Always Chloe and Other Stories

by Catherine Ryan Hyde

  Anyway, that’s the way I am.

  I don’t guess I should say what Ben is thinking. Like I said before. But since he is the one who saw the whole thing clearly the whole time, I think it’s a safe guess that it sounded weird to him, too.

  “But can I trust you?” he asks again.

  “Yes. You don’t have to tell Jordy. You can trust me.”

  “Promise?”

  “Yes. I promise.”

  He nods. Pulls in the end of the untied rope. Nods again. Starts up the noisy outboard motor. Nods one more time.

  Then he motors away, leaving Blue Boat bobbing up and down in his wake.

  It bumps against the dock about ten times with a thumping sound.

  It sounds familiar to me.

  But not really lonely, like it did before.

  Jordy is standing in the bedroom when I come in.

  Ethel jumps around and whimpers and jumps all over me, like I’ve been away for eighteen years.

  Or maybe like she thought she’d never see me again.

  Jordy says, “Chloe?” Like he’s saying, “Is that you?” But that’s kind of weird, because he’s standing in the bedroom doorway now, and he can see with his own eyes that it’s me.

  “Yeah, it’s me.”

  “Oh, my God. Where have you been? Kevin and I have been looking for you. Everywhere. All day. We even both took the day off work to look for you. He wanted to tell you something important. But we couldn’t find you anywhere. We thought you were out paddling. Because the kayak was gone. But we didn’t see you anywhere in the estuary. We went to Morro Bay State Park and Baywood Park and the marina. We went to just about every place you can see the water from. We even drove into Montana de Oro and walked all the way out to the end of the sand spit looking for you.”

  “That’s a long walk.”

  Ethel is still hopping around me on her hind legs. I reach down and pet her some more. But I keep watching Jordy. Trying to get a bead on what he knows. Or even maybe knows.

  “You’re telling me. Especially in that loose sand. I think it’s about a nine-mile round-trip hike. Felt like more, though. Kevin is still out looking. I left him out by the state park, where the bird watchers hang out, looking for you with his binoculars. I just came back for a minute to see if you’d come home.”

  Silence.

  I should probably say something.

  “Kevin has binoculars?”

  “He had to go get them out of storage.”

  “Now that doesn’t make any sense at all.” That is so typical Kevin. “I mean, you have a chance to live where there are all these boats and birds and seals. You put anything else in storage but your binoculars. How can you store your binoculars when you live here?”

  Jordy looks like he’s feeling impatient.

  “Chloe. Where were you?”

  “Out paddling. Like you thought.”

  His face softens when I say that. But he still looks a little confused.

  “We weren’t sure what to think. We halfway wanted to think that meant you were feeling better.”

  I say, “I’m feeling a little better.”

  “You are?”

  “Yeah. A little.” I can say that and be honest. Because I was really at the bottom of the barrel until just about very recently. “Anyway, listen, Jordy. I have something very exciting to tell you.”

  “We have something to tell you, too, Chloe. I mean, Kevin does. He had this big thing he wanted to tell you, and then we couldn’t find you all day.”

  “Can I tell mine first?”

  “I guess. I can’t tell you, anyway. Kevin has to tell you. It’s his thing. I left him out by the marina and took the truck home. Just to check and see if we’d missed you. If you’d come back. We’ll drive down and get him now. Okay?”

  “First, can I tell you my news, Jordy? It’s really big news.”

  “Okay. I guess.”

  He still seems a little off balance. He brushes his messy hair off his forehead with one hand. Then he goes over and sits on the couch. So I go sit with him.

  Ethel jumps into my lap and starts kissing my face, which is going to make it a little harder to talk, I think.

  “Ethel sure is glad to see you. Why didn’t you take her?”

  “Please, can I tell you this thing, Jordy? It’s very big. And I never thought I

  would get to tell you.” As soon as I hear it, I know it’s a mistake. But I talk over it fast. “I mean, I never thought I would be able to tell you a thing like this, because what are the chances that it would even happen?” I watch him for a second, but it all seems okay. “I met a whale, Jordy.”

