by Randis, K. L
“Yea right,” Sonia whispered under her breath.
“One more thing.” Coach cracked her knuckles and cleared her throat. “I also want to congratulate Brooke Nolan, for becoming the newest flyer on the Junior Varsity team. We needed six cheerleaders, and didn’t realize we needed a new flyer until she demonstrated exceptional talent at today’s audition.” Coach looked at me. “Congratulations, Brooke. Welcome to the team.”
Sonia tackled me and Carmen shrieked in my ear as they hugged and danced around in a circle with their arms wrapped around me. “You did it! You did it! You made the team Brooke!”
Embarrassed enough to not even smile I realized that I wasn’t sure I even wanted to be part of the team now that Sonia and Carmen weren’t.
“And don’t even think about quitting because we didn’t make it,” Carmen said, reading my thoughts. “You will be awesome.”
Chapter Nine
“I think Paul likes you.” Cristin and I made our way through the packed annual west end fair. In two weeks cheerleading practice was going to start.
I wasn’t looking forward to getting up at four thirty in the morning to meet at the high school, but Coach insisted it was better to work out and practice before the sweltering summer sun came up.
“Really?” I looked back at Judd, Paul and Chalky following behind us. “I don’t know, he hasn’t said much to me since I met him last summer. He was even in my health class this year.”
“I think he’s shy. But he keeps looking at you.”
Dodging a kid with a balloon I shrugged my shoulders.
“Have you even had a boyfriend since you’ve moved here?” Cristin pressed.
“Eh, no. Not really.”
I thought about Dad and what he would say if I told him I was dating someone. Since Adam wasn’t even into dating yet and he was a year older than me I couldn’t imagine it would go over well. Work, school and cheerleading took up all my time anyway. I didn’t think a boyfriend would be very patient with waiting for me to cook dinner or clean the house before we could hang out. Sometimes I felt older than I was.
We filed through the amusement rides and stopped every couple of feet to talk to people we knew from class. Judd and Chalky put moves on several girls we talked to while Paul lingered in the background of their conversations.
“Well it’s nine thirty,” Cristin chimed in looking at her phone. “My mom is meeting me out front. Am I driving you home Brooke?”
My mouth opened to answer her and Paul was suddenly standing at my side. “My mom will take her home.”
The same cologne he used the previous summer engulfed me. It was the only thing he’d said all night and it was pretty forward.
“Are you, sure? I mean, I’ve never met your mom…”
“It’s fine.” Paul gave Cristin a head nod. “Go ahead, I got her.”
You got me?
Cristin raised an eyebrow and tried to stifle a smile. “Okayyy if you say so Paulie. See ya later Brooke.” She wrapped her hands around my neck and whispered quick words of girlish encouragement in my ear.
Cristin disappeared into the crowd and Paul turned to me. “So, you want to walk around a little while these fools try and play their A game?”
He nodded in the direction of Judd and Chalky. They were engrossed in conversation and didn’t even look up when Paul put his hand on my shoulder to steer me around a group of people to head towards the concession stands.
“So, we had health together.” Paul scuffed his sneakers across the gravel as he pretended to check out everything in sight, except me. He acted so odd.
“Didn’t think you noticed. I sat right behind you the entire time.” I said. “You never said a word to me.”
“It was first period, I didn’t say a word to anybody. Not really a morning person.”
“Oh.”
“And I noticed.”
“Huh?”
“You said I didn’t notice,” he pointed out. “But I did. I noticed you.”
He shifted his gaze to mine and lingered a second too long. “Not like you noticed me.” He swayed closer to me and nudged my shoulder. “I don’t blame you. Everyone notices you though.”
“Oh, shut up.” I laughed and nudged him back. “Who notices me? I’m not exactly Miss Popular. I haven’t even had a boyfriend since I moved here.” I echoed Cristin’s comment.
“Oh?”
We stopped in front of the display of John Deere tractors and he opened up the cabin of a larger one. “After you.” He nodded in the direction of the cabin.
