The Big Ohhh

by Ashton, Nikki

  “God no,” he replied, screwing up his nose. “You get on my nerves generally.” He grinned again and wrapped an arm around me. “Truthfully, I was jealous of you. I knew if you were in my position, you’d tell everyone and then give them some snarky remark and get on with it. You wouldn’t get pissed off with the questions and if you did, you’d just tell them to piss off.”

  “Oh, and you wouldn’t do that?” I laughed. “You and I are very alike Ruben, we’re both sarcastic and mean when we want to be.”

  “I guess,” he replied and raised a brow. “You’re the one I’m closest to, or was, and it’s true you always hurt the one you love most. I also knew if you and I were close again you’d figure it out and then the whole damn pack would know, and I wasn’t ready for it, so I thought it was better to keep you at arm’s length.”

  I sighed and sagged with relief. “It wasn’t because I told your mates you wet the bed until you were eight, or that I stopped taking you everywhere with me when you were about ten?”

  “Nah, although I’m still going to get you back for the bed wetting thing. Wait until you get married, I’m going to offer to do a speech.” He gave me an evil grin and laughed. “I suppose I should tell everyone else then.”

  I shrugged. “It’s up to you. I would, but it’s your decision. You know they’ll support you and you also know they’ll ask loads of questions and Maureen will try and give you hundreds of condoms while Ivan the Fucking Terrible will offer you advice on how to keep your sex life interesting.”

  Ruben rolled his eyes. “Yep, can’t wait. So, you think my boyfriend is dodgy then?”

  “Not really,” I replied with a grimace. “I think it was more the situation. He’s very good looking by the way.”

  “Of course he is. I’m a hottie, I’m not going to attract anyone else but a good-looking guy.”

  “Well your ego is still huge, that’s for sure.” I kissed his cheek and hugged him tightly. “I’ll come with you when you tell everyone.”

  “That’d be good. I’ll WhatsApp them all, get them together tonight and get it over and done with.”

  “It’s probably best.”

  “Yeah.” Ruben pulled away from my arms and stood up to leave, but when he got to the bedroom door he stopped and turned back around. “Oh, and Will.”

  “Yeah?” I asked, giving him a huge smile.

  “Your boyfriend is pretty hot too.”

  I picked up a flip flop and threw it at him, but he was too quick for me.

  Five minutes later a message came to the family WhatsApp group.

  Ruben

  Hey suckers, get yourselves into the dining room at 8pm tonight. Something I need to talk about.

  Maureen

  Do I need to bring cake and condoms?

  Try having sex on a car bonnet, lying back with your legs spread wide and your partner between them – be sure to leave your car park ticket in full view in case the Car Park Warden wants to check it while you’re in full swing.

  * * *

  Willow

  “Honestly, Rube, it’ll be fine.”

  Ruben worked his jaw backwards and forwards, he looked at me with steely eyes, as if he didn’t give a shit either way. I knew him better than that though, I knew he was nervous about telling the rest of the family his news.

  “You do know everyone will support you, don’t you?”

  “Yeah I know,” he said and let out a shaky breath. “But I really don’t want all the questions.”

  “We agreed, you’ll tell them to piss off.”

  Ruben gave me a small nod of his head and a smile and pushed open the door of the dining room. It was as if there was about to be a board meeting. Dad was sat at the head of the table, with a pad and pen in front of him and the rest of the Dixon’s were seated along the sides, all waiting with their hands clasped together on the table.

  “Remind me again what job I’ve applied for?” Ruben hissed at me through the side of his mouth.

  I chuckled softly and guided him to a chair with a hand to his back.

  “What’s occurring?” Toby asked, looking up and down the table. “What’ve we all been summoned for?”

  “Yeah,” Danny said as he scratched at his chest. “What’s so urgent I had to cut football practice short?”

  Dad cleared his throat and announced, “I think your brother has something important that he needs our support with. Remember though, Ruben, we all love you and will help you in any way we can.”

  Ruben shot me a look and then turned back to the eager faces around the table.

  “Contrary to what Willow might have you believe, I’m not on drugs.”

