Clea (Gillham Pack Book 17)

by Catherine Lievens

  “Honestly? I don’t know,” he told Iggy. “I’ve never looked at a guy and thought I’d like to fuck him, if that’s what you’re asking.”

  “What about when you look at Clea?”

  Christian licked his lips and thought about the Nix. Clea was shorter than him, with blond hair and green eyes. His pointed ears were adorable, and while Christian hadn’t seen him naked yet, he could imagine what Clea looked like without his clothes. He was lean, probably defined since he was an enforcer. The Nix in the enforcer teams weren’t the fighters of the team, but they knew how to defend themselves if they needed to. Christian knew Clea trained as hard as any other enforcer did, and it had to show on his body.

  “Oh, I know that look,” Alexander teased. “You definitely can see yourself fucking Clea.”

  “Maybe,” Christian answered, even though he was pretty sure he wouldn’t have a problem doing it. Clea wasn’t feminine by any means, and Christian had no doubts it would be different from every other time he’d had sex. He still wasn’t sure if it was a good or a bad thing, but he’d find out eventually if he stopped pushing Clea away.

  Chapter Two

  “How do you do this every day?” Calvin asked. He was breathing heavily and sweating.

  Clea shook his head and held his hand out for Calvin to take. When Calvin did, Clea hauled him up from the mats on the gym floor. “It’s because I do it every day that I’m able to do it. You’ll get used to it.”

  Calvin brushed his hands on his thighs. “I’m not sure I want to get used to it.”

  “You don’t have to become an enforcer if it’s not what you want.”

  Clea knew Calvin wanted to make himself useful, but he wasn’t sure becoming an enforcer was the right thing for him. He was still too thin, even though he ate what looked like his own weight in food at every meal. Dallas didn’t seem worried, so Clea wouldn’t say anything, but he was still a bit worried even though he’d met Calvin only the day before.

  They’d started talking and Clea had been happy to see he’d been right—he and Calvin got on like old friends already. When Clea had said he needed to train this morning, Calvin had asked if he could come. He obviously hadn’t had a clue what training meant exactly, and he’d been spending most of the time flat on his back, but he was smiling quite a bit. He looked like he was having fun, and Clea too was enjoying himself.

  It was a nice difference from the past few weeks, and for once, he hadn’t thought of Christian in a while. It felt good.

  Clea patted Calvin’s shoulder and Calvin blushed. He looked down at his feet and Clea’s brow rose on his forehead. “You all right?” he asked.

  “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.”

  Clea patted Calvin’s shoulder again, his eyes widening when Calvin stepped forward and hugged him. He wasn’t sure what Calving was thinking, but Clea didn’t mind hugging. With what he knew of Calvin’s story, he probably hadn’t felt human touch in a while except for beatings.

  Clea hugged back, and of course that was the moment Christian chose to finally stop avoiding him and walked into the gym.

  He froze, his gaze on Clea and Calvin. Clea felt the need to push Calvin away, but they weren’t doing anything wrong. Besides, even if they’d been kissing or whatever, Christian had nothing to say about it, not when he’d made it clear he didn’t want Clea.

  So Clea kept his arms around Calvin and patted his back. “All right?” he asked in a gentle voice.

  Calvin nodded against his shoulder. He was trembling, and Clea wasn’t about to let go, not even if Christian looked ready to kill someone.

  “What’s going on?” Christian asked.

  Clea rolled his eyes, not in the least afraid of Christian’s growly voice, but Calvin jumped away. He moved behind Clea, as if he thought Clea would protect him, and he was right. Clea would, even from Christian.

  “We’re training,” he said.

  “Training? In what, hugging?”

  Clea crossed his arms on his chest. “Even if we were, what’s it to you?”

  Christian growled and took a step forward. “You’re my mate. You shouldn’t be hugging other men.”

  Clea arched a brow. His knees felt like they might buckle any second because Christian had just admitted they were mates, and Clea had been waiting for that for weeks, but he didn’t want to let it show. “I can hug whoever the fuck I want.”

