by Paula Roe
“Well, sweetheart, we saw Emily’s wedding photo in the paper, didn’t we?” She barely glanced at Keith for confirmation. “What a beautiful dress! And that new husband of yours...” She paused theatrically. “Well, if I were ten years younger—”
“Look, what do you want, Charlene?”
Charlene blinked and focused on AJ, her mouth pursing. “That’s not very polite, Angelina.”
“My name is AJ.”
“Your birth certificate says Angelina, sweetheart.” She blew out a scoffing chuckle, glancing at Emily, then Keith. “What kind of a name is AJ?”
“One I like.”
Charlene’s eyes narrowed. “Well, I don’t.”
“Well, I don’t care.”
Charlene’s hand suddenly twitched and even though it had been more than fifteen years, AJ felt the familiar burn of fear and defiance in her stomach. She braced herself, back straightening even though her head screamed Move!
Her vision narrowed, focusing on that one small movement, ready for the blow that would come, would always come.
“Charlene,” Keith said hastily, putting a hand on the older woman’s clenched fists. “This isn’t the best way to start our reunion, not after all these years.”
Charlene’s eyes sparked, throat working as the anger lines thinned her mouth. AJ glared her down, furious flames banking in her belly. I’m not ten anymore. She can’t hurt me now. I’m not about to back down.
“You’re right, Keith,” Charlene finally said, dripping saccharine. She gave AJ a death glare before turning her overly bright smile on Emily. “Sweetheart, I can’t tell you how proud I am—how we both are—that you’ve done so well for yourself. Who would’ve thought my little Emily would end up marrying a Preston?” She reverently breathed out the last word, her hand to her throat.
“You want money,” AJ blurted out.
Charlene’s eyes snapped back to AJ. “What?”
“I said, you want money.” AJ leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms. “This isn’t some impromptu reunion. You saw Emily’s photo, saw who she’d married and thought you could score a freebie.”
Charlene’s mouth opened, then quickly slammed shut. “That’s not a very nice thing to say.”
“True, though.”
AJ eyed Charlene’s hands as they slowly curled into fists, then just as slowly flattened on the table.
“No, Angelina, it’s not. Look, you want the truth?” She leaned in, her expression earnest. “I’ve been looking for both of you for years. I even have my name on a bunch of registers to find you. You can check if you like.”
AJ saw a mix of confusion and disbelief in Emily’s wide blue eyes and felt protective anger burn the back of her throat. Emily never could hide her feelings. And they’d see that confusion and play on it. Even now, Keith was studying her with a cool calculation that made AJ furious.
“What. A load. Of crap,” AJ said succinctly, taking no small satisfaction as everyone’s eyes darted back to her.
Charlene took a deep, aggrieved breath. “Listen, Angelina—”
“No, you listen.” AJ leaned in, fury making her entire body shake. “You abandoned us. I was in the hospital, recovering from surgery, and you left me there. Emily was ten years old and had to catch public transport on a Saturday night to find me.”
“Angelina, if you’d just—”
“Oh, are you going to tell me it wasn’t your fault? That you can’t help yourself, that it’s the booze, the drugs or whatever loser friends you had at the time?” She raked her gaze over Charlene. “Why don’t you just admit you’re a pathetic woman and an awful mother and save us both the effort?”
“I never said I was perfect!”
AJ snorted. “I would’ve settled for decent.”
Charlene’s expression twisted, her gaze contemptuous. “Yeah, well, I never did want either of you in the first place,” she spat. “And you—you’re just as bad as your father. That selfish bastard had a mouth on him, too.”
AJ glared at the woman who’d given birth to her, the same woman who should have loved and protected her but instead had used and abused her power. She’d conditioned AJ to lie and steal to support Charlene’s drug habit. She’d abandoned them both in a public hospital with no clothes, no home and no money.
Finally, after all these years drifting, searching, secretly wishing for something, someone who could make her believe she deserved much more than she’d been born into, she had her answer.
I’m free.
AJ stood, suddenly desperate to leave. “You don’t know me, Charlene. You never have.” She shoved her chair under the table, noting with satisfaction that Emily was following suit. “Nothing you could say could hurt me because that’d mean I care what you think—and I don’t.” She dragged her gaze from Charlene’s furious expression to her sister. “Em? Shall we go?”
“Sweetheart.” Charlene placed a hand over Emily’s and squeezed, making her wince. “If you would just hear me out—”
God bless her sister because she yanked her hand away and stood staring down at their mother with a look that could only be described as pity. AJ sent up a silent cheer when their eyes met over Charlene’s teased hair and they both gave an imperceptible nod.
AJ grinned. Love you, Em.
Emily grinned back. Love you more, AJ.
“Wait!” Keith grabbed AJ’s wrist. “You can’t—oooof!”
AJ’s elbow connected with his chest and she couldn’t deny the deep satisfaction his yelp gave her. “You, Keith, are a slimy douche bag who can’t keep his hands to himself, either above or below the table.”
