Transformation

by Rosemary Nourse

  My dad told me that I'd never even seen a real cow, so how or why in the world was I going to be a cow doctor?" he smiled at the recollection. "I can laugh about it now, but at the time, he was serious and it really bothered me."

  "Obviously, you're life has turned out very well and they see it was the right choice."

  "For me it was absolutely the right choice, but I don't think they'll ever understand it. Not that it should matter at our age if our parents approve of our choices."

  "It doesn't matter to me anymore, not in the least."

  "Tell me about your family," he inquired, playing with a piece of her hair.

  Kate was quiet for a moment, swinging back and forth as she looked out into the night sky that was so enormous and glittering with bright stars.

  "I don't really have a family."

  "Everyone has a family, whether you like them or not," he said quietly, not wanting to scare her from talking about it.

  "True. I have a family member; a mother who drank way too much. She'd been an alcoholic all of my life, for as long as I've had memories. I don't know if she's even alive, death is always a possibility with her way of life and the people she hangs out with.

  Anyway, I basically took care of myself and her too. She put me at risk many times, I had to grow up very fast and it's a miracle I'm still alive. I left her behind and I don't plan to ever see her again," Kate spoke directly.

  Tray felt sympathy for her, "Are you sure you want that, you don't need some type of closure?"

  "No. I'm very sure I don't need it. I spent twenty four years trying to change her, trying to make our relationship better, trying to make her get better. And you know what, it's enough. I've had enough."

  "I understand," he said compassionately, "and I'm sorry."

  "About what?"

  "That you had to grow up like that, it must have been awful."

  "It was, it was also hard and terrifying and a bunch of other lousy things, but I made it. There're people who've had it much worse. I'm thankful I'm sane and that I was able to change my life."

  "You probably don't have too many happy memories of childhood," he commented.

  "Nope, not really. But things did get better when I got to school, I didn't have to be with her all day or whoever the scumball was that she'd find to babysit me while she was out doing God knows what. I made a few faithful friends and spent time at their houses, a teacher or two took me under their wing. But what really hurt was that I could never have anyone over to my house, ever. Hiding where you live and who you live with isn't easy. Then when a friend and I were old enough to drive, that gave me more freedom. The more freedom I had, the happier I was."

  He looked through her eyes and into her soul as she spoke and he connected to her in such a way that she felt it too. He put his arm around her and she rested her head on his shoulder. She felt him kiss her hair and rest his cheek upon it. They didn't need to talk, they only needed to be near.

  Kate sat up with a start, she must have dozed off while sitting there with Tray.

  "It's late and I'm losing it, I'd better get back while my eyes are still open."

  "You could spend the night here, in separate rooms of course," he offered.

  "I was in a separate room last time and woke up with you beside me."

  "That won't happen, I'll lock my door," he promised.

  "I'd better go," she smiled at him as she got up.

  "You don't trust me?" he asked her, half serious.

  "I don't know, maybe I don't trust myself."

  He walked her to the truck. The sleeping dogs remained on the porch, their paws and long ears hanging over the edge. Kate stopped before getting in and turned to face him.

  "Thanks for everything, I had a good time."

  "Thanks for coming, I had a good time too."

  He hugged her, it felt so safe and warm in his arms, for some reason she felt like crying. She pulled away and climbed into the truck. He waved as he watched her drive down the long driveway, the sight of her leaving gave his heart an ache. He walked back to the house, uncomfortable with the strength of the emotions he was feeling for her.

  Kate opened her window and put on the radio to keep herself awake. A soft country ballad played as her mind drifted. She thought about her evening with Tray; the feel of his kiss, his strong hands, his blue eyes, his dark hair, the way he smelled, his faded jeans, the way he listened so intently to everything she said. These thoughts of him stayed in her mind until she fell asleep that night.

  "How was your date, Miss Kate?" Molly teased her as they swam in the river after church that Sunday.

  "It was fine."

  "Just fine, boring," Sue called back before jumping in.

  "Did you kiss him?" Molly asked.

  "Yuck," exclaimed Sue.

  "You mean yum!" disagreed Amanda, Sue's sixteen-year-old sister.

  "That depends on who you're kissing," retorted Heather, Amanda's best friend.

  "Tell us about your date," persisted Amanda, "Tray's hot."

  "Yeah and tell us about the kiss," added Heather.

  "This is no fair, I'm out-numbered four to one," Kate protested.

  "Yes you are, plus we'll all gang up on you and dunk you under the ice cold falls if you don't spill it about Dr. Hunk," Amanda threatened.

  "Dr. Hunk?" Kate laughed at the name. "Let's get some things straight here girls, first of all, I'm stronger than all of you put together so don't even think about trying to dunk me and secondly, none of you are old enough to be thinking about kissing men."

  "We're not thinking about kissing men, we want to kiss boys," Amanda clarified the situation.

  "You guys aren't going to give up, are you?" Kate checked.

  "No!" they all shouted.

  "All right, all right, I'll say it once; my date was terrific."

  "Why?" Sue asked.

  "Details please," Heather requested.

  "Yeah, tell us more, tell us more," Molly and Sue sang the chorus from a "Grease" song.

