Clandestine

by Ava Harrison

  “Do you think she’ll be okay? Why won’t they let me see her?” Her lack of answers is starting to grate on my nerves.

  “Do you want me to get you a snack?”

  “Mom, stop trying to change the subject,” I demand. “What do you know about Lindsey? Did Dad tell you anything?”

  “I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to talk about it right now.”

  At that, the tears begin to fall. “Mom . . . please. Is she all right? Please just tell me she’s all right.”

  My mom pats my head like a child, running her hands down my hair in a soothing motion. “They’re doing all they can for her. She was hurt very badly.”

  I suck in a breath that manages to light my entire body on fire. Everything hurts, but I can’t focus on that right now. “Is she going to die?”

  “I honestly don’t know, Olivia. She’s in critical condition, and there’s bleeding on her brain, but she’s working with the best doctors. Her mom and dad have called in the very best for her.”

  “They’re here?”

  “Of course they’re here. I think there in Lindsey’s room with her now. “She looks puzzled by my reaction. “They’re worried sick about both of you. Her mother’s been in the chapel the entire time praying. She can’t stop crying. I can’t imagine what she is going through. It’s awful about Lindsey, but everyone is so happy you weren’t hurt. We love you so much.”

  “I love you too, Mom.” I take her hand in mine and squeeze it.

  “Do you want me to take you home? There won’t be any answers about Lindsey for a while. You need to get rest.”

  “No, Mom, I won’t leave here until I hear something. Then I won’t leave either.”

  “Love you, Mom.”

  “Love you too.”

  My dad is being released today and taken home to be put on bed rest by my mother. The poor man—figuratively, only fucking figuratively—will be lucky if he gets five minutes of alone time in the next month, but secretly I think he likes the way she’s doting on him.

  I’m getting ready to leave the hospital when Grant approaches me. He looks a little weary now that our father’s in the clear. We’ve settled back into our awkward relationship, much to my displeasure. I never wanted this discomfort in the first place. I only did what was my duty given to me by our father. He would have done the same, although he claims otherwise.

  He places his hands in his pockets and walks up to me. “Thanks for answering my call that day.”

  I scrunch my nose. “What did you think I’d do? I don’t hate you, Grant. Our relationship might be strained, but that doesn’t mean you’re not family. When you call and need me, I’ll always come.”

  He nods. “You know it’s the same way for me too, right?”

  “I do.” Regardless of what’s been going on between us, we’ve always been there for each other. Nothing will ever change that he’s my blood.

  “I wish Dad felt the same way,” he says under his breath.

  I quirk a brow at him. “Things with him not getting any better?”

  “When he finally came to and saw I was in the room . . .”

  “What? What did he do?” The anger in my voice is evident.

  “He asked me to leave.”

  “Is that why you weren’t here yesterday?”

  He nods.

  “It’s time whatever bullshit happened between you guys is over, because I need you, man. I need your help with Pierce. I can’t control him, and things are getting really bad with him. I’m busy with The Lancaster Hotels right now, and I need the support.”

  He winces at the mention of our sore spot. It’s been the elephant in the room, and I just laid it out there like it was nothing. “Yeah, I’ve been seeing the tabloids recently. It’s not looking good. We definitely don’t need to be dealing with any more PR nightmares.”

  “I agree.”

  “Maybe we need to sit down and have a brother to brother chat with him?” he suggests.

  “I think that’s a good idea. I don’t know if he’ll listen to us, but we can try.”

  “Hey, I’m sorry about your girlfriend.”

  I cock my head to the side and narrow my eyes. “What?”

  “I saw that your girlfriend was in a serious accident, or did you guys already break up?” The nonchalance of his words has me standing up straight.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “That girl you’ve been seen with lately, the one they were all on a witch hunt to find? Olivia Miller. She and her friend Lindsey were in a horrible accident. Her friend had to be life-flighted from South Jersey to Jersey Shore University.”

