Goodbye Paradise

by Sarina Bowen

  “I’m going to like living here,” I said.

  Across the room, Caleb set his broom into the corner and smiled at me. As I gathered up the tarp I’d used to protect the floor, I felt him arrive at my back. He put two hands on my ass and rubbed.

  Since I was bent over, ass in the air, and wearing sweatpants, it could not have been more suggestive. Instinctively, I pushed backwards against him.

  Caleb groaned. “Give me ten minutes of your time, and you can paint the walls any damned color you want.”

  I snickered, standing upright again. “Ten minutes, huh?”

  He grabbed my hips in two hands, then leaned forward to speak directly into my ear. His voice was low and gravely. “I need you to walk over to that countertop and put your hands on it. Both of them.”

  My neck heated immediately. Because I loved that bossy tone that Caleb took on when he wanted sex. Before he even finished speaking, my dick began to feel plump and heavy.

  He gave me a push on the bottom. “Right now,” he said. “Hands on the counter.”

  I got moving. Crossing the room, I put both palms down flat on the new butcher block countertop.

  “Good boy,” Caleb said, following me over there. “Nice of you to wear sweats. I like the easy access.”

  Of course, I was only wearing those old sweats because I didn’t want paint splatters on my jeans. But Caleb shoved them down, plunging his hand into the front of my boxers. I hissed at what he found there.

  “You are a good boy. Getting hard for me already.”

  Truly, I was. We never got as much sex as we wanted. Though Caleb and I had both become masters of the silent orgasm, we didn’t push our luck. So hearing his dirty talk out loud right now was so, so hot.

  I reached a hand backward, trying for his fly.

  Caleb batted it away. “Did I say you could touch me?”

  Ooh! He was feeling bossy tonight. I felt another zing of heat steal through me, just from the tone of his voice. I planted my hands on the counter again, just waiting to see what he’d do.

  He didn’t make me wait long. Caleb stroked me once only, from base to tip. Then he shoved my sweats and boxers down all the way. “Off,” he commanded.

  I kicked out of my clothes, and Caleb whisked my T-shirt over my head, too. That left me standing naked before him, my bare back to his front.

  “Nice,” he whispered, running a rough hand down my spine. Then Caleb planted his hands on either side of mine on the counter, and pressed his firm chest to my back. “Lean over,” he ordered. “Elbows on the counter.”

  I bent forward, like he asked me to. That put my ass in contact with his groin, where I could feel a nice, rigid dick inside his jeans. Slowly, he flexed his hips, pressing hard, letting me know exactly what was about to happen.

  I was already looking forward to it.

  Caleb rustled around for a second, removing something from his pocket. I swear, when I heard the telltale sound of the lube bottle opening, I got even harder. He must have been planning this. He must have been thinking about it all day.

  He set the little bottle on the counter, and then two things happened at once. His lips landed on the back of my neck, and a warm, slicked palm came around my hip to slide up the underside of my dick.

  “Mmm,” I murmured. I’d never stood naked in the middle of a room before, getting sexed up by Caleb. Even though the risk of getting caught was nearly zero—Daniel would be holding his baby daughter right now, and having a beer with the wife he hadn’t seen all day — it felt very, very naughty. I leaned into Caleb’s hand, gently rubbing myself in his palm, and enjoying the hard press of his crotch behind me.

  “That’s right,” he whispered in my ear. “We’re going to break our new place in. I’m going to fuck you so good. Spread for me.”

  The words made me shiver with pleasure. Quickly, I worked my legs a bit wider, opening myself to him.

  His hand retreated. When I next felt it again, that slicked hand was rubbing my crease, massaging my taint in the most wonderful way. One thick finger paused at my entrance, promising more than delivering penetration.

  I held my breath.

  A strong arm came around me, teasing my dick at the exact moment that finger pushed inside. The double assault made me gasp with pleasure. Tipping my head back, I pressed back against Caleb’s hand, eager for more.

  “Easy,” he whispered. “It’s been a while since we did this. We have to take it slow.”

