Valerie

by Richa Resa

  I shouldn't have let anyone in; my heart was only meant for being broken by men. There was no place in my life for lovers and men like them. They all were cheaters, players, and bastards. Anger took over my pity emotions, all the pain I felt and betrayal I had to go through emerged with a force of anger that had me boiling with fury. All the sadness I felt was replaced by livid anger. Wiping away my painful tears furiously, I stood straight between the two men who had shattered my heart cruelly.

  I was a fucking bitch and I would show them what an angry and betrayed bitch does. I furiously looked at the two men who had destroyed all of my belief in love. Through the corner of my eyes, I looked for something precious in the room and only two things came to me was a Louis Moinet watch of his and a beautiful photo of Laura. Drew always loved costly things and he put a lot of his money in buying these things. I walked gracefully with my head held high to collect the two things from his table while two pairs of eyes followed my movements.

  Rounding the table, I picked his watch and the frame enclosing the photo of precious Laura. I looked at the woman under whose shadow I was being loved for, because whom I was betrayed twice. Without thinking further, I swing the photo frame at Drew, making his chest the target. His eyes wide like saucer at my reaction made adrenalin rush through my body. He ducked down to protect himself but he was an idiot, the frame hit him directly on his head. A painful moan escaped from him with the noise of glass shattering following it.

  "You bloody Bitch! What the hell are you doing?" Drew shouted with pain and anger covering his face.

  "Something a bloody bastard like you deserves!" I barked throwing his watch hard towards the wall leaving no chance of it being safe and sound. The thumping sound made me feel content while Drew kept on cursing but hell with it. Aiden stood there looking at me with astonishment. How could he have done that to me? How? I was falling for him, doing everything for him and this was what I was getting. Drew was right about one thing, Aiden was going to leave me. He was going to leave me for her even after my declaration of love for him.

  Nothing would have stopped him, my love couldn’t because he never loved me. He played me like Drew did. He was a fucking bastard. I fucking hated him, he played me, made me fall in love when he was looking in my eyes and seeing somebody else. I picked up Drew's iPhone from the desk while he was rushing to have a look at his million dollars, shattered watch. The feeling I felt couldn't be described by me easily. I felt content but on the same time, I was burning in anger.

  I strode towards Aiden who stood there in shock. I wanted to ask him why? Why lie to me? Why show me hope when he never loved me? It hurt like hell to know that the man who was just confessing love for me, not more than a week ago had betrayed me. I was the fucking best second option for him. He loved someone else by seeing her inside my eyes.

  "This is for hurting me, you fucking shit. I fucking hate you Aiden. I gave you everything. How could you make me yours and yet throw my love away as if it's a trash?” My voice trembled as my words had him snapped from his shock. Before he could guess what, I was going to do. I took a fast swing and my knees made a harsh contact with his family jewels, my knee hit him hard making him fell down due to pain. He groaned in pain saying my name. Bloody bastard. My heart hurt to see him hurt but I won't let that affect me. He deserved this. He had hurt me like no other.

  "You fucking deserved it, you cheater!” I raged out. “We are done Aiden, so fucking done. Don't you ever come face to face with me from now on or you would end up in a hospital. I fucking hate you!!" I kicked him, again and again, his groans in pain filling my ears.

  "Yoohoo Drew, catch this" Before he could see what it was I threw his phone with a lot of force at him, this time, my target was his bloody head. It hit right above his eyes making me extremely happy. Right before walking out I strode towards him and kicked him hard in his mid-brief.

  "Try to pull any more stunt on me and, this time, I assure you Drew that I would destroy you and your pretty life. Even, Laura won't be able to save you and I would make sure she won't believe a word of yours." I kicked him once again before walking out of the door. I paused and picked the vase right beside the door and throw it at the wall behind Drew.

  "That's all for fucking destroying my life and hurting me you fucking asshole, Drew. If you ever make a pass at me ever once again or touch me you would end up with that small dick of yours in your hand!!" I glowered at him watching him in groaning in pain and crouching on the floor. A cry left his lips making it sound like music to my ears.

