by Gabriela Paz
“I love you too.”
~~
It was another rainy day in London, and Leo was impatiently waiting for a cab to drive him to the airport. He had been there for a week taking care of meetings, and now it was time to go back home. This was his life now. Traveling several weeks out of the month, staying in hotels, attending important meetings.
Most of the time, he traveled with Anton. Rarely did he get to go on trips on his own. He was slowly gaining more responsibilities within the company. He had gotten a raise, which he was thrilled about, but he was getting tired of constantly moving around.
There were many positives to traveling, and he had been to many incredible places, but he desperately wanted to settle down. He didn’t put up much of a fight with Mr. Archibald about his new position, though. Hearing his colleagues talk about their permanent relocations certainly made him reticent about complaining—and truthfully, he was afraid of getting fired.
Leo had learned a lot about himself by watching and being around different cultures. He had been to a few countries in Europe and Asia. It was amazing to him how people were so distinct depending on the country they lived in. Some people were friendlier than others, some were really loud and affectionate, and some were merely impossible to talk to.
He had also come to know different religions as well and how people found happiness through different sources. He liked this part of traveling. It was interesting. The few times he had a chance to sightsee and look around the cities, he had truly enjoyed it. It was a shame not to have somebody close to him to share all of these experiences with.
Anton hadn’t changed at all over the past years. He was still serious and cold. It was impossible to have fun when he was around. On one occasion, Leo had tried to get him drunk during a night out. He figured that maybe that’s all he needed, to let loose. After all, he couldn’t be made of stone.
Leo had been pacing himself that night, and he was already feeling tipsy, so he couldn’t understand why Anton wasn’t feeling anything. Where is this man storing all that alcohol?
“Are you sure you are not drinking virgin Mojitos?” Leo asked.
“I wouldn’t still be here if they were virgin.”
Of course, you wouldn’t. “Right. So the meeting earlier went well, I presume?”
“It was okay. I do not like these people. They need to make up their minds quickly,” Anton said, annoyed.
“They will. We have to give them a little bit more time.”
“If they don’t sign by tomorrow, I’m out of here. I want to get back home to my new car.”
But we just got here. What’s your deal? “Yes, we will, don’t worry,” Leo said, wondering if there was more to this man than his SLC Mercedes, which was the only thing he talked about. “So, is there any girl back home waiting for you?” Leo asked.
“Not at the moment. I cannot understand women, so it’s easier to have them around only when you need them.”
Leo hadn’t seen that answer coming. “Oh yeah, they are a different kind of breed for sure. But they are beautiful.” Is he serious?
“They better be. At least to have something nice to look at.”
Pfff…This was when Leo officially gave up. They didn’t have anything in common, and Anton was just a prick. He didn’t even know why he still tried to get on his good side. Anton had even gotten competitive when he secured his first clients. Instead of guiding him through the process, he wanted to be the only one dealing with the clients and getting all the glory. Leo felt that he no longer mentored him. It was as if he didn’t want him to grow any further, which was completely unfair.
A promotion was all Leo longed for in order to have the chance to represent the company on his own. He had gotten really good at speaking to people and had become a decent advisor in his area of expertise. There were many things that Anton hadn’t taught him that he had picked up on his own, but he was still at the beginning of his career, and he needed to work a few more years before reaching a better position and a better wage.
He still lived with his parents since he was traveling most of the time and didn’t think it necessary to get a place of his own just yet. However, his life was certainly moving in the right direction, and he became more and more ambitious as time passed.
His parents missed him at home, and although they called him often, he didn’t always have the time to pick up or to return their calls. He knew his parents were lonely and had too much free time nowadays, with both their sons being away. His father had even gotten the sailboat Leo had always wanted after all this time. Deep inside, he knew that what his father truly wanted was to spend time with him. The sailboat had just been just a way of luring him home. Sadly, Leo didn’t have time to enjoy his company or to test the new acquisition he had so long desired.
CHAPTER 20
Love is Not
That Simple
“So, how are you preparing for finals?” Ernest asked. They had gotten used to getting coffee together after class. There was a small coffee shop in the middle of a plaza near campus, which was very centric for both of them. Even when their classes were far apart, they always met there for a short break.
“Not as well as I could, to be honest. I should have studied more last night, but I fell asleep.” Eva replied.
“Don’t blame yourself. We can always study more tonight if you need help.”
