Daddy, Daddy, Me

by Sean Michael

  "Yes. Yay!" Jeff waved, too, wiggling his butt.

  Don laughed, and Kimberley laughed in his arms. Fuck, it was a great morning, the best one he could remember in a long time.

  Jeff made himself a cup of coffee, Don a cup of Earl Grey.

  "Thanks." Don's fingers lingered on his as he passed the cup over.

  "You're welcome." They shared a slow, secret smile.

  "Donny! I need brown sugar on my oatmeal."

  "You do? Are you sure it's not salt you're supposed to put on it?"

  Robin laughed. "No, that's silly."

  Jeff chuckled, but he started thinking -- salted caramel breakfast oatmeal might be interesting. Donny helped Robin with the brown sugar and with adding a bit more milk to his oatmeal to cool it down before shifting Kimberley to burp her. Jeff took the opportunity to grab his book from the cabinet, and he scribbled down the idea. He had thousands of little scribbles in there, it seemed like. Notes for when he had time to experiment at will. For when he was his own boss.

  "Come and sit, Daddy." Don pushed out his chair with a foot.

  "Mmmhmm. Let me write this down and grab my toast."

  "It's supposed to be your day off." The chide was gentle.

  "I know." He chuckled. "This is my wish book." He finished the scribble, put the book away and came to take Kimberley so Don could eat. She was warm and soft, and she grabbed one of his ears and tugged.

  "Wish book?" Don put some brown sugar on his own oatmeal and dug in.

  "Uh-huh. For recipes when I build my own restaurant."

  "Oh, wow. That's awesome."

  "Some day." He nuzzled Kimberley's cheek. After he paid for college for his two babies.

  "I could build you a restaurant, Daddy," Robin told him seriously.

  "Can you? What kind of restaurant?"

  "LEGOs!"

  He snorted his coffee a little. "Son, you can't eat LEGOs."

  "They make great building materials, though," Don noted.

  "They do. I like the red ones best."

  "Blue for me," said Donny.

  Robin giggled.

  Jeff grinned. "Do you hear that? Blue better than red?"

  Robin nodded, laughing harder.

  "Blue is always better than red." Don looked affronted, but Jeff could tell it was an act.

  Robin tilted his head. "I likes green."

  "Oh, green is okay, too." Don nodded, giving him a grin and a wink. "Why not a restaurant made out of all the colors?"

  "Rainbow Restaurant!"

  Robin's words made Jeff clap around Kimberley's diapered butt. "That's right, son. That's what we'll name it one day, Rainbow Restaurant!"

  Don gave him another of those slow, intimate smiles. "I like it."

  "Me too." He kissed Kimberley's forehead. "Me too."

  "So what are we doing today, Daddy?" Don asked. Jeff appreciated that, even before they'd become lovers, Don had always been happy to spend the mornings and weekends with him and the kids. It was probably part of why he felt like he did about Don.

  "I don't know. What do you want to do today? Is it pretty outside?"

  Don looked out the big window behind him and nodded. "Looks like it's sunny."

  "We could go to the park, we could play in the yard." He stopped, thought. "We could go downtown and look at the farmer's market."

  "Your daddy likes food, Robin. A lot." Don was talking to Robin, but had a teasing smile for him.

  "Yes. I want a tree house," Robin announced.

  "A tree house?" Don frowned. "Like in the yard?"

  "Yep. Like on Dora."

  Jeff blinked. A tree house. In his perfect yard. Wow.

  "We'd have to figure out what to do with the pool." Don gave him an apologetic look. "You know that's not safe, right? It needs to be fenced in or something." This wasn't the first time Don had mentioned it.

  "Can we swim?" Robin bounced. "I like to swim."

  Jeff nodded. "I guess. I haven't even been outside in the back in weeks." They'd talked about Robin taking lessons at the Y or something a few weeks back, but Don had called around and apparently their timing was wrong just at the moment.

  "You could get a cleaner," Don suggested. Then he turned to Robin. "You remember the rules about the backyard, Robin?"

  "Only with Daddy Jeff or you. Ever ever."

  "That's right. Never ever on your own and you never try to get into the pool without me or Daddy Jeff."

  God, sometimes Jeff realized how unprepared he was.

  "Only with Daddy Jeff or you. Ever-ever," Robin repeated again.

  Don smiled and nodded. "Good boy."

