My Love Break

by Antonia, Anna

  An apology itched the corners of my mouth the longer she stared at me. I couldn’t expect Risa to understand why I said what I did. Better she suffer this from me now rather than later.

  I was destined to hurt her because I wasn’t free.

  Even though my relationship with Gretchen was for show, even though Risa’s status as my employee wasn’t solely enough to keep me from her, there was the question of my legacy.

  No matter how much I wanted Risa, I couldn’t deny this thing between us wasn’t purely sexual. I wouldn’t be content with just a little while. I’d want more and more couldn’t be on the table.

  As if she’d heard the thoughts in my head, Risa’s tears finally broke free. Seeing them roll down her pale cheeks turned the knife against my dispassionate logic. Surely I could’ve done something different?

  There had to be another way…

  “Risa,” I whispered as I cupped her cheek.

  She yanked my hand away. “Damn you, Damian Black-Price, for thinking that of me. Damn you for doing this to us!”

  Risa then leapt off my lap and this time I let her go. She ran out of the room and slammed the heavy door behind her.

  I’d gone too far for no reason other than to see how she’d react. I wasn’t proud of my methods but I needed to know the unvarnished truth.

  Risa wasn’t a whore by nature. Yet, it wouldn’t take much to get her to throw away her personal code for me.

  Not for sex. Or money. Or power. Or greed. It was something far more precious.

  Love.

  I couldn’t accept it. No matter how much I wished otherwise.

  I’d play with Risa, tame her to surrender solely to my touch, but in the end I wouldn’t give her what she needed.

  I wouldn’t love her.

  Not because she wasn’t worthy of it. Not because I couldn’t already imagine myself halfway in love already, but because I couldn’t allow my life to snuff hers out. I wouldn’t have her die in an alley because of me.

  This proved Risa was meant for a different kind of man. One who would take care of her as she deserved. One who would take her confidence as the gift it was. One who wasn’t born of blood and silence.

  Undoubtedly I was a sadistic bastard because even knowing this, I still wouldn’t let her go.

  Not yet.

  Maybe not ever.

  47

  RISA

  I spent the entire workday emotionally encased in ice.

  Every time I allowed myself to think of Damian’s words I suffered the mortal wound again. I couldn’t function with a bleeding heart. So I took a page from Elaine’s playbook.

  Unruffled and composed, I became a perfect PA. Nothing affected me. I was completely in the moment. I was Damian’s right arm. I wasn’t real.

  Only when I was alone, in the bathroom or the elevator, did I feel the cracks spider across my calm.

  “You’d become my whore just like that? You’d throw away your honor, dignity, and pride just to have sex with me? Is that what you would do to please me?”

  I knew my Damian was cruel. I just didn’t know how much.

  After leaving him, I thought I would’ve spent the entire night sobbing into my pillow. God knew I cried for much less.

  Instead, I spent it dry-eyed before sliding into dreamless sleep. When morning came I was tempted to shut off the alarm and ignore all my duties. Just the thought of Damian coming into my room was enough to get my feet on the ground.

  I wouldn’t have been able to take his criticism, disappointment, or his insults.

  Yes, Damian had called me a dirty slut, filthy bitch, and a cum-hungry pet many, many times. Never had I ever felt defiled by those raw endearments. For I was his slut, bitch, and pet.

  Never was I his whore. Not like last night.

  Today I was impenetrable. I fulfilled my tasks as expected, as if nothing had changed. I didn’t allow myself to acknowledge Damian’s immaculate physical presentation when he appeared at breakfast. I went over his calendar as if his mouth hadn’t been on mine scant hours before, dribbling poison into my soul with each syllable.

  I didn’t acknowledge the growing weight of his regard. Not in the kitchen. Nor in the elevator and car.

  I’d become an extension of him. Part of Damian, but nothing more.

  We carried the day’s numerous responsibilities to the end. We went back to his building together. I went my way and he went his.

  Even then I didn’t let myself break.