  "And you the mighty Aiden hell with you and your empty promises of love. You are nothing but a fucking bastard who used me!! I hope for you to rot in hell." I barked over his body.

  "You two have a nice time with your lovely, Laura," I bellowed before laughing like a maniac. It was the only output I had left.

  "You both are insane and certifiably nuts. I don’t know what the hell was I doing wasting my time with you two? Don't even think of suing me or I would let the world know the truth about who you really are behind your bastard faces, making your sweet Laura fucking leave you." I spat before walking out on them.

  Leaving the two bastards writhing in pain on the floor I walked out of the office under the curious gazes of people. They both had destroyed what was left of me and I wanted to hurt them more than I ever could. Seeing both of them lying down on the floor gave me a sense of satisfaction, it felt like I had taken a bit of my revenge. I knew this wasn't really me. This was vengeful hateful me, it wasn't the true me. The real me was in the agony and betrayal I felt beneath. I knew I had gone too far but hell with it.

  They repulsed me.

  They were evil.

  They ruined me.

  I had walked out with my head high and no reminiscent of tears that I had shed. Burying the pain inside me, I hailed a cab. I locked the pain I felt deep inside. My soul was torn to shreds, he had done it. Aiden had broken down the girl who had built herself through the broken pieces of her heart. Why did he have to do this? Why did all this have to happen to me? Where did the promise of that love go? I could feel my prior feelings of sadness and pity taking over my heart. I was doing it again but I couldn't stop. The feeling of betrayal was killing me.

  Tears begin to form in my eyes. Don't fall. Please Don't fall.

  I didn't want tears. If they trickled down my cheeks that would be it for me, it would be my end. They would propel me into the deepest sadness I'd ever known. Somehow from my inner strength I was able to control the tears that were willing to form. Paying the cab driver more than as required I rushed towards my office. I had no attention to my surroundings. I could feel the sadness lurking me in. It wasn't until I was locked inside the confined space of my office, I let that painful cry out.

  I had lost all the love I felt. The sadness took over me, drowning me into darkness where there existed no light. My knees gave up under the pain I felt through every pore of my soul, it burned me, killed me and left behind a trail of icicles in my heart. I was never going to be the same woman who I was in the past few hours. My shredded soul and smothered heart were being locked inside a box made of icicles, it was going to save me and protect me. I was never going to be so vulnerable again. I cried my heart out for all the pain and anger I felt from the burning betrayal I had felt. I cried for a girl who was loved for being seen as someone else........

  Chapter 13

  Valerie

  Crawling myself into a ball I cried for the betrayal I once again faced. Was it too hard to love me for me was the question that haunted me? Why did I have to make the mistake of giving my heart away once again to have it returned shattered more than before? Has it been my mistake to love someone so deeply that they couldn't love me for me?

  The banging on my door drew me out of my destructive thoughts. The distant voice of Shay reached my ears. I didn't have the power in me to let anyone see me like this, to see me this vulnerable, in a position where ending my life seemed more desirable than facing another d
ay. I sobbed out in the pain I felt, cried in the agony of the burning feeling of this betrayal.

  "Val, please open the door. Please, my dear. For the sake of our friendship please let me in. I’m here for you. Please open it." Shay pleaded. She has seen me like this before but this time, it was worse than before. The pain I burned in killed me from the inside. Yet I crawled to the door and just unlocked the door before once again laying down in my foetal position on the floor. I balled my eyes out while the door opened and shut, I was so engrossed in my self-pity that I didn't care about anyone else but the pain I felt.

  Shay held me close to her, trying to calm me. All her help going in vain. She cooed me, tried to stop me from crying but I didn't. I just couldn't stop it hurt more than before. I never accepted anything like this from Aiden I gave him the mended pieces of my heart on a silver platter for him to throw them at once.

  "God Val! What has happened?" She begged me to tell. I couldn't form the words to tell the tale of new betrayal I just faced.