  Jeff gave Kimberley her bottle back to finish, watching her as he held it. Maybe they should move. Find somewhere more... kid-friendly.

  "I bet we can find someone to fence the pool in if you want to keep it." Don sat back with his tea, his oatmeal finished.

  "Keep it? You can't just get rid of one..."

  "No? I bet you can. It's probably cheaper, though, if you just fence it in so the kids can't get to it."

  "Yeah." He leaned against Kimberley, tried not to sigh.

  "Jeff, man." Don waited until he looked up at the guy. "Don't beat yourself up about this kind of stuff -- you weren't prepared to have little ones here."

  "No. No, I wasn't." And now things were... askew. Not bad; he loved the kids, and this new thing with Don was fucking amazing, but... they weren't right either.

  "Well, then, it's just a matter of figuring out what all you still have to do." Don was always so positive.

  "Yeah." He nodded. He wasn't sure if he was capable, all he knew is that he'd try.

  The way Don smiled at him, made him feel like he could do anything.

  "You okay, Daddy Jeff?" Don asked softly.

  Jeff nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm good. Just thinking."

  "Thought I smelled smoke." Don grinned at him.

  "Why do you smell smoke?" Robin sniffed. "I don't smell smokes."

  Jeff goosed Don. "He's making a joke, son."

  Don yelped a little, laughed. "Yeah, I was. There's no smoke, Robin."

  "Oh." Robin looked almost disappointed.

  Don tousled Robin's hair. "Have you had a fire in the fireplace yet?"

  "Hmm? No. No, not yet." He'd been worried Robin might associate it with what had happened to Beth, but maybe he'd been wrong. Maybe it was different enough...

  "Sounds like Robin might like it."

  "Yeah." It had. "You think it's cool enough to try?" Summer was coming, but it had been a very rainy and cool spring so far.

  "How about this evening? We could have a campout for supper."

  "Oh. Oh, Daddy... Daddy, please! Like Dora, with a tent and sh’mellows and hot dogs. Oh..." Robin's eyes were huge.

  How could anyone say no to that? Certainly not him. "I think that is a fabulous idea. I think we should do it."

  "Cool! We're having a campfire tonight. There's no sleeping bags are there? We can use sheets to make bedrolls instead. We'll figure something out." Don looked almost as excited as Robin.

  He chuckled and shook his head. "I have sleeping bags in the garage, but we'll have to make a tent."

  Robin started jumping and bouncing, making noise. He ran around the room yelling tent and sh’mellows.

  "Some blankets, a couple of chairs. I remember building some of those when I was little." Don rubbed his hands together.

  "Yeah?" Jeff wasn't sure he did, but he didn't remember wanting to do it, either.

  Don nodded. "Yeah. It was one thing my sisters and I agreed on."

  "Well, it's a good..."

  His words trailed off as Robin banged himself against a chair, went crashing to the ground.

  Robin started screaming and Don jumped up, went over. "Hey, hey, it's okay, Robin."

  "MOMMY!" That wail broke Jeff's heart. Then Kimberley started wailing, too, her brother's upset setting her off.

  "Shh. It's okay. Me and your daddy are here. We're right here, sweetie, and you're o
kay."

  "I want my mommy! I got a boo boo!"

  Jeff stood up, juggling Kimberley, reaching for Robin. "Come here."

  Don stood and took Kimberley from him, nodding at him. "Daddy Jeff is here for you, sweetie."

  Robin hurtled into Jeff's arms and he hugged his son. "I want Mommy."

  "I know, but I'm here." What else could he say?

  Don's gave him a sad little smile, support there, for him, for his son.

  He kissed the little bump on top of Robin's head. "So, we need to plan our campout."

  Robin's lower lip pouted out, quivered for a moment as his son teetered on the edge of starting to cry again.

  "We have to have songs and s'mores. Do you know what a s'more is, Robin?"

  Don's question had that lower lip pulling in between Robin's teeth as he pondered the question and then shook his head. "No."

  Jeff chuckled. "Oh, s'mores are so good. Graham crackers and chocolate and marshmallows all squished together."

  "The important bit is that the marshmallows are toasted over the fire, so they're all melty. And you, lucky boy, have two people who can help you toast them -- me and Daddy Jeff."

  "Oh..." Robin's eyes were wide. "Can I do Kimmie's, too?"

