The Big Ohhh

by Ashton, Nikki

  “There you go.” Charlie leaned forward and gave me a closed mouth kiss. “And believe me, she doesn’t want me, or even fancy me, she doesn’t want you to have a boyfriend when she doesn’t. I could be one of the Hanson brothers before they grew into their looks and she’d still flirt with me. So, to answer the question you didn’t ask – no, you’ve nothing to be worried about. I don’t fancy her. I only have eyes for you.”

  “Is that the Boyz II Men version or the classic version of 1975 by Art Garfunkel?”

  Charlie looked shocked. “Art Garfunkel of course, what else?” he whispered against my mouth.

  As I kissed him slowly, we heard cat calls and whistles behind us, until I decided I really should pull away. As I did, Jasmine reached for Charlie’s hand and took it in hers.

  “Has anyone ever told you that you look like that model, Matthew Noszka?”

  “No, can’t say they have,” Charlie replied, prising his hand away from Jasmine’s.

  “Hey, Jasmine,” I cried. “I meant to tell you, those shoes you’ve got on, well they have them in Cut Price Shoes, for only thirteen-ninety-nine.”

  Jasmine’s eyes dropped to her designer shoes and then shot back up to me. “No!”

  “Yeah,” I replied and nodded enthusiastically with a huge grin. “In three different colours.”

  She went a strange shade of green and stood up. “I need to go to the ladies.”

  “Okay, see you in a bit.”

  “Where’s she going?” Maxwell asked, his puppy dog eyes following Jasmine’s path.

  “Ladies,” I replied. “She’s got a terrible bad stomach and she didn’t want anyone to know but she’s just farted and followed through. I think she said it was all up her back, so she may be a while.”

  Maxwell’s face was a picture as his mouth dropped open. “Really?”

  I nodded and tried to look despondent. “Yeah and unfortunately it happens a lot. She really has no control over it, especially in the middle of sex.”

  Charlie snorted next to me and then quickly picked up his bottle of beer to take a drink, while nudging me.

  “Tobe,” Maxwell said and turned back to my brother. “I reckon we should get off somewhere else, what do you reckon?”

  “Hey,” Ruben cried, with a huge grin on his face. “Jasmine won’t be long. Why don’t you ask her to go with you?”

  “Yeah,” Toby added excitedly. “You could come too, Polly.”

  My heart sank as I expected him to be disappointed, but Polly surprised me.

  “Okay,” she said with a sigh. “But only because I want to go somewhere that I can dance.”

  “Yeah, yep, okay,” Toby said, as he almost bounced on his toes. “We can do that, can’t we Maxwell?”

  At that very second Jasmine returned and stood next to Polly and, with classic comedy timing that I could never had hoped for, sprayed perfume on and around herself. “What’s happening?” she asked.

  “You and Polly are coming with me and Maxwell,” Toby said. “We’re going to go to Ziggy’s so Polly can dance. It’ll be like a foursome.”

  “No, it won’t,” Polly snapped at the same time as Maxwell.

  “Okay,” Jasmine replied and fluffed up her hair. “As long as we can go for a curry afterwards. I could do with a good blowout.”

  It was that point that Maxwell practically sprinted out of the bar.

  Tobacco constricts the circulation of blood and may lower the sex drive hormone. A study reveals that quitters had more orgasms afterwards than they did when they smoked. - the lesson being, ladies quit chewing tobacco, not only will you have more orgasms, but your old spittoon will make a lovely flowerpot.

  * * *

  Charlie

  I don’t know what had persuaded me to say yes to have Sunday dinner with Willow’s family, but I had and was about to knock on the front door feeling nervous yet excited about the prospect of the evening ahead. Eccentric and crazy they may be, but the Dixons were also fun and great to be around, however, it was still a big deal being asked to dinner and so it was only natural to be nervous. Apparently, Ruben’s boyfriend Cane had chickened out – sorry, he’d forgotten he had other plans, so it looked like I would be the only specimen on show tonight.