  "Aiden called me I don't know why in the hell and asked me to look for you, Val. So please tell me what the hell has happened and whom should I beat to the pulp." Her words fuelled the anger inside of me. That cheating bastard called Shay to look upon me. He was the one who played with my heart and he has got guts to have someone look upon me. He was the reason behind my suffering.

  "That fucking bastard, I want to kill him, Shay. I want to fucking kill him and Drew together. They both played me! I was a goddamn doll in their hands that they wished to use for their own satisfaction. Neither of them had ever loved me.” I bawled.

  “I was just a plain body to give them the satisfaction of being close to someone whom they both dearly loved." New tears brimmed in my eyes.

  "What are you talking about, Val? Aiden said that something has happened but what the hell is making you and Drew see in the same picture?" She asked confused and worried.

  "Those two bloody animals only used me. The only reason I had been a part of their lives is because I held the resemblance to the woman they dearly loved. All they wanted was Laura while I was just her substitute. God damn it, Shay, it fucking hurts to have been betrayed twice, to have a broken heart again, and above all to know none of them loved me for me." I didn't know what to feel anymore, even crying seemed like a nuisance to help me in relieving me of the pain I felt. Silence surrounded us.

  "I’m going to fucking kill them, Val.” The hatred in her voice made me cry more. “I never expected such thing from Aiden. Goddamn, it I’m so going to fucking make sure that they won't ever get a second of your time. They are going to regret breaking your heart. I will make sure of that." With tears in her eyes Shay promised me that and held me close as I cried the last tears that were left in me.

  "I wish to hurt them the way I’m hurting Shay. I don't care if it's cruel nor if it’ll affect me, or if I turn into a bigger bitch. I just wish to make Aiden suffer more and more to know what it feels to be hurt like I do, what it feels like to play with emotions. I will have to make it happen to find solace in this pain I suffer. I promise this to myself." Those were the last words I let slip before my heart turned cold.

  "You will Val, I know you will," Shay told.

  ****************************

  A Week later

  "Val, dear wake up. Shay is going to be here soon!" My dad yelled while knocking at the door. I sleepily raised myself in the hopes of waking up in an instant but it wasn't possible. I was numb, cold. From somewhere deep inside I was hurting but the ice inside me was making me face the day and turning me a bit stronger. I knew very well the day I lost the ice and cold inside me I was going to break again, but I don't want to because this numbness inside me to go away. It kept me alive, had me kicking, flamed my desire for revenge. I wanted them to pay and I wish to do it on my own terms even if in the end it would be me who would be torn and crushed into nothing.

  "Val!" Dad yelled once again. "You have twenty minutes to get ready." He informed. He sensed something was wrong but he had not said anything or maybe Shay had told him not to say something. Shay too had warmed up to my father. Shay had talked to him about my being, I don't know what she said, but I was glad that Dad was not questioning me about it. Shay had decided it was the time that I get up and back in my life. By life, she means the life I had before getting involved with Aiden. Where I partied hard, danced like wild and didn't care about the world. It had been a year since I did any shit like that but for a while; I want to be set free. Shay had persuaded me into thinking this is what my life wants, it's the kick of ecstasy that will make me live again and make me stronger so I could kick the asses of those bastards.

  Aiden called many times, well he tried his best to get through Shay but when the shit hits the fan and Shay on my guard, not a fly could reach me without her knowing and permission. She made me block his number, and asked Melanie to avoid calls from him. Even went to the extent of letting the security guards in my building and office know that if they see any of Drew and Aiden they are welcomed to beat the shit out of them and she would pay them. I didn't know what else I could have asked for from a friend.

  "Valle out of the bed!" Dad shouted, this time, making me jump out of bed.

  "I’m out!" I yelled back.

