My Love Break

by Antonia, Anna

  My traitorous thoughts slithered back to my apparent PA. I was drawn to her without a doubt, but I wasn’t so much a bastard as to interfere with another man’s woman.

  Especially when it came to my brother’s woman.

  I don’t even know if she’s his though. I might just be jumping to conclusions.

  The pain behind my eye faded enough to let me smile faintly.

  4

  RISA

  I stopped long enough to visit the restroom before going upstairs. I didn’t let myself think too much on what it might’ve meant for Damian to look away from me the way he did.

  Anything could’ve occurred. He might have been speaking to Elaine. A doctor or a nurse could’ve came in. Maybe even a member of his security detail. It didn’t have to be personal.

  Yet, it felt personal. It felt like a dismissal and that wasn’t something I wanted Damian to do to me. Ever.

  Get it together, Risa. Don’t fall apart again.

  Without my purse, there wasn’t anything I could do about my reddened nose and puffy eyes, but I did the best I could. Several splashes of cold water and then I was as presentable as I could be.

  I didn’t know what was going to happen next, but I was ready to face it. Damian hadn’t given up on me when I’d run from our relationship. I was going to be just as committed to him, especially now that he needed me more than ever.

  I wasn’t going to lose. Him, our love, our relationship—all of it. I’d earned them through my tears, devotion, and sacrifice. There was no way in hell I was walking away from Damian.

  I was unstoppable when I set my mind to something. Come hell or high-water, I’d hit my goal. That was how I operated in my business and I saw no reason why I couldn’t apply that mindset to my love life.

  I just had to believe in us. And I did. I believed in our love, no matter strange it turned out to be.

  Opening the bathroom door, I saw Leon waiting for me. I felt awkward in his presence considering the last fifteen minutes. I needed to thank him again before facing Damian.

  “Thank you for being there outside. I appreciate it.”

  His silver gaze was as cool as ever. “No thanks are necessary. It was my duty.”

  I fought the urge to duck my head. I couldn’t help but feel I made his duty that much more unpleasant with all my weeping and wailing.

  “Thank you anyways.”

  He said nothing so I took off at a fast clip. Not because I was running away from Leon, but because I was eager to get back to Damian.

  Reaching the top floor, I hurried even faster when I saw Damian’s mother waiting in the corridor.

  She took my disheveled appearance with one glance. Considering her always-immaculate exterior, I was sure it offended but I was just as sure that she didn’t hold it against me. Although she was a woman of few words, Elaine had been the epitome of kindness during the harshness of the last months.

  “You know.”

  It wasn’t a question. I swallowed, feeling tears prickle my eyes again.

  Elaine didn’t offer condolences. “Damian’s with the doctors now. They’re going to do another MRI. They won’t know if the damage is permanent or not—even with the scans. Head injuries are tricky.”

  I heard her warning.

  “He’s forgotten me.”

  “No.” She shook her head once. “He doesn’t remember you. There’s a difference, Risa.”

  Comforted by the reminder, I wiped the wayward tears away. “You’re right. Can I go see him now?”

  “Not yet. There’s something else.”

  Fear tingled in the pit of my stomach. “What?”

  “I told him you’re his PA.”

  I replayed what she said and still couldn’t believe it. “Why would you tell him that when you know I was definitely not?”

  “To give you both time. If Damian thinks you are his PA then you will be allowed to stay with him. Otherwise, we will have no choice but to send you home.”

  What an odd way to say it...

  “Why couldn’t you just tell him I’m his girlfriend?”

  “He doesn’t remember you. He might decide that if he can forget you, then maybe you weren’t that serious to begin with. He’ll dismiss you. If he does remember you later the damage will be done and it will be too late for you both.”

  Each cool statement was like a shard in my heart. I drew in a shaky breath while my mind frantically tried to fit the pieces of her logic together. I had to go carefully.

  “Thank you, Elaine, for thinking of us. It’s just that I’m not comfortable lying to Damian. You really don’t think it would be better if I just tell him the truth?”

  “No, I don’t. Not yet.”

  I didn’t want to argue with his mother and potentially offend her, but I couldn’t fully understand her reasoning.

  Leon, forgotten by me until then, said something in Russian. Elaine answered back instantly. More than ever did I wish I hadn’t taken French. All I caught was Leon’s “Nyet.”

  I knew what that meant. Why did he say no?

  I wasn’t about to find out anytime soon because Leon turned around and left us without another word. Curiosity itched, but the bulk of my focus was on what I was going to do next.

  It was one thing to be forgotten. Another thing to pretend there was never anything between us.

  “If I tell Damian about our relationship won’t that help him remember faster?”

  “No. It will add another layer of stress that might harm Damian’s long-term healing. We can’t take that chance.”

  Once again I heard what she wasn’t saying.

  Tell him now and you take responsibility for harming him.

  That obviously wasn’t a risk I was willing to take. But the idea of denying who I was to Damian was repugnant. I wanted nothing to do with it.

  “There has to be another way.”

  “There isn’t.”

  “How can I pretend that he doesn’t mean anything to me, Elaine? I love him with all of my heart. I won’t be able to hide it.”

