A Long Distance Love Affair

by Mary-Ellen McLean

  I wonder how it will unfold when we are finally together and where we will be. I’m so full of desire for you. I’m looking forward to a passionate coming together equally as much as lying in your arms afterwards and gently stroking your chest and twining my fingers in yours and kissing your fingertips. And I’m most looking forward to telling you how beautiful I think you are and feeling relaxed in your company. What are you looking forward to?

  I love making love to you in emails like this.

  I’ll have to write a list of all the things I want to do to you so I don’t forget... it will be a very long list.

  I think I have broken a toe. I caught it in the door of the shower this morning as I was getting out because my mind was on other things...

  Feeling full of mmmmmm for you.

  Chariette

  Dear Chariot

  I don't know how on earth you've formed the impression that I'm keen....

  Did you like the picture of Pygmalion that I sent you? As I mentioned on the phone to you the look of rapture on the sculptor’s face as his idol came to life is just how I felt when we met up in Melbourne. I'd love to know what you thought of it. I'd like to have a copy of it in my bedroom. Mind you I'd never get any sleep then for thinking of you. Not that I get much now....

  Toe is OK. Only severely wrenched apparently and will be up to any agile requirement you have in mind, as will other parts of me.

  Loved your email. I'm wondering what 'several experiences' you have in mind...

  I've written the list and am up to 47. We can use it as a kind of Chinese menu..."Let's have number 25 and 33 followed by number....!"

  I'm reading Flaubert's Madame Bovary at the moment. I read it in French a long time ago but I've forgotten most but the main gist. Translations never quite convey the same message as reading in the original language, and French is so subtle, but at least the English is quite readable. I was reading a translation of Balzac's "Lost Illusions" a few months ago and I gave up on it. That is really unusual for me. I really persist with books, but this was just too drab and boring. I couldn't relate to any of the characters, and he couldn't help but describe every relative each character had had for the past 50 years and their social standing and it was just overwhelmingly dull. I might try to go back to it. It may have been that I'm not so in control of my mind at the moment (I wonder why that is...). Balzac as a man though was a very interesting character. He had a long and passionate affair with a married woman that went for decades.

  Hope things are going well for you at work and that there's not too much for you to catch up on.

  Living in hope too that you will catch up on me.

  Chariette

  Dear Chariot

  I’m sorry I missed your call. You rang me when I was on the train going through the underground where mobile phone signals are cut off. Needless to say I was very disappointed to have missed you, but hearing your unspeakably divine voice in the message was some compensation. There’s something about your voice that just sends me!

  Apparently when you’re in the shower or just after it’s rained, you’re supposed to have your clearest thoughts because the water droplets attract all the ions/particles from the air and ‘clean’ it. So the air you breathe then is very pure and this helps your brain function. I have noticed this is the case with me, but much to my shame, and the undermining of my very strong Presbyterian work ethic, my mind at these times is not given over to creative use that will benefit my work in any way. But great creative forces do seem to be unleashed and great clarity of vision – all centred on sensual thoughts about you.

  I was thinking this morning what part of you I would most like to touch when I get the opportunity and trying to focus on just one… Well I couldn’t. The first onrush Of thought resulted in “Ohhhh…just EVERYTHING…and all at once!” Once I got a grip of myself and tried to refocus I think it’s your hands I’d like to start with…our palms touching palms and our fingers exploring fingers. Then, I’d like to move on to your cheeks (both sets of them). I seem also to be developing a fetish for your back, which I’m sure the Jungian analysts would have plenty to say about. My lips of course want to be all over you …. I’m not going to let myself go further than this just now.

  I would like to know which part of me you would most like to touch, but you, (unlike me), appear to be shy in emails. However you, (unlike me) are not so shy in conversation, so I hope you’ll just drop it in mid sentence next time we speak – just say “Your _____” and I’ll know what you mean!

  I’ve come across this lovely piece for you which sums up my feelings

  “E’en so we met; and after long pursuit,

  E’en so we joined; we both became entire;

  No need for either to renew a suit,

  For I was flax and he was flames of fire;

  Our firm-united souls did more than twine;

  So I my Best-Beloved’s am; so He is mine.”

  From Chariette

  Dear Chariot

  Thank you for your lovely email. I was very glad to have read it and thought it was your best piece without question! What a dark horse you are - I had no idea of the extent of your hidden talents. I can't stop experiencing that rush of blood you so aptly described, at the very thought of you, and wish you were here to take advantage of it. The line I liked best though, in your whole email, was "I can't believe I'm writing this". That's the way I've felt most of the time too. But now that you've taken the plunge I hope you won't get shy and go all formal on me.

