X Marks the Spot (Executioners MC Book 1)

by Kimmie Easley

  “Mr. Miller, I’m Dr. Kleinman. I’m the one who performed the D&C on your daughter.”

  “Pardon me, doc. Can you put that in blue collar terms?”

  I had a thousand questions running through my fucked up head, but somehow managed to bite my lip.

  “Sorry, yes. A D&C is actually a dilation and curettage. We had to go in and clean out her uterus. There was a lot of free bleeding and we had to get in there and assess the damage immediately. It’s a standard procedure for someone who’s suffered this kind of loss. As far as the fire, we got her on oxygen. She has a few abrasions that needed tending to. We’re keeping her at least one night for observation. Mostly to check her breathing and make sure she’s putting out enough fluids.”

  I stumbled backwards, struggling to find my footing. All of the air expelled from my lungs and the blood drained from my face.

  “Loss?” Jesse asked.

  “Yes,” the doctor said as he gazed from Jesse’s face to mine. “I’m sorry. I thought you knew. Ms. Miller’s baby didn’t make it.”

  CHAPTER THREE

  JOLENE

  He’s gone.

  No one has seen or heard from Ronin in over a week. Pop says it’s normal.

  “He needs time to himself. Time to yell and punch. Time to drink himself stupid. Time to sober up. Honey, you need to give him some space.” Ruth pulled the quilt up over my lap. I’ve practically made an ass imprint on the old sofa. She insisted that I stay put until the doctor signed off on light duty.

  I’m didn’t exactly complain. My lungs were still on fire form the smoke inhalation. My insides ached from the harshness of the procedure that I knew nothing about until two days later. The hospital kept me sedated figuring I would interfere with my own initial recover.

  They were right.

  Once I found out that I had lost my baby, there was no consoling me. I ripped out my tubes and IV, attempting to jump up from the bed. I didn’t believe them. I searched my belly. Nothing. I don’t know where I was going to run, but I didn’t care. I just wanted – away.

  I guess that’s why I can’t bring myself to hate Ronin for running. I could never be mad at him for being able to do accomplish the very thing that I couldn’t.

  The staff quickly sedated me. I remember seeing tears stream down Ruth’s face as she begged me to listen to the doctor. Pop’s distorted face and dark eyes were a mystery. And a week later, I’m still left to deal with it alone.

  “Shit, Ronin’s done tucked tail and ran.”

  “Jessa, don’t start that bullshit now. Your sister doesn’t need the aggravation.” Ruth was always the first one to jump in when it came to Ronin. He was the son she’d never had.

  “Don’t say that. You have no idea what he’s going through.” My sister had always been able to push my buttons in a hot minute. In fact, it was her favorite pastime.

  “Great. You’re sitting here defending him. You were in a fucking fire. Your house was burnt down. You lost your baby and had to have your insides scraped out. But sure, you go ahead and defend the absentee hero.”

  My skin burned. My tummy boiled from the rush of adrenaline. As I readied myself for battle with my big sis, yet again, when Ruth jumped out of her seat.

  “Enough! You need to go find your father.” Ruth’s voice echoed off the walls. “Now!”

  Jessa eyeballed her stepmother, who clearly refused to back down, before sauntering out the door.

  Damn, it was getting crowded at the clubhouse, but it was far better than being homeless.

  Truth be told, I was angry, but it certainly wasn’t directed at Ronin. I was fucking pissed. At God. At myself. At this damn life. The fucking MC life. All retaliation is fair game, including innocent, unborn babies.

  Ronin would be here if he believed that he could. I kept telling myself that. I knew in my heart he would.

  ***

  Fuck this day.

  I wanted to slit my goddamn wrists and be done with it already. Numb. Dead.

  I can’t do this. I can’t. I’m not strong enough.

  I checked my reflection. Standing there naked, in front of the long, oval, floor-length mirror, I fought back the stinging bile bubbling in my raw throat. I have nothing left. The not eating, combined with the constantly throwing up had seriously taken a toll on my new taut frame.

  I reached for the brown, prescription bottle on my bedside table.

  Empty. Fuck, no refills on a controlled substance.

  I jotted down a note to call the doctor. There’s no way I can make it through this day without some help.

  “Hey, Jo.”

  I heard a whisper coming from behind me. Jumping, I turned. Ronin had somehow managed to sneak into the clubhouse. I didn’t even hear the door open.

  “Shit! You scared me! What are you doing here? Where have you been?”

