by Gabriela Paz
“Haha! Not even close!” Cece shrieked.
“I gotta go to the bathroom, Cece. I will be right back,” Eva said as she grabbed Maddie’s arm and walked away. She expected Cece to follow, but as she turned around, Cece shrieked, “Eva wait, I don’t need to go. I will stay here with Stefano and wait for you,” She said, trying to modulate excessively and making strange hand signs that only she could understand.
“Okay. Behave yourself, please.” Eva commanded, a bit disconcerted.
“What? I can’t hear you?” Cece shouted.
“Forget it!” She replied. It was useless. Even if Cece would have heard what she had to say, she was probably going to end up talking too much anyway. Eva merely hoped that she wouldn’t say anything to him about Leo or the way she felt about him.
Leo and Stefano looked so much alike, and she was finding it very difficult not to wish he were here. Stefano didn’t need to know the details about their non-existent relationship nonetheless, and she didn’t need Cece telling him any more than he knew.
When they came out of the bathroom, Eva searched everywhere for Cece, but she was nowhere to be found. She also looked for Stefano in case they were together, but she couldn’t find him either. Did they leave together? Cece wasn’t that drunk to leave with a random guy, or at least Eva didn’t think she was. She could never be too sure what her friend would do when she was under the influence.
“Did you find her?” Maddie asked as they reunited by the pool area.
“No, I don’t see her anywhere.”
“Yeah, maybe she doesn’t want to be found. Stefano was pretty cute. I’m sure they are together somewhere around.”
Eva kept glancing all over the room, but the moment Maddie made that comment, she knew it was time to give up. “You are probably right. We should go then,” Eva resigned.
“Already?”
“Yeah, I mean, unless you want to stay, of course.”
“Oh no, I don’t think I’m going to be having any fun here, but I thought maybe you wanted to stay longer.”
Definitely don’t want to stay. “I didn’t want to come in the first place, so let’s go.”
“Okay. What about Cece?” Maddie asked, worried.
“She will find her way home, don’t worry. She always does.”
Maddie met her gaze quickly with her eyes wide open. “Oh, okay, she likes to party, doesn’t she?”
Eva shrugged and bit her bottom lip. “Yep, it’s kind of her thing.”
“It’s funny how you guys are best friends but are nothing alike.”
“Yeah. I have been asked this question before, but… I don’t know. We bring out the best in each other, I guess. I tame her a little bit, and she gets me out of my comfort zone. It just works. Plus, we grew up together, so I love her.”
“Aw, that’s nice. I wish I had somebody like that around. I left all of my friends back home.”
“Well, now you know me, so you are not alone,” Eva said, surprised to have even made such a comment. Maddy was so nice, and this was her chance to have another friend besides Cece. It was true, they were very different, and sometimes Eva wished to have somebody to talk to that gave her a different perspective in life.
This is how Eva spent most of her freshman year. Getting Cece out of trouble—though it was nearly impossible—and spending a lot of time with Maddie, who was more on the calm side. She ran into Daniel every now and then, but she mostly avoided having conversations that lasted more than a minute with him. It wasn’t until sophomore year arrived that her love life finally rose from the ashes.
CHAPTER 19
The Secret
She Kept
“Hey, do you have another pen by any chance?”
“I think I have an extra one, let me look,” Eva said to the guy sitting next to her in computer design class. “Found it! Here you go.”
“Thanks, you are a savior. I’m Ernest, by the way,” he said, placing the pen behind his ear.
She smiled. “No worries. I’m Eva.”
“Nice to meet you. What’s your major?” He asked curiously. His features looked European judging from his strong cheekbones and his pale skin, maybe from Germany or somewhere north of Europe. Eva had already noticed his blue eyes through his nerdy glasses and his short blonde hair, which was perfectly tucked to the side.
“Graphic design. This is my second year. How about you?”
“Oh, really? I haven’t seen you before. This is my second year as well. I’m studying computer science.”
“Oh, nice. Sounds hard. How do you like your major so far?” Eva whispered, trying not to call much attention in the classroom.
“I love it. I’ve always wanted to be in the computer field.”
“Wow, you are lucky.”
“Why? You don’t like what you are studying?”
“It’s okay, I guess. I don’t know if it’s my passion yet. But it’s nice to know some people are completely sure about what they want to be, though. It gives me hope.”
“Yes, I guess I am lucky.”
“Definitely,” Eva said as she turned away to keep taking notes on the class. She had already gotten distracted enough. Ernest looked like a smart-sweet guy, but she was actually going to have to work her brains out to pass the class. She was glad to have met him, though.
As soon as the class was over, Eva rushed to meet Maddie at the library. They had gotten quite close in the past year. She was certain she would be spending all of her time with Cece in college, but it turned out she had actually made a new friend. Her relationship with Maddie was different nevertheless, as she was quite mature and responsible for her age. Eva often found their conversations interesting and challenging.
“What are you reading there?” Eva asked.
“Pride and Prejudice, can you believe it? What a cliché. It’s so predictable.”
Seriously? I was glued to every page, not knowing what was gonna happen until the very end. “Is it the first time you read it?”
