by Paula Roe
“Hey, AJ, come and meet some people.”
She squared her shoulders, sighed and turned to a smiling Paige. “Sure.”
So for the next few hours, AJ threw herself into perfect date mode, smiling, making small talk and generally charming the pants off everyone she met. An aching face and sore feet were a small price to pay because when they finally left, Matthew’s satisfied smile made her glow.
“Did you have a good time?” he asked as they waited for the valet to bring his car around.
She nodded. “I really like your sister.”
“Yeah, you two chatted for ages.”
AJ nodded. “We made a date for the Powerhouse next week. The Harry Potter exhibit,” she added, eyeing the sleek Jaguar as it emerged from the underground parking lot.
“She asked you to go with her?”
She glanced up at him. Had she crossed a line? “I can cancel if you think it’s not—”
“No, no.” He nodded to the valet, then eased into the car. AJ followed, closing the door softly behind her. “I’m just surprised. Paige’s never liked anyone I went out with.”
“No one? Not even Katrina?”
“Especially not Katrina.”
That confirmed it then. AJ’s estimation of Paige Cooper increased a notch.
They drove down the road, both buried in silent thoughts as the thin traffic streamed around them.
Paige Cooper had been refreshingly, painfully forthcoming about the Cooper family, and once AJ had gotten over the shock, she’d been hooked. By the end of their conversation, AJ had been battling serious tears.
“Matt...”
“Yeah?”
She stared out the windshield at the car headlights and the brightly lit road as they made their way toward the Harbour Bridge. She contemplated her next words all the way across the bridge, down York Street and through Sydney’s central business district.
It was only when they pulled up to her apartment that she finally settled on what to say.
“I know about Jack.”
Oh, how quickly those shutters came down. Remind you of someone? “What do you know?”
“I know he was conceived so he could save your life.” He frowned and cursed under his breath, but she ignored it. “That must’ve been tough.”
He returned his gaze to the road, his knuckles flexing as he gripped the steering wheel. “Jack struggled with it for years.”
“I meant for you.”
He said nothing, just tightened his jaw.
“You were the favorite,” she added.
He flushed. “I wasn’t—”
“Yes, you were—are,” she countered gently. “I only had to see your parents tonight to see it. The firstborn, the child genius, the youngest ever to graduate from UTS, the talented intern. And you had a baby brother whose entire existence was meant to save you.”
He blinked slowly, his focus still out the window. “Jack called himself a ‘harvest baby.’ He...” He trailed off, blinked again.
“That’s a lot to carry.”
“He never really came to terms with the whole ‘savior sibling’ thing.”
“Again, I meant for you.”
AJ’s heart ached as she watched his silent struggle, until his stormy eyes met hers, betraying the too-calm expression. “Jack had been living with Paige in London since he was seventeen. I’d only seen him once or twice before he died on that mountain.”
Alarmed, she put a hand on his arm. “Oh, I didn’t mean you should tell me—”
“No, I want to.” He took a shuddering breath and seemed to draw strength in, as if he was letting something go in the retelling. “Since I can remember, my career has been carefully planned. Of course I would be a doctor, just like my mother and father, just like their parents and their parents before them. No other choice was considered. It motivated and drove my mum and dad, consuming everyone’s lives.” His mouth twisted briefly. “It didn’t matter that Paige was an incredibly talented artist or that Jack had a way with animals. I was the important one. The Coopers have a lineage; our ancestors had titles and land and commanded power and respect. We’re also academic high achievers and I was expected to be no different.”
AJ nodded calmly.
“I was six years older than Jack but it felt like twenty. And my insane hours left no time for a life, let alone a baby brother who’d been told he was my only compatible donor, the reason I lived, ever since he could talk.”
He paused suddenly, and AJ waited, her heart aching for him.
“After he died I lost it,” he said quietly, hands tight on the wheel and his face half covered in shadow. “I escaped to a remote monastery in the Tibetan mountains, a place they opened up to Westerners only once a year for twenty days. The monks left me in peace for five days, even though I could hear them whispering behind the door. Then the priest put me to work assisting the goat herder.” He paused, studying his knuckles. Then he slowly released the steering wheel and smiled. “You would’ve loved it. Think sweeping snow-topped mountains, vast green pastures, craggy outcrops, clean air and you’d be halfway there. It made you feel about an inch tall, surrounded by the massive majesty of nature. And in the middle of that—in the middle of a herd of goats,” he added with a shadowy smile, “I finally had my answer.”
“Give up Saint Catherine’s.”
He nodded. “I was working myself to death in a career I was beginning to hate.” He gave a self-deprecating snort. “Hell, to be honest I’d never really enjoyed it, not the way I should’ve.”
She nodded. Everything was beginning to make more sense. She’d thought he’d had the perfect family, the perfect career, but beneath that polish lurked so much more.
Just like her, really. AJ blinked and opened her mouth to say something, but he beat her to it.
“So, I’ll pick you up tomorrow.”
Tomorrow? What...? Oh. Her first appointment. “You’re coming with me?”