  She settled the full weight of her ice-blue gaze upon me. “It’s because you love him that you will do this. You will hide your feelings and channel it into aiding him until he can remember you on his own. You will hide them because you love him.”

  Even though Elaine’s tone didn’t change, I could feel the passion in her words. She spoke from experience. Looking at her, I wondered who she’d loved so intensely.

  “And if he never remembers me? What will I do then?”

  “Don’t fail.”

  That simple, huh?

  “You have a lot of faith in me.”

  “Of course. Aren’t you the one he picked? Besides, you will make him love you again. You did it once. You can do it again.”

  What if I couldn’t? That was just one of my many, many fears. How would I know what to do? I didn’t even know why Damian fell in love with me in the first place.

  I spoke aloud to bolster my courage. “I need to keep it a secret. For Damian’s health.” I inhaled deeply. “He needs to concentrate on getting better. He doesn’t need the pressure of me.”

  “He will remember you, Risa.”

  “I hope so.”

  “Damian will remember you and he will understand this sacrifice you’ve made for him. You’ll see.”

  Although my smile trembled, I’d made up my mind. I’d bury our relationship. Even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. I would do this thing for him.

  For Damian.

  Now that my mind was made up, I needed to methodically go through the pitfalls I could see.

  “I was an Account Executive at my company. I’ve never done admin work before. Damian will probably fire me the first time I forget to put something on his calendar.”

  “Don’t forget.”

  A wry smile traced across my face. Both of them were so curt and matter-of-fact. The family resemblance was showing again. “I’ll do my best.”

  “Besides, I told Dami
an you were new. You’ll also be his first PA so you have that excuse.”

  “He’s never had a PA before? But why?”

  “Damian is private.”

  That was true. Thinking further, I probably shouldn’t have been surprised by it. Damian was very particular and exacting when it came to his work. It was probably easier for him to do things himself rather than risking someone else making a mistake.

  Which meant that I would have to be flawless.

  My body, deadened for so long, abruptly came back to life.

  Unbidden, heat swarmed through me as I remembered kneeling at Damian’s perfect feet as he softly tallied up my infractions and the kind of punishment I’d earned as a result.

  A moan worked its way up my throat. Was this the perfect way back to Damian? Would being his PA awaken the same hungers in him? I prayed for it to be so.

  Oh, my God. This is what I had been reduced to? A woman hoping and praying for her lover to find fault in her just so that she could feel again?

  Yes. A thousand times yes.

  The Risa of before had been replaced by a new version, one that would do anything to keep the man she’d come this close to losing.

  Hope born by desperation, but born nonetheless, flooded me.

  Impulsively, I reached up and hugged the taller woman. “Thank you so much, Elaine. I don’t know why you’ve been so kind to me all these months but I’m so glad that you’re on our side.”

  She patted me awkwardly on the shoulder. “Damian wants and loves you. That’s reason enough for me.”

  Although the words were few, I understood exactly what she meant and appreciated her even more for it. I never bothered to ask her how she knew of my relationship with her son and I wouldn’t ask her now.

  I would wait until I got a chance to ask Damian himself.

  He’ll remember me. I know it.

  I just needed to help him. Even if it meant keeping my silence and becoming someone new.

  5

  I waited outside the suite for Damian to come back. He’d been gone for almost two hours and it was two hours too long as far as I was concerned. I took Elaine’s suggestion and used that time to freshen up. I didn’t know what he’d expect his PA to dress or behave like, but Elaine had me covered as usual.

  “Damian is extremely formal in his business dealings. Do not call him by his first name unless he gives you permission.”

  There was no argument from me when I experienced that formality firsthand. “Of course.”

  “Remember that Damian does not know about the accident’s details. He is not to know until he recuperates fully. No one outside this clinic knows and that’s the way it has to be.”

  I didn’t understand the need for secrecy but Elaine assured me I would know when the time was right and only by Damian. It was frustrating now in a way it wasn’t then.

  When Damian was in a coma, all I cared about was him coming out of it. I didn’t care how he got that way, I just wanted him awake and healthy.

  All I knew was that he’d been shot, but I didn’t understand why. Was it really an accident like Elaine alluded? I didn’t think so. People typically didn’t get shot by accident.

  Then that meant it was an assassination attempt. But why? Who would do such a thing to Damian? Was it about money? Did some fringe group attack him because of his corporate holdings?

  Anger and fear licked at the edges of my control. How dare someone try to hurt Damian? I would’ve shot them dead if they stood before me. I didn’t doubt it one moment.

  Keeping this secret and going through this charade required a level of trust I wasn’t used to giving, but I would do it for him. I would do anything for Damian.

  Elaine appraised me. I could see her mind busily tallying my strong points against my weaker ones. “Wear dark colors like him. Your makeup should be soft. Nothing too strong. Your hair should be simple...maybe shorter.”

  “No!” I flushed when she raised one brow. The perfect dark blond line chastised me for raising my voice unnecessarily. I’d listen to her directives but not on my hair. “Damian likes my hair long. I’m not going to cut it.”