  Actually, I lied. I did know what had persuaded me to say yes. It was her – Willow. I was totally gone for her, almost to the point of drawing a heart with our initials in it on every available surface. She was all I could think about, which when you’re supposed to be concentrating on learning from one of the best music producers in the business, could be very distracting. A couple of days earlier, Deke had asked me what I thought about turning the volume of the drums up above the guitars on one of Devil’s Doorbell’s songs. I had no clue what he was talking about, because I’d been thinking of whether it was too early in our relationship to suggest Willow and I went away for a weekend – once Johnny had a carer in place.

  Teresa still hadn’t left, and Johnny didn’t seem to be pushing it, but he had registered with an agency to find someone to help. The problem was, he’d hated every one of the four people that they’d sent for interviews so far. I called them interviews very loosely. He hadn’t let me sit in on them and the longest had lasted a mere fifteen minutes and I was pretty sure that was only because the woman brought her pug with her and Johnny was a damn sucker for dogs. When she’d trailed back through the lounge and given me a dirty look, I guessed it didn’t matter how much Johnny liked her little Douggie, she hadn’t got the job and my brother had evidently upset her.

  I was busy thinking about Johnny, when the door burst open and a frazzled looking Willow faced me. Her hair was in two plaits and she was wearing a pair of dungarees with a striped t-shirt and she looked fucking cute. Looking at her though, I couldn’t help but think of the Pippy Longstocking books Mrs. Jefferson, my old primary school teacher, had read to us for the last half hour of each day. I’d hated them at the time, but Willow in the guise of her was pretty sexy.

  “I’m so sorry,” she huffed and opened the door wider to let me in. “My brother is being a dick.”

  I leaned in for a quick kiss and then raised my brows in question.

  “He thinks it’s funny that he’s compiled a questionnaire for you to fill in.”

  “A questionnaire?”

  “Yeah about your suitability to by my boyfriend.”

  “So, me not kicking off at them for smothering my cock with dog food wasn’t my initiation ceremony?”

  “No. Apparently, that was merely a ‘bit of fun’.” She did quotation marks with her fingers and flared her nostrils in time with each waggle.

  Her face in a pissed off grimace, Willow reached up on tiptoe to give me another kiss. “Hi.”

  “Hi,” I replied as I ran a finger down her cheek. “And don’t worry about the questionnaire. I feel pretty confident that I’ll pass with flying colours.”

  “You haven’t seen the questions yet,” she sighed out. “The first one is about your bank balance.”

  I burst out a laugh and pulled Willow closer, giving her a hug. “I think I’ll need to lie about that one. Which brother has done it anyway; Toby?”

  “No, Declan, would you believe. The one who is a miserable troll most of the time. You should have seen him, Charlie; he was almost pissing himself laughing as he wrote it. He’s printed it out and actually asked Mum about using her laminator, until he realised you wouldn’t be able to write on it if he did.” She gave a groan and shook her head. “He is so getting shit whenever he brings a girl home, if it ever happens. Anyway, come on in, the fam is waiting in the lounge, oh and ignore the fact that Toby is wearing a monocle and sucking on an unlit pipe.”

  I leaned back and examined her face to see if she was joking, but there was nothing but sadness in her eyes which only made me laugh again.

  * * *

  Dinner had been cleared away and everyone was sat back and having a chat around the table, some seventies Fleetwood Mac was playing in the background, my arm
was resting across the back of Willow’s chair, as my thumb rhythmically rubbed her shoulder and I didn’t think I had ever felt so relaxed.

  “I only want to leave this mortal coil knowing all my children are happy,” Maureen sighed, looking at Declan with worry in her eyes.

  “Being married, engaged, or even going steady as you call it, won’t make me happier,” Declan groaned. “Now, me having sex with lots of different girls definitely would.”

  As Declan and the boys laughed, Willow groaned.

  “You’re such a pig.” She looked at each of her four brothers in turn. “In fact, you all are. The only gentleman at this table is Charlie.”

  I started to cough as I knew that if she could have read my mind when she was bent over to pet Nigel, Danny’s dog, I would not now be called a gentleman. I could see right down her top and copped a glimpse of the beautiful globes of her tits, thus thoughts of my dick shoved between them had invaded my head.

