Homespun Hearts

by Caroline Fyffe

  She sighed, wondering what was entailed in making love. Maybe she could talk Rose into talking to her about it now that she was engaged. “I don’t need a lot of things that other women take for granted. I’m sure everything would be fine without a bed.” Maybe. If she had a better idea what they were talking about, she could say it with more certainty.

  “No, I’m not doing that to you. It’s only two weeks. We can wait two weeks.” The intense way he looked at her made her question whether they could wait that long, but she didn’t say anything.

  Lily sighed. She knew he was right, but she missed being held in his arms. “It’s not because your feelings for me are changing?”

  Daniel’s eyes widened. “Of course not!” He pulled her into his arms, holding her close. “I just don’t want to do anything we’ll regret after the wedding.” He sighed. “Well, I do want to do something we’ll regret, and that’s the problem.”

  She looked up at him questioningly. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, I want nothing more than to make love to you right this instant, but we certainly can’t go to your bed here. I don’t want to take you to my house, because I don’t want any talk about you, so that means we wait.” He leaned down and kissed her passionately. “I don’t like it any more than you do, but it’s necessary for our future.”

  “And I have no say in the matter?” She knew she was acting childish, but she really didn’t care. He was making the decision for her, and she felt she should at least have a say.

  “Don’t be silly.”

  She turned and walked away, toward a bench at the back of the garden. “How is it being silly to want to be alone with my fiancé?”

  “We have our whole lives to be alone together. Lives that will start in two weeks.” He sat beside her and stretched out his legs. “How are the wedding plans going?”

  “Do you have any idea how much I want to tell my mother to just figure it all out and I’ll show up? I mean, I want an outdoor wedding. I told her when. I even picked out my dress. What do I care if they serve finger sandwiches or pot roast for the wedding lunch afterward? I only want family here anyway!” She shook her head in disgust.

  He chuckled. “I didn’t consider how much you would hate planning a wedding. Why don’t you just have Rose and your mother do everything?”

  “Yeah, Rose is great at this type of thing.” She hated that Rose was better at anything than she was. Perfect Rose and tomboy Lily.

  “She is, and she’s your sister so she’ll help you if you just ask her to.”

  Lily hadn’t even gone to Rose’s house to let her know she was engaged. She’d thought about it that morning, but she didn’t want Rose to know that she was marrying one of her “leftovers.” Of course, Rose would be happy for her, but she just didn’t want to have to deal with it all. “I know. I haven’t even had a chance to go over there and tell her we’re getting married. I guess I need to let her know she’s invited.”

  Daniel kissed her cheek, chuckling. “You probably should.” He hugged her to him.

  Frantic for another subject, she finally asked, “Do you know who you’re going to have for your best man?”

  Daniel shook his head. “I was thinking James, but you don’t like him, so I need to find someone else.”

  Lily shrugged. “You can have James do it. He won’t bother me.” It wasn’t exactly a lie. He had always bothered her and always made her feel like she was less than she should be. Less than a woman. Less than smart. Less than good enough for anything. She needed to stop letting him bother her, though. He was Daniel’s closest friend, and she wasn’t going to keep them apart.

  “I’ll ask him then.” He gripped her hand in his. “I’m sorry this is all so hard on you. After we’re married things will be better. You’ll see.”

  Lily rested her head against his shoulder. “I hope so. I wish we could skip over all the ‘getting married’ stuff and go right to married.”

  “Most women spend their whole lives dreaming about their wedding day.” He’d known she wouldn’t be like that though. It wasn’t in her nature.

  She shook her head. “I never really gave it a thought. I know I want it outside, but beyond that? Nothing matters a whole lot to me. I’m just happy to be marrying you.”

  Daniel stroked her hair. “I’m happy you’re marrying me. I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else. Who else would hunt and fish with me, just because it’s so much fun?”

  She sat up. “That reminds me. Mother wants me to invite you for Christmas dinner.”