Making sure no one was looking, I hopped up into the cabin and he shut the door behind us. Crowds of people passed by but unless you knew we were up there, no one would see us. We both shifted and put our feet up on the dashboard.
The warmth of his body danced near my skin. “Yea, I don’t really see you with other guys,” he said. “Except Judd. You guys got a thing?”
“Me and Judd?” I said, laughing at the thought. “No, nothing there. He’s my best friend and everything I just…” I shrugged. “I just don’t think of him like that, you know?”
Paul leaned forward and put his right arm behind me to inch closer. His emerald eyes glazed over my face and I raised my eyebrows when his fingertips brushed my hand.
“That’s good… If that’s what you want, I mean.” His hand was now wrapped around mine and I could feel his breath on my nose.
“Look I know, we haven’t really hung out and stuff…alone. But I like you. A lot.”
Thankful that the cabin only let in two unimpressive streams of light I tried to calm the blood rushing to my face.
“Will you go out with me?”
I opened my mouth but nothing came out.
Paul’s lips brushed against mine. Both of us afraid to move, I froze there. He formed his lips around mine and laid a soft kiss on the corner of my mouth. I remembered to breathe.
“Paul, wow.” He leaned away to wait for my reaction.“I think…” I started. Don’t embarrass yourself. “I think I like you too. We don’t know each other, really, you know? Maybe we should just, hang out a few times. See what happens?”
I never had to reject anyone before and I wasn’t sure if what I said was the right thing. I didn’t want to push him away, because the feeling was definitely mutual.
Looking up I cringed to see his eyes go soft, but he nodded his head in a few slow motions. “Yea. We should hang out. You’re right.” A sigh escaped as he smiled and brushed a piece of hair from my face. “I’d like that. Maybe we should head out now?”
Paul’s mom looked me over with a raised eyebrow as I hopped into the backseat of their minivan. Paul asked her to take me home. “So, you’re fifteen like Paulie? You guys have classes together at school?”
Paul groaned. “Ma, come on.”
“Just want to know who she is honey. I’m Gina. Nice to meet you Brooke.”
Paul squeezed my hand as we pulled into my driveway. “You need me to walk you inside?”
“Oh, no, don’t.” I knew I said it too fast and looked at Gina staring at me from the rear view mirror. “It’s fine, just need to walk to the door. No biggie. I’ll see you later.”
Paul and I talked over AIM instant messenger for the next week as I got ready for practice to start. He wanted to hang out but I wasn’t sure how I could explain hanging out with just Paul to my dad. Going to Judd’s was different because there were always one or two other people there.
Practice for cheerleading was no joke. We ran the bleachers, did several sets of intense jump rope cardio and lifted weights. I never thought of cheerleading as a sport, but I guess when my life depended on having physically fit girls underneath me to catch my fall it made sense.
Coach blared into her megaphone from the bleachers as we ran laps and did push-ups. “Let’s move it girls! If you stop, we go again. If you slow down, we go again. Your choice, move it!”
I struggled to keep up with the words and movements of the cheers and chants. On
ly one other girl who made the JV team had never done cheerleading before, but she had a cousin on the team who worked with her after school. The girls were not exactly inviting, especially because I had taken over a flyer position that technically was not up for grabs. I had replaced Jessie, and she became the side base for my stunts.
“I don’t know why Coach makes you fly all the time. You’ve never even done this before. You can’t learn this stuff over night.” Jessie rolled her eyes and looked for confirmation from the other bases. “Right girls?”
The other base girl nodded her head in agreement but my back base snorted. “Lay off it Jessie, she’s a natural. If you can do it, anyone can.”
“All right ladies, laps! Then you’re done,” Coach said. “I want three laps from all of you. Go!”
As an avid runner anyway I cruised around the track for lap one. A cramp snuck up on me during lap two and I pinched my side.
