by Randis, K. L
I couldn’t process what he was saying. I knew I wasn’t crazy, I wasn’t. How can he stand there in front of me and pretend like nothing happened? Like he is having a completely ordinary conversation with his daughter? This can’t be normal. I squeezed my legs together for confirmation that the other night had happened. That I was dragged from my room in my sleep, and it wasn’t a dream like I wanted it to be.
Pain shot up through my thighs and stomach. My lips parted to scream at him. To tell him that he couldn’t do this. I caught sight of my siblings sitting in the living room. The idea of me resisting and my siblings being his next target was unbearable. I was their only protection, the only one who knew what he was capable of. My shoulders slumped, and I stared at the ground. I didn’t have a choice. To care for them, I couldn’t say a word.
I lifted my head and watched his gaze run over my face. He was waiting for confirmation that the secret we had was still protected, still safe.
“Right,” I said. I tried to hide the defeat from my voice. “Whatever you say, Dad.”
Chapter Eight
Freshman year of high school is when I got my first job working as a telemarketer. Technically I didn’t have my working papers yet, so I forged the year I was born on the application after seeing the hire sign in their window. The hiring manager scanned me several times when I handed it in, and he asked me if I had ever been in sales. I told him I could sell him the Brooklyn Bridge if he taught me how. I was hired on the spot.
“Brooke, where ya goin’?” Judd pushed one of his friends aside and jogged over to me. “You wanna come over? School’s over soon, I want to get the pool opened.”
“I can’t, I work till nine.” I pushed my honors English book into my locker and pulled out my three ring binder.
“You always work. And you always study.” He picked up a heavy science book, made a face and put it back in my locker.
“Yea, maybe you should try it sometime.” Cristin appeared and opened the locker next to me. “Then you wouldn’t have to cheat off my tests all the time.”
“Ahh come on Cristin, you know I’m not looking at your answers. You’re just so, so beautiful, I can’t help staring at you in class.”
Cristin rolled her eyes and I covered my mouth to stifle the laugher.
“Besides, if I wanted to really impress the parentals, I would sign up for all honors classes like Miss Perfect over here and copy off her answers.” He nodded at me.
The blow to his arm probably didn’t hurt like I wanted it to. “You wish you could keep up with me in those classes,” I said.
“Yea okay, later uglies.” Judd turned on his heel and fled after Mack who was mocking him from across the hall.
“You going to work?” Cristin threw her book bag over her shoulder.
“Yep. If I get top rep of the week again it’ll be a nice paycheck.”
“Good,” Cristin eyed me, “Then we can go shopping before you disappear into those clothes. What are you, a size one?”
“Double zero,” I corrected. I pulled my bag over my shoulder and gripped the books that wouldn’t fit in my bag close to my chest. “Gotta go though, see ya tomorrow.”
I navigated through the chatter filled hallways toward the front of the building. Two girls in cheerleader uniforms stood on chairs to tape bright pink flyers to the announcement board. They walked away and I paused a moment to read it:
~*~ Tryouts ! ~*~
Fall Football Season Cheerleaders
Saturday, June 5th, 11:00 am
In the ‘Big Gym’
“Don’t even bother.” I was interrupted by a girl from my English honors class standing right next to me. “They always pick the same girls. Unless you’re in with their little cliques, you don’t stand a chance. It’s stupid anyway.”
I nodded. The truth was I didn’t belong to any clubs or sports. The little time I did have not occupied with home life I used to make money or study. Sure, it was going to help when I applied for college, but I felt like I was missing out on something. I never got a chance to do something because I wanted to. I did things because I had to. Without thinking twice about it I ripped the flyer off the bulletin and stuffed it into my book bag.
Mom picked me up from work a little after nine. “What took so long?” She huffed, turning the key in the ignition.
“Had to fill out a lot of paperwork. I book a lot of appointments.”
“Oh, that’s good. Did you reach the daily goal? What is it, two appointments a night?”
