Up on the Roof

by A. L. Brooks

  Megan stared at the pair of them. “Er, yeah. Fine.” She spun round and walked—carefully—to the kitchen to deposit her empty beer bottle.

  “So, Lena,” she heard Jen say, “I was wondering if you’d be interested in getting a drink with me sometime.”

  Megan risked a glance over her shoulder. Lena was staring at Jen as if she’d grown two heads, and Jen’s usual confident stance was wilting under the pressure.

  “No, thank you,” Lena said tightly. She turned away from Jen and continued her pathway to the bathroom.

  Megan quickly looked back at the sink and pretended to rinse her bottle out. And tried very hard not to smile as widely as she wanted to.

  Jen joined her in the kitchen a few moments later.

  Megan schooled her features into a less satisfied expression and turned to face her friend.

  “Well,” Jen said, her eyes wide. “I’m guessing you heard that.” Megan nodded. “Don’t think I’ve ever been shot down like that.” Jen shook her head.

  Megan reached out and patted her on the shoulder. “Sorry.”

  Jen shrugged. “Win some, lose some.” She chuckled. “Maybe it’s for the best—might have got a bit awkward me seeing her while she’s living with you. Kind of a ‘don’t shit where you eat’ situation, eh?”

  Megan winced internally. Yeah, exactly. So how bad would it be if she allowed her attraction for Lena to get carried away? Definitely not a good idea. “Probably,” she said. “Want another beer?”

  Jen shook her head. “Nah, I think I’ll take off. I could do with a long night’s sleep—got to do a double tomorrow coz we’re short-staffed.”

  “Ugh, on a Sunday?”

  “I know, boring. Anyway, I’ll catch you sometime during the week, yeah?”

  “Sure. Take it easy.”

  “You too.” Jen smirked. “Don’t let the Ice Woman wind you up.”

  Of course, Lena would choose that exact moment to exit the bathroom. She stopped short at Jen’s words, then glared at her before striding off to her room.

  “Shit,” Jen mouthed.

  Megan shook her head. “Thanks a lot,” she murmured.

  “Sorry, I—”

  Megan waved her off. “Get out of here, before you make it worse.” She smiled to take the sting out of her words, but the smile felt awfully false. God, what a mess.

  Lena lay staring at the ceiling, trying with all her might to tamp down her anger and get to sleep. It was impossible. That…woman. How dare she? Just because Lena had said no to a date with her did not make Lena the ‘Ice Woman’. The arrogance of her. Lena had been sorely tempted to tell her exactly what she thought of her with her oh-so-seductive moves and cocky attitude. Sure, Jen was attractive—Lena wasn’t stupid. Or blind. But the arrogance that came with it was such a turn off. Lena had always been attracted to someone with a quiet confidence, nothing overt. Chris had had that: she knew she was attractive but didn’t flaunt it. She knew she was good at her job but didn’t brag about it. Megan had that same quality, and it made Lena’s stomach do a tiny little flip at the thought.

  She blinked in the darkness. Where had that come from?

  Groaning, she rolled over and pressed her face into her pillow. No, no, no. She could not be thinking about Megan that way. That was very much all kinds of wrong.

  The tap on her door was quiet—if she’d been asleep it probably wouldn’t have stirred her.

  “Lena?” Megan’s voice was equally quiet.

  For a moment it was so tempting to ignore it. But Lena found herself reaching for the bedside lamp, then pushing the covers back. She padded across the room and inched open the door.

  “Hi,” Megan said, her eyes wide, and her arms wrapped round herself. “I’m sorry if I woke you.”

  Lena shook her head. “What do you want?” She tried to keep the bite out of her tone, but it was difficult.

  Megan sighed audibly. “I wanted to apologise for what Jen said. It was out of line and—”

  Lena opened the door slightly wider and held up a hand. “That’s not your apology to make,” she said, softening her tone in wonder at Megan’s actions. How could she be this…nice all the time? “You are not responsible for what your friends think.”

  “I know,” Megan said, “but, well, this is your home too now, and you shouldn’t have to deal with that in your own home.”

