Goodbye Paradise

by Sarina Bowen

  “Forks…” I grabbed a loaf of bread off the counter and opened the bag. “And butter?” I dropped two slices into the toaster and hit the button. My timing wasn’t perfect, but this was the first meal I’d ever cooked.

  By silent, mutual agreement, we ate breakfast standing hip to hip at the counter. It would have been weird to sit down at the table without Daniel and Maggie.

  “This is great,” Josh said, forking eggs into his mouth.

  “They got a little brown,” I hedged.

  Josh winked. “No, they’re perfect. And I like finding you half naked in the kitchen, making me breakfast.” He touched a hand to my bare back before picking up his coffee mug.

  I gave him a big, silly smile. Because right then? I had everything I needed in the world.

  The outer door banged open in the mudroom. “Hey guys!” Daniel’s voice called through to the kitchen.

  By silent, mutual agreement, Josh and I leapt away from one another before Daniel made it into the kitchen.

  “Hey! Josh called. “What’s the news?”

  Daniel stepped into the room, grinning. “Baby girl. Seven pounds, two ounces.”

  “Oh!” Josh’s face lit up. “A girl! Do you have a name?”

  “Chloe. Maggie was determined that it wouldn’t be biblical.”

  That cracked me up. “That’s awesome. She’s sticking it to our Divine Pastor.”

  “Exactly,” Daniel agreed. He looked exhausted, actually.

  “I think it’s pretty,” Josh said loyally. “When do we meet her?”

  “Probably tomorrow,” Daniel said. “I just came home to shower and check on the animals.”

  Josh pointed his fork at Daniel. “I’ve been in that barn all morning, and the cows are in much better shape than you are.”

  Daniel snorted. “I’m pretty sure I got one hour of sleep last night. She woke me up with a sharp elbow and demanded to be taken to the hospital. But, dude. Thank you for milking. I don’t know what I would have done if you weren’t here for this.”

  Josh shrugged away the thanks, but I could tell that he appreciated it. “I’ll cover you these next few days. You don’t have to worry.”

  “The dairy truck comes in forty minutes…”

  “I’ll handle it,” Josh said. “Let’s get you some coffee.”

  Daniel dropped his head forward in gratitude. “Wow. I accept. And I knew you two were awesome.” He took a mug of coffee and then went upstairs to shower.

  When I turned to look at Josh, his eyes were glittering. “What’s wrong?” I asked quickly. Was he freaking out because Daniel had startled us?

  Josh gave a sigh, shaking his head. “Not a thing is wrong. I’m just so happy for Maggie. She gets her happy ending, you know? A husband who loves her, and only her. She has a job, Caleb. She can wear jeans if she wants to. And now she has a baby, who will be called Chloe. Not something like Methuselah. And Chloe will go to school with her friends.”

  “And then to college,” I added.

  Josh nodded, his face solemn. He didn’t mention Miriam. But she was heavy on his mind, I was sure. And mine, too.

  Thirteen

  Now there were five people living in a house where only two had lived before. And the newest member occupied a great deal of attention.

  Daniel’s parents, a tanned, smiling couple came to dote on their newest grandchild. Mrs. Lacey took over the kitchen, making casseroles and soups. Mr. Lacey read the sports section in the living room and admired the cows in the barn.

  Maggie all but disappeared. As far as Josh and I could tell, she spent much of her day in the rocking chair, nursing the baby. “Maggie,” we heard Daniel call one morning from the stairs. “Why don’t you come down for a bit?”

  “The baby is fussy,” she said. “And I’m just so tired.”

  He didn’t argue, and instead took her a plate.

  And Josh and I? We just tried our best to stay out of the way. I did the dishes whenever Mrs. Lacey left the kitchen. “Such helpful boys,” she said a couple of times. But I didn’t feel helpful. I felt restless.

  In the evenings, when Daniel’s parents retired to the B&B, the house got very still. From our room, we heard the low murmur of voices, and the occasional baby’s cries at all hours.

  The elder Laceys departed after four days, and Daniel headed back out to his workshop. “Can I help you with anything before I go to work?” he asked his wife.