  Instead, I took a bubble bath. I couldn’t allow myself to think of the harsh unfairness of his words. My thoughts had no freedom to tremble in the absurdity of my current situation.

  “You’d become my whore just like that? You’d throw away your honor, dignity, and pride just to have sex with me? Is that what you would do to please me?”

  I wouldn’t let it touch me. Not tonight.

  Pink and wrinkled, I emerged from my bath as someone new. I moved through my room with purpose and intention. I dressed with care. A slinky wrap dress accentuated my small waist and rounded hips. I slicked my hair back. I darkened my eyes. I reddened my lips. I slipped on the sexiest shoes I could manage to walk in.

  Dispassionately, I studied my reflection in the mirror. I looked good enough to fuck and come back for more.

  Too bad the nighttime weather was still chilly enough to warrant a coat. No matter. My coat wouldn’t stay on for long.

  My phone buzzed. Good. My car had arrived.

  I opened the door and immediately saw the devil waiting for me.

  “Have you already forgotten my command, little girl?”

  I wouldn’t acknowledge the joy exploding in my heart at those two wonderful words.

  I wasn’t Damian’s little girl.

  Apparently, I was his rejected whore. I wouldn’t feel any guilt for what I did tonight.

  “Good evening, Mr. Black-Price. I trust you will enjoy the benefit tonight. I will have my phone with me in case you need to contact me.” My lilt suggested I would get back to him. Eventually.

  Damian didn’t respond. He simply stared me down.

  I knew the look even if he didn’t expect me to.

  It was the look of a man who wouldn’t hesitate to toss his disobedient girl over his shoulder. I didn’t wander down the dark trail snaking through my wanton imagination.

  I was impenetrable.

  Looking up at him, I gave Damian an impersonal nod and strode down the hallway.

  “Risa, I would not be so cavalier about my wishes if I were you.”

  I didn’t bother to pause in my steps. Nor did I turn around.

  “Mr. Black-Price, our working relationship is just that. My personal life is my own. As well as my eating habits. I do not request your input on either.”

  I wished I could’ve carried a smug smile with me. I didn’t feel joy in defiance. I felt nothing because Damian believed I was nothing.

  I’d give Damian anything, but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of my submission.

  Not tonight.

  Not when he didn’t want me. Not when he could reject me so cruelly to be faithful to a woman he’d already broken with months before he crashed into my life on a lie.

  Damian demanded honesty but what right did he have when he couldn’t be honest with me then and himself now?

  My disappointment in Damian went beyond the careless word of “whore”. My disappointment was because he refused to take ownership of his attraction to me. He wanted me and like generations of men before him, Damian blamed me for it.

  I was Eve, the serpent, and the apple rolled into one. I’d give Damian anything, but I wouldn’t give him absolution for this sin.

  His steps followed mine, getting faster the closer I approached the foyer. The hair on the back of my neck rose when I sensed him mere feet behind me. I didn’t falter or betray the shivers running up and down my spine.

  Not with the wolf at my heels.

  I closed my hand on the sleek door knob. Damian closed his
over mine.

  “Risa, I will lock you in here forever before I let you take one step out dressed like that.”

  His touch electrified me. I refused to feel it. I wouldn’t acknowledge how my stomach tightened as did my thighs. The warmth pooling deep within me went ignored.

  “What’s wrong with how I’m dressed?”

  I waited for the poison words to rain down on me. Words like “disgrace” and “fault” and “whore”.

  “Nothing,” he answered softly. “Except you didn’t wear this dress for me.”

  48

  My breath caught in my throat.

  Damian drew me slowly against him. I felt the hard ridges of his body along with something I hadn’t touched, tasted, and worshipped for far too long.

  I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to see my resolve crumble this quickly. Why was fate this cruel? I was so close to the object of my affection and yet, nothing could bridge the gap between us.

  Not as long as he saw me as a whore in the filthiest, most insulting sense of the word.