  Lena was surprised at the smile her mouth formed. “Thank you. That’s very…thoughtful of you.”

  “Well, that’s all I wanted to say.” Megan glanced away and back again. “Oh, and to tell you I have most of my family visiting tomorrow afternoon. Sorry, in all the rush over the last few days I forgot about it. They’ll be here around two, and stay into the evening, I imagine.”

  Lena’s good mood deflated. “Right. Okay. Well, I’ll make myself scarce then.” She made to shut the door, but Megan grabbed hold of it.

  “Wait, please. I didn’t mean that. You don’t have to go anywhere. You can stay, if you wish? You’ve met Callum already, but you could meet everyone else, share all the food they’ll bring. You know, hang out.” Those pale blue eyes were pleading with her.

  Lena shut her eyes momentarily, blocking out the distraction Megan’s eyes always seemed to engender in her. How could she explain? That it was bad enough most of her routine had disappeared since Monday night and with it her sense of calm and control. That not being able to have her regular Saturday—breakfast with a book, groceries, cleaning, then more reading—had already freaked her out and caused her anxiety levels to rise even higher. Now she had to find somewhere else to go for the Sunday so that she didn’t have to be surrounded by a flat full of strangers.

  “I’ll think about it,” she said eventually, and gently shut the door, giving Megan just enough time to withdraw her hand as she did so.

  Chapter 12

  Lena closed the forecast spreadsheet and opened the quarterly review presentation from the September folder. The eighty-three slides in it were ugly, cumbersome, and cluttered with data that no one ever really looked at. No one had tasked her with redesigning the review, but she’d decided it was as good a job as any to keep her out of the flat for the day.

  She couldn’t do it. Staying home to meet Megan’s family wasn’t something she was ready for. She’d woken up determined to get a lid on her anxiety, and if she couldn’t do that by maintaining some semblance of her pre-storm routine in Megan’s flat, then she’d escape to work. Next weekend she’d visit Madhu and Jay, then maybe after that she would have a new routine mapped out that worked for her in her changed surroundings. She was almost there—shower times had been ironed out, as had evening meals, given that Megan worked most evenings until at least eight. That, at least, was some relief, as their paths rarely crossed except for later in the evening. Around that, Lena could almost pretend that things were normal. Except that they weren’t, because she wasn’t in her own bed surrounded by her own things, and she’d yet to receive the order of books to replace some of her lost collection.

  Her phone rang, making her jump. Being in the too-quiet office on her own had her nerves on edge.

  “Hey, Madhu,” she said with some relief when she realised who her caller was.

  “Hey, how are you?”

  “I’m…okay.” There was no real point in lying to her sister. “It’s been a difficult week.”

  “I bet it has! Are you settled in at Megan’s? I still think that is totally awesome that she offered you the room.”

  Lena smiled. That really was true. She ought to remember that amongst the turmoil. “Mostly. It’s taking a bit of getting used to.”

  “Ah, I’m not surprised. I’m so proud of you for doing it though. It would have been an easy option to move into some short-term studio flat somewhere.”

  Would it? Lena wasn’t so sure. That would have meant even more upheaval and surrou
ndings that would have been less ideal. In comparison to where she was, and how lucky she’d been having someone like Megan willing to offer, her own space, however private, would probably have felt a lot worse. The more she thought about it, the luckier she felt. And the worse she felt for not making more of an effort with Megan.

  “You still there, Lena?”

  “Oh, sorry. Yes, I was just thinking.”

  “About?”

  Lena’s cheeks warmed with a gentle blush. “I-I think I’ve realised how lucky I am that Megan was there. That she is as nice as she is. And…well, I’ve not exactly been the nicest to her that I could have been.”

  “It’s a habit you have, you know.”

  “What?”

  Madhu sighed. “Don’t shout at me, all right?”

  Lena exhaled slowly, dreading what was coming. “Okay.”

  “Well, I know you have your issues with your OCD and your need for routine. But… Well, you’re not very good at forgiving people either. You carry grudges. Megan did some things that upset you, and yes, before you say anything, I can totally see why you were upset. But it’s not like she did any of them deliberately, is it?”