  “No. You’re wrong.” I start pacing the room. “Where the hell did you hear this?”

  “It’s all over the news. Haven’t you been watching?”

  “The news? Why the fuck would I? I’ve been busy here!”

  I feel dizzy. On the verge of throwing up.

  Grant grabs me by the shoulder and holds me in place. “Olivia is fine. God, man, I thought you knew,” he says, running his hands through his hair. “I would’ve never said it like that had I known.”

  “I need to get to her. Thanks for telling me, bro.”

  “Whoa, man, you can’t drive like this. You’re a wreck. Let me call you a car.”

  “I don’t have time. I have to get there.” Be there for her.

  “All right, but please be careful.” His voice is stern. “You can’t help her if you’re in a hospital bed yourself.”

  I throw my hand in the air as my goodbye, not looking back as I run to get to Olivia’s side.

  When I open my eyes, Lynn, Mom, and Dad are hovering over me in the waiting room of the hospital where Lindsey is. When Lynn sees my eyes are open, she leans over and places a kiss on my forehead.

  “You had us all sick with worry. Bridget has been calling nonstop demanding to know what’s going on, but we had nothing to tell her. All they told me was you were in an accident. I’m happy you’re fine. I can’t imagine how annoying she’d be if you weren’t.”

  I have to laugh at my half-sister. We’ve only known each other for a short time, but she fits right in. She always has. It’s funny how fate brings people into our lives we didn’t even know we needed. My family desperately needed Lynn, no matter how she came to be a part of it. My dad’s indiscretions may have been hard for us to deal with, but Lynn is the one shiny spot in it all. Even my mom adores her.

  “I’m fine,” I groan.

  My dad chuckles at my response. “Yes, you are, and thank God for that, Olivia. You barely have a scratch. Do you know how lucky you are? Be thankful it’s not worse. Lindsey wasn’t as lucky,” he scolds, and I wince. The reminder that my friend is in critical condition makes me feel like shit for complaining.

  “Is there any update on her?” I ask the room in general.

  “She’s been taken in for surgery. She’ll live, but she’s going to have months of therapy before she’s able to walk.”

  I gasp. “It’s that bad?”

  “You have no idea how lucky you are.”

  I begin to cry at the thought of Lindsey being that hurt. She was there for me when I needed someone the most. She’s become my best friend in a short amount of time, and her hurt is mine.

  “Is there anything you can do to help, Dad?” My father is a well-known surgeon in New York and perhaps he can help. “Sorry, kiddo, not on this one. This is beyond my scope of practice. But I can assure you her parents are sparing no expense. Everything they can do will be done.”

  I relax, knowing they have all of the financial backing they need to get her the best care possible. I’m thankful that’s the case. Many others haven’t been so lucky. All of a sudden everyone in the hallway looks uncomfortable.

  “What? What am I missing?” I demand.

  My mom speaks up. “You have a visitor.”

  I scrunch my nose in confusion. “Who?”

  “Spencer Lancaster.”

  I look in the directio
n of where my mom is looking, and there he is walking through the door into the waiting room. My jaw drops. “What? What’s he doing here? How . . . How did he know?”

  “Liv, it’s all over the news. Everyone knows. You were with the heiress of oil,” she remarks, raising her brow. “Clearly everyone’s going to be covering it.”

  I groan. “Oh, God, this is horrible.”

  My dad speaks up. “Do you want me to send him away?”

  “No!” I all but shout. “I just . . . I don’t want him to be here because he feels obligated. I have you guys.”

  “Why would you say that?” Lynn asks.

  I shoot her a nasty look, telling her to shut her mouth so no one else asks to know the details. I don’t feel up to airing our dirty laundry.

  “Relax, Olivia,” Lynn says. “It’s not like I’m not a subscription holder to Exposé. We know all about your tryst abroad with the sexy Lancaster.”

  My cheeks burn. “It wasn’t a tryst. We were dating.”

  “Were?” my mom questions. “Clearly he thinks you still are.”