“Yea. I made twelve.”
I demolished a bowl of cereal when we got home. “Mom I wanted to see what you thought about me trying out for cheerleading.”
She didn’t look at me. “I don’t have the money for all you guys to do after school things.”
“I’ll pay for it,” I offered. “You won’t have to pay for it I just wanted to see what you thought.”
“I don’t know Brooke, as long as I don’t have to pay for it and you continue to help out with things around the house when they need to get done I don’t care.” By things she meant money and cleaning. I was pretty sure I could juggle everything.
“I’ll keep my job, and I’ll pay for it. Tryouts are in two weeks, but I would need to get a physical.” She sighed with the force of a cough and looked at me. It would mean she would have to make the appointment, pick me up from school and wait the hour at the doctor’s office to bring me home.
“Or I could just do the physical the school offers. It costs more but…Yea, that’s what I’ll do.” I dumped the milk from my bowl into the sink. “Need to study, goodnight.”
The only time I took off work was to study for mid-terms or finals. So when I told my boss I needed the Saturday off for tryouts he laughed. “Ha, Brooke, if you have another exam I understand, you don’t have to lie about why you need off.”
I wasn’t sure why, but the remark offended me. “I’m not lying. I really am going to try out for cheerleading.”
My tone changed his remark. “Oh, yea, I know. Um, sure. That’s great, that’s fine. You need to do stuff like that anyway, you know, go be with the kids your age.”
“Should I work like the kids my age too?” I looked around the office at all the middle aged women talking away on their phones. He gave me a two week trial period to prove myself, and I’ve blown away office records ever since. “I mean, I don’t need to be the top operator for a fourth month in a row. Maybe I should give someone else a shot.” I smiled.
“Very funny.” He sunk into his leather arm chair. “Keep doing your thing, go do your tryouts, just make sure it doesn’t affect your numbers here.”
I nodded.
I spent the next week worrying about tryouts. I couldn’t even do a cartwheel. A few other girls I knew wanted to try out too, so at least I knew some of the people who would be there.
“Have you been stretching? I know they do a lot of jumps and kicks so be sure you’re stretching.” Sonia whispered her advice to me between classes. “Most people diet too, but you don’t have to worry about that.”
“Yea, you don’t have to worry.” Carmen adjusted the glasses on her nose. “Have you ever done cheerleading?”
I shook my head. “No, I just thought it would be something fun to do. I’m not banking on making the team, I know they choose a lot of the same girls.”
“Well, we’ll all make the team, I’m sure.” Sonia smiled. “They can’t always pick the same girls. And we’re pretty enough, how hard could it be?”
Mom dropped me off the Saturday of tryouts. I spent an hour that morning trying to figure out what a cheerleader looked like when they practiced. I settled on a pair of navy blue shorts and a white cami with a light blue sports bra underneath. My hair was pulled into a tight ponytail and, at the suggestion of Sonia, I didn’t shave my legs for two days.
“Why not shave your legs?” Mom rounded the corner of the school and came to a stop.
“I don’t know. Sonia said it was something they checked th
ough. She told me not to put lotion on my legs either.” I ran my hands across the stubble.
“Okay well, you’ll call when you’re done?”
“Yea, Carmen has a cell phone. I’ll call.” I kissed her on the cheek and grabbed my water bottle and gym bag.
Sonia and Carmen were already inside. “There are so many girls here,” said Sonia, scanning the lobby outside the gymnasium. The sea of girls sprawled all over the floor stretching and chatting was a little intimidating. At eleven o’clock sharp, a bulky red faced woman opened the gym doors.
“Attention, girls.” The lobby fell quiet. “I’m coach McDade. It’s going to be a long day, so listen carefully. Girls will be put into groups of ten and assigned a team captain who is already a member of our cheerleading team. They will teach you two cheers, a dance, and how to do three kinds of jumps.” She paused to eye some larger girls sitting on the wall. “Cheerleading is strenuous; make no mistake that you will be pushed both physically and mentally today. You will ache in places you never thought possible.”