  "Fine, he made me a nice dinner, his house is phenomenal and he's a good kisser—that's it."

  "Good, only good," they all noticed her adjective and found it weak.

  "Oh my god, I can't take this badgering anymore," Kate exclaimed in frustration as she climbed on top of a boulder at the edge of the waterhole and yelled out at the top of her lungs with arms outstretched, "it was great, Dr. Hunk is a great kisser!"

  Her voice bounced off the rocks and made an echo. The girls burst into laughter at Kate's proclamation, they laughed so hard Kate thought they were going to drown. Then they went into hysterical laughter, prompting Kate to look over her shoulder where she saw Tray standing there with an enormous grin on his face.

  "Oh shit," she said aloud as she jumped off the rock and under the water.

  Even underwater, she could still hear the girls laughing. She didn't want to come up for air. When she did, Tray was not far from her as he was now swimming with the kids. She smiled at him as he swam by, not knowing what to say. He was thoroughly enjoying her embarrassment. She quickly tried to pretend the whole scene didn't bother her.

  Finally Kate got out and sat on the bank as she watched the girls try to dunk Tray and play around. He'd had enough and came out too, sitting down next to her.

  "Hi there," he said.

  "Hi," she replied, not looking directly at him.

  "So, you think I'm a great kisser."

  "Shut up," she said automatically as she bumped him with her shoulder. "I was just trying to get the girls off my back."

  "Sure," he remarked in disbelief.

  "What brings you down here anyway?" she tried to leave that conversation behind.

  "I came to see you."

  "Oh."

  "I've been thinking about you—a lot," he admitted.

  "I've been thinking about you too—pretty much."

  "I don't really like it."

  "I don't like it much either," she replied, "it's a preoccupation."

>   "Good word, yes, it is. And it's hard to focus on anything when one is preoccupied."

  "Difficult to get things done," she agreed with him.

  "I guess there's nothing we can do about it," he continued.

  "I don't think so."

  "Just checking. I've gotta get back and do some gardening, I'll call you tomorrow."

  "Whatever," she remarked nonchalantly.

  "You don't want me to call?" he called her on the game.

  "You don't have to."

  "Actually, I do," he stated, leaning over so his face was an inch from hers.

  She would have grabbed him and kissed him at that moment if it weren't for the girls who were trying to look as though they weren't watching them. Tray hopped up onto his feet and disappeared up the pathway. She was suddenly hot again and went back in the water.

  It was only the first week in August, but the ranchers were thinking ahead, they always had to be aware of the seasons. The closer it came to the end of the summer, the closer it was to harvesting time and the harder they all worked. The rewards from all that sweat and blood would prove itself in the bounty of the harvest. Kate attempted to concentrate and keep her mind on her various tasks, but that was becoming more difficult. She told herself it must be because of that infatuation phase she was in; she'd heard other girls talk about it and had seen it on television or in romantic movies. When she'd spot Tray around different parts of the ranch or run into him in town, they'd chat in a business-like manner, but their glances revealed feelings that were much more.

  Kate assumed additional duties as the other hands had to shift their scope of responsibilities. Eddie would teach her how to drive and operate more of the equipment and it was time to start on the fences again, making sure all would be fixed in the next month or so before the winter weather would come howling in. She went down to the stables after lunch and would be cleaning them out and taking care of the horses while the hands moved out into the pastures.

  A few of the temporary hands working at the stables and southern pastures were quite attractive and muscular. Tray didn't like how they looked at Kate. Though she was down at the stables more often now, she didn't seem to take notice of them in particular. Tray fought to control his jealously. He hadn't been jealous in years and saw it as a sign of insecurity and weakness. He nodded his head, disgusted with himself, as he finished medicating the horse with an infected foot, then walked back to his truck. This caring about someone again was a real pain in the ass.

  On a sultry August night, Molly chattered away to Marge and Kate as they cleaned up after the evening meal. The upcoming church fair in town was all she could talk about and they'd been hearing about it for the past two weeks. But Molly wasn't the only excited fair-goer, Kate heard a lot of people talking about it when she went into town, it was a big affair in Colton. She learned that life here centered around the farms, family, churches and schools. That was about it.

  "I can't wait for Saturday night, can't wait. Sue's coming with us Mom, okay," Molly exclaimed.

  "That's fine, we'll see her parents down there and they can bring her home. I'll be too tired for any sleepovers, so don't ask while we're at the fair 'cause you girls stay up all night giggling."

  "Aw shoot," Molly expressed her disappointment.

  "What are you making for the fair, Kate?" Marge asked her as she wrapped a few leftovers and stuck them in the fridge.

  "I didn't have time to really think about it, Marge, I'm not sure."

  "You'd better get on the ball, girl, it's only a couple of days away."

  "I don't know, I was thinking about not going," she admitted.

  "Not going, why? You know a lot of people now and everybody goes."

  "It's more for the kids, isn't it?"

  "No, there's something for everyone. Don't' be shy, Kate. It's fun, the fair's become a tradition in this community and you are a part of the community."

  "Aren't you going with Tray anyway?" Molly asked.