  I am hopelessly, deliriously attracted to you and have been from the moment I first set eyes on you. It is something completely beyond my control that I've never experienced before, and has set me in such a state of longing for you that I just can't seem to function normally.

  I'll try to behave myself too, but I'll find this very difficult.

  I just adore you.

  Chariette

  Dear Chariot

  So glad to get your brief email. I was thinking of you the whole day (but that's not unusual...).

  I often get things sent to me by old friends and a lot of it is Oprah type mushy stuff which is cloying most of the time, but I do appreciate the thoughts behind the sending. One friend sent me this the other day: "What you find in your mind is what you put there. Put good things in there." Well I have. You're in there. And you have been for a long time. You seem to be a permanent fixture.

  I hope you noticed that I've been trying very hard to behave myself and I also hope that I haven't bored you to death. If you're still reading this, I wish I could put my arms around you and quietly soak you up. I am so full of warmth and longing (and desire) for you I just can't tell you. (Well I can, but I'm trying not to...)

  Chariette

  Dear Chariot

  A cold drizzly day here and the wind is high up in the trees. I was hoping to do over my vegetable patch this weekend in preparation for a spring planting but it's just too miserable to be outside. A lot of my herbs have carked it and need to be re-sown.

  I get a lot of pleasure out of being able to use produce that I've grown when I'm cooking. There's nothing lovelier than spinach cannelloni made with freshly picked spinach and Italian herbs from my own garden (well there is.. but I'm trying not to think about that and your central role in it...)

  Despite this foul weather, the flowers are all beginning to bloom. The florist shops are full of gorgeously scented or vividly bright spring blooms already and in Melbourne these shops are everywhere and just a delight to behold. But, when I look at flowers, I want you. (Not that I don't want you all the time but this makes me REALLY want you.) Not sure what the connection is here, but it's very intense - must be a sensual thing. I'm longing to feast my eyes all over you, to bury my face in you, to taste you and touch your many firmnesses and to just drink you in.

  I would like to slip my arms under your jacket and enfold you with them and feel you pressing close against me. I find the idea of undoing your belt very exciting too and your
favourite part of my body is (are) responding uncontrollably to that thought as I write this.

  Well I started out with the best of intentions but got sidetracked as usual. You eclipse all else with me. My senses are so heightened by the thought of you I can feel my blood pulsing through my veins all over my body.

  Oh how I wish you were here...

  Chariette

  Dear Chariot

  I’m trying to get my trip to America sorted out. The level of documentation I have to put through the system here is unbelievable. I'm surprised they don't want a character reference from a local priest (I would fail on two counts - agnosticism and carnal thoughts of you). But the most important thing is synchronising dates with my sister and brother in law so we can spend some time together over there. My sister has a PhD in shopping, so I'll be in good hands. I'm hoping the terrorists will be having a day off when I fly over.

  Just as well I stayed out of the garden yesterday as a huge storm brewed up (I could sense it in the trees) and created a lot of havoc.

  I hate the winds here. They make you feel desolate and small. I miss the windlessness of Brisbane. That was something I really fell in love with up there - the peacefulness of the atmosphere. Even when there were thunderstorms (which I also loved) there was little wind. I think this is what contributes to the relaxed style of most Queenslanders. Melburnians on the other hand are always on edge as though they're overdosing on caffeine or nicotine - it's really the atmospheric conditions that permeate them and influence how they feel.

  I'm on edge for other reasons - largely related to the absence of you (I am now exercising an extreme feat of will not to elaborate on how this edginess might be relieved). I can feel my eyes smiling when I think of you - and blood still pounding vigorously. You have such an effect on me I almost don't need to do any exercise anymore.

  Thinking of you often and long(ingly).

  Chariette

  Dear Chariot

  I like to write to you because it helps to get you out of my head and leave me some space to earn a living… but I find increasingly that I’m faced with the problem of getting you out of my body. I have tried vigorous bike rides, alcohol, reading crime fiction, long hot baths with Placido Domingo and a glass of chardonnay… I have even at times resorted to self abuse – but nothing seems to work. Grateful for any advice you can give me…

  Chariette

  Dear Chariot

  That was absolutely no help at all! Now I'm in an even worse state and have already done the vigorous exercise etc etc for the day...

  As for saving myself for when we are together..my bank account in that regard is overflowing and ready for a great spending spree with you.

  Chariette

  Dear Chariot

  It's lovely to hear from you.

  Hope your business in Cairns goes well for you. It's probably a great time of year to be visiting up there. I never got that far when I was in Queensland. I would like to swim and frolic with you in the waters there (dodging all the deadly stuff that lives in them...) I'm definitely into water and frolicking and my body's curves take on a particular appeal when they're wet and weightless. Just thought I'd let you know that...

  I'd better stop this now or I'll lose control (as usual...)