  My eyes widen. “Really?” I stop my words. My family doesn’t need to know all the gory details.

  “He’s here, isn’t he?” My mom looks to where Spencer is standing.

  My dad grins. “Someone’s been bitten by Cupid.”

  I cringe at his lameness.

  “Seriously?” Lynn throws Dad a look of disappointment at his terrible joke.

  “What? I have to say something embarrassing.”

  “Mission accomplished,” I say.

  “Coffee break time. Everyone out. I’m sending over the Sexiest Bachelor of 2017,” Lynn jokes.

  I roll my eyes at her now.

  “What? Dad can’t be the only one with the bad jokes.” Everyone laughs at this.

  It’s good to be back with my family. I’ve spent so much time running away that I’ve missed out. I watch as they all quickly pile out, then I begin my internal freak-out.

  He’s here . . . He’s actually here!

  I have yet to look in a mirror since the accident. I’ve been so worried about Lindsey, I have thought of nothing but her. I’m probably a mess. I run my fingers through my hair, trying desperately to get some of the knots out to no avail. I’m still trying to tame the mess when he appears in front of me looking devastatingly handsome. His face is full of worry and my heart melts in this moment.

  “You’re here,” I say softly.

  “Of course I’m here.” He comes to my side, takes my hand in his, and brings his forehead down upon them. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine.” I’m not. I’m still shaking, but having him here with me, I feel my pulse start to regulate. His arms engulf me, and his lips lay small kisses on the top of my head. He holds me for a minute and the beat of his heart calms me further. After a few seconds, he pulls back. His stare penetrates me.

  “I heard about your friend Lindsey.”

  “She’s hurt badly.”

  “I heard. I’m so sorry, Olivia.”

  “It’s not your fault.”

  “Isn’t it, though?”

  I look at him, perplexed. “Why would it be your fault?”

  “If I hadn’t left you . . .”

  “Why did you leave me?”

  “I’m so sorry, Olivia. I should’ve called you. You have no idea how worried I’ve been.”

  “Why?” I deadpan.

  He lifts his head to look me in the eye.

  “You left me. Why would you be worried about me? Why are you here, Spencer?” I can’t contain the bitterness from my voice.

  “I didn’t leave you, Olivia. I walked outside to get fresh air, and my brother called to tell me my dad had a heart attack.”

  My eyes widen at this news.

  “I told the hostess to let you know and to help you get back to the room. I should’ve come back in and told you what was going on, but I just freaked. I didn’t know how to handle the news.” He shakes his head, looking tired. “I told you I wasn’t good at relationships.”

  “Your dad had a heart attack? My God, Spencer. I had no idea. The hostess made it sound as if you left me on purpose. I thought it was because of what the reporter said about my past.”

  He flinches. “Olivia, I’m a wealthy New Yorker. You think I haven’t grown up with friends who have addictions? Look at Pierce. It doesn’t define who you are now.”

  “So, now what?”

  “Like I said, I want you. I want to be with you. I want to try this.”

  “You still want to date me? To be my boyfriend?” I sound so weak. So insecure. But why would he want this? Our time apart back in the real world reminded me who I was and who he is—and we don’t fit. He’s goddamn Spencer Lancaster, and all I am is a washed up model. My teeth nibble on my lip.

  His finger tilts my jaw up. “Of course I do. Nothing’s changed since I last saw you. I still want you. Why would I not?”

  I think back to his face the night he left and what the paparazzi said. “I thought after what . . .” I trail off. “When I first started modeling, I had a coke problem.”

  “And now.”

  “No.” And I don’t. Do I? No.

  “Have you done it since? Are you still using?” He isn’t accusing.

  “No.” The words slip out of my mouth before I can stop them.

  His eyes narrow, and with a shake of his head he leans in and kisses me. I flush with heat. Even though it has only been a matter of days, I feel as if he’s kissing me for the very first time. My stomach flutters at the soft press of his lips, the swipe of his tongue. As he pulls away, I can feel the smirk forming on his face.

