The next part of their journey was a little longer. They headed for Glen Finnan via the Ardnamurchan Peninsula. The virtually unspoilt scenery was timeless and vast. The rocky landscape made up of dormant volcanoes was the stuff of Sci-Fi movies. They passed through the lush green village of Acharacle with its little school and holiday makers. The remains of Castle Tioram were just visible from the road.
Two hours later they arrived at Glen Finnan. From the car park they could see the statuesque monument, which commemorated the Jacobite rising, standing proudly looking over Loch Shiel. The majestic loch behind glistened in the early afternoon sunshine. They walked toward the monument and Mallory thought back to when she was here with Sam. It had been virtually deserted. Sam had climbed the internal staircase right to the top of the monument and Mallory had taken a zoomed photo looking up at him from ground level. She smiled at the memory.
Mallory asked if she could have few moments alone at the water’s edge. The huge piece of twisted tree trunk, where an old man had taken a photo of Sam and Mallory, was still there. The photo was one of her favourites. They looked so happy and windswept with the sparkling loch and the mountains creating a v shaped valley for their backdrop. Mallory let another handful of dust fly freely toward the heavens.
She allowed herself a few tears at this point. It had been such a special place for them. They had visited here a few times and never got bored of just sitting cuddled up on the twisted tree trunk looking out over the water.
As they strolled back to the car, Greg put his arm around Mallory’s shoulder and squeezed her to him.
He kissed her head “How are you holding up, Matey?” he asked quietly.
“I’m good. It’s just hard. But it has to be done.” After a pause she continued, “Greg, I’m glad you’re with me.”
“Me too, hen, me too.”
They decided to stop for an impromptu lunch at a pretty little pub they saw on the way to Fort Augustus.
“I don’t know about you but I’m starving!” Greg announced as they walked through the doors.
Mallory nudged him. “No wonder, you hardly ate any of your breakfast.”
Mallory excused herself to go wash up and check her red eyes and puffy face in the mirror. She splashed cold water on her cheeks and applied a little lip balm. She was glad she had decided against wearing her contacts today. Her eyes would have been too sore.
Greg was hungrily perusing the menu when she arrived back at their table. He had ordered her a large glass of wine.
“What are you having then?” she asked.
“I think I may have to go with the steak pie and chips” He rubbed his hands together looking greedy and excited. “Although, I doubt it will be as good as Stella’s eh?”
Mallory wasn’t that hungry. She still felt full from her bacon sandwich so she chose a salad and Greg went to order.
When he returned he sat and leaned across the table toward her “Where are we off to next then?” he enquired as they waited for their food and Mallory looked at her itinerary.
“Fort Augustus,” she replied. “Sam and I visited there a couple of times. I remember standing on the little bridge over the locks watching the water pouring in to lift a boat up. It was fascinating. We had ice cream sundaes in a little café just by the Caledonian Canal. Sam thought they were the best sundaes he had ever eaten. I say ‘they’ as he ended up eating most of mine too, greedy sod.” She chuckled at the memory.
Their food arrived and Greg wolfed down his meal like a vacuum cleaner. Mallory was aghast at the sheer lightning speed of it. She munched through her salad but didn’t finish it all.
They set off again for Fort August and arrived around an hour later. They parked in a little car park next to an old fuel station and convenience store. They walked around to the little bridge over the lock, the breeze had dropped slightly and so Mallory was able to release a hand full of dust on to the water where it was free to float out toward the loch.
They didn’t stay long at Fort Augustus. The ice cream parlour was now a normal café which saddened Mallory a little. She stood gazing into the window for a few moments until she realised a little girl sitting at the window table was pulling faces at her. She giggled and walked back over to the bridge where Greg waited.
The final leg of their journey would take them to Eilean Donan Castle. Mallory had taken some stunning photos of Sam on the footbridge. The imposing castle on its little island was another favourite of theirs. Sam loved the history of the island fort and had researched it before they went for the first time. He had impressed Mallory with knowledge of the meaning behind its name and the Celtic saint it was named after. He went on to explain to her that the castle she could see standing there was not the original as that had been almost totally destroyed after Spanish soldiers moved in and the British forces opened fire on them in the seventeen hundreds. How he loved his history.