  Thinking of you divine one...

  Chariette

  Dear Chariot

  I came across a lot of wild freesias on a walk and picked a lovely bunch of them. They make the house smell just beautiful.

  I've been having lovely thoughts of you today (what else is new?) But I've also discovered that there is another woman lurking in me called Wicked Wanda. I think you'll like her when you meet her... She makes me think things like how delicious it would be to feel you in silk boxer shorts, and what I'd like to do with you and Bailey's Irish Cream at the same time... (see if you can work that one out...) I was also thinking (no sorry it was Wanda) of using Drambuie which is my favourite liqueur, but the alcohol content might be a bit strong. I probably need to do a bit of scientific research on this. Would you be interested in being my research assistant?

  Feeling every sort of passion for you tonight...

  From Chariette

  Dear Chariot

  I found it really hard to get out of bed this morning after a wakeful night. I think the possums have orgies outside my bedroom window around 4.00am because I seem to wake up then quite consistently. I turn on the light and try to read myself back to sleep because otherwise all work issues flood into my brain and won't go away.

  Madame Bovary is really starting to irritate me though. Stupid bint should at the very least consider topping herself and that would make much more interesting reading. I need to buy myself a gripping detective novel. I have a few favourite authors and three of them have new books out...it's just a matter of getting out to get one. (You might like to know that I'm a lovely hot pie in bed - my body seems to generate a lot of heat - and that's when I'm just lying there doing nothing! I hope you'll find that out for yourself one day.)

  I would love to kiss your fingertips gently right now (and Wanda would like to put your fingers in her mouth). It's funny how I can experience such dual feelings for you at the same time - deep, deep tenderness and rampant wantonness. I shouldn't have put my face in the freesias before I left this morning...

  Chariette

  Dear Chariot

  I'm so glad you've agreed to be my research assistant. I can't offer you any pay but the fringe benefits will be something else!

  I am positively awash with you this morning. I seem to be the worst for this in the mornings. I feel so consumed with you and so eager. I've always been a morning person though (not just in that regard) and feel good about the potential for life and experience a new day brings. If you were here though, I'd never get to work...

  I love to think of your face as you're reading my emails. I imagine you sitting there with a quiet smile hovering on your lips (I hope this is the case!)

  Oh those lips...how I want them all over me. And your hands! (I am trying to keep Wanda at bay - I had to trash an email from her last night...)

  I'm on the late train today - the school kids' one. They're so loud! But I'm even feeling benign towards them for once because I'm so full of you (wish I was REALLY full of you...and right now...at this very moment!)

  Oh what an embrace I'll give you when we finally meet up. It will be an embrace fuelled by months (years) of pent up passion and desire for you.

  What is to become of me....poor possessed creature that I am.

  Your Chariette

  Dear Chariot

  Thank you for your call last night - lovely to hear from you as always. I find it really hard to message you back because my fingers always start shaking....that's why there's always a bit of a delay. You can just ring me at any time. There's no need to message beforehand, but I'm grateful to you for the thoughtfulness of that anyway. And you could speak complete drivel to me for as long as you like and I'd still be a very happy woman! What a voice!

  It's Spring Fashion week down here. The shops are full of flimsy apparel and strappy sandals, but everyone is still rugged up as if for the Antarctic. It's such a trial taking off all the layers to try on something in the fitting rooms. You need an extra half hour for lunch!! However I find the idea of taking off many layers for you much more appealing and much more worth the effort and pretty tantalizing really...

  I'll leave you with this lovely piece:

  "The thirst that from the soul doth rise

  Doth ask a drink divine;

  But might I of Jove's nectar sup

  I would not change for thine."

  This translates roughly as "I think you're the most divine creature in the universe and I really fancy you."

  And here's a Spring ditty for you from Wanda:

  "Apples are ripe

  Nuts are brown

  Petticoats up

  And trousers down"

  I don't think this needs any translation...

 
From Chariette

  Dear Chariot

  Pounce doesn't even come close to what I would like to do to you...but yes, that's probably where I'll start so you better be ready!

  I'm feeling a bit on the distraught side today. I realised yesterday that I had missed the opening episode of the Forsyte Saga on TV on Sunday night. I hardly watch any TV but I'd been looking forward to that for a long time (looking forward to other things too as you already know....). No one at work had videoed it (not surprisingly considering they're all engineers...) The Forsyte Saga was one of my all time favourite series of books. I read the whole collection when I was about 19 and recall how absorbed I was in them at the time. It was a real study of huge social change at the turn of the 19th/20th centuries and of course it focused on passionate love, unrequited love, love gained, love lost, hate and despair...all the stuff that gets me in. I may just have to go to the ABC shop and buy the video. I can't even remember what I was doing on Sunday night.