  He shook his head slowly. “How did me talking about hunting and fishing remind you of Christmas dinner?” He really wanted to know how her mind worked.

  She grinned. “I shot enough white rabbits to make my sisters each a fur muff for Christmas this year.”

  He chuckled. “Bow and arrow or rifle?”

  “Bow and arrow. Makes for a cleaner shot if you want to keep the skins.”

  “Did you make yourself a fur muff as well?”

  She shook her head. “What would I do with a fur muff? I prefer gloves. You can’t really do anything with your hands stuck in a muff.”

  He turned her face to his, dropping his mouth to kiss her gently. “Never change. You’re perfect just the way you are.”

  She laughed. “I hope you’re still saying that in two weeks.”

  * * *

  Christmas was a week later, and Daniel joined Lily’s family for dinner as she’d requested. He brought her a necklace on a fine gold chain, and she acted as if it was the most beautiful gift in the world, but secretly she wondered what he’d been thinking. It wasn’t something she’d wear. A fishing pole would have been a great deal more practical.

  Rose sat across from Lily for the meal and Daniel sat beside Lily, with Shawn across from him. Shawn kept glaring at Daniel, leaving Lily to wonder what was going on with him. By the end of the meal, she felt like the entire room was filled with tension.

  She found some time to corner Shawn later. “Why do you hate Daniel?” she demanded, annoyed with him.

  He sighed and shook his head. “I don’t hate him. I just know he once declared undying love for Rose. I wonder how he can switch between sisters that way.”

  Lily shrugged. “I don’t know, but I love him and have since I was twelve.” Her eyes met his. “You need to get over your anger. He’s going to be part of the family in less than a week.”

  Shawn gave her a half smile. “I’m glad you’re marrying him then. He seems like a good guy. It just bothers me that he used to love Rose.”

  “He still does.” Lily said the words as if she didn’t care, but the hurt was in her eyes.

  “You’re marrying a man who loves your sister? Really?”

  She shrugged. “He lied and says he loves me. It’ll be fine.” She wished she could convince herself of that.

  Shawn made a face at that. How could it all be okay if she was marrying a man who was in love with someone else? What was she thinking?

  * * *

  Daniel wandered around the backyard waiting for Lily to join him. She’d said she needed to talk to Shawn for a minute, and then she’d be right out. He finally heard a door behind him and turned, but it was Dr. Shawn coming to see him, not Lily.

  He stopped and walked toward the other man. “Where’s Lily?”

  Shawn shrugged. “Talking to Rose and Mary about wedding details. Something about the perfect finger sandwiches to serve? I don’t know.” He squared his shoulders. “Lily tells me you’re still in love with Rose and have no feelings for her at all.” Shawn wasn’t going to be anything but blunt when it came to the feelings of any of his sisters by marriage.

  Daniel blinked a few times. “Still in love with Rose? How could she believe that?” He shook his head sadly. “I’m in love with Lily.”

  Shawn watched the confusion on the other man’s face. “So you’re not still in love with Rose?”

  Daniel shook his head. “Absolutely not. I was never reall
y in love with Rose. She was sweet, and everything I thought a lady should be, but it was never more than a crush.” He wished he’d realized it sooner, though.

  “And Lily?”

  “Lily makes my world go round. I enjoy talking to her and just being with her. I can’t imagine marrying anyone but Lily.”

  Shawn sighed. “She doesn’t believe that. Not even a little bit. And you’re getting married in four days.” He eyed the other man. “My recommendation would be to tell her, and do whatever you have to do to convince her.”

  Daniel nodded. “I’ll tell her as soon as she comes out.” He shrugged. “I’ve told her before and she didn’t believe me, but I’ll tell her again. I’ll keep telling her until she finally believes me.”

  Shawn shook Daniel’s hand. “Welcome to the family. It’s a madhouse.”

  “I know. It’s been like this as long as I’ve been coming here, so….six years.” He grinned. “Lily once fell out of that tree on me after hitting me in the head with her slipper, while aiming for Rose.”