  Dad looked at Mum, who sagged back into her seat shaking her head.

  “You don’t have to deny it any longer,” she replied. “We’re not going to judge; we’re going to help.”

  “He’s being honest, Mum,” I said as I reached for Ruben’s hand under the table. “He isn’t on drugs.”

  “So, what is it then?” Dad asked and pushed his pad and pen to one side.

  “Don’t tell me, you’ve got some girl pregnant.” Declan tutted and gave Ruben a ‘did I not teach you anything’ kind of look.

  Ruben and I gave each other wide eyes at the irony of Declan’s thoughts.

  “So, tell us,” Toby said. “What’s the big secret?”

  Ruben glanced at me and then straightened his shoulders.

  “I…”

  “Go on Rube,” I whispered. “It’ll be fine.”

  I may have sounded confident, but my stomach was in knots for him. This was a big thing he was going to tell them, and he was the most private of the lot of us, yet I knew what the consequences of giving up his secret would be. I almost wanted to blurt it out for him. He was my little brother and even though we hadn’t been close for a long time, my need to protect him was still there.

  “Rube, you’re not dying, are you?” Toby asked, as worry marred his handsome features.

  “Shit no,” Ruben cried. “I’m…oh shit…I’m gay.”

  Mum and Dad let out a collective sigh of relief, I giggled nervously, Toby sat with his mouth open, Danny nodded sagely, and Declan stared at Ruben.

  Ruben turned to look at me tentatively and licked his lips before he turned back to the rest of the members of our family still at the table.

  “So, Willow was right, I was hiding something, but it wasn’t drugs.”

  “But I’ve seen you with girls,” Toby said with a frown.

  Ruben exhaled and shrugged. “I was confused?” he said, as a question.

  “Really? Because Tiffany Jackson didn’t sound like you were confused when we were at Gucci Reid’s party.” His face was a picture of shock at evidently being privy to things none of us had ever been.

  “What can I say, I’ve got skills.” Ruben shrugged again.

  “Who the fuck calls their kid, Gucci,” Danny moaned.

  “It’s not unusual for young people to feel confused about their sexuality,” Dad said with his therapist voice. “Often-.”

  “I’m not confused any more, Dad,” Ruben interrupted him. “I know now I like boys, I’m definitely gay, I was then, but at the time part of me felt it was what was expected of me.” He looked at Toby, Danny, and Declan. “I was a Dixon boy; I was expected to follow in your footsteps…and not only by people outside the family.”

  “Shit, Rube,” Danny sighed. “No one ever wanted to pressure you into something you didn’t want to do. You could have told us, and we’d have laid off the efforts of hooking you up with girls or introducing you to them.”

  “Yeah,” Toby cried. “We’d have found you some hot guys instead.”

  Ruben muttered ‘exactly’ under his breath.

  It was then that Declan got up and almost toppled his chair over as he stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind him.

  “The absolute wanker,” I hissed and pushed up off my chair to follow him.

  “Willow.” Dad’s voice boomed. “Sta
y put. Declan is not our priority, giving Ruben our support is.”

  Dad’s face told me he wouldn’t take no for an answer, so as anger punched at my chest, I slipped back onto the chair and grabbed Ruben’s hand again.

  “Ruben, son, continue.”

  Ruben nodded and licked his lips again.

  “You trying to hook me up with people is one of the main reasons why I didn’t tell anyone. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not ashamed, or scared of what you’ll think, but being gay makes me different than the rest of you and I didn’t want to become the family ‘case study’.”

  He didn’t look at Dad, but I was pretty sure that particular comment was aimed at him.

  “We-we wouldn’t,” Dad stammered, as he evidently understood too. “Okay, I wouldn’t.”

  “Dad, you would. Which is why I’m also going to say this, to all of you. I don’t want you asking me loads of questions, or checking if I’ve met anyone or,” he gave Mum a wide-eyed stare, “asking me if I need condoms every time I go out. I’m a grown man, I know how to be safe and the same as I don’t want to know how you get Patsy to scream your bloody name, I don’t want to tell you how I get my boyfriend to scream mine either.”