  “You’re my mate.”

  “You have a funny way of showing it.”

  Christian took another step forward and Calvin squeaked. Clea reached for him and Calvin grabbed the back of Clea’s T-shirt, clinging onto it.

  “I wanted to talk to you,” Christian said, his gaze on the arm Clea had twisted to touch Calvin.

  “Give me a minute.”

  Christian’s eyes narrowed, but Clea ignored him. He gently pushed Calvin toward the door, stepping outside with him. Calvin was trembling, and Clea didn’t want him to be alone. He peeked into the locker room, relieved to see Zane was there, changing.

  He pushed Calvin into the locker room and Zane turned. Clea pointed at Calvin. “Zane, this is Calvin. Calvin, this is Zane, my maybe brother-in-law. Zane, can you stick with Calvin for a while? Christian might just have taken his head out of his ass, and he wasn’t happy to find Calvin and me hugging.”

  Zane’s eyes were wide, but Clea didn’t pause to wait for an answer. He was afraid Christian might change his mind and be gone by the time Clea went back to the gym.

  He wasn’t. Christian was still standing where he’d been when Clea had left, his arms crossed over his chest, his gaze still on the door.

  Clea wasn’t sure how to interpret Christian’s expression. He didn’t look angry, not exactly, but he wasn’t smiling either. His eyes were cool as he watched Clea come closer, and he didn’t make a move to touch Clea in any way, shape or form. It made Clea wonder what the fuck Christian wanted, and he supposed he was about to finally get an answer.

  Clea stopped in front of Christian and crossed his arms on his chest, mirroring his mate’s stance. “So? You wanted to talk. I’m all ears.”

  Christian’s shoulders slumped. “Can we do this somewhere else? I don’t want someone to come in and interrupt us.”

  Clea thought about making Christian’s life harder by saying no, but he wanted to hear what Christian had to tell him. He’d been waiting for this for almost a month. “Sure. Where do you want to go?”

  Christian seemed surprised by Clea’s answer. “I hadn’t actually thought about a place yet.”

  Clea rolled his eyes. “Come on. You can walk me back to the enforcers building.”

  Clea went back to the locker room to get his jacket, smiling when he saw Zane and Calvin were talking. He ruffled Calvin’s hair as he passed by him, and Calvin grinned at him. He looked comfortable with Zane, so Clea didn’t feel guilty about leaving him there. Calvin was old enough to move around on his own anyway. He knew the way back to the infirmary and Kameron’s house if he wanted to go.

  It was snowing when Clea stepped out, and he groaned. He really should have asked to be assigned to one of the other council members, maybe Malik. Malik had moved to Gillham, but the water shifter enforcers still lived with his school of sharks in South Africa. The weather was better there, right?

  “Are you sure you want to walk?” Christian asked from behind Clea. “You could shimmer home.”

  “And you wouldn’t have problems talking to me in my room?” Christian looked down and Clea shook his head. Of course Christian would be uncomfortable. Clea had expected that. “Come on, let’s walk,” he said, nodding toward the forest. It wasn’t snowing that hard.

  They were both silent as they started walking and entered the forest. Clea kept his gaze on the path they were following and waited for Christian to talk. He’d been the one to avoid Clea, and he’d been the one to decide they needed to talk. Clea would let him do just that.

  Christian finally cleared his throat. “I’m sorry.”

  “For?” Clea
might want to hear what Christian had to say, but he wouldn’t make it easy.

  “For avoiding you.”

  At least Christian had admitted he’d been avoiding Clea. It was a first step forward. “All right.”

  “All right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “That’s all you have to say?”

  Clea stopped and turned to look at Christian. Damn, he was handsome. Clea had known that, of course, but he hadn’t had the opportunity to be close to his mate ever since he’d shimmered Christian and his family to Gillham.