  He looks blank for a minute. Then he looks unbelieving. Like maybe I’ve been imagining things.

  “You met a whale.”

  “Yes. It was very exciting.”

  “You met a whale in an estuary that’s mostly only a couple of feet deep.”

  “No. It was out in the ocean. On the other side of the sand spit.”

  Silence.

  Then he says, “But you never go outside the breakwater.”

  “Well, today I did.”

  “Isn’t that kind of dangerous? All by yourself?”

  “But I’m okay, Jordy. Please, can I tell you about the whale?”

  “Oh. Yeah. Okay. I guess.”

  “Remember when we were coming down the coast from Big Sur? And we both saw that big whale fluke coming up out of the water?”

  “I do,” he says. “That I remember. That’s a part of the trip I’ll never forget.”

  “Don’t you think that was sort of the moment that we felt like maybe things could be okay?”

  “Yeah,” he says. “Exactly.”

  “Well, then, don’t you think it’s exciting that I met a whale?”

  His face still looks a little…unbelieving.

  “Met…how? How exactly do you meet a whale, Chlo? I mean, you’re on your kayak, and then….”

  “And then I see this eye. This enormous eye. And he’s looking right at me.”

  “Like, how close?”

  “Like I could almost have touched him, if I could lean all the way out without tipping the boat over. And I could see the little mouth on top of his head. Where the air and water sprays out. And he was looking right into my eyes, Jordy.”

  “Speaking of tipping the boat over…. A whale could capsize you, Chlo. Very easily.”

  “But he didn’t. He was very careful to make sure he didn’t. Anyway. It was very exciting, Jordy. And it’s like you’re not getting yet how exciting it was. Because it was a whale. You know. A whale, Jordy. Like everything could be okay.”

  Notice I say “could.” Not “will.” Because I want to be honest. I still don’t see how everything will be okay. But I can’t see arguing with a whale. Besides, I have to admit it at least could.

  “Yeah,” he says. Like he’s finally thinking maybe this happened in the real world. Not just in Chloe Land. “I can see how meeting a whale would be pretty exciting. Especially now, when we could really use some good omens around here. It just worries me a little. Thinking of you out on the open ocean. All by yourself. It sounds dangerous. I was pretty sure you never went out beyond the breakwater.”

  “I never did. Before today.”

  “I guess I meant I thought you never would.”

  “It’s okay, Jordy. I’m never going to do it again. I promised. I mean, I promise.”

  “Good. Let’s go get Kevin. Okay?”

  Then, while we’re walking down the stairs, he says, “If you were only going to go out on the ocean this one time, I’m really glad you got to meet a whale.”

  Kevin is standing on that sort of marshy plant stuff. The kind of plants that’re covered with saltwater when the tide is high, higher than it is right now. He has his back to the campground at Morro Bay State Park. In front of his feet is one of the deep, twisty canals of saltwater that cut through the tidal flats.

  Usually there are lots of birdwatchers here. But the
sun is almost down. So it’s only Kevin.

  We have to watch our step walking through those marshy plants. Even Ethel is being pretty careful where she steps.

  Jordy calls out to Kevin.

  He says, “Hey, Kev. Look who I got here.”

  He spins around and sees me. And when he sees me, his whole face changes. Like this tight-looking thing in his eyes falls away, and then he smiles.

  Almost like…. This is going to be hard to say, but I will, anyway.

  Almost like it makes him happy to see me.

  We catch up to where he’s standing, and we all look at each other for a while.

  He says, “Where were you?”

  I say, “How can you have your binoculars in storage?”

  He can tell I think that’s stupid. And he definitely didn’t expect me to say it. So that keeps things quiet for a minute. He has nothing to come back with. Not for a thing like that.