“Why? Have you read this more than once? It’s painful,” Maddie complained.
Of course, I have read it more than once. Mr. Darcy is the only reason why I haven’t given up on love yet. “No, it isn’t. I liked it. I read it once in high school. It’s romantic.”
Maddie shrugged, disinterested. “Yeah, well, I’m not much of an idealist. I don’t even know if I believe in all that stuff.”
Jeez. That’s rough. And here I thought I was messed up. “And the book hasn’t changed your mind?” Eva asked, surprised.
“Not even close. It’s actually more cliché than I thought, but it is very well written at least.” Maddie uttered as she poured herself back into the book. Her black curls fell by the sides of the pages as she read, and her glasses kept falling lower and lower on her nose as she angled her head down in an effort to understand the words.
Eva was still close to Cece, but they had been spending less time together in the past few months. Her best friend spent too much time partying or dating boys, and it was hard for them to coincide. Getting serious with a guy wasn’t something Cece considered, however. Eva didn’t know why that was, but she wondered if there was a deeper reason behind her behavior.
At least her fling with Stefano had ended quickly. Thank God. It would have been awkward to have to see him all the time. Plus, Eva got the feeling she was being watched every time he was around. Only once she got close to asking him about Leo, she was curious to know how he was doing and if he was still around. She never got the courage to nevertheless. Too much time had passed, and their moment had vanished, or so she wanted to believe.
“What are you reading there?” a familiar voice startled Eva as she made an effort to stay focused.
“Oh, Daniel, you scared me! It’s just a boring book for my class. I gotta finish it before the end of the week.”
“Ugh, that sucks.
”
“No kidding,” she agreed, as she tucked her hair behind her ear.
“I gotta do a bunch of studying too. So, I feel you.”
“Well, thanks, I appreciate the support,” Eva said, trying to avoid eye contact. She couldn’t help herself. Daniel looked the same but somehow older and with more facial hair, which made him look even more attractive. He still remained the only guy she had ever had sex with, and that made her edgy.
Every day that passed, she was getting friendlier with him, and she couldn’t help but wonder if he had somehow changed. She expected him to go full out crazy in college and date a bunch of girls, but he was doing none of that. In fact, he seemed focused in school, and his group of friends didn’t suit him at all. What if it’s an act? Nobody just changes like that.
“Would you maybe want to meet up later to study? I’m a good study partner, I swear.” He asked, with a playful smile—not seeming uncomfortable in the slightest. Eva remembered all the times they studied together in the past and what it really meant. Yeah, no chance.
“I’m sure you are. Thanks for the offer, but I can’t take any distractions right now. Maybe another time,” Eva answered, trying to sound polite. Why is he so persistent? Their relationship was civil, but she still gave him no hope to ever be close again. Why is he looking at me like that? And why am I looking back? I’m such an idiot. It wasn’t like her feelings for him had completely vanished. Stop. Just stop. The fear of feeling something towards him invaded her whole body, making her want to vomit.
“Cool, another time then. I will hold you to that,” he said with a flirtatious smile.
Oh crap, why do I have to try and be so polite? I should have told him no. A big fat no right from the start. “Right, well, see you, Daniel,” she said, annoyed at his persistence.
“See you soon.”
Was he ever going to get the hint? There was no way she was ever going to go out with him again—end of story.
As Eva got back to her dorm later that day, she was surprised to find Cece in bed, studying. Since she was out all the time, this was a nice surprise. She missed catching up with her best friend. “Hey, nice to finally see you,” she spouted.
“Hey. I know, right? I actually have to study for this class tonight since I’m kind of behind.”
“Well, if you are here studying, I’m sure you had no choice.”
“Haha, very funny,” Cece said sarcastically.
“Guess what? Daniel asked me out again.” Eva blurted.
“What? Oh boy, he’s going to get smacked. What’s up with him?” Cece said, laughing.
That’s what I’m wondering. “It’s not funny. I don’t get it. He could have any girl he wants. Why is he still interested in me?” she asked as she sat near her in the bed.
“Don’t read too much into it; nobody understands guys. Who knows, maybe he wants what he cannot have.”
“Yeah, maybe, but I’ve been pretty blunt. I’m surprised he is still trying.”
“Maybe give him a bit of a break and just be friends with the guy. It was a long time ago, and maybe he was immature.”
Immature? “Why are you defending him? He broke my heart. You remember that, right?” Eva bellowed.
“Of course, I do. I’m just saying, things change, and people change. Plus, you are over him, so it doesn’t matter anymore.”
Eva frowned and looked away. She could never be friends with Daniel after how deeply she felt for him and definitely not after what he did. “Yeah, I wish I could turn my feelings off like you do. But I can’t.”
“Jeez, relax! It’s not my fault he’s here,” Cece said as her facial expression changed. She suddenly looked overwrought. “Listen, Eva, I have to tell you something.”
“What is it?” Eva asked, worried.
Cece remained silent for a few seconds until she sighed. “I should have told you this a while back, but umm… do you remember the note?”
“What note?”
“The note you found on your door that said Daniel was lying to you?”