A small frown creased his brow. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“But I thought... What about..?” He confused her! He’d rearranged his schedule to be with her?
“This isn’t something you should do alone.” His gaze held hers. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said firmly, kissing her for one second, two, then getting out of the car and coming around to open the door for her and walk her inside.
From the foyer AJ watched him return to the car, then drive away, and the aching loss bit so deep her insides felt like they’d crumpled in on themselves. Which meant...
It meant she cared. Otherwise why had she gotten so riled about Katrina’s attitude? Why had she been so affected by Matt’s retelling of his past?
She cared what other people thought about her, about her relationship with Matt. She cared how other people saw him.
Her heart raced, breath catching painfully in her throat. She was falling for Matthew Cooper all over again.
Unbelievable. Absolutely unbelievable. What the hell was she supposed to do now?
With a sigh she tipped her gaze to the foyer ceiling and closed her eyes.
You’ll do what you always do—suck it up and get through it. Because confessing her feelings? Making herself that open, that vulnerable again only to have Matt reject her?
That would kill her.
Fifteen
AJ had no idea how on earth women went through IVF over and over again. Every hope, every emotion was right there on the surface, raw and vulnerable. Handling all of that, plus the actual physical intrusion of the procedure, was way more than she’d bargained for. Thank God Matt had insisted on coming. His presence soothed her, his touch and low murmur of encouragement calmed her as the doctors efficiently went through the motions. His thumb gently stroked her knuckles, a rhythmic reassurance that gave her enough str
ength to suck everything up and ignore the pain, the uncertainty, the growing wave of doubt that battered her heart.
Hours later, aching and emotionally spent, she let him take her back to his apartment, remove her shoes and settle her on the sofa with a blanket and a cup of tea.
And when he made a move to leave, she grabbed his hand. “Stay with me.”
They sat in silence on the sofa, his arms wrapped around her, her head on his chest as the familiar heat seeped into her very bones. Beneath her cheek his heart beat out a comforting rhythm, lulling her into a dangerous sense of contentment.
When the tears came, she didn’t bother to wipe them away. He said nothing, but as his shirt slowly dampened his arms tightened around her, which only made the tears flow faster.
She had no idea why she was crying, but she did it silently, without movement, pretending he didn’t know and couldn’t feel the spreading wetness beneath her cheek. And he didn’t let on, just held her, his hand gently stroking her arm over and over until, finally, she fell into an exhausted sleep.
* * *
AJ woke the next morning with gritty eyes and a dull ache in her gut.
She blinked, shifted and suddenly realized she was in a strange bed with a warm body pressed up against her back. A cozy lean body, his arm wrapped around her waist, his chin resting at the back of her neck.
Matt.
She vaguely remembered him guiding her into his bedroom, taking off her jacket and then her jeans, before putting her to bed dressed in just her knickers, bra and a blue tank top. A top that had shifted during the night and was now riding high on her rib cage.
A soft breath feathered across her shoulder and everything tightened, a crazy burst of desire and joy welling up in her throat. The reaction was so sudden, so shocking, that it floored her.
You want this. You want him.
Not just for now, not just for a limited time. Despite knowing who he was, how he lived his life and their checkered past, she wanted Matthew Cooper forever.
Her eyes squeezed shut as she tried to block out the tidal wave of emotion flooding in, tossing her high into the air only to leave her floundering as the waters receded.
You can’t do this. You approached him. You started it. And now you have to deal with it.
He shifted suddenly, his thigh brushing against her bottom, and she felt another pang of yearning.
How desperately did she want this child? And was that desire enough to give her the strength to keep doing this for as long as it took, knowing that once she was pregnant, she and Matt would cease to be?
She had absolutely no clue.
He stirred again and this time his groin settled in the small of her back.
Oh, no. He was aroused, pressing firmly into her, and she was liking it too much.
His arm tightened around her waist, one hand splaying across her belly, and the intimate gesture short-circuited her brain. She couldn’t move, couldn’t think, just lay there stunned, her heart going crazy. Then she heard him suck in a deep breath, blowing it out slowly across the back of her neck.
“Angel.”
That one sleepy, sexy word did her in.
She couldn’t resist. She squeezed her eyes shut, then gently pushed her bottom back into his hardness and was rewarded with a soft groan. Slowly, she moved again but this time, his hand went to her hip, stilling her.
“Angel...” She loved the sound of his rough voice, the remnants of sleep still clinging to it.
“Matt.”
“Could you not...?”
“Not what?” She shifted again but he had a firm grip. She couldn’t move.
“Not do that.”
“Why not?”
“Because you’re killing me.”
“You don’t like it?”
“It’s not that.”
“Then what?”
She felt him sigh against her nape, the warmth stirring her hair and giving her goose bumps. She waited but he remained silent, and after a few agonizing seconds, she gently removed his hand from her hip and rolled over to face him.