  But slow wasn’t good enough for me. The burn I was feeling was mild, and the excitement was not. Moaning, I forced myself backward, fucking myself on Caleb’s finger.

  “So eager,” Caleb whispered. “All right.” His hand disappeared for a second, and I heard him apply more lube. Then two fingers pushed inside me. Yessss. But still, Caleb teased me. He stretched me and kissed my neck, but he didn’t deliver the erotic touch that I craved.

  “Please,” I whispered, trying to push back against him. “Please.”

  “There’s something you want?” he chuckled.

  “You,” I panted. “Want you.”

  “Where do you want me?” he asked between kisses. “Here?” He slid his fist up and down my dick, and it felt so good. But that wasn’t what I really craved, and he knew it. “How about… here,” he suggested, finally stretching his fingers inside me, curving them to hit my spot.

  I gave a shout of joy. It was so good. So good, yet not quite enough. “Fuck me,” I hissed. “Please.”

  “Since you asked so nice,” he whispered, “I think I will.”

  He worked me open for a few minutes longer. Then both his hands deserted me for a moment. The clink of his zipper unfurling was the best sound I’d heard in my lifetime. The fact that he was still clothed and I was standing there stark naked was strangely exciting. But there was only a faint rustle as he shoved his jeans down onto his hips. Then strong hands roughly positioned my hips.

  Then he pushed inside.

  It was, as always, weird and overwhelming. My breath caught in my throat. I tilted my head back, remembered to breathe again, and slowly let out my air.

  Caleb’s voice dropped low, and he said only one, soft word. “Okay?”

  There it was. That one sweet moment of concern. The one that told me that no matter how bossy he was when we got naked, I was always safe with him. That he would always take care of me if I needed him to.

  Knowing that, and the feel of his big body jammed against mine, into mine, all around mine — brought tears to my eyes. I took one more deep breath against the assault of emotion. Then I pushed my ass backward. Take me, I begged with my hips. I’m yours.

  With a happy growl, Caleb pressed his hands down over mine, where they lay on the counter, effectively holding me in place. He pulled back, then gave me a slow, purposeful thrust.

  My knees practically buckled from the intensity of the experience. This forbidden thing we did together was so dear to me. The feeling of my lover’s hard cock pushing inside me was all I wanted.

  His hips set a demanding rhythm, and his hands curled over mine. It was possessive. I loved that. With a grunt, he canted me further over, which changed his angle. And, ohhhhh. There it was. Now each stroke hit my spot.

  “Yeah,” I began to pant. “Caleb.”

  “Louder,” he demanded. “Tell me what you want.”

  “F…fuck me,” I groaned.

  “Like this?” He snapped his hips forward.

  “Ahh!” Yes. It was perfect. I braced my arms against the counter and bore down on him. It was so naughty, and so good, too. I loved it.

  Before long I was moaning and begging. “Please,” I whispered. I wanted to come so bad. I dropped one hand to my own dick.

  “Did I tell you to touch yourself?” Caleb asked.

  I took the hand away. “Please?” I begged. But I loved it when he was bossy. He liked to draw things out, but it was always worth it in the end.

  “I know what you need,” Caleb panted. “And I’m going to give it
to you.” He slowed down his pace, his hips rolling forward. He hit my prostate even more squarely, and each stroke was like heaven.

  “Aaahhh,” I moaned.

  “Yeah, okay,” he agreed. “Let’s go.” His arms tightened around me. Then he took my dick in his hand. “Come for me, baby.”

  His hips began to piston, and I heard his breathing hitch. I was glad to have both hands on the counter, because my legs were shaking. As soon as Caleb moaned, I came, spurting all over the cabinet in front of me.

  Good thing I’d painted that with polyurethane last week.

  “Baby,” Caleb gasped. “Yessss…”

  * * *

  Afterward, we had to stand there for a few minutes to catch our breath.

  “The kitchen counter?” I chuckled eventually. “That was hot.”

  He wrapped two arms around my chest and squeezed. I received another kiss on my neck. “It was. I’ll be thinking about it all week. That’s where my mind is gonna go every time I’m aligning somebody’s tires.”

