by Greyson Mann
Cate is trying to ignore us ALL, maybe because she’s so sweaty that she’s nearly makeup free now. No wig. No perfume. No sunglasses. No makeup. No nothing.
And Chloe? Well, I thought she was asleep. But I just found a cactus pricker on my pillow, so I guess Chloe’s still awake, pulling her dumb pranks.
Cammy is the only one who is sleeping. Maybe she’s dreaming about that desert temple hotel in Sandstone that Dad keeps raving about. By tonight, he promises, we’ll have a real roof over our heads. And a hot meal—MAYBE even roasted pork chops.
Yup, by tonight, Dad says, we ARE stopping.
And I can hardly wait.
DAY 20: FRIDAY MORNING
I guess every vacation has its low point.
I THOUGHT we’d hit ours when a hungry ocelot trapped us in our tree house. Or when a cave spider bit my foot. Or when our minecart ran out of coal. But nope, those were GREAT memories compared to what happened last night.
Everything started out okay. Our llamas were trotting full speed ahead, and Dad was determined to get to Sandstone before dawn. “We’re NOT stopping!” he kept saying—every time Mom wanted to clip more cactus. Or when mopey Cate fell too far behind. Or when Chloe flung sand at me and made me itch so bad, I nearly slid off my llama.
Nope, we weren’t stopping until we made it to the temple. And finally, we DID.
The Golden Rabbit hotel rose before us like a beacon. It was almost midnight, and I could hardly wait to get inside. And to order up a REAL breakfast.
But guess what?
The temple was FULL. I could see the “No Vacancy” sign from a few yards away.
Dad saw it too and practically leaped off his llama. He stormed inside the temple, and we could hear him arguing with the mob at the front desk.
When Dad came back out, he was hissing mad. I tried to make mushroom stew out of mushrooms—I mean, make the best of the situation. I was all like, “Dad, we can still eat a delicious breakfast at the Golden Rabbit restaurant, right?”
But Dad said he wasn’t going to give a SINGLE emerald to a place that messed up our reservation.
REALLY???
Dad was so mad that Mom didn’t even argue when he got back on his llama. He asked our guide to take us to another hotel, a BETTER hotel.
But as we rode on through the night, those “No Vacancy” signs blinked from miles away. I guess mobs were visiting from across the Overworld to attend a Cactus Convention or something.
Anyway, guess what? Dawn is about to break, and we’re pitching a tent.
AGAIN.
If I weren’t so hot and sweaty and ITCHY, I might remember how hungry I was.
DAY 20: FRIDAY NIGHT
Dad and I woke up tonight on the same page. That’s when two creepers have the SAME goal. Dad says we need to meet Kid Z and then get out of town. He’s had enough of the desert, and I gotta say, I have too.
So we were going to ask our spider jockey guide to lead us to Kid Z’s. First thing. After dinner, of course.
But our guide was GONE. He was nice enough to leave us a note. And a llama—MY llama.
Now how is a family of creepers supposed to get around town on ONE llama? Dad asked the same question. He hollered it, actually. And my llama answered him by spitting in his eye.
So our night is off to a GREAT start, let me tell you.
Mom says that when Dad calms down, we’ll figure out a plan. I told her that maybe Dad was just HANGRY, so Mom should figure out a plan for DINNER.
She didn’t really appreciate that comment. She just tossed me a rubbery carrot. So like I said, GREAT night. Can’t wait to see what happens next.
DAY 21: SATURDAY
So I have this subscription to Mob Rap magazine. Kid Z is almost always on the cover. And when I flip through the pages, I see him on like every other page. He’s EVERYWHERE!
But for a mob who’s all over magazines, that creep is almost IMPOSSIBLE to find in person. I know this, because we’ve been looking all night.
We took turns riding the llama all over Sandstone. Well, Dad said he wouldn’t ride that spitball of a critter if it were the last ride out of town. But the rest of us rode. And we went from door to door in this desert village. Everyone KNEW Kid Z, but no one knew exactly where he lives.
I’m starting to think Kid Z is a figment of my imagination. Like, I’m so hungry that my mind is playing tricks on me. Maybe my favorite rapper doesn’t even exist. Maybe I just made the whole thing up, and my family is going to die out here in the desert looking for this guy.
I must have said all that out loud, because Mom suddenly steered the llama toward the Golden Rabbit restaurant—the one inside the temple that lost our reservation. Dad said he would never set foot in this restaurant, but it turns out it’s the only one in town. So mom said ENOUGH. She said we all had to eat a decent meal and sort this thing out.
We were waiting for our food to get to the table—the longest wait EVER, because I could smell my roasted pork chops all the way from the kitchen. And that’s when Mom made an announcement.
She said she thought it was time to go home.
Well, Chloe cheered. She didn’t hold back. I knew my Evil Twin wasn’t a fan of Kid Z. But when Cammy cheered along with her, I kind of took that personally.
Cate didn’t say ANYTHING. I guess speaking takes too much effort when you’re trying to be dramatic and depressed.
So all the girls in my family wanted to go home. But I knew DAD would be on my side. Good old Dad wouldn’t let me down.
Except … he DID!
He cleared his throat the way a creeper dad does when he’s about to deliver bad news. And he said, “Son, I think this vacation has run its course.”
RUN its COURSE? I don’t even know what that means. I guess it means I’m not going to meet Kid Z.
So now I’m scribbling all this in my journal, and I’m trying not to look at my family. I won’t talk to them—EVER again. I’m going on a hunger strike too.