He propped his hand under his cheek, studying her, and the pure vulnerability of the picture he presented had her entire body aching with longing. She leaned in and kissed his cheek, welcoming the roughness, the delicious, just-woken smell of his skin. He remained still, giving no indication of encouragement. But no rejection, either. That emboldened her to keep going, to trail soft kisses down his jaw then back up the other side, until she got to the corner of his mouth and she couldn’t resist any longer.
AJ kissed him. Their lips were the only place their bodies touched and she called on every strand of patience not to jump on him. Instead, she seduced him using only her mouth: skimming his bottom lip, stopping briefly to nibble, before heading over to the other corner of his mouth. She traced the gentle curves with the tip of her tongue, a feathery lick that explored the erotic swell of his bottom lip until his warm breath began to pick up.
Oh, she still had it. With a triumphant grin she gently drew his bottom lip between her teeth and sucked. She was rewarded by a strangled moan. Her pulse kicked up and she kept going, languidly giving his mouth all the attention it deserved when what she really wanted to do was strip him naked and lick him all over.
Yet he remained still, letting her command the moment. Lips slid across lips, tongues mingled, at first gently, then with much more insistence. Finally, she eased back, belly pooling with heat as his languid eyes sought hers.
His dark, expressive eyes thrilled and aroused her every time he looked at her that way. Her breath raced and suddenly everything inside melted into a mess of tangled emotion.
“Angel...” His voice was thick and low. “I don’t think we should—”
“Let me do this. Please.”
She shifted, placing a hand on his shoulder and nudging him back. He went and she followed, bringing them together in a melding of skin and pounding blood. He was naked except for a pair of boxers, and she took untold satisfaction in having his hot flesh against hers. Firm chest, taut belly, lean waist. And his groin, now hard with arousal, pressing into hers.
She brought herself up so she was sitting on his thighs, leaning in.
Such a lean, compact body, without an inch of fat to mar the perfection. She swept her hand across his smooth chest, her palms brushing over first one dark nipple, then the other.
There it was, his swift intake of breath, dragging first in through his nose, then slowly exiting his parted mouth. She loved the way she, AJ Reynolds, had so much influence, knowing if she moved a certain way, kissed him in a particular spot, she could send his pulse racing or have him groan in pleasure.
He had the same effect on her.
Trailing her fingers over the smooth ridges of his abdomen, she went farther down, ringing his belly button then taking the path of the thin hairline that disappeared into his boxers.
He was aroused all right. She cupped him through the cotton, welcoming the thick, throbbing heat beneath her palm. When she glanced up to meet his gaze, those dark eyes were half-mast with passion, a muscle in his jaw working.
“You okay?”
“Yeah.” It sounded like he’d been gargling sand and with a slow smile, she looped her thumbs into his waistband and slowly dragged his boxers down.
He sprang free, every hard, beautiful inch of him, and she was suddenly so overwhelmed with emotion that she had to bite her lip to gain control. She wrapped her hand around his thick length and was rewarded by Matt’s sharp gasp.
He was hot and hard and she reveled in his velvety length, running her hand along it, pausing at the base, her fingers brushing the springy curls, before continuing back up.
“Angel...” Matt muttered, clenching a fist in the bedsheets. She stroked him again, her hands working magic on
his aching manhood.
“Look at me.”
At her soft command his eyes sprang open, focusing unsteadily on the ceiling, then slowly, down to where AJ was sprawled across his body.
He took in her disheveled red hair, pale skin, wide blue eyes, the sensual curve of lips as she firmly and rhythmically kept him at full arousal with her hand.
Then her smile spread and slowly, deliberately she slid him into her hot, wet mouth and he nearly lost it right there.
His eyes rolled back in his head as the excruciating sensations flooded in, removing all thought, all feeling except her mouth, her tongue, her hand. His hips bucked involuntarily, pushing himself deeper, and she obliged, taking all of him, increasing her pace slowly, then with more authority, until he was on the edge in record time.
Finally, he tensed, tightening in one final thrust, and for one drawn-out second he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. Then with a deep guttural groan, he let himself go.
“Angel.” She was on his lips, in his breath, under his skin. Everywhere.
It was as it should be.
* * *
He’d gone again. That much was obvious. AJ had woken to find a letter, then proceeded to torture herself with the many different ways she could say “I told you so.”
He’d be gone at least ten days. Three days in Norway, followed by a side trip to Indonesia and China.
Ten long days.
So for her it was back to business as usual—walking, sketching, living a seemingly idyllic existence. The days dragged, agonizing days of worry and anticipation as she studiously followed Dr. Adams’s advice and waited for a sign that the first procedure had taken. Thanks to a combination of hormones and her now-undeniable feelings, her head was a mess, always thinking, always worrying. Desperate to focus on something else, she sketched a bunch of pictures, managed to secure a stall at the Rocks Markets and then threw herself into organizing it. On the upside, it gave her a legitimate reason to distance herself from Matt when he finally returned, ensuring that her crazy, impossible thoughts were kept to a minimum.
He came back on a Saturday, and they spent a perfectly decent time having dinner at a small Italian restaurant in Concord. And as if their last night together had never been, he dropped her off without even once trying to make a move.