  Shawn threw back his head and laughed. “I’m sure my delicate little wife took that well.”

  “I think deep down I knew that very day that Lily was meant for me, not Rose.” Daniel grinned as he thought about how amused he’d been by Lily that day. He probably should have felt indignant that she’d tried to hurt Rose, but all he could do was laugh.

  “Good luck to you. You’ll need it with that one.”

  Daniel grinned. “She’s pretty wonderful. I’ve never met anyone like her.”

  “I’ll find a way to get her out here to talk to you.”

  “Thanks.” Daniel watched the older man go, so thankful he’d come along when he had. If he’d married Rose, he wouldn’t be marrying the love of his life now. He should thank him every day.

  He went to the back of the garden and sat on the bench he typically shared with Lily when he came by in the evenings. He’d wait as long as it took. This whole mess needed to be straightened out immediately.

  * * *

  Lily hurried out of the house, finally breaking away from discussions on what finger foods would be served for the wedding. Really, who cared? It’s not like anyone other than family would be there anyway. How could Rose and her mother discuss such minute topics for such long periods of time? It made her crazy. She was so ready to get out of that houseful of women, and do what she wanted!

  She walked through the garden, heading for the bench in the back, but keeping her eyes out for Daniel along the way. He could be somewhere else, but she doubted it. He was almost always on the back bench waiting for her. She liked knowing that he was so predictable.

  She spotted the bench and sure enough, there he was, sitting with his forearms braced on his knees, looking down at the ground as if something was wrong. Was he unhappy that he was marrying her? Did he want to call it off?

  She stopped in front of him, the leaves crunching under her feet. “Hello.”

  He looked up, his eyes dancing happily at the sight of her. Could he look at her that way and really have no feelings for her? At least she knew he wanted her physically even if he was in love with Rose. That mattered, didn’t it?

  She sat down beside him on the bench, immediately sliding close and resting her head on his shoulder. “I swear, if one more person asks me if I prefer egg salad sandwiches or ham sandwiches for the wedding, I’m going to start poking eyes out.” She wondered if she’d seemed too violent by saying that.

  Daniel laughed, his arm wrapping around her. “That’s my girl. I knew you didn’t want to be in there talking wedding.”

  She shuddered. “It’s all they talk about. It’s all they think about. Who cares about the wedding itself? I just want to be married to you so I can sleep all night in your arms.” She wished she could be closer to him as they sat together on the bench. Surely the next few days would go by quickly so she could be with him.

  He kissed the top of her head. “I want to be married to you, too. There’s nothing I want more.” He tilted her chin up so her eyes met his. “Why do you think I’m marrying you, Lily?”

  She shrugged, not meeting his eyes. “I don’t let myself think about it,” she told him honestly.

  He sighed. “Lily, I’m marrying you because I love you. There’s no other reason.”

  She felt a burning behind her eyes at his words, but refused to let the tears fall. She wouldn’t be one of those women who cried around men to get their way. She’d seen Rose do it one time too often and it disgusted her. “You don’t have to say that.” She didn’t want him to say that. They were the words she wanted to hear more than anything, but not when she knew they were a lie.

  “Lily, look at me! I love you! I don’t know why you think I’m still in love with Rose, because honestly, that was never more than a crush anyway. Rose would have bored me to tears within a week.” His blue eyes bored into her green. “Rose was a pretty girl who all the boys loved. You’re a beautiful woman. Everything about you makes me want you in my life. I love how you look, but more importantly, I love who you are.”

  She shook her head. “Please don’t lie to me. I can accept that you’re marrying me, and I’m only second best, but I can’t accept you lying to me.” She closed her eyes, trying to block out the pain she was feeling at his words.

  He stared at her for a minute with a dumbfounded expression. “Fine. I’ll just have to show you I love you. Every day of our lives.”