  “He’s being a gentleman now,” Toby said, “but you wait until you’ve been going out a bit longer. He’ll start farting, belching, and scratching his nads at the table.”

  “Toby is right, Willow,” Patsy chipped in. “Danny was polite, well-mannered, and sweet for a couple of months, now he does all those things.”

  Danny grinned at Patsy and leaned in for a kiss, which lasted a little too long for it to be comfortable. To me anyway, no one else seemed to care.

  “I worry you’re going to get some STD.” Maureen turned to Declan again. “And what about the respect for those poor girls, do you actually have any?”

  “I respect them a lot,” he replied. “Especially when they’re su-.”

  “Declan,” Ivan growled. “I think we get the picture.”

  All five of the Dixon offspring giggled like little kids, while Maureen gave them a look only a mother could give – well, unless it was my mother.

  “Anyway, changing the subject,” Danny said. “Why the hell were you wearing a monocle and smoking a pipe, Tobe?”

  “I’ve been asked to do a clothing campaign for a company that sells tweed jackets and they’re going to shoot it in the reading room of the British Library.”

  “And?”

  “Well I wanted to get into the right frame of mind. You know, get into character.”

  “When have you ever known anyone to smoke a pipe in a library?” Willow asked.

  Toby shrugged and started to bang a beat on the table in time to the song in the background, which I think was called Tusk.

  “Exactly,” Willow replied. “And who the hell even wears a monocle these days?”

  “Ah leave him alone,” Maureen said as she brushed the hair from Toby’s eyes. “He’s an artist and who knows why he does the stupid things he does?”

  “He’s a piss artist, but that’s about it,” Declan added.

  Toby grabbed his sides and pretended to laugh and then quickly pulled his face back to deadpan. “You need new material big brother, that joke is centuries old and shit.”

  Declan flipped him the finger which earned him another mother look from Maureen.

  “I think this is all degenerating into the usual Dixon crap talk, so I propose we play a game of Monopoly. You in Charlie?” Ivan asked.

  Before I had time to answer, Willow was up out of her chair and had pulled me with her.

  “No sorry, we’re going up to my room. Charlie likes to nap after a large meal, don’t you?”

  “Yeah?” I answered as a question.

  “Oh, is that what they call it,” Ruben muttered as he leaned on the back two legs of his chair and reached over to the bookcase, pulling a Monopoly game from the bottom shelf.

  “It’s true,” Willow protested. “As if we’d be able to do anything else after Mum’s mammoth feast.”

  Maureen smiled widely and sat up taller and straightened her shoulders.

  “It was pretty mammoth wasn’t it?”

  Patsy patted Maureen’s hand and then started to move glasses and mugs to make a space for Ruben to put the board out. While everyone busied themselves picking a piece to play with, Willow dragged me from the dining room and up the stairs.

  “You don’t like Monopoly then?” I asked as she closed the door on her little slice of Harry Potter heaven.

  “Not when Danny is playing, no. He’s cutthroat. You know, once he wouldn’t speak to Toby for a week because he wouldn’t sell him Park Lane but then sold it to Ruben who then won because he had one more property than Danny. We only finished then because we’d been playing for five hours and it was almost one in the morning, otherwise Danny wanted to carry on until one of them was bankrupt.”

  “That was the only way they could be separated, by one property?”

  “Yeah,” she sighed and jumped onto the bed. “Same money, same total value of their property, everything. He’s never let Toby forget it, so I’m pretty sure there’ll be bloodshed at some point during the game.”

  “I’m glad we ducked out then,” I replied as I kicked off my shoes and bounced onto the bed next to her.

  Once I was comfy, I pulled Willow into my side and kissed her temple. “I’ve really enjoyed myself tonight, thanks for inviting me.”

  “I didn’t, my mum did, I was all for not telling you and maybe keeping you for a bit longer.”

  She rolled her eyes and then grinned at me, she looked so damn beautiful, I couldn’t help but drop my mouth to hers and take it in a long, deep, kiss.