  “We’ll be fine. I think she nursed every hour last night. We’re both going to crash. I hope.”

  There was an uneasy pause. “All right. I’ll come inside in a bit to see how you’re doing.”

  On his way out to the barn, Josh stopped him. “Is she okay?”

  “The baby is fine,” Daniel muttered.

  “I meant Maggie. She isn’t herself.”

  “We were up all hours,” Daniel said, stuffing his feet into his shoes. “It’s just hard. She’ll be okay.”

  * * *

  Unfortunately, things didn’t get easier for Maggie. Little Chloe became colicky, screaming her tiny lungs out whenever she was awake. The rare glimpses we got of her, she had a red, scrunched-up face.

  Mornings, Daniel would stumble out to the barn, and then to the workshop. Josh and I would tiptoe around while Maggie and the baby slept. Inevitably, the screaming would begin before noon. And Maggie could be heard pacing upstairs, saying “shh shh shh,” and sounding exhausted.

  After a few days like that, Josh couldn’t take it anymore. He threw down Daniel’s newspaper and marched upstairs. “Let me try,” I heard him say over the screaming.

  “It’s okay,” Maggie protested.

  “Please? Just give yourself a break, Maggie. Have some toast and juice.”

  Somehow, he must have pried the baby out of her arms, because they both appeared downstairs. Chloe looked ridiculously small against Josh’s chest, her tiny fists balled up in rage as she cried.

  Maggie sleep-walked into the kitchen, but Josh went into the living room instead. That’s when the singing started.

  “Amazing grace! How sweet the sound…”

  I got a chill on my neck. When we were kids, Josh loved to sing. I hadn’t heard his sweet voice in a long time. But it came back to me now—how wonderful he’d sounded. At some point before we were teenagers, Ezra had begun to tease him, and Josh had stopped singing out loud. During Sunday services, he mouthed the words like the rest of the boys.

  “I once was lost…”

  It took a couple of verses, and quite a few laps around the living room. But eventually Josh won. When he and Chloe passed me on their way into the kitchen, she was staring up at him with wide, newborn eyes, her tiny mouth making an “O” shape.

  He was still humming, too. The deep, reedy sound of it stirred me so much that I had to stop myself from putting a hand on his arm as he passed by.

  “Thank you,” Maggie whispered. “I’m at the end of my rope. You have no idea…”

  “Anyone would be,” he said. “Besides, I like her. Nobody ever let me hold a baby before.”

  Maggie smiled the first smile I’d seen in days. “That’s women’s work.”

  “What other women’s work can we do?” I asked. “I could drive to the grocery store.”

  “Oh, would you? I haven’t been outside in days. But it’s so cold out, and the pediatrician said to keep her out of public places for a couple of weeks.”

  I grabbed a pad of paper off the counter. “Let’s make a list, and I’ll go.”

  * * *

  So we all endured. Josh made many more trips around the house with Chloe, wearing out his repertoire of hymns. I did errands, and fretted about my lack of employment.

  Daniel worked, and tried to keep tabs on the rest of us. I think it bothered him to come inside and find Josh holding the baby, which happened with some frequency. “I’ve got her,” he’d say, and Josh would hand Chloe over. But half the time this caused the baby to start screaming again, probably because she’d been comfortab
le and did not appreciate being disturbed. Daniel did not know to sing hymns and walk past the windows. So she usually kept right on screaming. Daniel would declare that she was almost certainly hungry again, and pass her to Maggie, who felt obligated to keep her.

  There was tension in the house, and it made me uneasy.

  The only excitement I had during those stressful weeks was using Daniel’s computer. He’d shown me how to use the internet browser to search for job openings, and I caught on quickly to the fact that I could search for information on anything. So I Googled “automotive jobs in Western Massachusetts” and “rules of football” and “polygamist cults.”

  Nothing came up about the Compound.

  When Chloe was two weeks old, Maggie and Daniel took her to the pediatrician.

  “Is something wrong?” Josh had asked when Maggie explained that they had an appointment.

  “No. In the civilized world, the doctor keeps tabs on a baby’s growth, to make sure that everything is going well.”