  “I mean, if you had binoculars, in our little place…when the sport-fishing boats come back through in the afternoon, you could look on the deck and practically see how many fish they’re filleting.”

  “I’m not sure that was ever a goal of mine,” he says, still a little confused.

  “You’re not getting my point at all. I’m saying it’s the coolest place in the entire world, and if you had the binoculars, you could see everything. So why would you put them in your storage space?”

  He looks at Jordy. Then back at me.

  “Where were you all day?” he says. “We were looking all over for you.”

  “Yeah, yeah, I know. Jordy told me all about it. What did you want to tell me? Jordy said you had something you wanted to tell me.”

  In the quiet minute that follows, I notice I’m hungry. Which is a very good sign. Not so much that I’m hungry, which is more or less normal. More that I notice.

  I also notice that the sun is setting behind Kevin’s head. I have to shade my eyes with my hand to halfway look at him.

  “I’ve decided where we should live,” he says.

  “Oh,” I say.

  I wonder if he’ll be happy when I say I’m not going to go live there with them. Probably so. Maybe I can get him to leave the binoculars with me.

  “I’ve decided we should stay exactly where we are.”

  “What?”

  I figure I heard him wrong. Or something.

  “I’ve decided it’s a really cool place. Like you just said. And I think I should leave my binoculars at home. Not put them back in storage. And that we should all three just stay there. We’ll save a fortune. Not having to pay any rent and all.”

  I think my mouth is hanging too far open. And that Kevin thinks it’s sort of funny. It makes him smile.

  “But it’s too small,” I say.

  Because Jordy said it. So it must be true.

  “Too small for what? Who says it’s too small? We’ve all been living there for a few weeks. And we survived so far.”

  “But you even have to have some of your clothes in the storage space.”

  He shrugs. Just as the tip-top of the setting sun goes to a thin line behind him. It’s all very red.

  “Nobody ever died from having to store some of their clothes. That I know of. So we’re a little crowded. So what? We’ll just keep our elbows in. It’s not a big deal.”

  “But…for how long?”

  He shrugs again. “Until we can afford a bigger place right on the water, I guess.”

  “So, in other words, pretty much forever.”

  He laughs. Only, really, that was sort of funny. I have to give him that. Just about anybody would have laughed. It wasn’t so much a Kevin-only thing.

  He says, “Maybe not literally forever. But pretty close to it. Yeah.”

  I think we all know it won’t really be forever. We’ll be so crowded that we’ll figure out some way to speed it up. What I don’t know is whether we’ll make more money and all go somewhere else, or whether I’ll figure out how to let them go without me. But, just in this minute, standing out there in those marshy plants on the edge of the tidal flats, it seems okay that I don’t know yet.

  The important thing is that Kevin fixed it so I don’t need to be ready now.

  I turn and look at Jordy over my shoulder. He looks happy.

  “Jordy!” I say. My voice is all full of something like awe. I don’t think I ever said that word before, but I know it. And it seems to fit in the space. I say Jordy’s name like something magical just happened. Which maybe it did. “Jordy! He passed your litmus test!”

  “Yes, he did,” Jordy says.

  Kevin says, “What litmus test?”

  “The litmus test!”

  He turns to Jordy this time. “What litmus test?”

  “I said a long time ago that I’d know when I’d met the right guy, because he’d be big-hearted enough to work around the whole Chloe thing.”

  Kevin says, “Oh. That litmus test. So, did you ever doubt me?”

  Jordy says, “Never.”

  I say, “Oh, yes. Totally. I doubted everything about you.” Then I look over at Jordy, expecting to see the “Chloe’s Being Rude” look. A little bit. Less than usual. “But I was completely wrong. About all kinds of things. You were right about those birds being called great blue herons. Even though they’re not blue. And needing a handle for Blue Boat. You were right, and I was wrong.”

  We stand there a minute in that very red sunset. I don’t guess either one of them knows what to say to that.