  Christian was tall, way taller than Clea, and Clea couldn’t help but wonder how it would feel to be wrapped in his arms, to have Christian hold him close. What kind of lover would Christian be? Would he be tender or forceful? Not that Clea thought Christian would force him to do anything, of course, but the idea of being dominated while they had sex was kind of appealing.

  Clea wasn’t a virgin, but he wasn’t that experienced either. He knew what he liked in the bedroom, though, and Christian was the kind of guy Clea usually went for. He didn’t care much about the hair color or the eyes, but he liked his guys taller and bulkier than he was. He liked feeling safe, feeling that the man he was with could protect him when he was at his most vulnerable—with a dick in his ass.

  He also liked to top from time to time, but he wasn’t sure Christian would let him, especially since Clea would be his first guy. They’d have all the time in the world to get to that once they mated, so Clea wasn’t worried. He liked being fucked more than fucking someone anyway.

  He looked at Christian again, trying to imagine how he’d look in bed. Christian’s dark hair was cut short and would look damn good on Clea’s pillow. Clea hadn’t noticed how much Christian looked like both his brothers until now. Iggy and Alex could almost be twins. Christian was a bit different—his jaw was stronger, his nose a tad longer—but the family resemblance was obvious.

  “Clea?” Christian said.

  Clea shook his head. He needed to focus on what Christian was saying rather than on his body. He was glad Christian had realized he’d hurt him and that he was apologizing, but he wasn’t sure what Christian wanted from him, so he asked, “What do you want me to say, Christian?”

  * * * *

  Christian wasn’t sure how to answer Clea’s question. He hadn’t really thought ahead of apologizing because he hadn’t thought Clea would forgive him so easily. “I thought I’d have to beg for you to forgive me.”

  Clea smiled, and it was soft and made Christian want to kiss him. He blinked, because he’d never wanted to kiss a guy. He’d never thought about it, but now he couldn’t seem to think of anything else.

  “If you’d talked to me earlier, you’d know I don’t have problems giving you time and space. I understand your life has been turned upside down since the attack and that you need some time to get used to everything. I also know you’ve never been with a man, and that it’s making it hard to accept me as your mate.”

  Christian arched a brow. “Who told you that?”

  Clea’s lips twitched. “You have babbling brothers.”

  “Both of them?” Christian believed that of Iggy, but he had a hard time imagining Alexander gossiping.

  “Well, Alex didn’t actually say anything, but he didn’t stop Iggy from telling Sei about it, either.”

  That was more the brothers Christian knew and loved. Most of the time, anyway. “So you know I’ve never been with a guy.”

  “Yep.”

  “And you’re ready to give me time to get used to it.”

  “Yep.”

  Christian still didn’t understand why Clea was making it so easy for him. “Why? Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you’re not so angry that you’ll kick my ass, but I thought—”

  “You thought I’d give you a hard time.”

  “Yeah.”

  “I won’t deny I thought about it. You hurt me, Christian. You could have at least told me about this before. I thought you were rejecting me.”

  An image of Clea hugging the guy in the gym flashed through Christian’s mind. If Clea thought Christian had rejected him, would he have found himself someone else? The guy in the gym? They’d seemed pretty close, and Christian’s guts churned at the idea.

  He swallowed and tightened his hands into fists. It would be his own fault if Clea had found someone else, but he couldn’t help but wonder how Clea could have done it so fast, especially if he knew about Christian’s nonexistent gay past.

  “So what did you do?” Christian asked.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Since you thought I was rejecting you.”

  Clea shrugged. “You know I’d asked Kameron to give me time off from the enforcers to be with you, right?” Christian nodded. “I asked to go back to work, since I was staying here for no reason now.”

  Christian slowly nodded. He’d known Clea was an enforcer. He’d been there during the battle. Clea obviously knew how to defend himself, but that didn’t help Christian feel less afraid of what could happen to him. And what about their relationship? He didn’t want to clip Clea’s wings, but they couldn’t be in the same enforcer team, which meant they’d both be away from each other and from Gillham for long stretches of time. How were they supposed to get to know each other and to be together that way?