When they arrived Greg began taking photos of the imposing structure whilst Mallory went up onto the footbridge to release another handful of dust. She looked out over Loch Duich and remembered Sam also taking photos. He took what felt like hundreds all from different angles. Her particular favourite was a shot that showed the most glorious cornflower blue sky with the castle standing proud in the forefront. It had been framed by Mallory as a gift to Sam. The sky looked photo-shopped but it was actually that colour.
She had two more places to go, but she would do those alone in her own time. This part of her ordeal was over. She headed back toward Greg.
“Hey, are you alright?” Greg asked with concern. He could probably tell that she had been crying again. She felt her swollen eyes were probably a give-away.
“I’m okay. I found that bit so hard.” She stifled a sob.
Greg rushed to her enfolding her in his arms. “Hey, shhhh, it’s okay. You’ve done so well. You’ve been so brave. I’m proud of you.” Greg soothed, speaking softly as he kissed her head and stroked her hair.
The journey home was going to take around three and a half hours and it was nearing five o’clock, so they climbed back into the car and set off. They both sat in contemplative silence for a while looking at the stunning views through the dirty car windows. Mallory leaned her head against the door post as she gazed off into the distance.
Greg broke the silence first. “So, it’s been a nice day, weather-wise, eh?” He kept his eyes on the road. Here he was again with his terrible attempts at small talk. Mallory smiled to herself.
“I really appreciate you bringing me, Greg. I think I would have hated to make the journey alone,” she said without changing the direction of her stare.
“Aye, well, Josie would’ve come surely?” He glanced over to Mallory, but she wasn’t in a mood for eye contact.
“She offered. I just thought that…well you know how I feel about it all. You’ve lost someone you were in love with.” She wiped away a tear that had sneaked out.
“Well, that’s true. I loved her more than anything.” He sighed.
She turned to face him. “And, Greg, all that stuff you said before about being unsure of her feelings for you…there’s no point torturing yourself over that. You loved her. You maybe will never know the true depth of her feelings. So you just go with how you feel about her. What’s the point in dwelling on whether she did or didn’t love you the same?” Mallory hoped that her tone was neither condescending nor harsh. But she turned away, not wanting to see his reaction.
They sat in silence and eventually Mallory dozed off and slept for the remainder of the journey. A while later Greg pulled up outside Mallory’s. The moon was bright and the sky was crystal clear, dotted with millions of tiny dots of light. Mallory inhaled deeply as she climbed out of the car.
“I won’t invite you in, if you don’t mind. I hope that’s not unfair of me. I have a job to do before I go in. Then I just want to go to bed and cry myself to sleep.” She smiled as she spoke, not feeling the expression go any deeper than her face.
“Hey, no b
other. You take care and give me a call if you need me okay?” He spoke through the open door of the car.
She nodded. “Thanks again Greg. I can’t express how much today has meant to me.” She wanted to hug him, but didn’t.
“You’re very welcome. I’m glad I was able to help.” He smiled, “goodnight sweet, Mallory. Sleep well, eh?”
She slammed the door and waited for him to pull away. Once he was out of sight she took the urn and walked slowly over to the mid-point of the Bridge Over the Altantic. There she stood, with tears falling freely once again.
“Oh, Sam. I’m so glad we didn’t know the future on that first day we stood here. It breaks my heart to think that this is how things ended up. But you loved it here so very much. And now a part of you will be part of this beautiful landscape.” She reached into the urn and took half of the remaining ashes. Holding them aloft she released her hold of them over the bridge and let them fly. One more location to go and that would mean a trip to Yorkshire.