  “No,” Lena said in a small voice.

  “Yet you carried on treating her in that same standoffish way even after she’d apologised and got everything fixed up. Seriously, the woman deserves a medal for still being kind enough to offer you a room after all that.”

  Lena’s blush deepened and an awful sick feeling crept through her stomach. Madhu was right. She’d been entirely unforgiving of Megan, and continuing to give her the cold shoulder even when they were now living together was…mean.

  “I’m an awful person,” Lena whispered, tears pricking at her eyes.

  “No!” Madhu exclaimed. “No, you’re not, believe me,” she pleaded. “You’ve just… Lena, you’ve got so bitter the past few years. First Mum and Dad, then Chris. I get it, I do, but…”

  “What?”

  “But I wish you could, I don’t know, shake it all off. Forget it.”

  Lena’s hackles rose. “Forget it? Forget what they said to me? Forget what Chris did to me?”

  Madhu’s sigh was long. “See, this is what I’m talking about.” She paused. “Look, you know I am one hundred per cent behind you. And I know what our parents did was very upsetting. But, really, Lena, surely you weren’t that surprised, were you? I mean, they’re first generation. Of course they weren’t going to jump up and down with joy at having a lesbian in the family.”

  “Oh, so that means I’m supposed to forgive them, does it?”

  Madhu sounded exasperated. “No, of course not. What they said, Mum in particular, was horrible. It really was. I want you to find a way to get past it so that you can be happy. Carrying all this anger around doesn’t seem to be doing you any good, that’s all I’m saying.”

  Lena was silent for a few moments. It hurt to admit it, but Madhu was right. It was all so unjust, though. And Lena didn’t think she deserved it. Once again the bile rose up and—

  She took a deep breath. Here she went again, allowing it all to swamp her, to agitate her. Maybe Madhu was right. Maybe it was time to try to let go of the past so that she could find what she thought she did deserve: a little bit of happiness.

  “This pasta is awesome, Mum.” Megan grinned happily as she scooped up another large spoonful to dollop on her plate. Her mum’s tuna pasta mix had always been a favourite, and she’d been delighted when a large dish of it had been one of the many items of food her mum had unpacked upon arrival.

  Her mum grinned back. “I know how to keep my baby girl happy.”

  Megan glared at her. “I’m not a baby girl anymore, Mum.”

  Her parents both laughed.

  “You’ll always be our baby girl, Megs,” her dad said. “Even when you’re old and grey.”

  Her brothers laughed as she blushed. Being the only girl child had always been like this, and it hadn’t changed now that she’d grown up into the only woman.

  She was, however, grateful that no female stereotypes had been applied to her. Her mum had been content to watch Megan play with her brothers rather than force her love of cooking onto her only daughter.

  Yet again, her mother had surpassed herself with the monthly family dinner. They rotated the get-together at a different home each time but with her mum insisting on doing most of the cooking. The feast laid out, buffet-style, on Megan’s kitchen counters was enough to feed a small army. Megan knew she’d be contentedly munching on leftovers for the rest of the week, with any luck.

  “So, where’s your flatmate?” Jimmy asked, helping himself to a large serving of salad to go with his burger.

  Megan swallowed a mouthful of pasta and washed it down with a gulp of juice. She glanced at her watch. “Well, she said she’d definitely be out until three. She went to work, I think.” It was gone three thirty now, and Megan wondered if Lena really would return. She’d not seemed that keen when she left this morning, and Megan had the distinct impression she’d only been saying she would meet her family to appease Megan. She wasn’t going to force Lena, but given how often Megan saw her family, she thought the sooner Lena met them and became familiar with them, the better. If Lena disagreed, so be it.

  “How’s it going with her?” her mum asked.

  Megan shrugged, and put her fork down on her plate. “It’s…okay. She pretty much keeps to herself. We hardly see each other.”

  Her mum nodded. “And what about getting the roof fixed? When is that going to be done?”

  Megan shook her head. “No idea. She’s still waiting for the insurance company to appoint a builder. Such a shame we couldn’t get you to do it,” she said, looking at Callum.