  Danny looked a little shamefaced and nodded.

  “I ask you all if you need condoms,” Mum said, her first words for a while.

  “Yeah and we all find it annoying,” Toby offered.

  Mum let out a sigh. “Well when you’ve seen as many teenage pregnancies and STD’s as I have and how it can ruin the lives of young people who have so much potential, you’d offer you condoms every time you went out too.”

  Mum had been a family planning officer for years before she went back to University to get her teaching degree, so with that and having ten years teaching experience behind her, I understood why she always had a lorry load of prophylactics in the house – I agreed with Toby though, it was annoying.

  “So, apart from the obvious, which we’ve established I’m not telling you,” Ruben said. “Does anyone have any questions?”

  Everyone looked at each other and Dad scribbled something into his notebook but remained silent. Mum then put her hand up.

  “Yes, Mum,” Ruben said, sounding like Mum probably did during class.

  “Are you happy?”

  Ruben’s shoulders sagged a little and he smiled. “Yeah Mum, I am.”

  “Tell them about Cane,” I whispered.

  “Oh, you mean that dodgy looking guy?” Ruben whispered back with a grin.

  “Yes, and okay, I got it wrong.”

  “What are you whispering about?” Mum asked. “Is there something bad that we should know?”

  “No Mum,” Ruben groaned. “As usual Willow is sticking her nose in.”

  I kicked him lightly under the table. “Who is it that helped you ‘come out’,” I said, doing speech marks around the phrase with my fingers.

  Ruben rolled his eyes and turned back to the family. “I’m seeing someone at the moment. His name is Cane, he’s twenty and lives in Manchester. He’s not out to his family, so that’s all I’m telling you about him.”

  Mum couldn’t help herself and clapped her little hands with glee. “Have you been seeing him long? Is he handsome?”

  “Yeah he is.” I offered.

  “When did you meet him?” Toby asked me, his face etched with a frown of perplexity. “Why has she met him, and I haven’t?”

  “I thought he was dealing drugs,” I replied. “They were looking dodgy around the toilets in a bar.”

  Mum tutted. “Toilets? Really, Ruben, you have a perfectly good den here for that sort of thing.”

  “No Maureen,” Ruben cried. “Nothing like that. We were talking about his parents and how bigoted they are.” He gave a soft smile in the direction of Mum and Dad. “They’re not like you two.”

  “Shit, thank God for that,” Danny muttered. “You don’t need weird in-laws as well as parents.”

  “Thank you, Ruben, for appreciating us,” Dad replied giving Danny the side-eye. “Even if your brother doesn’t.”

  “So, is it serious?” Toby asked.

  Ruben shrugged. “I don’t know. We’ve only been seeing each other a couple of months and like I said, he hasn’t come out or anything.”

  “Is he your first relationship?” Dad asked.

  “Ivan, we said…” Mum warned.

  “It’s fine, Mum, and no it isn’t.”

  All of us sat up to attention at that. He’d told me he’d sneaked a boy into the house, but I wasn’t sure I’d believed him, I thought it was just bravado.

  “I was seeing a guy from school for a while, right before we went into sixth form, but it didn’t work out.”

  Mum clasped a hand to her chest. “Did he break your heart?”

  Ruben exhaled and shook his head and dropped his gaze to the table. “No, I broke his. We don’t speak any longer, which is sad, but you can’t stay with someone only because they’re a nice person if you don’t have an attraction for them.”

  My eyes widened in surprise as I wondered how the hell he’d become so sensible and wise with the four of us as his elder siblings, not to mention Maureen and Ivan the Fucking Terrible as his parents?

  “Well,” Dad said, as he stood up. “I’m a very proud man. Proud that you finally felt you could tell us Ruben, and proud that we, as a family, are supportive enough that you can be who you want to be. It must be very difficult for your friend Cane, and please tell him he’s welcome here any time.”