  Willow’s hands moved to my hair, her fingers threaded through it and tugged it as my lips and tongue became more insistent. With my hand on her perfectly plump arse, I dragged her closer so that our hips and groins touched and as soon as we were, my dick sprang to life. The ache in my balls was instantaneous and intense as I rolled us so that Willow was underneath me. Immediately she opened her legs and let me settle between them as she wrapped them around my waist. We fitted together perfectly and caught a mutual rhythm as we started to grind and steal the breath from each other’s lungs with our kisses.

  My hands moved to the strap of her dungarees and blindly tried to unfasten the strange button and hook fastening. I wasn’t sure I’d have been able to do it with my eyes open and both hands on the job, but it was even more difficult with my full concentration on the kisses I was giving her. Finally, after me pushing and pulling at the button, Willow moved her hands from my hair and took over. Once both straps were undone, she urged me to lift up so she could push the dungarees down to her waist.

  As soon as her hands continued to exact the pleasurable pain of pulling my hair, I pushed one of mine up her top and cupped her tit and brushed the hard nipple with my thumb. Willow gave a little moan and I paused as I wondered whether I’d hurt her, but when she thrust her hips up sharply, I realised she wanted me to get on with it.

  I moved down her body and dragged the soft denim of her dungarees with me as I did so, and pulled them over her hips and down her legs. Willow kicked them onto the floor and grinned down at me as she lay there in a red and white striped t-shirt and a pair of knickers that said ‘Sunday’ on them above a picture of a roast dinner.

  “Nice knickers.”

  “I know, I thought you’d like them. I wore them especially for you.”

  She looked perfect, with her plaits spread out on the pillow, her nipples hard and pushing against her top and her long, tanned legs spread apart. If angels wore striped tops and picture knickers then Willow Dixon was most definitely one.

  “You’re so beautiful,” I whispered and leaned down to take her plump bottom lip and drag it slowly between my teeth. “You’re all I can think of every fucking day.”

  “Oh my God, you say some of the nicest things,” she replied breathily.

  Her hand lifted to cup my cheek and she licked her lips; the tip of her pink tongue ran smoothly along them as she enticed me and made my dick harden even more.

  “I need you to fuck me, Charlie.”

  I didn’t need any other invitation, and nothing would have st
opped me at that point. I pulled my t-shirt over my head at the same time as Willow got rid of hers and we threw them together to one side. Both of us were grinning as we then got rid of the rest of our clothes and underwear until we were both naked. My dick was hard and at full mast as Willow placed her arms above her head and placed one foot on the bed, so her leg was bent at the knee. She’d gone from angel to porn mag centrefold within minutes and while I loved every single one of the looks that she was able to pull off, at that very moment porn mag centrefold was my particular favourite, especially when she lowered one of her hands and started to play with her own nipple.

  “Fuck,” I ground out and wondered how I’d got so lucky to have met her.

  She was like no other girl I’d ever been with. She was sexy and confident about her sexiness which only made her…well, sexier.

  As I lowered myself over her, a thought struck me, and I groaned. “I haven’t got any condoms,” I said through gritted teeth. “I’m sorry.”

  Willow pushed up onto her elbows and instead of kneeing me in the bollocks as I’d expected, she nodded toward Hedgwig who was staring at us, enjoying the show.

  “Top drawer,” she said with a grin. “My mum is a biology teacher for teenagers don’t forget.”

  With a deep sense of relief, I leaned across and pulled open the drawer.

  “Shit, does she have shares in latex or something?”

  Inside there were various boxes stating different sizes, plus dozens of loose ones in their own silver packet.

  “It’s her thing. Now grab a box of large and get on with it.”

  I looked down at her and smiled. “Large, eh?”

  “Yes,” she replied a little huffily. “You know you are.”

  With pride, I reached for the appropriate box, flicked it open and pulled out a condom. I had it out of the packet and on my dick within seconds.

  I immediately dropped back down over Willow and braced myself on my hands and dropped my head to kiss her. Her hands went to my back, fingertips dug into my muscles, while her legs once more came back around my waist, her heels pushed into my arse and urged me forward.