s ok to question God, but it’s not ok to deny him. Sam believes that he was placed in my life and I was placed in his for a reason. He believes everyone has a purpose and a plan and maybe this is mine. Maybe Rose was sent here to wake us all up.

  Then again… I don’t know why God would allow the horrors around here to continue to happen either.

  Rose is the light. She’s the light in my darkness. With her, I feel like a different person. I feel like I’m worth something. She makes me believe that I’m worth something. She refuses to give up on me. She chooses to believe in goodness… even when she’s surrounded by evil.

  She’s the reason we’re doing this… and at the end of the day, I have to believe that everything will be worth it.

  One way or the other, in five days, our world is going to change…

  As I listen to Rose breathing deeply as she sleeps in my arms, I cling to that hope and eventually I fall into slumber behind her and dream of the life I want us to have.

  A life free of the demons that haunt us all.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Rose

  It’s been three days since I heard the plan. I told the girls what was happening, but not the details. They know that the day after tomorrow things are going to happen and that our lives are going to change, but I kept the gritty details to myself. They’ve dealt with enough, I don’t want them worrying about me on top of everything else.

  They’re nervous, we all are, but there’s a spring to their step that hasn’t been there for as long as I’ve known them.

  Me, I’m terrified. But I also know that Jaye would walk through fire to protect me. All I can do is pray that it never comes to that.

  I’ve tried not to dwell on the fact that I’m going to be naked and tied to a bed in two days. Naked and completely vulnerable in the same room as two vile and disgusting child molesters. That’s what they are. These are men who prey on teenaged girls, adolescents. I don’t know how many girls they’ve hurt and I don’t really want to, but I want them to pay for every child they harmed. Every shred of innocence they stripped from anyone… ever.

  How do they face themselves in the mirror? How the hell can they sleep at night with all they’ve done?

  I haven’t seen much of Jaye since I fell asleep in his arms the other night. He’s been busy and when he woke me at sunrise with a soft kiss on my forehead, he told me that we needed to be smart and not raise any alarms. I knew he was right, so I agreed to stay away from him. He walked me to the door and kissed me briefly before I snuck back into the house to creep upstairs without Tobias and Bernice realizing I was ever gone.

  It’s so hard to stay away from him, when all I want to do is run to him and have him wrap his arms around me and tell me everything is going to be ok.

  I’m sweeping the front porch in the cool air and watching the barn for even the smallest glimpse of Jaye when I feel someone behind me. Whirling quickly, I clutch the broom to my chest. I already know who’s standing there. The hairs standing up on the back of my neck and my clammy skin give away his identity.

  Of course, I’m right.

  Tobias is standing there with another jug of whatever rotgut he’s drinking and apparently he’s already a good way into the bottle. He’s swaying on his feet and extremely fidgety. As he leers at me, he stumbles and the cracked railing on the porch is the only thing that keeps him upright. He sags against it so hard it utters a protesting groan.

  His beady eyes travel over me and he sneers as he makes a disgusting comment about my breasts. I ignore it and look behind him to see how difficult it’ll be to pass him and escape into the house. I know that he wants that money the Judge is offering, but I also know that when he’s three sheets to the wind like this, he might be stupid enough to try something. Raquel and Gabby are in one of the back rooms of the house cleaning it and I don’t know where Jaye is, so I can’t count on him for help.

  Bernice took the truck into town earlier, so she’s not here either. It’s just Tobias and me on the porch and the look in his eyes has me nervous. Mustering my courage, I stand tall and glare at him. He laughs in my face and his breath nauseates me, but I refuse to flinch.

  I stand my ground, though everything in me is screaming to get away from him. Glancing away again, I try to determine how many steps it would take to bring me to the door. If I can just get into the house, I can flip the lock and in his drunken stupor, he just might pass out somewhere out here.

  With a quickness that takes me by surprise, he reaches out and grabs ahold of my hair. I wasn’t expecting the action, so I scream out as he wraps his gnarled fingers in my waves and yanks my head back painfully. He leans down. “Where do you think you’re going, whore?” />
  My eyes are watering from the force of his grip on my hair. I want to cry, but I can’t give in to the pain.

  Don’t you dare give him the pleasure, Rose!

  When I don’t answer him, he yanks harder and I can feel pieces being removed by the root. The pain is excruciating, but I don’t utter a sound as I glare at him.

  He laughs again and leans down. His head is over my heaving chest. He licks my cleavage. I jerk instinctively and try to get away from him, but he anticipates the movement and yanks my hair harder. My back is bowed, he’s pulling so hard and I feel a button pop on my bodice. My hands reach up and I claw at him to try to get him to release me. I’m breaking skin, but he only laughs as he drops his jug and brutally grabs my breast. He squeezes it and I can’t stop the cry I utter from the pain.

  Kicking and grabbing at his hands, I rake my nails over his leathery skin. I feel something sticky and I know he’s bleeding. But it only causes him to laugh, though he groans. “Oh, I knew you’d be a fighter. Damn, I want to be the one to break you. To wear that fighting spirit down. It’s always the best when they fight. God, I love when they fight. But it’s even better when they submit.” His hand moves from my breast and he roughly grabs between my legs. I want to vomit as he cups me. His eyes light up as I furiously fight him and I can feel his erection against my thigh. He breathes against my chin and licks it as he grunts, “You will submit.”

  With the last of my strength, I knee him in the groin. He doubles over and releases his grip on me. With more anger than I knew I possessed, I kick him as hard as I can in the ribs and when he wheezes out that he’s going to kill me, I lean into his face and spit before saying coldly, “Bring it, you sick fuck.”

  Leaving him writhing on the porch, I run into the house and lock the flimsy screen door. I race up the stairs and into the bedroom I share with Gabby and Raquel. A few seconds later, Gabby races in and she’s out of breath. When she crosses over the threshold and sees me gasping into a bucket and trying not to vomit, she shrieks, “What happened? Oh my God, Rose. Are you ok? What happened? We heard Tobias raising his voice and then a loud thump on the porch. What the hell happened?”