  "Kimmie's not old enough for s'mores yet, but you can help me with mine. I bet Daddy Jeff will let you help with his, too."

  "Absolutely. We'll do it as a family." He loved that they were one, a family, all four of them.

  "That sounds great." Don got this little smile whenever he said stuff like that, warmth in those pretty eyes.

  "It does." He hugged Robin. "Come on. Let's get dressed and get your room picked up, then we'll start planning."

  "I'll get Miss Kimberley changed and get dressed myself and then join you."

  "You don't mind?" He didn't want Don to think this whole... thing... was about taking advantage.

  Don blinked at him and then shook his head. "No, of course not."

  "Yeah? Cool."

  "Yeah, cool." Don glanced at Robin, and then blew him a quick kiss.

  He couldn't have stopped smiling if you'd paid him. Then Robin put those little arms around him and rested his head on Jeff's shoulder. So he didn't even try.

  Chapter Eleven

  They'd set up a make-shift tent in the living room with the coffee table, the couch, a couple of chairs and three sheets. There were pillows and sleeping bags for sleeping on, and a blanket on the ground in front of the fire to sit on, like they were at a real campfire.

  There was a plate with hot dogs, one with the s'more fixings, and three mugs of hot chocolate sitting on the hearth. And there were a couple of hot dog/marshmallow sticks made out of metal with wooden handles.

  Not bad at all for cobbled together, if Donny did say so himself.

  Robin's eyes were huge, so excited, and they were all in their pajamas. Jeff's were SpongeBob. Donny had laughed when he'd first seen them. They still made him chuckle. Of course, he had Oscar the Grouch ones himself. Robin's were covered in dinosaurs, and Miss Kimberley was in her swing wearing butterfly pajamas, laughing, kicking her feet.

  Donny leaned over and asked Robin quietly, "So, you wanna do the s'mores first?"

  "Daddy Jeff says we hafta do hot dogs."

  "Aww, come on, Daddy Jeff. It's a campfire in the middle of the living room. Can't we do dessert first?" He batted his eyes at Jeff.

  "Oh, that's totally unfair." Jeff chuckled, and Donny knew he'd won.

  He grinned and clapped his hands. "Yay. Come on, Robin, in case he changes his mind back."

  Robin hopped into his lap and Jeff chuckled, shook his head, smiling at them both with obvious fondness.

  "So the first thing we do is prep the graham cracker and chocolate portion, so that we can just slide the toasted marshmallow right on it, okay?"

  He grabbed the plate and let Robin take a graham cracker and a piece of chocolate. "Now break the graham cracker in two, because half of it is your top to hold everything together -- like the bread for a sandwich." It was so easy to be patient with Robin.

  "Is it yucky?"

  Jeff chuckled. "No. It's amazing."

  They got the "sandwich" set up next to them and then he gave Robin a marshmallow and held the stick for Robin to push the sweet onto it.

  "Now, you're going to have to figure out, Robin, whether you're a burned guy or a toasted guy." Jeff bumped shoulders with the little boy. "Me? I'm a toasted guy."

  Robin frowned and Donny could see him trying to work it out and he had to bite his lip when Robin finally said. "I don't wanna be burned."

  Jeff looked at Robin, all the color draining out of the man's face, leaving him ghost white.

  Oh, damn. He hadn't even thought... Donny reached out and took Jeff's arm, squeezed. "No, of course not, Robin. Daddy was talking about your marshmallow. Some people like it more cooked. That's all."

  He met Jeff's eyes. The man had to keep it together here, for Robin's sake. The boy hadn't associated this kind of fire with the house fire at all and they needed to keep it like that.

  Jeff nodded, lips opening and closing, then the man cleared his throat. "Let's do one together."

  He rubbed Jeff's arm and nodded, letting Robin move over to Jeff's lap. He'd never even thought about it when he'd suggested lighting the fire and having a camp out. It was maybe a good thing for both of them, though.

  Still, the joy was sucked out of the room a bit, the ghost of a woman he'd never met right there.

  "You know any campfire songs?" He knew quite a few, or little rounds that worked as campfire songs for a three-year-old, anyway.

  "No. No, I don't. Do you?" Jeff helped Robin carefully hold the marshmallow above the fire.

  "I know a few." He started with Row, Row, Row Your Boat because it was pretty simple and he'd already sung it before with Robin, who could already remember most of the words.