  Damian’s arms closed around me. His familiar scent entered with each of my shallow breaths.

  “Risa, I want you to stay tonight.”

  How easy would it be to just give in? Too easy.

  Keeping myself stiff and held apart from Damian, even though his body touched me, I fisted my hands to keep myself from touching him. It would be all over for me if I did.

  “I hate to disappoint you, but I have plans.”

  “Cancel them.”

  “Just like that?”

  “Just like that.”

  Damian’s arrogance shouldn’t have floored me but it did. He truly believed he could do whatever he wanted with me.

  And you helped train him by always giving in.

  “No.”

  His arms tightened. I wondered what he’d do if I pulled away. Would he force me to him? Would he make it so I couldn’t get away?

  The thought excited me obscenely.

  Then he lowered his head and murmured in my ear, “You’ve punished me long enough, don’t you think?”

  Oh, fuck me. Those were as close to love words for us as we could get. Sick, twisted love, but love nonetheless.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  He tsked. “Lies, Risa? You are better than that.”

  “I know I am better than being labeled a whore.”

  Damian nuzzled my earlobe before kissing it. “I am sorry for that. I shouldn’t have called you that.”

  I drew in a broken breath. The door distorted beneath my glassy gaze. This wasn’t my time to be weak. I was supposed to be strong, unrepentant. My words came out sharper as a result.

  “Strange how you only find yourself apologizing when your stiff cock is pressed against my ass. Is it temporary amnesia? You know, the kind you lose after you get what you want?”

  “You went right for the jugular, Risa.”

  Shame unfurled like a barbed vine. I didn’t mean it as a careless swipe to what he’d been going through.

  Damn! This isn’t the kind of bitch I want to be.

  “I’m sorry. I forgot about your condition.”

  “My condition. Polite.”

  Damian’s palms skated down my thighs. I wished I’d buttoned up my coat. The heat of his touch went right through the thin material of my dress. They weren’t the actions of a man brought low by my unintentional insult.

  “What are you doing, Damian?”

  “No, ‘Sir’? I admit I’ve missed it all day.”

  “You get plenty of it at work.”

  “True. Not like yours though. So soft and sweet. Coming from you the word is like candy.”

  “And also bad for your health. That about sums me up.”

  I didn’t know I had it in me to spar like this. We never did this before. Probably because I’d always been so desperate to win Damian over. Through my distance, adoration, or independence.

  I was such a stupid girl, wasn’t I?

  My pride was recovering in leaps and bounds even though my heart was still a bloody bruise. I wouldn’t yield on this. No matter how much I was tempted to just let it go.

  “I knew you were sweet. I didn’t know you were spicy too. I like it.”

  No.

  This wasn’t the Damian I knew then or knew now. Either side of him never tolerated me stepping out of line. It was just another one of the many unwanted differences I had to live with.

  “Don’t say things you don’t mean.”

  “I do mean it.” His fingers scratched lightly at my hips. “I mean every word, Risa.”

  I stepped out of his hold. I didn’t dwell on the flare of disappointment I felt when he just let me go.

  “You always do.”

  “Not always. Especially not last night.”

  I didn’t acknowledge his words. Waving a careless hand over my head, I said, “Goodnight, Mr. Black-Price. Your invitation is in your office. Perhaps you should consider bidding on the trip to the Maldives. I’m confident Ms. Smith would enjoy that. She’ll also need a new wardrobe. She’s so fair. You wouldn’t want her skin to burn. But what am I presuming? You always take care of those that belong to you, don’t you?”

  “Risa.”

  The clipped sound once would’ve meant a warning I’d ignore at my own expense. I wouldn’t heed any of them tonight. Not until…until what?

  Until I make him pay for what he’s done to me.

  I knew I was devoted. I didn’t know I was spiteful.

  Nothing was going to keep me from leaving tonight. Not his growls, not his kisses, nothing. Damian Black-Price would see what a whore really was by the time all was said and done.