  That sounded like overkill to me. But I was happy about it anyway, because it gave me ideas.

  Daniel and Maggie drove away at nine. And twenty minutes later, I heard Josh come in from the morning milking, which he’d completed alone after Daniel had to leave.

  “Josh,” I called out from the bedroom.

  “Yeah?”

  “In here.”

  A few seconds later, Josh appeared in the doorway, his cheeks red from the cold. I watched him take me in.

  I’d pulled the covers down on the bed, and was lying buck naked on my back, and slowly teasing my own rather ambitious erection.

  Josh licked his lips. “How long have they been gone?” he asked, his voice hoarse.

  “Twenty minutes. We have at least an hour, probably longer.”

  He did not hesitate, thank the Lord.

  Josh shut our door and bolted it. He yanked the curtains on the driveway side of the room closed. Then he began removing all his clothing in a big hurry. By the time he got down to his boxer shorts, he was tenting the front of them.

  “Bring that over here, baby,” I rasped. “I need you right now.”

  He let out a hot, happy breath and climbed onto my body. When our cocks met, he moaned.

  I took his face in my hands and began to kiss him, just as I’d been hoping to. “I like you in the daylight,” I said between kisses. “I want to watch your face when I make you come.”

  On another reedy moan, Josh dove deeper into my mouth. He was so responsive, so beautiful. I rolled him onto his side, so that we were facing each other. He slipped a hand between our bodies and palmed my cock, giving me one delicious squeeze. “Want you,” he said.

  “You have me. Now bend this leg,” I coaxed, lifting his top knee toward the ceiling. I cupped his balls, which he loved. And I stroked his taint just behind them. Since he was spread so wide for me, I had good access to his ass. I eased a tentative finger back, just teasing him lightly.

  Josh shivered against me.

  “Do you like that?” I asked.

  As an answer, he gave me a deep kiss.

  “Hold on,” I said, letting go.

  He whimpered at the loss of contact, then watched me fish a little plastic bottle out of the bedside table where I’d stowed it. “What’s that?” he breathed.

  “Lube,” I said, dripping some of it onto my fingers. “I’ve been doing some research online.”

  “What kind of research?”

  “The kind that’s going to make you come hard all over me.”

  He groaned. I loved that I could make him do that with just a little dirty talk.

  I put my lubed fingers between Josh’s legs, and worked that slickness into his crease. “What do you think?” I asked, teasing a slippery finger against his hole.

  “Oh, Caleb,” he moaned. “Don’t stop.”

  Well then. I pressed the tip of my finger inside, and his breath hitched. “Okay?” I asked.

  He let out a breath. “It’s strange.”

  “Should I stop?”

  He shook his head, then buried his face in the crook of my shoulder.

  I took a moment to add more of the slippery liquid to my finger. “Relax, baby. Can you do that?”

  He nodded into my neck.

  Slowly, I pushed my finger into his body. With my other hand, I slowly stroked Josh’s dick. I felt his chest rise and fall with a deep breath, and then he seemed to bear down on my finger. I stretched, reaching for the spot I hoped to find. And when my finger brushed his prostate, Josh shuddered in my arms.

  “You like that?” I whispered.

  He moaned so loudly that the cows probably looked up from their hay.

  I stroked him again, loving the reaction. He fucked himself on my finger, and his breathing became shallow and quick. I kissed his face, his ear. Anything I could reach.

  Pleasuring Josh was my favorite thing to do in the world. There was nothing like it. Pausing for a little more of the magic liquid in the bottle, I tucked a second finger in with the first one, making Josh sigh and squirm against me. My own dick was throbbing, screaming for attention. Later, buddy, I promised. Hell. I might come from just listening to the impatient noises Josh made.

  “Caleb,” he panted. “Are you going to fuck me?”

  I stilled my hands on him for a moment, so that he would be able to focus on what I was about to say. “I wasn’t sure we should. Didn’t know if you’d feel bad about it afterwards. I mean… it’s more than just touching, you know?”

  “The Bible says not to.” His head lolled against my chest, and his tongue flicked out to lick my skin. “But I’ve always wanted it.”

  “Yeah? Do you think about it sometimes?”