  “I needed to do that,” he states. No apology for kissing me in a waiting room full of strangers. “So, what are the doctors saying about your friend?”

  “She’s supposed to be in surgery. We were just waiting for more information when you came. It’s taking forever for an update. I just want to know if she’s in surgery yet.”

  “I’ll find out.” He steps away and goes to the desk. Within a minute he’s back in front of me. “She’s being prepped right now.”

  My eyes begin to well. “Is she going to be okay?” I whisper, and he pulls me into him.

  “She will,” he states, not giving me any room for doubt.

  We spend the next few hours in the waiting room, my head leaning on him. Eventually, I close my eyes and fall asleep. I’m not sure how much time has passed, but I hear Spencer through my haze.

  “Hey,” I mumble, my voice laced with sleep.

  “I didn’t want to wake you, but I wanted you to know she’s out of surgery. She’s going to be fine.”

  Fresh tears of relief pour out of me.

  When we’re allowed, Spencer escorts me to Lindsey’s room. I peek in the door and go still when I see her lying there. She looks so fragile and small, nothing like the Lindsey I’ve grown to love. I grab her hand in mine. She’s asleep and I don’t want to wake her. I just need to see she’s okay.

  “Hey, Linds, that was hella scary, right?” I blow out a breath. “I’m so glad you’ll be okay. They tell me you’re going to have a long road ahead of you, but I’ll be there every step of the way, I promise. You can count on me. You won’t go through this alone.” I sigh.

  “Your parents are here. My mom says they’ve been really attentive and worried. Maybe when this is all over, you guys can sit down and have a talk? I really think you need to.” I rub her hand comfortingly. “Demand they give you the type of attention you deserve. Make them see you want to be a family, because I know you want that, Lindsey. I see it every time you talk about them.”

  I squeeze her hand, and she squeezes back. I look at her hand and her fingers moving slightly. She doesn’t speak, but I know she can hear me and that’s enough for me. I place a kiss on her head and let her get back to resting. She’s going to need a lot of it, but in the end, she’ll be okay and that’s all that matters.

  When I step out of the room, I find Spencer
waiting for me. He takes my hand in his. The warmth of his hand encases mine and makes me feel better. Like everything will be okay.

  “How are you holding up?” he asks on the way out of the hospital.

  “Fine. I’m just tired.”

  “You need rest.”

  “I needed to see Lindsey. I want her to know I’m here.”

  “You’re a good friend.”

  “I care about her. She doesn’t have a lot of people who do. Plus, it’s my fault.”

  “It’s not your fault.”

  “You don’t know that.” I caress his cheek. “I’ve been sick over the fact you left me. I knew I was falling for you, Spencer, but I had no clue how much.”

  He smiles. “Thank God. I thought I was the only one who had it bad.” He chuckles. “I didn’t think this was possible until the day I met you. I tried so hard to push you away because my life isn’t easy. I’ve watched the strain on my dad. How stressed he was. How worried my mom has always been for him. I didn’t think I ever wanted that. I thought I had to choose between a family or my career, and my career has always been a given.” He takes a deep breath. “But now I know I want to try. Why can’t I have both?” He throws his hands up. “For the first time I want both, and I want it with you.”

  I grin. “No need to rush, Mr. Lancaster. I’m not going anywhere.”

  He winces at my words. “Thank God. If something serious had happened to you, I don’t know what I would’ve done. I would have never forgiven myself.”

  “Let’s not focus on that. Let’s move forward.” He leans over and kisses me, and in this moment my world is right. Everything I want is in front of me, and I thank God I’m given this chance to enjoy my happiness.

  Now that my world is perfect, I plan to help make Lindsey’s the same. For now, though, I’m going to enjoy my man. “How fast can we get back to the city?”

  He raises a brow. “What are you planning in that head of yours?”

  “It’s been too long since we’ve . . . you know.”