And with that, she took Emily’s hand and they walked out into the sun.
* * *
Someone was knocking.
AJ paused in her packing and glanced at her hotel door. It came again.
With a sigh she went over, placing her eye up to the peephole. Instantly, she pulled back with a soft murmur.
“AJ, open the door.”
She shook her head silently.
“I know you’re there.”
Still she waited, her cheek on the cool door as she held her breath.
“Please, Angel.”
Oh, God. She bit down on her lip, choking off a groan. She’d booked a late-afternoon flight, had rehearsed what she was going to say when she called him from the airport. Yet all that preparation felt somehow inadequate, like she wasn’t giving him her full attention.
You can’t leave it like this.
With a deep breath, she gathered her composure, pulled her shoulders back and slowly unlocked the door.
He stood there, gorgeous as always in his business suit, and for one second she wanted to launch herself at him, kiss him senseless and confess everything.
She couldn’t.
“Paige called me,” he said. “Your phone’s been off and you missed your date.”
Oh, damn. AJ rubbed the bridge of her nose. “I forgot.”
“She’s worried about you.” He tipped his head, dark eyes searching her face. “So am I.” He glanced past her. “Can I come in?”
She stepped back, allowing him entry. When he strode past she managed to suck his smell deep into her lungs before reluctantly breathing out again.
You can do this. You have to do this.
He turned in the middle of the room but not before he took in her open suitcase on the bed. Instead of grilling her about that, he said, simply, “Emily also called me.”
“Oh?”
“She told me you met your parents yesterday.”
What? She clenched her jaw. “Why would she do that?”
“Because she’s worried about you, too.”
AJ sighed. “I just... I think—” She broke off with a frown, stuck her ha
nds in her back pockets and released a slow breath. She didn’t have to tell him, but she’d come too far now not to tell him. She was sick of keeping all this crap inside, sick of having it affect everything she did.
She sighed and slumped into the sofa. “My mother was awful. She partied, drank, took drugs. She and whatever guy she was with were neglectful and selfish, moving from one housing commission to another, trashing the places before skipping out on the rent. They also took great delight in training my sister and me to steal from a very early age. I was arrested a few times.”
Shame ripped through her body, the very action of verbalizing it tearing her from the inside out. But something made her continue.
“I was sixteen when my appendix burst. I came out of surgery to find my sister clinging onto the bed rail with child services trying to drag her away.
“Thanks to the Young Offenders Act, it didn’t go through the courts—there was mediation, liaison, all that stuff. My parents sat there like contrite model citizens, nodded sagely and expressing their desire to change and be better, while a DOCS worker outlined the issues. They had everyone fooled. Except...” She swallowed, the sting of embarrassment still familiar after all these years. Yet Matt’s concerned expression forced her to go on, to finally air the dirty little secrets she’d kept so close to her heart. “One cop. He suspected something was wrong. And when they realized he was digging around, they did a runner.”
“They left you?”
She nodded. “A warrant was issued, but because it wasn’t considered a major crime, the police had to wait until they crossed back over to Western Australia. Which they never did.”
“So what happened?”
AJ shrugged. “Emily went into foster care and I moved to Sydney. Did lots of jobs up and down the coast. Met you. Then I found Emily years later and we reconnected. I...” She scowled, recalling the stupid beliefs that had kept her from her sister for so long. “I thought she’d be better off without me. Plus I couldn’t deal with the guilt of leaving her, the questions she’d ask. It was just too much and I didn’t want to face it.”
She fell silent, studying her nails with determined scrutiny as the memories washed over her. But when the silence stretched, she glanced up. Matt was staring at her, those dark eyes so direct, so firm that she felt the urge to just blurt everything out, put it all out there.
Then he glanced over at her suitcase and the moment was gone. “So you’re leaving, then.”
She nodded.
His face was expressionless. “I see.”
“Don’t you want to know why?”
He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Obviously, you’ve changed your mind about having a baby.”
Oh, how easy if that was the true reason. She searched his face with a growing sense of desperation. Get angry. Yell at me. Anything that would justify my decision.
He just stared back, waiting.
Instead, he ran his hand through his hair, his eyes softening. “AJ, I’m sorry about yesterday’s results. But we can try again—”
“No.” She shook her head. “I’m done.”
He looked confused. “But this was just the first time. Why—?”
“Because I can’t do it anymore.”
“Again, why?”
God, she wished he wouldn’t look at her that way.
“AJ, just tell me.”
Her eyes darted away. “Look, I just don’t think it’s fair on you to keep doing this. You have a career, a life. One day you’ll want to get married again and I don’t—”
“Don’t you do that. Don’t make me the reason, AJ. That’s not fair. You tell me what you want without making me the excuse for walking out.”
Matt’s heart pounded as a terrible fear coursed through his blood. She stood there, still and small with the burden of truth he’d laid on her, and for one heart-stopping second everything teetered on the edge, threatening to crash and burn.