  “I’m sorry.” He looked like shit. His clothes were wrinkled and dirty. Dark, heavy circles invaded his typically beautiful eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

  Ronin’s broken.

  I tried not to pick at his open wounds, but I couldn’t help myself. “You left me. I needed you and you weren’t here.”

  With wet eyes, he dropped to his knees, wrapping his arms around my naked frame.

  “Please forgive me. Please, Jo. I don’t know what I was thinking.” He squeezed tighter. “I couldn’t breathe. I was useless to you. I had nothing to offer.”

  I cradled his head to my belly.

  “I hate myself.”

  His words flayed me. I dropped to my knees and pulled him into my lap. My tougher than shit, biker badass needed to be forgiven. He needed to be saved from himself. I held him as he broke down, sobbing in the fetal position. His heart on his sleeve. His wounds open for everyone to see.

  An hour later, a knock on the door sent us both to our feet.

  “Jo, honey, are you sleeping? We need to leave soon.” Ruth had a knack for keeping everyone on schedule.

  “I’m ok, I just need some rest. I’m out of medicine. Can you call Dr. Kleinman?”

  “Yeah, baby girl. Get some sleep. You’ll need your strength for today. I’ll take care of everything.”

  “Thanks,” I responded.

  A few seconds passed. Ronin took my face in his hands. “Come with me.”

  “Where? We have a funeral. You are going, right?”

  His face downturned. “Of course I am. Come on, we’ll be back on time.”

  That was all I needed. I grabbed a pair of sweats and a t-shirt before piling my hair up on my head, not giving a shit that I looked like a hot mess. He grabbed me by the hand. We tiptoed down the hallway, careful not to make our escape until Ruth let her guard down with a bathroom break.

  Ronin had parked down the street from the bar. He handed me my helmet and I slipped on the back. The familiar way my arms wrapped around his waist and my head pressed into his back was like medicine for my soul.

  I needed him. I had no idea how much I need him. Now that I know, I’m scared shitless.

  I didn’t know where we were going. I didn’t care. Not until we pulled up to Fuji’s Tattoo Parlor.

  “What are we doing here?”

  He leaned down and brushed my lips with his. “I think we should do something that’s just for us. Something in honor of our baby.”

  “Are you serious?” I have nothing against tattoos, but I hadn’t even thought about what would be my first one, much less, something so personal.

  “Yeah, I am. I think we need something to blend us as a family.” His strong, baritone voice cracked as he said the word family.

  His pain was all I needed to make my decision. “I think it’s a great idea. Yeah, let’s do it.”

  “Really?”

  I nodded. In that moment, I craved oneness with my broken, little family. I longed to be connected with Ronin, forever.

  ***

  “Are you ready for this?”

  I quickly shook my head. My throat was dry and my chest tightened.

&
nbsp; “We’ve got this, sugar.” Ronin smiles that special smile reserved just for me, revealing his strong, chiseled jaw covered in deep scruff.

  I force myself to believe him. To believe that we’ll be ok. That we’ll persevere somehow.

  Following the long drive that curved into a narrow path leading up to the cemetery, Ronin backed his bike up next to Clint’s.

  Always following protocol.

  My insides quaked. My heart battered against my chest. The rush of blood caused a piercing pain in my head. I hated myself for running out of pills.

  “Here we go. You ok?” Ronin cupped my face in his hands.

  Hot tears pooled in my eyes. I glanced over his broad shoulders. The sight of my family, my whole family, here to support me sent the tears spilling. I didn’t even care that I was in sweatpants and a t-shirt. I saw leather, jeans, and MC cuts holding balloons and flowers. Some had teddy bears and blue, baby blankets.

  Ruth and Pop spotted us, watching, curious to see where we’ve been. Wondering if we’re ok. Probably wondering where the hell Ronin came from.

  “I’ve got you, sugar.” Ronin dips down to make eye contact. “I’m not going anywhere, promise.”

  “I don’t know if I can do this.” I whisper.

  He placed his hand on my lower tummy. The aching tattoo throbbed. He lifted my hand and rested it on his chest, over his new addition of ink.

  They were simple tattoos. Strong, blacked out Xs, forever connecting us as a family.

  “We can do this together, sugar. Let’s go honor our precious Baby X.”

  Baby X.

  My family waited for me. Waited with open arms. All here to honor my sweet angel.

  Sleep well, Baby X.

  The End…