~~~~~
She arranged to visit Brad and Josie the following weekend. The urn was packed away in her bag. Ruby sat in the foot well of the passenger side fast asleep as they drove the long journey back to Yorkshire. After she had arrived and dropped her bag in her room, she and Josie drove into the centre of Leeds. It was nearing ten at night. Josie hung back to give Mallory some space.
Mallory walked up the precinct to the place where she had first fallen into Sam’s arms. “Who would have thought that after such a chance meeting we would fall in love?” she said as the memory of Sam wrapped its arms around her as she stood. This place had been the start of such an important time in her life. A time that had moulded her into the much more confident person she was right then. She removed a handful of ashes from the pot and let them drift away in the slight breeze that wafted around in the sheltered precinct.
Finally she walked up to the coffee shop which was closed for the evening. She looked through the window where she could just about make out the table she had shared with Sam. Her palms pressed against the window, as did her forehead, almost searching for some connection to the past. She remembered how he looked at her and listened intently as she waffled on about rubbish. He had made her feel worth listening to. He made her feel sexy and attractive; things she hadn’t felt before him.
“I owe you so much Sam. I will never forget you.” She released the last of the ashes and said her final goodbye.
August 2011
Back in Scotland a few days later, Mallory arrived at the pub for her shift, fully expecting to recount the day’s events with Greg as usual, but he was nowhere to be seen. Stella had no clue where he was either. There had been no phone call or text to say he wouldn’t be in, which was strange.
By ten that night Mallory was beginning to worry. They had been spending so much time together lately that she felt sure he would have mentioned if he was going to be elsewhere.
Admittedly, he had been rather quiet throughout the day, unlike normal when he would just turn up and take her for lunch or call and ask if she fancied a trip out on the boat.
When there was a lull in customers she decided to give him a call. His answering machine kicked in. She looked at her watch and suddenly noticed the date. August twentieth. Suddenly she was filled with horror. Greg was somewhere, alone, on the anniversary of Mairi’s death.
She explained to Stella that she needed to go find him and why. Stella whole heartedly agreed that it was a good idea for her to go.
Mallory ran over to her house and grabbed her car keys, slamming and locking the door behind her. Ruby had looked dazed but didn’t get up.
She set off for Greg’s but on arrival found the house in darkness. She banged on the windows but there was no answer. She tried the front door. It wasn’t locked. Filled with dread she entered and ran around the house looking in every room, closely followed by Angus who didn’t understand what was going on. She called Greg’s name. No reply.
She slumped on his sofa and noticed a pile of photos on the table, glistening in the moonlight that streamed in through the window.
She switched on a lamp and picked up the photos. Mairi and Greg at the beach; Mairi and Greg at a friend’s wedding; Mairi and Greg kissing; Mairi and Greg out walking; every photo showed happy, smiling faces in loving embraces. They looked so in love. How could he have doubted her love for him?
The last photo was one she picked up from the floor. Shivers went down her spine when she remembered Greg’s words from a few months before.
Every so often I take off up to The Buckle near Glen Etiv, where I met Mairi…there’s a little rock…I just sit there. I take my sleeping bag and sleep under the bridge…I feel her there.
“Oh my God, Greg.” She sprang to her feet and went over to the front door where Greg kept his keys on a hook. His house keys were there but the Land Rover keys were not. Her worst fears realised, she fussed Angus and told him to stay then she ran out to her car slamming Greg’s front door behind her.
She scrambled into the driver’s seat of her own car and started the engine, fumbling with the handbrake. “More haste, less speed!” she shouted at herself. She vaguely remembered how to get to Glen Etiv and knew it’d take her around two hours to get there. She just hoped he was okay.
It was very late when she set off to find Greg and Mallory was relieved to find the roads were fairly clear. She drove at the maximum speed limit the whole journey.
“What the fuck am I doing?” she asked aloud as she drove through the dark, “I must be fucking mad.” She hated herself for swearing, something she didn’t do often, but she was nervous and scared as to what she may find if and when she eventually found Greg.