She took a deep breath. “Fine.” She crossed her arms, the protective gesture revealing the depth of her doubt. “In a perfect world I want what anyone wants. A baby. A partner. A life full of laughter and love and joyous moments. But it’s not a perfect world. I have to face the reality that I’ll probably never have kids. I don’t want to spend months—years—being poked and prodded only to have the results turn out negative every time. It...” She stared at the floor for the longest time. “It’s breaking me and I can’t do it.”
“AJ...” His voice croaked and he coughed to clear it.
“What do you want, Matt?” She addressed the floor still, and the vulnerability of her stance, in her soft words, wounded him.
This was it. His moment of truth.
He’d rehearsed it over and over in his head. It all came down to this. A terrible fear froze his lungs. Don’t stuff it up.
But when he opened his mouth, all that came out was, “I want you to stay.”
She looked up cautiously.
“You had your clarity six months ago. I had mine when Jack died.” He moved closer and she tipped her head up, her eyes wide and riddled with confusion as she met his gaze. “I spent years building a career. I married someone exactly like me and we were driven by success and the need to achieve. But after Jack died, I realized I couldn’t do it any longer. I wanted more. I wanted a life. A family. When I asked Katrina, she refused point-blank to consider it.” The memory made his jaw clench, but he quickly brushed it away. “I—”
“Are you saying you want a baby?”
When he nodded, she crossed her arms and leaned back, staring and openmouthed.
“You’ve known this all along,” she said tightly.
He nodded again and this time she shook her head, one hand pushing away a stray curl. “And these past few weeks have been...what? A way to seduce me?”
“Not exactly...”
She blinked slowly, her eyes never leaving his. “Why, Matt? Why would you do that?”
“Because I was an idiot ten years ago and I let you go. I didn’t want to make the same mistake again. AJ...” He took a step toward her. “I haven’t stopped thinking about you. Even in the middle of a job, I’ve been thinking about you.”
A soft sound gurgled in her throat as her eyes widened.
“I love you, AJ,” he continued, then took her hands, holding them between his warm fingers. “I’ve always loved you. And I don’t want to lose you again.”
It felt like the world had stopped spinning in that moment, that everything depended on what she said next. He held his breath, waiting, until her eyes closed briefly, as if it pained her somehow. His heart raced, hanging on the edge, waiting for her response.
“But why...?” She cleared her throat. “Why didn’t you just say something?”
He snorted. “Oh, yeah. Sure. You ask me to father a child without strings and I tell you I love you? You would’ve hit the door running.”
AJ couldn’t think. Couldn’t breathe. Through her deafening heartbeat, through every muscle, every vein screaming in joy, she realized her fingers were trembling.
If she cried now, she wouldn’t know how to stop.
Damn it. She was crying.
Matt’s expression softened as he stood and she felt the tears flow even faster.
“Angel...” he choked out, stroking a tender thumb across her cheek. “Does this mean you’re sad?”
She pressed her lips together, vehemently shaking her head. “I just...I just...”
“Shhh,” he squeezed her hands. “Take a breath. Start again.”
She did as he suggested, dragging air into her lungs once, then twice, as he brushed the tears from her other cheek.
Then he cupped her face and she became completely, totally undone.
“Do you know how long I’ve been waiting to say something?” she f
inally whispered. “All the times we were together, it killed me but I didn’t want to stop because I needed to see you again.”
He went still, his wide brown eyes searching hers.
“Matt, I didn’t want to. I told myself not to. But I fell in love with you and I—”
His mouth cut off the rest of her words.
Yes. His lips slid across hers in a searing kiss. AJ met the full force of his passion and need and gave him back more, wrapping her arms around his neck, bringing him closer, as her heart swelled with total and complete joy. This was too much. She didn’t deserve this.
And yet here it was. He wanted her. Matthew Cooper loved her.
When they finally broke apart, hot and breathless, AJ sighed. “Matt...are you sure? I mean, really, really sure?” She glanced away from his silent study. “Because you know my chances of having a baby aren’t good.”
“Angel, just because you might not be able to physically bear a child doesn’t mean I don’t love you any less. If you want to keep trying, I’ll support you. If you want to adopt, I’ll support you. Okay?”
Again with the tears. And when he leaned in and placed a tender kiss on her mouth, her heart collapsed.
God, she loved this man! Loved every frustrating, intense, wonderful inch of him. She covered his hands with her own and leaned into the kiss, wanting more, wanting everything.
“I love you, Matt.”
She felt his mouth curve against hers. “And I love you, too, Angel. You’re more important to me than anything else. I’m going to delegate some of my work so I can spend time with you building our family. And if I have to travel anywhere to serve my clients, you’ll be with me. As my wife.”
Wife?
Her surprise must’ve shown because his soft laugh suddenly broke the silence.
“I want to marry you,” he murmured. “Is that so surprising?”
Totally. But instead, she just shook her head. “Not at all.”