  By the time the marshmallow was toasted -- not a singed edge in sight -- Jeff was relaxing and Robin was smiling again. Donny helped them get the roasted marshmallow onto the prepared cookie and chocolate, and closed it with the second piece of cookie so Robin's little fingers wouldn't get too hot as he held it.

  "Ta-da! This is your very first s'more."

  Robin leaned back into Jeff's arms. "Hold it for me, Daddy?"

  "Sure." Jeff held it and Robin nibbled, nose wrinkling. "Sticky."

  Donny laughed. "But good?"

  Robin took another bite. "Uh-huh."

  Jeff snorted, looked over Robin's head, mouthing, "Sorry about earlier."

  Donny shook his head and mouthed back, "It's okay."

  Jeff ate the last three-quarters of Robin's s'more, then helped Robin toast another one. Donny had to admit, the real draw of the s'mores was always roasting the marshmallow over the fire.

  "Is that one for me?" he asked

  "For you, Donny." Robin grinned at him, lips coated in marshmallow goo. "Did you like my Mommy?"

  "I never got to meet your mommy, but your daddy told me that she was very special."

  Robin nodded, then turned to Jeff. "Hot dog now?"

  "You'll have to make us gourmet hot dogs for next time," he teased Jeff.

  "I can do that." Jeff didn't even blink.

  He did, though. "Really?"

  "Of course."

  "That's too cool. Isn't that neat, Robin? Your Daddy can make anything."

  "Uh-huh. Hot dog." Robin pointed, imperious.

  Laughing, Donny put a hot dog on the end of Robin's roasting stick, making sure it was firmly set and wasn't going to fall off into the fire.

  Jeff reached over, tickled Kimberley's toes, and the baby squealed.

  Donny pulled Robin over to sit with him, and helped him hold the stick at a good spot. "The trick with hot dogs is to turn your stick pretty often. That way it gets warm all over instead of too much in one spot."

  Robin nodded, eyes on the fire. "Like hot dogs."

  Donny knew that and thank God, because he wasn't a chef like Jeff
and he made a lot of hot dogs. He slid his hand along Robin's shoulder. "You're doing a great job. You just need to be careful. Just like that."

  They managed to get the hot dog cooked, and then they did a couple more so they each had one. Robin was laughing and snacking on his supper when the door bell rang.

  Jeff frowned. "I'll get it. You guys camp."

  "Sure." It was a little late in the day for visitors. Donny hoped it wasn't bad news.

  The door opened and he heard Jeff sigh. "What do you want?"

  "We need to talk."

  "Not here. Not now. I'm busy."

  "With SpongeBob pajamas on?"

  "Yes."

  Well, that didn't sound particularly friendly. Don turned to Robin. "You want another marshmallow?"

  "Uh-huh. Who's that?"

  "I don't know. Daddy's taking care of it, though." He handed Robin a marshmallow, watching as Robin's tongue came out as he tried to put it on the end of his stick.

  "Outside, you ass." No. No, not friendly at all. Donny guessed this was the evil ex.

  "Bad word!"

  "Yeah, yeah, that was, wasn't it?" He tucked Robin into his lap. "Let's get that marshmallow toasted."

  ***

  "What the fuck do you want?" Jeff was going to lose his shit. He was having an evening with his son. With the hours he worked, those were few and far in between.

  "I want my half of the house. I want my fucking lover back, my life. I want you to finally decide to stop playing daddy."

  "I'm not fucking playing!" he roared. Jeff was so fucking tired of this shit.

  "Oh, please, you're not happy tied down with two kids. You've done 'the right thing' now, you've made a good show of it for everyone. It's past time for you to give them up and let us get back to our life."

  He'd never realized how strident Mitch could be.

  "Look, you fuck, you left. Go. Whatever. This is my home and those are my children." Asshole.

  "This is half my home, you son of a bitch and I am your lover. You are not choosing those fucking brats over me."

  "I built this house. Me." His fists were clenched. "Don't you talk about my kids."

  "You selfish prick. You're going to throw our perfect life away like this?"

  Selfish. Him. Right. "Get out, Mitch. Go away. I'm busy."

  "You fucking owe me, asshole." Mitch's face was all twisted up with anger and it made Jeff kind of wonder a little what it was he'd seen in the man.