  She shrugged, a tear trickling slowly down her face. She closed her eyes, unable to bear the pain this conversation was causing. Why was he bringing all this up? His lips brushed against hers and she parted her lips for him, needing to be kissed. She needed their passion to remember that she really was good enough for him. He wanted her in his arms, even if she wasn’t Rose. That had to matter, didn’t it?

  Her arms went around to his back and she clung to him, returning his kiss ravenously. He made her feel special and loved, even though she knew better.

  After a moment, he lifted his head. “We can’t let things get out of control in your mother’s garden. Any of your sisters could be watching.”

  Lily turned and looked at the house. The row of windows along the top floor all faced the garden. Any or all of her sisters could be watching them. He was right. “Let’s go for a drive then.” Her eyes were dark with passion and glistening with unshed tears. She needed to be truly alone with him, so she could feel loved again.

  “No. Not until we’re married.” His hands stroked her cheek to soften his refusal, but he couldn’t keep being alone with her and not touching her. “The wedding is on Saturday. It’s only five days. We can wait that long.”

  She pouted. “I don’t want to wait.” What did five days matter? Why couldn’t he see that it didn’t matter to her?

  He groaned. “Neither do I, but we’re going to.”

  “Fine. Maybe it would be best if I didn’t see you until the wedding then. I’m terribly busy with all my fittings and last minute details.” She was busy but certainly not so busy she couldn’t see him.

  He got to his feet, suddenly angry with her. “That works for me. It’s not like I have all the time in the world to sit around trying to convince you that we should wait until we’re married to be intimate.” He strode toward the house without another word, and she stared after him.

  She buried her face in her hands and wept. It was one thing to know he was marrying her without love. It was another entirely to actually discuss it with him. She couldn’t stand the pain that caused. She was glad he wouldn’t be around until after the wedding. It would be better for everyone, wouldn’t it?

  She stared in the direction he’d gone and wished she’d been kinder and less nasty. Why couldn’t she just tell him that she was dying inside knowing he loved Rose and not her? Why couldn’t she just lay her cards on the table?

  She stood, went back to the house and straight up to her room. Crying seemed like the only thing she could do this evening, and she was going to do it. Someti
mes crying was necessary. She didn’t usually think so, but today? Today she needed a good cry. Some days were like that.

  * * *

  The day of the wedding was clear and sunny. It was cold, but not so cold Lily felt like she was going to freeze as soon as she stepped outside. She said a quick prayer of thanks that the day was beautiful and hurried to bathe and get ready for the wedding. Her mother came into her room after she was sitting in her robe and explained relations to her. She wasn’t terribly surprised. She liked the idea of being naked with Daniel. She didn’t tell her mother that, though. Obviously her mother had done it. Rose had said it was wonderful, and she was married to Shawn. If it was wonderful with Dr. Shawn, a boring old man, it would be so much better with Daniel.

  She dressed slowly, her wedding gown long sleeved and tight through her middle. She’d never really worn corsets like her sisters, but her mother had told her that no matter how slender she was, she needed a corset for her wedding day. One of the maids had come to help her dress and she felt like she was wearing a suit of armor by the time the corset was tied. Would she even be able to breathe?

  Her long red hair was swept up on top of her head in a complicated style she knew she’d never be able to duplicate. Rose had taken one look at her and simply nodded. “You make a beautiful bride, Lily.”

  Lily sighed. She knew she couldn’t hold a candle to Rose, but it was nice to hear her sister say the words.

  Rose rushed down to take her place with the family, and Fred knocked on the door. “Are you ready?”

  Lily turned and smiled at her father. Fred sucked in a breath. “Beautiful. Oh, Lily, how did you get so grown up? You’re still supposed to be climbing trees in the backyard.”

  “I climbed the tree out there just two weeks ago, Papa. I’m still me.” Lily knew she had always had a special place in her father’s heart because she was so unlike what her mother thought she should be. She was the closest thing he’d ever have to a son.