  I laughed. “Hope none of the guys you work with are mind-readers.”

  “Eh.” Caleb shrugged against my back. “It’s not like I feel like sharing. But I don’t think they give a damn who I’m fucking. I assume that a couple of them have figured me out, anyway.”

  “Really?” I stood up then, forcing Caleb to take a step back.

  “Really,” he said, leaning down to fish my T-shirt off the floor. “I mean, they talk about pussy all day long. And I don’t. It’s just obvious that I’m not interested. It’s not like I’m going to try and fake it.”

  “Wouldn’t they just assume it’s a religion thing?” I let Caleb drop the shirt over my head. I stuck my arms through the holes, and let him smooth the fabric down my ribcage. I loved the way he always tried to take care of me after sex. I don’t even know if he realized that he did it.

  “Well, it’s just that I don’t sound religious. I curse at least as much as they do.”

  This was true. Caleb had a potty mouth, and took the Lord’s name in vain at every opportunity, which was just his way of sticking it to the Compound from afar. “Are you worried?” I asked.

  “Nope,” he said, handing me my boxers. Then he picked up a rag and began wiping off the poor cabinet door. “I don’t get a bad vibe off these guys. I show up on time and do the work. And I’m easy to get along with. That’s all they care about. If tomorrow I made a reference to watching some movie with my boyfriend, or whatever, I don’t think they’d even stop chewing their gum.”

  Boyfriend. I liked hearing that word. I pulled my sweats on, trying not to smile. I needed a shower, because it was probably time to go back to the house for dinner.

  But Caleb put his hands on my ribcage and backed me against the counter. “Can’t wait to get a bed in here,” he said, massaging my chest. “Kitchen sex is hot. But it’s harder to get into that mouth of yours.”

  He reached up to palm my chin, and I just melted into him. Our lips came together in a sweet slide. This was all I wanted in my life, right here. In a month, maybe, we’d be standing here waiting for the coffee to finish brewing. There would be all the time in the world for slow, gratuitous kisses.

  Caleb must have been feeling the same kind of romantic optimism, because he kept up the slow, sensual kisses. I let myself get lost in them. His tongue swept into my mouth, and he made a low noise of approval.

  How far we’d come. A year ago, I’d never kissed anyone. Now I had my heart’s desire, and a place to call our own. I took his head in both my hands and deepened the kiss. The world quieted down when I was in Caleb’s arms. I sifted my fingers through his hair and sighed.

  Big hands palmed my back. His tongue said I love you. And mine agreed.

  “You’ll never guess who just called!” someone hollered, crashing into the apartment from the stairs.

  Later, I would wonder why we did not jump away from each other. Maybe because it was already too late. Or maybe because the kiss was just that good.

  For whatever reason, at the sound of Daniel’s voice, Caleb did not let me go. Our kiss broke off gently, almost reverently. Strong arms remained wrapped around me. And I felt my body go absolutely quiet.

  “Sorry,” Daniel sputtered. “Shit. I always warn you. Always. But I just… forgot.” He paused to take a deep breath.

  “Warn us?” Caleb’s eyes were only inches from mine, so I saw them widen. “My God, he does.”

  As I stood there, retreating into shock, I realized Caleb was right. So many times, I’d heard Daniel call out, “hey, guys!” as he walked into the house, or down the stairs.

  Why did he do that? I was slow to realize what it might mean. Because I just didn’t trust it. Daniel knew?

  “Look,” he said quietly. “I could just walk out of here again, and keep on pretending that I don’t know how things are with you two. But it’s getting kind of old.”

  At that point, my heart stuttered. The rational response — fear — was just kicking in. And even though it made me look even guiltier, I ducked my head, burying my face in Caleb’s shirt, where I felt safe.

  Caleb put a hand to the back of my neck and cleared his throat. “How long have you…”

  “Eh,” Daniel said. He sounded winded, like he’d just run from the house. “It’s not important. But you should probably know that every time you search for something on Google, that search term stays in there. Unless you clear it out.”