  “When are you leaving?” Christian asked. He’d been lucky he hadn’t had to leave yet, but he knew it would happen eventually. Kameron had wanted to keep him close to make sure he was well trained, and he was.

  Maybe he could ask Kameron to move him to pack security. That way he wouldn’t have to travel and he could be there when Clea came home.

  Christian wasn’t sure why he was already making decisions about their future when they hadn’t even touched yet, not since Clea had shimmered Christian to Gillham.

  “I don’t know,” Clea answered. “Maybe next week.”

  “What else did you do?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Really?”

  Clea rolled his eyes. “Why don’t you just tell me what’s going on in that head of yours? It’ll be easier than trying to guess.”

  Christian didn’t want to sound like a jealous jerk even though that was exactly what he was. “The guy you were hugging in the gym.”

  Clea’s eyes widened, and to Christian’s surprise, he grinned. “That’s Calvin, and no, we’re not together. I met him yesterday.”

  Christian felt himself relax. “And you don’t want to be with him, right?”

  “Nope. He’s only nineteen and confused as fuck. He didn’t know he was a shifter until he shifted for the first time a few years ago in front of his foster family, who kicked him out for it. He lived on the street and came here when the video of the battle was uploaded on the web.”

  Christian wasn’t sure those were good enough reasons for Clea not to want to sleep with Calvin. The guy had been cute, although he was very young. Clea looked just as young, even though Christian knew he was twenty-nine, closer to Christian’s age than to Calvin’s.

  “He seemed comfortable with you,” Christian said, wondering if Clea would take the hint.

  “Like I said, I met him yesterday. He’s kind of scared, and I guess I look harmless or something. Anyway, he feels safe with me, and I don’t mind that. You really have nothing to worry about. You’re my mate, no matter how much time it takes us to actually get together. I would never be with another man, not unless you tell me clearly that you don’t want me.”

  Christian’s heart squeezed in his chest. He’d been an asshole, yet Clea was understanding and accepting. Christian wasn’t sure what he’d done to deserve such a great mate, but he realized he didn’t deserve Clea, not with the way he’d been behaving lately. He needed to change that. He needed to make sure Clea knew how important he was to Christian even though Christian was still confused.

  “Thank you.”

  Clea cocked his head. “For what?”

  “For waiting for me and giving me a chan
ce.”

  “Well, you’re my only mate. I’m not about to ruin that just because you behaved like a kid and gave me the silent treatment.”

  “I hurt you.”

  “Yeah, you did. I understand why you did it, though.”

  “So... friends?”

  Clea stared at Christian. “Is that all you want us to be?”

  “No, but I’m not sure I can give you more than that right now.”

  Clea nodded. “Friends, then. Now, do you mind if we start walking again before my balls freeze and fall off?”

  Christian barked out a laugh. “That bad?” And now he couldn’t stop thinking about Clea’s balls. Damn, he really was mated to a guy. How the fuck had that happened?

  “Yeah, that bad, so let’s go. I’d really rather keep my balls where they are.”

  “Me too.”

  Clea smiled. “Really?”

  “Really.”

  They started walking again. Christian could feel Clea wanted to ask something. He waited to see if Clea would, and sure enough, after a few minutes of silence Clea asked, “You’ve really never been with a guy?”

  “No.”

  “Ever thought about having sex with a man?”

  “Not really. It’s not like I’ve had sex with a lot of women either. I mean, I became a soldier for our colony when I was twenty. It was hard work, and I didn’t really have that much time to be with someone, especially after working for more than ten hours every day. Then my alpha joined Tom’s council and it was even worse. The last thing I thought of was sex.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “But it’s also not like I thought sex with a guy was disgusting or something. I just never thought about it.”

  “Do you think you’ll be able to do it? With me, I mean. Obviously.”

  Christian looked at Clea. “I think so. I kind of want to try, but I’m not sure how I’ll react when it comes to doing it. You’re not what I’m used to.”

  “Why do you think we’re mates? It would have been more logical for you to be mated to a woman.”