“Told you not to drink so much water Brooke.” Kendra jogged next to me and wiped the sweat from her face. “Get’s me every time!”
A bolt of pain shot through my stomach as I struggled to push out lap three. I had fallen behind all the other girls and I knew if I stopped Coach would make me run more. Halfway around, I couldn’t breathe and stopped in the middle of the track.
“Move it, Nolan!” I could hear Coach’s megaphone across the field. “More laps for everyone if you don’t make it around.”
I eyed the finish line around turn three and crumbled as a blaze of pain ran up through my stomach and to my chest. “Aaah!” I yelled out and dropped to my knees clutching my side.
The varsity captain reached me before Coach did and I was embarrassed to see everyone standing around me.
“What’s wrong Nolan?” Coach brushed the girls aside and moved closer to me.
“I don’t know, my stomach feels like it’s falling out.”
The longer I sat there the more the pain subsided so I convinced Coach not to call an ambulance and to call my mom instead.
Mom and I sat in the doctor’s office as he pushed off my stomach muscles and I yelled out in pain.
“Well I know you had your appendix out, my guess would be it’s a hernia. It only hurts when you strain yourself, right? To run, or do other strenuous things?”
“Yea,” I replied. I thought they were just cramps from drinking too much water or not having enough stamina.
“Well I think we’d need to do exploratory surgery. See what’s going on in there. It’s a lot easier to tell when males have hernias because more often than not it will protrude through their stomachs with a bump. Girls it’s harder to see unless we check it out internally.”
Coach was not happy with my diagnosis because it meant I would be missing almost five weeks of practice. I wasn’t happy because it meant I was going to be vulnerable again after surgery.
Dad was happy.
Surgery was scheduled to take about an hour. The anesthesiologist came in and put an IV in my left hand. “I’m going to give you some really good drugs.” He moved some of the tubes around and when he was satisfied he looked at me. “Goodnight, Brooke.”
Four hours later I woke up with the same treacherous pain in my abdomen as when I had my appendix out. The clock on the wall of my hospital room read 6:23 P.M. Since I should have been in recovery before four o’clock I thought something went wrong during surgery.
“You actually had a hernia on both sides.” The doctor pointed to either side of my stomach. “Laparoscopic surgery is a beautiful thing, you have two scars the size of your pinky nail on each side, and the same size scar in your bellybutton where we had to go in through. I’m going to extend the time you have off from cheerleading to eight weeks since we had to repair both sides.” He took note of my face. “Oh, don’t worry sweetheart, resting at home is the best thing for you at this point.”
And it was. For the first three weeks.
Mom got tired of waiting on me and the only time Kat came into our bedroom was to sleep. I was alone most of the day while the summer sun blared through the windows. Sweltering heat or not, I covered myself head to foot with blankets as a shield as I lay in bed, waiting.
Dad came in a few days after I was able to walk around enough to shower. I thought if I forced my body to stay limp enough, he wouldn’t be able to move me and give up.
Blacking out was becoming a welcomed necessity of coping. I slipped past the reality of heavy breathing and pain and sought refuge in black space and dreamland.
My prescribed Vicodin kept me numb over the next few weeks. Mom told me when I was finished using them to give her the rest of the bottle for safe keeping. I nodded and watched her throw back her usual cocktail of pills. Maybe she stayed numb for a reason too.
“Dad is working the overnight shift, why don’t you come in and sleep with me tonight?” Mom suggested.
“Okay.”
“First come here, Brooke. I have to show you something.”
I followed her into her bathroom and she pulled out a white thermometer from her pocket and handed it to me.
No, not a thermometer.
“Mom, you’re pregnant?” A white stick glowed PREGNANT across a small screen. My hand pressed against my forehead. “How did you find out?”
“Remember when I fell last week when I was sleeping on the couch?”
Do I remember last week when you were so high on pills you passed out on the couch and got up hours later only to fall on your face? Yes, Mom, I remember.
“Yea, what about it?”