  I felt Caleb’s chest contract with a bark of sudden laughter. “Oh, my fucking god.”

  “Yeah,” Daniel said, his voice full of restrained humor. “Google thinks I’m interested in Star Wars, used carburetors, and anal sex.”

  My groan was muffled by Caleb’s shirt. “Does Maggie know?”

  Daniel hesitated. “I don’t think so. I never asked her.”

  I heaved a sigh of relief. Until I realized that it was weird that Daniel had never discussed this with his wife. He must think that Maggie wouldn’t be okay with it.

  “Listen,” Daniel prompted. “We definitely need to finish this discussion. But there’s some news that can’t wait. Are you ready for this? Miriam called.”

  Both our heads whipped toward Daniel. “What?”

  “Yeah,” he grinned. “She’s at a hospital in Casper. But she’s fine, okay? She’s going to be fine. And we’re going to bring her here.”

  “Oh my God,” Caleb said. “Why the hospital?”

  “She has a black eye, apparently. The police brought her there when they found her walking on the road in the middle of the night. I guess it’s pretty cold there right now, and she didn’t have a coat. So they brought her to the hospital, and she said, ‘I want to call my sister.’”

  “That’s…” Caleb swallowed. “I’m so glad she called.”

  “Yeah. Maggie is over the moon. In fact, she’s going to wonder why we’re still standing here. I ran out here to get you.”

  Caleb took a step back from me, but he put both his hands under my jaw. “Try not to freak out, okay?”

  “Okay,” I whispered. But I was freaked out. My life was unraveling. I could feel the end of my happiness approaching. And that terrified me.

  “I’m going to go and talk to Maggie,” Caleb said. “You take a minute if you need it.”

  “Okay.”

  The two of them went out the door, leaving me alone. I stumbled into our mostly-finished bathroom and turned on the shower. I couldn’t go into the house until I washed Caleb off of me. So I stripped and quickly scrubbed myself down.

  My guilt wasn’t easy to rinse off as cum and soap.

  I dried myself on a hand towel and stepped into the jeans I’d dropped in a corner that morning when I put on my painting clothes.

  But even then, I didn’t feel ready. So I sat down in the middle of the room and admired our work. It was starting to look like someone’s home, now. And I’d hoped it would be my home. It was selfish, really. Lying to Maggie just so that she’d love me.

  It was s
elfish, but I wanted to keep doing it, anyway.

  I sat there awhile, afraid to go into the house and pretend that everything was normal. I had no idea what excuses Caleb made for me.

  Eventually I heard footsteps on the stairs, and I looked up at the doorway. But it wasn’t Caleb who came in. It was Daniel. “Hey,” he said.

  “Hey.” I looked at my hands.

  “Come downstairs to the workshop for a second. There’s something I want to show you.” He turned around then.

  It was tempting to just sit here forever, and not face him. But I was a well-behaved person to the core. So I followed Daniel downstairs and into the workshop.

  “Months ago,” Daniel said, flipping on the overhead lights. “Maggie asked me to build you two some twin beds.”

  My stomach clenched even as Daniel pointed to a bed in the corner. Twin sized.

  “I built the pieces right away. That one is finished, as you can see.”

  It was beautiful, too, with a sturdy maple headboard in an unfussy design.

  “…I started the second one,” he continued, pointing at some rails in another corner. “But I didn’t think you’d want twin beds. And I didn’t want to out the two of you. So I’ve just been changing the subject every time she asks me how long it takes to build two freaking beds.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said quickly. He was lying to his wife for me.

  Daniel shook his head. “You don’t have to apologize to me. I grew up outside of San Francisco, Josh. There is nothing that scares me about a couple of gay guys. My best friend from high school is married to a dude. There are pictures of them in the dining room. From that fishing trip?”

  I knew those pictures. But I’d never understood who I was looking at in them. “But Maggie…” I let the sentence die.

  “Well. Maggie didn’t grow up outside of San Francisco. You know exactly where she grew up. And you know exactly what kind of bullshit they fed her.”

  “She’d hate me.”