Several of the team captains standing at her side smiled and whispered to each other. “With that being said, our fall football season only has twelve openings. Six for the junior varsity team and six for the varsity team. Auditions will take place today at four o’clock sharp. Good luck to all of you.”
A team captain with bright yellow hair stepped forward as the coach turned and disappeared into the gym. “All right girls, when I call your name, step forward and follow your team captain.”
Carmen and I were put into the same group with a team captain named Lucille and Sonia wound up with the bright yellow haired team captain. The groups dispersed and found quiet spots for each team to practice.
Our team captain bellowed out commands over the next several hours. We jumped rope and ran in place. Lucille taught us toe touches, X-jumps, and hurdler jumps. When it seemed my calves would explode we moved onto learning the dance routine. It was only a two minute soundtrack, but with everything else we had to learn it only left an hour of practice to learn the entire fast paced routine.
Sweat dripped from my forehead and Carmen looked like she was ready to call it quits. Finally, the team captains rallied all the groups together in the lobby and by four o’clock the first group of girls was lead into the gym. There were five teams in all, and everyone looked exhausted. My team was the last to be called inside.
Lucille led us into the gymnasium and we were called in pairs to stand in front of Coach McDade and three other staff members I didn’t know. The first two girls to tryout were last season’s football cheerleaders. They finished their jumps perfectly and nailed every section of the dance routine.
The next two girls went and it seemed like the coach and staff didn’t even pay attention to any girls that weren’t already cheerleaders. Carmen was up next, along with a red haired eleventh grader. She struggled through her jumps but she picked up most of the dance routine and finished her tryout with a smile. She winked at me as she slipped through the gym doors to wait for me outside.
“Brooke Nolan and Chrissy Stires. You’re up.”
I took my place in front of the Coach and flashed my biggest smile. I was sure I probably looked like an idiot.
“Brooke Nolan. Have you ever tried out before?”
“No, I haven’t.” My throat tightened after realizing I just gave her permission to not watch a thing I did for the next two minutes.
“Okay girls, first, toe touch.”
I clasped both hands together, then up over my head as I swung my hands around and left the ground. When I landed I saw one of the staff members nudge the person next to her to look in my direction. Wow, are they really going to make fun of me as I’m standing right here?
After our jumps were done they called us one by one to do a chant then a cheer. I messed up the words to the cheer but I recovered and smiled through it.
“No matter what,” Sonia warned, “Smile every second. Don’t stop smiling.”
Music blared through the speakers as the music for the dance routine started. My calves threatened to turn to jelly as I finished and I noticed that every staff member, including Coach, was looking at me when the routine ended. One staff member leaned in towards Coach and whispered something in her ear. She nodded.
“Very well, one more thing.” Coach nodded to Lucille. “Bring your bases in here Lucille, we want to see Brooke try a half elevator.” Lucille raised her eyebrows and looked in my direction. “Now, Lucille.” Coach waved her off.
“Brooke, do you know what a flyer is?” Coach asked, not bothering to look at me.
Blood rushed to my face. “Uh, no, I’m sorry, I don’t.”
Coach smirked. “A flyer is the girl that goes up in the air.” She pointed towards the ceiling as three girls followed Lucille into the gym.
“Girls, I’d like you to put Brooke into a half elevator.” The girls eyed me. “Walk her through it, tell her what to do.”
Lucille broke the awkward silence. “Come on you heard her, let’s go.”
Two girls were on either side of me and one girl was behind me. The girl behind me clasped her hands onto my waist. “Geeze girl, do you not eat?”
“Okay, now put your hands on our shoulders and go up on your toes. When we say cradle up, push off your toes and into our hands. Lock your legs or you’ll fall, or kick us.”
The girl to my right was talking too fast. “Lucille will stand in front of you to make sure you don’t fall forward. But don’t fall forward. We’ll raise our hands chest high once your feet are in our hands. Push off hard, lock your legs, got it?” I nodded.