It was well past midnight when she eventually found a small road that was signposted to Glen Etiv. She figured it must be the one Greg talked about as the moon highlighted the Buckle looming in the distance. She pulled onto the road and drove. Sure enough she crossed a small bridge.
Her eyes were wide open as her headlights fell on Greg’s Land Rover. She screeched to a halt nearby, jumped out of her car and ran over to the vehicle. There was no sign of him. But there was a hold-all scrunched up in the back seat.
“GREG!!” she shouted as loud as she could. No reply. She walked toward the bridge, “GREEEEEG!!” She tried again. Her voice echoed in the night air and her heart was thumping in her chest.
It was uncomfortably dark, apart from the crescent moon shining down and casting eerie shadows on her unfamiliar surroundings. There was a haunting stillness to the place. The only clearly, audible sound as she walked was the sound of the water crashing around under the bridge, breaking the otherwise silent night.
She decided to follow a narrow path which veered away from the road to the underside of the bridge. She remembered Greg saying he sometimes slept there. It was pitch black. She grabbed her phone from her pocket and switched on its torch.
“Bloody typical. Can’t get a sodding signal anywhere, but I pay twenty five quid a month for an effing torch,” she chuntered loudly as she walked.
There was a sleeping bag right where she had anticipated; but no Greg. She clambered back up to the road and aimed back toward Greg’s car. Tears of sheer anxiety stung at her eyes. Suddenly, the torch glinted on something, making her jump and stop dead in her tracks. It was a man. She shined the torch directly onto him. The figure raised an arm to shield his eyes from the glare of the light. It was Greg. She marched toward where he sat, on his little rock facing the Buckle.
She exhaled a huge sigh of relief as she reached him. He had hung his head.
“Greg. Are you okay?” No response. She tilted his chin up. His eyes were closed and his face was wet. She tapped his face with her free hand. “Greg, it’s me, Mallory.” Slowly his eyes opened partially.
“Mallory?” He looked confused for a moment. “Oh aye, Mallory, my bestest friend in the world, Mallory, Mallory.” His words slurred. Mallory noticed a large, half empty whiskey bottle clutched in his right hand
.
“Oh, Greg, you silly, silly sod. What have you done?” She wrestled the bottle from his hand.
“Ahhhhad a wee drinky. In memory of my wee lassie.” He smiled, “She’s dead, you know.”
She sighed. “Yes Greg, I know. Come one, let’s get you home. We’ll collect your car tomorrow, eh?”
“Fuck off!” He swiped her hand away as she tried to take his arm. “You just fuck the fuck away, am stayin’ here with my Mairi.” He was not a pleasant drunk.
Annoyance washing over her, she snapped. “Oy, don’t swear at me.” She grabbed his arm and wrapped it around her neck and struggled to get him to a standing position. “You can’t stay here, not in this state.”
“Am shorry, Mallilly. I don’t mean to swear at you. You’re my best friend you know that?” He swayed.
“Yes, Greg, so you said. Now come on. You are going to feel like shit in the morning and I need to get you home. You’ve had me worried sick,” she scolded him.
“Whoops, you swore.” He chuckled, “you said Shit.” His accent had become stronger in his drunken state. If this situation wasn’t so sad Mallory would’ve been amused by drunken Greg.
Stifling a giggle she said, “Sorry for swearing, Greg, now come on. You can’t stay here. It’s a car park not a camp site.” They wobbled and swayed toward the car. Suddenly Greg stopped and looked back at the moonlit mountain.
“I met her there on that wee path. I’d been out walking and I was on my way back to the car. She dropped her map and tripped over her lace trying to pick it up…I caught her.” Greg was now seemingly lucid and Mallory was struck as to the similarities between his story of meeting Mairi and hers of meeting Sam. They stood in silence.
Greg looked down at Mallory. “She was so beautiful, Mally, so beautiful. Long red hair, green eyes.” A single tear rolled down his unshaven cheek. “I miss her so much. I don’t want to be alone. I hate it.” He brought his hand up to cover his eyes as he was taken over by his emotions.
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