If they think Cate knows how to mope through a vacation, they haven’t seen ANYTHING yet. I’ll show my family how much they let me down. I’ll—
Never mind. Chops just arrived.
So … I’ve decided that I AM going to eat them. But I am NOT going to enjoy them.
DAY 22: SUNDAY
Remember when I thought that sleeping in a tent instead of a temple was the low point of our vacation?
BOY was I wrong.
No, the low point definitely came while we were sitting at the Golden Rabbit last night. My pork chops had just shown up, and you know how much I LOVE chops. I mean, I’d been dreaming about them ever since we left home three weeks ago.
But I realized right away that these were NOT pork chops. I mean, they were chops alright. But after one sniff, I knew they weren’t PORK.
So what were they?
Well, did I mention that every server in the Golden Rabbit was a zombie? And that the cooks in the back kitchen were zombies too?
So, yeah. I suddenly realized that I wasn’t about to eat a pork chop. I was about to eat a ROTTEN FLESH chop.
Well I started gagging right then and there. Mom got up in my face and was all sweet and said, “See honey? It’s time to stop this Kid Z nonsense and just go home. I’ll cook you a BLAH, BLAH, BLAH when we get there.”
I didn’t hear what she said next because a ROAR came out of my mouth. It was like Dad’s voice pouring out, and you know what it said? It said …
Mom nearly fell out of her chair, and the whole restaurant went quiet. Normally I’d be pretty embarrassed about that, but it was like some other mob had taken over my body.
What happened next, you can NEVER repeat. I’ll deny it, I swear.
I picked up my fork and my knife, I cut a huge chunk of rotten flesh chop, and …
I ATE it.
I guess there are some times in life when a creeper has to take a stand.
I was NOT going home without meeting my idol. NOTHING was going to stand in my way—not even RO
TTEN FLESH.
Well, I don’t remember everything that happened next. But Dad ended up paying for a room at the Golden Rabbit hotel. I guess when the owner of the restaurant saw my meltdown, a room magically opened up.
So now the sun is coming up, and I’m about to crawl into a real bed. And somehow, when I wake up tonight, I’m going to FIND Kid Z. Even if I have to do it all by myself.
DAY 24: TUESDAY
I’ve heard that rotten flesh poisons you before it actually fills you up. Well that must be true, because I slept for TWO days after eating that rotten flesh chop.
When I woke up, all of my sisters were crowded around my bed. Even Chloe looked happy to see me with my eyes open.
And Dad had a surprise for me. He handed me a rolled-up piece of paper. Turns out, the creep who NEVER asks for directions and doesn’t believe in maps went out and found a cartographer while I was sleeping.
Yup, Dad parted with some of his precious emeralds to buy a map of Sandstone. For ME. To make my dream of meeting Kid Z come true!
See this wet spot here? I’ll admit it—that’s a tear of joy.
Then Dad said something I’ll never forget. He said he thought I was BRAVE for eating that rotten flesh chop. “You reminded me that we creepers never quit,” he said. “No matter what.”
I think the old man got kind of teary-eyed too. Then he asked me if I was ready to meet Kid Z.
READY?
I’ve been ready for this moment my whole life.
I started to get out of bed, but Mom said “Not so fast, mister. We’ll go tomorrow—when you have your strength back.”
Waiting is SO hard! But it gives me time to go through all my raps from this trip and find the PERFECT one to show my idol.
It also gives me time to load up on mushroom stew, which is the only dish the Golden Rabbit serves that doesn’t have meat in it. And no meat means no rotten flesh.
Yeah, I’m pretty much done with rotten flesh. But you want to know a secret?
It kind of tastes like chicken.
Just saying …
DAY 26: THURSDAY
You know what I learned on this vacation? Things don’t always go according to plan.
Like, I planned to show Kid Z my best rap song ever last night. But you know what I showed him instead? My dramatic letter to Sam—the one I wrote when I thought I was going to starve to death in the desert. OOPS.
I blame it on all the bling around Kid Z’s neck. I think it blinded me for a second. I couldn’t see. I couldn’t speak. I just opened my journal and shoved it in his face.
Kid Z was nice about it. He told me that a creep who writes as much as I do shows real promise. He actually said that:
So I figure I’ll send him a bunch of my rap songs later, now that I have his address. 452 Cacti Drive in Sandstone. Yup, we’re practically friends now.
My family and I are waiting at the railway for our ride home. HOME-home. The one where my pet squid Sticky will be waiting, along with my real bed, and a real roasted pork chop dinner.
Dad shelled out the big emeralds for high-speed POWERED minecarts this time. “No more shoveling coal for the Creeper family,” he said. “No more llamas. It’s Redstone all the way, baby!”
Cate actually smiled at that. And when she did, she looked kind of … pretty. Maybe it’s because she’s going all natural now. No wigs or makeup or ANYTHING.
I was in such a good mood, I decided to tell her that. “Cate,” I said, “I like your new look.”
She thought I was joking at first, but when she realized I was SERIOUS, she smiled again. For real.
Chloe’s been kind of smiley lately too. Ever since she saw me eat that rotten-flesh chop, she’s been looking at me kind of different. Like she respects me, at least a little.
So I may not be as brave as her and Cammy when it comes to taming ocelots or battling silverfish. But I can be brave in my own way.
And like Dad said, I’m no quitter.
DAY 27: FRIDAY
DAY 28: SATURDAY
DAY 29: SUNDAY
DAY 30: MONDAY
DON’T MISS ANY OF GERALD CREEPER JR.’S HILARIOUS ADVENTURES!
Sky Pony Press
New York