I was going to die.
I put my palms on the shoulders of each girl on my side and felt the back base grip my waist. I lifted my weight onto my toes and prayed I didn’t smash my face off the ground with what was about to happen.
“Cradle UP!” Lucille bellowed.
I jumped into the girls hands, pushed off and looked down. I shouldn’t have looked down. My legs flailed underneath me and the back base all but took a kick to the chest as she caught me coming down.
“Ah sorry, and don’t look down either,” said the side base as she smiled at the Coach. “Put your hands in a T when you get to the top.”
“Again.” Coach crossed her arms over her chest and gave a knowing look to the staff that had whispered in her ear.
Okay Brooke. Push off, lock your legs, don’t look down. Don’t look down. Don’t look down.
“Cradle UP!”
I pushed off and landed in the side bases hands. In a swift movement I was rushed through the air and then everything stopped. My hands out in a T at my sides, my feet were undoubtedly planted firmly on the ground. Then I opened my eyes.
Coach and staff were open mouthed staring at me. I stared down at them.
Wait, I’m staring down at them?
Four hands secured my ankles in place, but I had locked my legs and was standing several feet off the ground in a perfect half elevator. A wide grin spread across my face. What a rush!
“Cradle her.” Coach flailed her hands at me. “Cradle her, then.”
Lucille looked up at me, eyes wide. “But Coach, we didn’t teach her- I mean she doesn’t know how to.”
“CRADLE HER!” Coach bellowed.
Lucille looked up at me, agony in her face. She mouthed sorry.
“Cradle!” Lucille bellowed. “One, TWO.”
The ground disappeared below my feet as the side bases pushed up and sent me flying higher into the air. Instinctively I threw my arms back and my legs dashed out in front of me. When I opened my eyes again, the side and back bases had crazy smiles on their faces while they held me safely off the ground.
Lucille was ecstatic. “Wow! Did you see that Coach? She did it perfectly. Did you see that coach she cradled just like she should!”
They raised my torso until my sneakers touched the ground and two girls patted my back. “All right, Brooke, that was awesome.”
My he
art was still in my throat as I looked at Coach sitting in her chair chewing on her hair. “Well, Brooke.” She picked up her pencil and wrote something down in front of her. “Seems as though you’re a natural.”
“What happened to you in there?” Carmen and Sonia demanded as I finally walked out of the gym doors. I told them what happened and they stared back with the same open mouths the judges had. “You did a stunt? Well I guess it’s a good thing you didn’t shave your legs!”
“What does that have to do with anything?” I asked
“I figured, you know, because you’re so skinny that if you made the team they would want you to be a flyer. You can’t shave your legs before you stunt because otherwise the bases cant grip your legs as you go up, it’s too slippery.” Sonia beamed at me. “Aaaah that means you totally made the team!”
An hour later Coach appeared in front of the gym doors with a list in her hand. “A lot of girls here today showed great talent and promise. Unfortunately, we only have six spots per team this year, so if you hear your name, congratulations, you’ve made the team. First we’ll start with varsity.”
Coach rattled off names of mostly Junior and Senior girls who shrieked when they heard their names. Other girls looked around nervous that there were only six more spots to be claimed.
“Junior Varsity will now have the pleasure of adding the following girls to the team for the fall football season.”
Carmen and Sonia gripped either of my hands. “If you’re name is called, you’ve made the team. Margaret B., Sara T., Joanna N., Riley D.,” There were only two names left.
Coach eyed the group of hopefuls. “Also, Lily P., and Danica R.”
Our hands loosened as I realized with Carmen and Sonia that none of us had made the team. I looked at Carmen who already had tears falling down her cheeks and at Sonia who was shaking her head in disbelief.
The girls who made the team cheered and hugged each other as Coach put the list in her pocket. “I know a lot of you had great expectations for today. And I appreciate all your hard work. Please try again next season, as we’re always looking for new and great talent.”