  "Out in twenty or I am sending Carmen inside!" He said out loudly and then walked away. Well where my love life was gone downhill into the pits of hell and burning there, dad and Carmen were going to the path of heaven in love. It sucked to see anyone in love, but somewhere in the depths of my heart, I was happy for them. They were taking it slow and with nothing official. As my father said, they are just being friends. Well, I knew where that would go.

  Dragging my feet’s, a quick bath took away the sleep from my eyes. Walking to my walk-in closet I reached for a dress that made me look strong and sexy. A little black dress with the red fuck my heels, that was the look I wanted to go for. With the perfect makeup, I was going to look sexy, bitchy, and someone to not mess with. Around twenty minutes later I was out to see Carmen and my dad laughing happily. Somewhere deep inside my heart ached from the betrayal I felt, I could still feel pinches of pain trying to break me out of my numbness.

  "Oh, Val, you look beautiful!" Carmen complimented.

  "No, she doesn't." Dad interrupted.

  "Go and wear something more sophisticated, Val. My daughter is not walking out of here like that." Dad was being a dad. I was still his little daughter.

  "Dad-" I tried to say something.

  "She looks beautiful, Bryan." Carmen spoke up. She tries to take my side but then dad starts to protest. Well it was easy to know that it becomes a topic between them that what a child should wear and not. What's apt and hell not. I stood there staring at them while their arguments kept on coming. Soon the topic would pick and it would turn about what not. The bell rang at the right moment and I practically ran towards it. It was better to slip out before dad started to make a blunder about what I could wear or not. I empathize with the fact that he lost that kind of time with me, but I think being a twenty-four-year-old there is no way anyone would like that.

  "Bye!" I shouted at loud while seeing them still quarrelling.

  "Val, come back here!" Dad yelled while at the same time Carmen smiled and winked at me.

  "Enjoy!" Carmen told.

  "No, come back here--" I was slipping out the door when he stopped me midway. The curiosity forced me to peek to find them kissing making me rush out soon and shutting the door loud. Shay looked at me with a raised eyebrow and a hand on her hips. The look said it all.

  "Two love birds in there." I whispered. A smile broke out on her face and before she could say more I snatched her hand and walked down. I was glad to know that the flower of love was blossoming somewhere even if not in my life. The ride was short, but it being a Saturday night there was no way in hell that the club wasn't going to be packed. It was pretty easy to get in when Shay worked her magic on the bouncer. Well, the magic was a bit of cash with an ador
ing smile from her. That does the trick for us.

  We headed straight for the bar. I was set in the mood to be wasted. We went for the shorts right away; we had them kept on coming our way until I could feel myself go lose. The beats of the music made me want to lose myself. I wanted to be free, calm, and wild. Looking at the crowd on the floor made me smile. Taking one last shot Shay and I headed for the dance floor. Our bodies swayed with the beats of the music.

  I was lost. I was free. I was whatever I wanted to be. My body swayed with every beat, I closed my eyes and let the music consume me. I didn't care who I danced with or whose body was next to mine, nor who grinded against me. I was in my own world. My hands, my legs, my hips they all tuned themselves with the beats. Carefree, wild, on my own, no burden on shoulders. It made me feel like myself, I felt like I was in control of myself. I wanted that, no I needed that. I needed that control over my life. I needed to be in control of my feelings and in control of me. This was what I wanted. This was who I am and was and always will be.

  "I need a refill!" Shay yelled and drew me out of my mind. I nodded and went with her. After some more drinks we were both back on the dance floor wasting all the energy we had. I don't know why but I felt something different this time. I couldn't pick up on it what it was. Pushing away that feeling I moved with the beats.

  A blonde guy came from behind and started dancing with me, it was seductive for sure. I faced the crowd and let myself get loose with him. For a moment I closed my eyes and let myself lost in that guy’s touch. Soon that feeling of something different or awkward came back to me. It was a nagging feeling asking for me to look for it. I opened my eyes and looked around. The blonde guy grind against me while swaying to the beats. Shay was busy with some other guy. There was nothing wrong. It was all my imagination. I turned in his arms moving with the rhythm of the music.