  He flexed his hips, as if trying to restart my hands on his body. “In my daydreams, you hold me down and fuck me from behind.”

  Just hearing the words, my balls tightened. “Whew, Joshy. I want to. So badly. But if we’re trying this, I gotta see your face, okay? I have to know if I’m hurting you.”

  He began to suck on my nipple. His fingers closed around my dick, and he pumped me with his palm. “Caleb,” he whispered against my skin. “Just make me yours.”

  “You,” I said, kissing him on the forehead, “are already mine. You have always been mine. Now sit up with me.” I hauled us upright, until I was seated on the bed, my legs together, my back angled against the pillows.

  Josh looked drunk with lust. His face was flushed, and his eyes were heavy. But he knew what to do. I guess he had been thinking about this. He straddled me, knees on the bed, hands on the headboard.

  I grabbed the lube and drizzled a sloppy amount on my dick. “Go slow,” I cautioned.

  But he was too eager to listen. Lining himself up over me, he sank down on my slippery dick.

  I bellowed with pleasure. The sensation of entering Josh’s body was so overwhelming that I had to squeeze my eyes shut. Making love to Josh was all I’d ever wanted. And he felt every bit as good as I’d dreamed. I dropped my head until it collided with his chest, and took a deep breath of him. Wrapping my arms around him, I swam through a rush of emotion. Just being here with him was a gift that I didn’t know if I deserved.

  But Josh inhaled sharply, as if in pain.

  Startled, I leaned back again. “Are you okay?”

  “It burns,” he confessed, his eyes red.

  “We don’t have to do this today,” I whispered, rubbing his chest with my hand.

  “Just give me a minute,” he panted.

  “Let me kiss you,” I begged, wishing there was something else I could do to ease him. I reached up and took those gorgeous cheekbones in my hands, bringing his mouth down to mine. My kisses were tender, brushing his soft lips with mine, licking into his sweet mouth. With gentle hands, I rubbed his arms and chest. I let my fingers sift down through the light hair on his belly, until I brushed his cock.

  “Oh,” he said into my mouth as I began to stroke him lightly. “Oh,” he said again as I grazed his
nipple with my free hand, and tangled my tongue with his. I kissed him to say that everything was okay, no matter if we fucked or not. I kissed him to tell him how grateful I was that he loved me. So grateful.

  Josh shifted carefully. He adjusted the angle of his hips, and the effect was a bit of friction on my cock, which was still buried inside him. I couldn’t hold back my moan. It just felt so good.

  That seemed to make Josh feel brave. He put some weight on the headboard and experimented with lifting himself up my shaft.

  God in heaven, it was good. My kisses lost focus as Josh’s firm body slid up and then down my shaft. He tipped his hips further, then did it again.

  “Baby,” I breathed. But that’s all I said. Because speaking was beyond my capacity at the moment.

  Slowly, he thrusted again. And again. Each time he moved, I felt everything. His body hugged my cock in the most beautiful way. And his sweet breath brushed my face, his tongue skimmed my mouth.

  “It’s so…” I struggled to tell him how I was feeling. “…Hot inside you. So… intense. Are you all right?”

  He nodded, his nose brushing my face. “Feeling better,” he breathed. “Good, even. Especially when I…” he broke off. Then he tilted his hips and bore down. “Right there,” he panted. “There’s nothing like it.” Biting the corner of his lip, he picked up the pace.

  It was magical.

  Every thrust thrilled me. And the knowledge that Josh was riding me, taking pleasure from my body was just incredible. It was sensory overload of the very best kind. “Love you,” I gasped.

  Josh put more weight on the headboard, and moaned. He moved his hips faster now, fucking himself on me with more urgency. I slid a hand around to cup his ass. The muscle under my hand was contracting rhythmically. Damn that was sexy.

  I wasn’t going to last much longer. So I took Josh’s cock in hand and started to stroke. I tipped my head back, trying to hold myself together. “Need you to come for me,” I panted, skimming the pad of my thumb over his slit. “Shoot all over my chest,” I begged.

  Josh shivered. Dirty talk always made him hornier. I loved that. I loved to shock him a little.