  Elaine shrugged. “Keep it pinned back then. Above all neat. These are things he expects of himself and as his PA you are a reflection on him.”

  I am a reflection of Damian.

  Those words intimidated and warmed me in equal measures. A voice inside me cautioned that perhaps I was losing myself in this plan too quickly.

  I shut that voice down.

  Nothing mattered to me but being here for Damian. Just as he was willing to break society’s laws for me, I would be willing to break my own laws for him.

  Secrets. Lies. Would it all be worth it by the end?

  I have to believe it will be. There’s no other way this can play out.

  After giving me her advice and thoughts, Elaine left so I could get ready. I showered and groomed carefully after going to my personal suite on the family floor. Elaine left a black skirt, jacket, and ivory chemise with matching lace underthings that surely cost more than what I paid in rent every quarter. And the shoes were brand new Christian Louboutins pumps. I was growing quite a collection thanks to her.

  I should’ve been surprised by how quickly she’d procured my work clothes, but Elaine was the mistress of getting things done. I didn’t doubt it was her influence that made Damian the same.

  Although I hadn’t spent nearly the same amount of time with her husband, Thomas Black-Price, his intensity and commitment to Damian couldn’t be denied. He checked on his son once a week, but spent the rest of the time away on business. I assumed it was to help run his son’s empire but I wasn’t sure because I never asked.

  The months I’d spent in this hospital trained me to respect boundaries. I was a stranger surrounded by people devoted to Damian. This gave me the courage to trust in them even when I didn’t always understand who they were and why they were there.

  More than once I silently thanked Damian for teaching me how to interact with taciturn people like himself. Oddly, or not so oddly depending on the viewpoint, it soothed me to see so much of Damian reflected back at me.

  It also proved to me how far my precious lover had extended himself for me.

  If only I could’ve understood it then. I wouldn’t have wasted so much time otherwise. I wish I could go back and do it all over again.

  It wouldn’t be wise for me to cry again after carefully applying mascara. I didn’t want Damian to mistake me for a raccoon. It was bad enough that I ran out on him earlier. I didn’t want to give him the impression that I never had control over my emotions.

  Still, seeing Damian again was going to be such a challenge. To pretend that I was simply his employee and not the woman who’d worshipped at the altar of his perfect body was going to test me in ways I never expected.

  I truly had to be careful.

  It would be the little things that betrayed me. I’d grown so used to touching his face and hair that to keep my hands to myself was a punishment worse than any Damian had rained down on me when I was naughty.

  Soon we’ll be playing those games again. I know it. I just have to be patient.

  Waiting out in the hallway, I resisted the urge to fidget. I hadn’t worn work clothes in so long that the heels felt foreign after wearing flats for months. Still, my spine straightened when I heard numerous footsteps coming towards me.

  It was time to play my part. No matter what happened from this moment on, I had to stay the course. I couldn’t allow anything to detract me from my goal.

  Not fear. Not pride. Not doubt.

  I was all in.

  6

  DAMIAN

  My shoulders relaxed slightly when I saw Risa before stiffening again. I didn’t want to admit that I missed her presence and wanted her by my side for the past couple of hours.

  She may have been my PA but if she was Leon’s then her first loyalty, her true loyalty, would be to him.

  Not me.

  U
njustified anger lit a nasty fuse inside of me. I was like a spoiled child with a toy. I didn’t want to share. I wanted her to be there for me, to think solely of me. I wanted the whole of her attention and loyalty. I didn’t like how quickly I’d come to depend on this woman who I didn’t remember.

  It was dangerous.

  I couldn’t allow myself to become attached to an employee, especially one who I’d apparently hired as a PA. That action was completely out of character because there were parts of my life that couldn’t be shared.

  Ever.

  A PA would inadvertently wander into territory she had no business being in. So why in the world would I have hired Risa?

  Do I really have to ask myself that question? Look at how strongly she affects me. I would’ve been intrigued by my reaction alone.

  Risa smiled brightly as soon as I came within a few feet of her. “Good afternoon, Mr. Black-Price.”

  I didn’t say anything but I gave her the small courtesy of a nod. It was singularly not a good afternoon after she bolted from my room. It still rankled and I wasn’t quite ready to forgive her for leaving. Especially while keeping company with Leon.

  If Risa was mine I would’ve shown my displeasure with punishment by sliding her skirt off and settling her on my lap…

  She followed me into my suite and waited while I was helped onto the bed. While this hadn’t bothered me before, having Risa see me in a weakened state bothered the hell out of me now. The oddity of it didn’t escape my attention. I suspected I’d been developing inappropriate feelings for her before the unfortunate accident that led me here.

  Which, if judging by the continued silence from the Konstantinovs, was going to be eradicated sooner than later. Bringing me to a Swiss clinic, keeping me under 24 hour protection, and more importantly, keeping Leon here was proof enough to me that I was helped along in having my accident.

  The time would come to discover exactly what had happened two months before. Vengeance would be mine and the Konstantinovs would provide all the firepower I needed.

  I could be patient. I could be thorough. I could be methodical.

  What I couldn’t be was indifferent to the mystery of Risa.