  I knew exactly how to pick up a man. I could bat my eyes, flip my hair, and lick my lips with the best of them. I’d find myself against a wall, dick-deep, in minutes. Maybe once I was finished with one I’d then go out hunting for another.

  How did I get here?

  I was glad Damian couldn’t see the look on my face right now. I’d give up all my secrets if he could. A tiny voiced whispered to me just how out of control I was.

  You don’t really want to do this.

  No. I didn’t.

  But I would because he wasn’t the man I remembered anymore. Damian couldn’t rein me back in and I wouldn’t stop. I wouldn’t stop until I replaced one pain with another.

  “One last warning, Risa.”

  Fuck. That.

  I looked over my shoulder. The burning anger in his gaze belied the cold indifference of Damian’s expression. Thrilled and masochistic to the core, I taunted him.

  “Really? What are you going to do? Fire me for leaving on my off-time? Go for it. But let me make this clear. I’m going out tonight and I don’t know when or if I’ll be back.”

  Damian spun me around. His fingers bit painfully into my arm. “Repeat your threats. Go on, Risa. Push me.”

  He was pissed. Good.

  “You heard me.”

  Damian considered me. Softly, he said, “You ignored me today. I didn’t like it.”

  “Poor baby. I’m sure Ms. Smith can soothe you. In fact, you’re running late—you don’t have time to stick your nose in my business—”

  “Stop talking.” Damian pulled me even closer, raising me up on my tiptoes. “You’re not going to ignore me about this. I promise you.”

  49

  DAMIAN

  Risa looked at me as if I was mad.

  I was mad, inflamed, enraged, and so damned turned on that I could barely keep myself from pushing Risa to the ground, tearing off that damned sexy dress, and fucking her until neither of us could move.

  Her beauty enchanted me. Her defiance enslaved me.

  The mesh of contradictions summoned the beast in me. It demanded I tame her.

  She was mine to win.

  Mine to keep.

  Mine.

  Risa’s dark, near-black gaze threatened to suck me dry and make me love her for it. Everything had gone w
rong starting with last night. Risa froze me out. I should’ve been pleased by her sensible actions.

  We were both adults who just happened to sink into weakness. We could ignore the entire episode as if it never happened.

  As if I could forget how perfect she felt in my arms, on my lap, and against my mouth…

  It was all I could think about today.

  Every time I saw her in my office, hallway, or elevator, I remembered how close we came to throwing all restraint aside. I damned my rules a thousand times but I couldn’t forget the ultimate reason of why I did this.

  I was saving Risa from herself and ultimately me.

  Yet, that didn’t matter so much now.

  I sensed her intent to replace me, even for a night. I’d die before I let Risa walk out of this door and give to others what belonged solely to me.

  I didn’t care about my appointment with Gretchen. I didn’t care about the charity ball I was expected to be at tonight. I didn’t care about my flirtation with being a good man when it came to this woman.

  If I had to I was going to lock myself inside my bedroom with Risa and never come out.

  Danger swirled in the currents between us. My self-control frayed. I was too close to throwing all my promises and intentions aside. I could make her sweet again. I could make Risa want to please me just as much as I wanted to please her.

  The pulse in Risa’s neck beat strongly. I knew I’d taste her sweet arousal if I leaned down to lick her.

  “What are you doing here, Damian?”

  “Isn’t it obvious?”

  She narrowed her eyes and then took a cleansing breath. Risa smiled widely. Although I’d seen it before, I suddenly hated that particular grin and everything it now symbolized.

  “Look, I need to go. I have a car waiting for me.”

  “Not anymore.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I sent it away.” The words tasted like candy. They were so sweet. And bad for me. This felt good. It felt like control. How long before I crashed?

  “You can’t do that.”

  Satisfaction gave me a smug smile. “I already did.”

  Risa shook her head. “No. You can’t just call me a whore and then act as if you have a right over me. That’s not how any of this works.”