  “True. But if they’ve got a list of approved firms it’s going to be someone good—they wouldn’t waste time with cowboys.”

  “Yeah, I guess.”

  The sound of a key turning in the lock sent all their heads swivelling in the direction of the front door. A warm spot bloomed in the middle of Megan’s chest as she saw Lena push through the door with her briefcase in one hand and what looked like a cake box in the other.

  When she realised so many pairs of eyes were on her, Lena stopped dead and blushed furiously. Megan leaped to her feet, only just catching her half-full plate before it slid off her lap onto the floor. Her dad sniggered and she glared at him before placing the plate on the coffee table.

  “Hey, Lena. Welcome home.” She offered an encouraging smile, hoping against hope that Lena was in one of her better moods. To her shock, Lena smiled just as warmly back.

  “Hi, Megan. I-I bought this for you and your family.” She held out the cake box. It was shaking slightly in her trembling hand. “I didn’t know if you had dessert planned, and well, even if you have, you can never have too much cake, can you?”

  Megan stared at her. Who was this new Lena standing in the doorway? She was…nice. Wow—who’d have thought that was possible?

  “Oh, that’s…that’s lovely. Thanks.” She took the box from Lena and laid it on the draining board, the only clear space in the kitchen thanks to her mum’s overwhelming efforts with the food.

  “Hi, Lena. I’m Rosie, Megan’s mum.” She rounded the sofa and held out her hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”

  Lena dropped her briefcase quickly and shook the proffered hand.

  Megan’s dad was next. “Sean. Nice to meet you.”

  Within seconds Jimmy was following suit, and Callum waved from across the room. “Nice to see you again, Lena.”

  Lena smiled shyly.

  Then Daniel walked hesitantly over, wiping his hand on his jeans.

  “Hi. Daniel.”

  Lena’s smile widened a little, and Megan nearly laughed out loud as Daniel ducked his head, shoving his hands in his pockets and—wait, was that a blush from her b
rother?

  “Would you like some food, Lena?” Megan’s mum was already moving to the kitchen as she spoke over her shoulder.

  “Um, I’m fine right now,” Lena said quietly. “Maybe later.” She turned to remove her coat and hung it on one of the hooks behind the door.

  Megan watched Daniel watching Lena.

  Uh-oh.

  Lena turned back and caught Megan’s eye. “I’m going to my room.”

  Megan knew her face dropped at the words, but she was delighted when Lena’s eyes widened and she said, “I mean, just to change clothes. Then, if it’s all right with you, I thought I would spend some time with you and your family.”

  Megan beamed. “Definitely all right,” she said.

  Lena’s smile was almost as wide as her own felt, and that warm spot in Megan’s chest burned even hotter.

  Lena was trying. She really was. But some elements of the afternoon were far easier to deal with than others. On the plus side, Megan’s mum, Rosie, was lovely. Chatty and welcoming, she had made Lena feel more at ease than she would have anticipated. Sean was a gentle giant with a delightful Irish lilt to his voice that Lena could have listened to for hours. Callum and Jimmy didn’t say that much to her, but that was okay—they were embroiled in a discussion about motor racing that was going straight over her head.

  The food was amazing, which was another plus, and Megan had whispered to her in the kitchen that all the leftovers would be staying with them, rather than being taken home by Rosie and Sean, which was even better.

  There were two downsides to the day, neither of which she could do much about right now. Firstly, it was excruciatingly obvious that Daniel was rather enamoured of her. She had given him no encouragement, and while a very small part of her was flattered, mostly she squirmed under his puppy-eyed attention. It was not helped by the nudges Rosie and Sean kept sharing as they witnessed all of Daniel’s attempts to talk to her. What was also strange, and she had no idea how to deal with, was Megan’s scowling face every time Daniel monopolised Lena’s attention.

  The other downside was the mess. Megan’s family were unbelievably untidy. Food and drink were spilled with no desire to clean it up. Empty plates were placed on the floor rather than being taken to the kitchen. Beer bottles, once devoid of their contents, were placed anywhere there was a space for them. The flat looked like a tornado had ripped through it, and Lena was squirming in her seat, itching to get up and start tidying it all away.