  "No, he didn't mention anything about it."

  "Well, that doesn't matter because you're coming with us. Come up to the house at five thirty and we'll get there a little before six. And don't eat anything, there'll be tons of food," Marge instructed her.

  "All right," Kate agreed.

  "Great," Molly leapt up and gave Kate a hug as she skipped off to another part of the house.

  Kate finished wiping the kitchen counters and headed out the door for her bungalow.

  She'd washed up and put on a clean nightshirt, got herself a glass of ice water, fixed the fan to blow right over her bed and was about to climb in when there was a tap at the door.

  "Hey," Tray said as she opened the door, "hope I didn't wake you."

  "Not yet, come in. I was just about to go to bed."

  "I was up at the barn, checking on Mabel, so I wanted to drop by and see you."

  "That's nice, but her name's Mavis. How's she doing?" she corrected him.

  "She'll be okay after the antibiotics kick in."

  "Want something cold to drink, it's still so hot."

  "Sure, whatever you've got."

  She went into the kitchen and brought out two glasses of icy lemonade.

  "This should cool us off," she remarked, handing him a glass.

  "Looks great, thanks."

  She sat across from him on the sofa, her long legs folded.

  "So, how did your day go?" she asked him.

  "Very busy, I made a lot of rounds today and also saw patients in my office. What's so funny?"

  "It's kinda comical, the way you call the animals patients," she smiled.

  "What else should I call them, clients?"

  "No, that's worse, the ranchers would think you're nuts."

  He just looked at her for a moment, "Anyone ever tell you how cute you are?" he spoke what was on his mind as he scooted closer to her.

  "Nope, but I won't say the same for you because you're too damn old to be cute," she teased him.

  "Hey."

  "Those were your words," she reminded him.

  "Never repeat my own words to me, I want to remain under the delusion that they sound clever coming out of my mouth," he remarked as he leaned towards her.

  "I have no complaints about your mouth," she whispered just before he kissed her.

  He had to stop himself from kissing her for too long because it only served to drive him crazy and he wanted to remain a gentleman. She rested her head on his arm as they lay on the sofa together.

  "Tray, I was hoping we could get together Saturday night, what do you think?"

  "Um, I can't. But I'll be seeing you sometime Saturday, I'm sure of it."

  "What does that mean?"

  "It means, I won't go the weekend without seeing you," he replied.

  He suddenly got up, kissed her goodnight and left. She wondered what his problem was, he always left her guessing.

  Kate wasn't confident enough in her newly acquired culinary skills to enter any cooking contests, but she did bake a pie for the raffle and contributed a cucumber salad for the food tent. She'd just finished her salad when Marge appeared in the kitchen.

  "You look beautiful, Marge."

  "Thank you, it does a body good to get dressed up once in awhile."

  "Yes it does."

  "I'll go change quickly and meet you back here."

  "Take your time, Molly's just finished her bath and Burt's still working and will hitch a ride with one of his buddies."

  Kate took a fast shower, her long wavy hair having dried rapidly in the warm evening air and with the fans blowing it about. She chose a soft pink and yellow cotton summer dress with thin straps and slipped on comfortable sandals. She loosely tied her hair back with a ribbon, put on a touch of make up to accent her dark eyes, cheekbones and lips and was ready. Her long legs felt light and free as she made quick strides and reached the farmhouse just as Molly came bounding out the door. She looked adorable in a cute shorts set and hair braided. She grabbed Kate's hand as the
y went into the kitchen to help Marge load the food into her truck.

  All of the ladies were dressed in cool summer country dresses that flowed with the warm breeze. Everyone looked so handsome cleaned up and out of their work clothes. Kids were running around everywhere and delicious odors of countless tantalizing foods overwhelmed the air. The church sat on five acres so there was plenty of room for various tents, a wooden dance floor, games, a few makeshift stables for kids to show off a prized pet and a large grass area for running, tossing footballs, kicking a soccer ball or playing volleyball across a slightly sagging net.

  There were tables of crafts, tables of foods, some flea market type things, just about everything one could think of. After gazing about, Kate understood why this event was considered a big deal. She walked around with Marge for a while, saying hello to the ladies she'd come to know over the months. Molly held her hand, liking to show off how close she and Kate were. Molly thought of Kate as her beautiful big sister. Sue had run up to Molly as soon as they'd gotten there and skipped alongside her friend as they chatted endlessly.

  Kate spotted Tray far off in the distance, his back to her. She wondered what he was doing and why he didn't want to be with her. She shook off these thoughts, determined not to let them ruin her evening, for any evening she didn't have to cook and clean for the farmhands was something to be savored. Molly and Sue raced off as they met up with more friends, promising to meet Marge at the main food tent by six thirty for supper, while Kate followed Marge to her post at the pie table.

  Marge sat down with her close friends, behind one of her fabulous pies, and they began to gab. Their pies would be judged later in the evening. Marge had won the last couple of years and her friends were eager to take the blue ribbon away from her. There were also pies for sale that wouldn't be in the competition. Kate helped out with the selling of these scrumptious creations, all of the profits going to the church.

  She was putting money from her last sale in the metal money box when someone spoke to her.