Oh, that note. “Yes, I remember. Why?” Cece had her full attention now.
“It was me. I wrote it.”
“What?” Eva said, scandalized. It couldn’t be. There was no way. “You are kidding, right?”
“I wish I was. I meant to tell you earlier, but I kept forgetting, and… I’m so sorry.”
“But…” she stuttered and then paused for a few seconds. “If you knew he was cheating, why would you leave me a note instead of just telling me?”
“It was hard, Eva. You weren’t letting me in, and I didn’t want to ruin your happiness. I thought you would hate me if I told you, or maybe you wouldn’t have even believed me. I felt trapped and didn’t know what to do. Leaving the note was the only thing that occurred to me at that moment.”
Eva was confused. Why wouldn’t Cece tell her about this sooner? “I wouldn’t have hated you. I just can’t believe you kept it a secret all this time. How long did you know before you left the note?”
Cece gasped for air, “Not too long, maybe a few weeks.”
“Weeks? But Cece, you watched me cry for months. Why didn’t you tell me? Eva asked, mortified. She knew she didn’t have a right to be angry at her friend since she had completely alienated her from her life back then. It was just so unlike Cece to keep anything to herself for this long. Truthfully, it hurt to know she was almost the last one to find out Daniel had been cheating back then.
“I know. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know what to do, and it was a weird situation. It was such a long time ago, I didn’t think it even mattered anymore,” Cece said calmly.
“It matters to me. Sometimes when I look back, I feel like a complete idiot for believing any of the things he told me. What did you see? Back then, I mean. Was he with another girl?”
Cece stopped to make an effort to swallow. “Yes, I saw them kiss and hug each other. It made me so angry, and all I wanted to do was to come and tell you, but I was scared.”
“Why would you be scared? I wouldn’t have been mad at you. It wasn’t your fault.”
“I don’t know,” she raised her hands up. “Some people prefer not to know things and to keep living happily.”
“Who on earth would prefer that?” she asked with a confused look on her face.
“I don’t know Eva... my parents, for example.”
You parents? What do they have to do with this? “What do you mean?”
“I don’t really feel like talking about that. It doesn’t even matter,” she answered, covering her face with her hand.
“No, please, explain. I barely know anything about your parents. You never talk about them.”
“That’s because there’s not much to say. They live their lives how they want to, and they don’t think about anyone else.”
Eva was confused at this point. Is she trying to tell me something? “What does that mean?”
“They cheat on each other, okay?” Cece raised her voice. “They know about it too, but they pretend like nothing is happening. I have seen different men and women leave my house in the middle of the night. Even a ten-year-old knows that isn’t normal.”
“Oh God, I’m so sorry, Cece. I didn’t know,” Eva said, completely stunned.
“Didn’t you ever wonder why I never brought you over to my house? Or spent so much time at your place? I hated being at home. I still do.” Cece cried.
Eva then rubbed her shoulder as she still tried to make sense of what her friend had just confessed to her. “Did you ever talk to them about it?”
“I did, and they told me they are happy. Can you believe it? They told me they couldn’t live without one another. What kind of relationship is that? I’ve tried to have an open mind about it for so long… but from any angle I try to see it, it makes no sense to me. I know I hook up with a lot of guys
, but Eva, I would never, ever, cheat or be okay with sharing someone I loved.”
Everything started making sense in Eva’s mind now. She was right. There was a reason why Cece was the way she was. She never imagined it would be so terrible, but it made sense. The guilt overwhelmed her whole body at that moment. How could I miss such an important part of what makes my best friend who she is? Have I been so immersed in my own grief that I annulated her feelings? The realization of it all made her feel like an awful, awful person.
“I’m sorry, Cece. I can’t believe I never asked you about this. I should have known. You always seem so happy and strong, I never would have guessed.”
“Nah, it’s okay. I wouldn’t have told you anyway. I was ashamed of their behavior, and I wasn’t ready to talk about it,” She said, clearing her tears.
“Are you okay about this now? I mean, is there anything I can do?”
“I’ve made my peace with it, you know? I basically don’t give a damn anymore. And now I’m just living my life the way I want. In all honesty, I’m trying to figure out who I am too.”
That confession came as a shock to Eva. How can you not know who you are? You are Cece, my best friend, and there is literally no one like you. You are like the most confident person I’ve ever met. “I don’t know what to say. Of course, you are free, and you should do whatever you want. Whatever makes you happy. I guess I always thought you had it all figured out.”
“I try, but I don’t, Eva. Not even close. I just try to cope with life the only way I know how. By having fun,” she grinned gently. “But you don’t have to worry about me. You know I always land on my two feet.”
“I know you do. But I’m sorry… for not knowing,” Eva said and hugged her best friend.
Cece then pulled away and blurted, “No. I’m sorry about the note, Eva. I really do feel terrible. I was keeping it from you for so long now. It was stupid.”
“It’s okay. Thank you, actually, for warning me one way or another,” Eva reassured her.
“I love you, Eva Coleman. You are too nice to me sometimes,” Cece hugged her without hesitation this time.