  He moved around the table until he was in front of Ruben and leaned down to hug him tightly. Ruben closed his eyes and even though he was surrounded by Dad’s big frame, I could see him sag with relief. We all stood and moved toward Ruben and hovered around him to give our own hugs.

  “There is one member of the family that needs to pull his head out of his arse,” Danny said. “I’m going to-.”

  He didn’t say anything more because at that precise moment Declan came into the room. His eyes were red rimmed, and I have never felt more like punching him. How dare he cry simply because our brother was gay?

  “You really are-.”

  Declan held his hand up to quieten me, which made me even angrier.

  “Hold on for a second before you go shouting your mouth off,” he said sternly. “Because it’s not what it looked like.”

  “Yeah and that’s what Mrs. Chivers said when her husband came home early.”

  Our heads all shot to Toby who grinned and then ducked his head.

  “Sorry, it slipped out.”

  “Tobias Nathanial Dixon,” Mum gasped. “I think you and I need to have words about that statement you just made about our neighbour.”

  Ruben laughed and mouthed ‘busted’ at Toby, while the rest of us gaped in silence.

  “Anyway,” Dad said. He looked confused and turned back to Declan. “You had something to say.”

  Dec nodded and took a step toward Ruben. “I’m not ashamed or sad that you’re gay, Rube. I left because I’m ashamed and sad that you felt you had to keep it from us because of the pressure you felt from everyone. As the eldest,” he said and waved a finger between him and Danny, “that’s on us and I’m sorry about that. You seem pretty chill about it all, but if you weren’t you wouldn’t have had anyone to talk to and that upsets me.”

  “Yeah things must be bad for you to tell Willow first,” Danny scoffed.

  Ruben shrugged a shoulder. “It just came out really. I didn’t tell her on purpose, we barely speak.”

  “Yeah, well that’s changing,” I scolded him. “No more pretending you hate me.”

  He grinned at me cheekily. “Who said I was pretending?”

  “Whatever,” Declan continued. “That was why I left. Not because of you and who you choose to sleep with, that is not an issue and never would be because I love you and always will.”

  Emotion pricked at the back of my throat as Declan pulled Ruben into a hug and clapped his arms tightly around him. I’d neve
r seen Declan show such tenderness or empathy to anyone. Even Mum only got kisses from him on high days and holidays.

  “Dec,” I groaned as I felt the tears start to build.

  “I’m sorry, Rube.”

  “Dec, shut up,” Ruben replied. “We’re all as bad as one another and maybe I’m too precious about my privacy.”

  “No,” Mum said as she ran a hand down his hair. “You should have as much privacy as you want, you all should. Your dad and I won’t interfere and question you all, and I will try to stop offering you all condoms, although-.”

  “Maureen,” Danny groaned. “No. Let’s go and get a cup of tea instead.”

  Mum laughed and nodded. “Okay, oh and I defrosted a lovely fruit cake that I pinched from the home economics room before the holidays.”

  As everyone followed Mum out, Toby pulled Ruben into a neck hug and Danny and Declan laughed about the fact that we would be eating stolen goods, which left only Dad and I in the dining room. I was about to follow them when Dad caught my arm.

  “It was a good thing you did, Willow,” he said and cupped my face with his big hand. “I doubt he’d have had the nerve to tell us if it wasn’t for you. Although, drugs? Really?”

  “Sorry,” I groaned. “I got it totally wrong. I’m glad he finally realised that we are all actually here for him.”

  “Yeah,” Dad sighed and looked through the window into the garden. “Your mum and I really should let you live your lives.”

  I didn’t reply because me agreeing wouldn’t exactly add to the warm, loving vibe we had currently going on.

  “So,” he said, as he followed me out. “Charlie didn’t stay over in the end at the weekend.”

  “No,” I said tightly. “He had an emergency.”

  “Ah right. Nothing too serious I hope.”

  “Ivan,” I warned.

  “What? That’s not interfering, that’s me being caring.” he protested.

  I rolled my eyes and took a deep breath before continuing.

  “His brother is disabled and so he has to take care of him quite a bit,” I replied. “And Saturday night his brother wasn’t well, so he had to go.”