  So I say, “Can we go home now? Now that I know it’s still home, I really want to see it again.”

  “Yeah,” Kevin says. “Good idea. I think we should all go home.”

  On our way home in the truck, I say, “Kevin. Guess what? I met a whale today.”

  I’m all scrunched into the middle, one leg on each side of the gear shift. Kind of crushed against one of their hips on each side. I think Kevin’s driving in too low a gear so he doesn’t have to shift. I think he figures shifting would be too embarrassing. Which is okay with me, because I pretty much think so, too.

  “You met a whale.”

  He sounds exactly the way Jordy did when Jordy said the same thing.

  “Yes. I did.”

  “You met a whale in the estuary? Which part? The part that’s a foot deep? Or the part that’s three or four feet deep?”

  “You guys have been spending too much time together. You’re starting to think like each other. No, in the part that’s the ocean.”

  “You were in the ocean? What were you doing in the ocean?”

  “Can I just tell you about the whale?”

  “Okay. Tell me about the whale.”

  “He came right up to Blue Boat and looked me right in the eye. And then he blew a bunch of water and air out of this mouth that was on the top of his head. And then he was really careful when he swam away. Like he knew he shouldn’t be too rough. You know. Swimming near my little boat and all. And then after he swam away, I saw this big fluke come up out of the water. And then go down again. Do you know what a fluke is, Kevin?”

  “Yes, I do. It’s a whale tail.”

  We drive down that little twisty Morro Bay State Park road in silence. Still in a very low gear.

  Then Kevin says, “Are you ever going to tell us what you were doing out on the ocean?”

  I sigh.

  I say, “I already promised I would never do it again. If that’s what you’re trying to say.”

  I’m pretty sure it isn’t. I’m thinking he really wants to hear the reason. But I don’t want to tell him. So that’s what I say to duck the question.

  “Okay,” he says. “Good to know.”

  It’s right before bedtime, and Kevin is taking a shower. I can hear the water running, so that’s how I know. He takes long showers.

  I’m in and out in about a minute, unless I have to wash my hair. But Kevin, he could be in there all night.

  I could read a book while he’s taking a shower.

&n
bsp; Hell, I could write one.

  Jordy comes out and sits on the couch with me. And we look out into the moonlight. I’m looking through Kevin’s binoculars. There’s a long stream of moonlight on the water. And while I’m watching it, I see something big and dark and shiny slash through it.

  I know it’s definitely a seal. Because a whale is too big for the estuary. And there’s no such thing as a sea monster.

  Jordy says, “You’re okay with not having your own room?”

  “This is a room,” I say.

  “Yeah. Good point.”

  We look out the window a while longer. And as long as I don’t mind about how Kevin will come out of the shower sooner or later—probably later—it’s really not so much different than it always was before.

  After a while Jordy says, “So. Seriously, Chlo. Are you ever going to tell me what you were doing out on the ocean all day?”

  I think this over for a minute.

  He seems so happy. There’s no way I’m saying anything at all that might get between him and his happiness.

  “Ever is a long time, Jordy.”

  “Meaning what?”

  “Well. You know how when you first met me you wanted to know all my stuff? You know. All that awful stuff from before you met me. And I wouldn’t tell you. I mean, I wouldn’t tell you then. And I didn’t tell you for a long time. But I didn’t tell you never.”

  “Hmm,” he says. And nods his head a few times. “So what you’re saying is, you’ll tell me why you were out on the ocean right around the time we can afford a bigger place on the water.”

  “That’s right! That’s exactly it, Jordy. Not literally forever. But pretty close to forever. Yeah.”

  “Is that Earth time?”

  “No. I think that’s pretty much Chloe time.”

  He nods.

  “Okay. I got used to Chloe everything else. I guess I can get used to Chloe time, too.”

  A long time goes by, and then Kevin comes out of the bedroom. Wearing just a towel around his waist. And drying off his hair with a smaller one.