“I went to the Doctor, I broke my nose. But they couldn’t send me anywhere to operate because they did a blood test and I was pregnant. I haven’t told your father yet. I’m three months already.”
“Oh. Well, congratulations.”
She hugged me and shoved the pregnancy test back into her pocket. “I’m going to tell him tomorrow. I wanted you to be the first to know.”
We both crawled into her bed and she clicked the TV on. The news came on and after a few minutes Mom muted the TV and turned to me. “Brooke, I want to ask you something.”
I gulped. “Okay?”
“I saw something that I wanted to ask you about. I really need to know the honest truth.”
Oh God.
She put the remote down. “Do you know any kids at school that do Oxycontin’s?”
Wow, not where I thought this conversation was going.
I struggled to switch brain tracks. “Uh, yea, I mean I think so? I’m not sure. Why?”
“The news was saying that people are selling them for $25 a pill. I could really use the money. You know your father doesn’t give me much and I don’t know what else to do since I can’t work. Do you think you could find people to sell them to? They said a lot of high school kids are using them.”
“You want me to sell your Oxycontins? Don’t you need them?”
The news was covering a lot of this drug lately, I never thought about my mom using hers to make a profit though.
“They give me a lot of them. I have Vicodin and Percocet too so I could use them instead for my pain.”
“Could we ask Grandpa and Grandma for money?” The thought of becoming a drug dealer at fifteen was not something I wanted to add to my resume.
“Never mind Brooke. I’ll just have to beg your father for more money, nothing can ever be easy.” She picked up the remote.
“No, it’s okay.” I thought about Judd. He ran around with some shady people who I knew smoked weed. Maybe they did other drugs too. “I’ll do it.”
“Okay. We’ll keep it between me and you. I want to sell them for $30 a pill.”
As if we just spoke about a normal mother daughter topic she un-muted the TV. “So, are you excited to get back to cheerleading next week?”
Judd was more than happy to oblige to helping me pool together a clientele list for Oxycontin’s. “Me and you, we’re gonna run this town. I have lots of people looking for them. Where are you getting them from?”
�
��My mom.”
“What? Really?” Judd nodded his head. “Yeaaaa buddy. Well don’t get all red about it, it’s cool. Chalky’s mom smokes weed with him.”
“I’m not keeping any of the money,” I added.
“Oh? Well, all right. You can make bank selling those though. Your mom need the money?”
“Yea. Hard times.”
“Don’t sound so down, I got you Brooke. We’ll get this.”
Over the next three weeks I made it to cheerleading practice and fought to catch up on all the routines I missed. Work was from nine in the morning until six at night, and then I would go home, shower, and meet Judd to start our evening job. By the end of the month I had given Mom well over two thousand dollars.
“Damn, you sure you’re not keeping any of this?” Judd flipped through a wad of twenty’s after making a drop off.
“Yea, I’m sure. You know this would be a lot easier if we drove, then we wouldn’t have to have people meet us in weird places waiting on our bikes.”
“Yea it’s all right. They don’t care as long as they get their stuff.”
“Who’s left?” I had one more summer reading book to get through before school started the following week. It was a long day and I just wanted to go home.
“James.” Judd looked at his phone. “Should be here in ten minutes.”
The name was not familiar. “He new?”
“Yea. He wanted 40 of them though. He’s giving us a little over a grand. Nicey nice.”
The sun had just set when a black honda rounded onto the street and pulled up in front of us. The back window rolled down and a hand stuck out motioning me over.
“Go get em’, do your thing.” Judd motioned toward the car but didn’t move from his spot on the curb.
I grabbed the baggie of pills and stuffed them in my back pocket like Judd taught me. “Don’t give them the pills until they give you the money,” he had instructed.
“Sup?” A gruff voice met me.
I strained my eyes to see into the dark car. A few pairs of eyes stared out at me.
“Not much. Got 40 Oxy’s.” I pulled the back out of my pocket to show them. “You got the twelve hundred?”