Ernest was a real gentleman, something Eva believed to be extinct. He always opened doors for her—letting her in first, he respected her personal space without being too pushy, and he seemed to always be genuinely concerned about her worries—even when they were silly. They had been spending lots of time together since they met, and she was certain he had a crush on her. “Sure, that’d be great, actually. I need all the help I can get.”
“Cool, so do you want me to come to you, or do you want to meet somewhere?”
“Umm, there’s a lounge area in the dorms, so we can study there, I guess,” Eva said as she took a sip of her coffee. She felt nervous. He was only a friend up until that moment, but studying together alone could complicate things.
Back when she was in high school, there was a joke going around that whenever a guy asked you for help in his studies meant that he wanted to get some action with you. She never had a guy other than Daniel ask her that question, and well, studying with him was definitely a challenge when they were alone together. This is why the thought of studying with Ernest had altered her pulse. Come on, Eva, we are in college now, and everyone is past all that crap.
“Sounds good. Text me the address, and I will see you around 7pm,” he answered happily.
“Will do.”
“I gotta run to class now, see you later,” Ernest said as he waved, smiling.
Eva felt anxious. Though he was only a friend, she was starting to care for him a lot. Plus, she couldn’t even remember the last time she even considered dating someone. And with Ernest, there was a slight possibility to be more than friends. “See you!” she answered.
Ernest arrived that night with a hot chocolate in hand and his backpack full of books.
“Here, I brought this for you since it’s kind of chilly tonight.”
How sweet is he? I mean, really. “Thanks! I love hot chocolate,” she beamed.
“I thought so. Oh, It’s nice here. Nicer than the dorms I’m staying at for sure.”
“It’s not too bad, come,” Eva said as she led him to the lounge area. “I think we will be able to study in peace here.” There were about four black couches and a few colorful puffs in the room. It was a nice place to study when it wasn’t crowded with freshmen. It was usually quiet during the week, however.
“It’s perfect. Let’s get to it,” Ernest replied enthusiastically.
Eva was certain he had a crush on her, but she wondered why he hadn’t made a move on her yet. He had plenty of chances in t
he past couple of weeks, but he always kept the relationship respectful and friendly.
“Should we sit there?” Ernest asked, pointing at a couch in the corner.
“Yes, that’s perfect.” Are we actually going to study?
“Alright, so shall I start reading?” Ernest said apprehensively.
“Sure,” Eva quickly answered. If we have to. She looked disconcerted, but he didn’t even notice. As he started reading, her mind completely wandered elsewhere. She couldn’t help it. The last time she liked a guy felt like ages ago, and it was strange to be getting close to somebody. Leo had been the last guy who made her heart skip, but that was ancient history now. Now, she had a chance to have something good, something that wasn’t so tortured or difficult.
“Do you remember the order of these rules?” Ernest blurted.
“Sorry, what? I got a bit lost. Can you reread the last part?”
“Are you okay?”
“Yes, of course. I’m just having a tough time focusing. This class isn’t really my cup of tea.”
“I know, but that’s why I’m here.” He grinned.
“I know. I’m glad you are here.” Eva gazed back at him, wondering what he was thinking and if he was finally going to be brave enough to make a move. Please do something already.
Suddenly he moved closer and cleared his throat. It looked like he wanted to say something significant from the sudden crease on his forehand, but she couldn’t be sure. “I really like you, you know that?” he blurted.
Finally. “You do?” Eva asked, pretending to be oblivious. Of course, I do. I’ve known even before you did. He was so sweet.
“Yes, I always have,” Ernest said, as he moved even closer until their lips were almost touching
“I think I like you too,” Eva whispered as she closed the last bit of space between them and kissed him gently. He seemed surprised but didn’t stop. Eva was certain he didn’t have much experience with the ladies from the stiffness of his body movements. Though she tried to get a little more passionate, he just kissed her back shyly while he kept his hands all to himself. It wasn’t a bad kiss. In fact, Eva enjoyed it. She was only hoping for a little bit more desire from his part.
After that night, Eva and Ernest became inseparable. He was more than her best friend now, and she enjoyed spending most of her time with him. Cece and Maddie seemed fond of him, although he was a bit shy and nerdy. They told her he seemed like a good guy.
He really seemed to treasure Eva, and he showed it to her every single day. He brought her coffee in the mornings, left her cute little notes in her notebook, and he made her feel like she was the only girl in the whole school by giving him all of his attention.
But as much as Eva kept trying to convince herself that she was falling for him, deep inside, she knew that she wasn’t going down that path. She liked to feel that he liked her more than she did, nonetheless, which she knew wasn’t right, but it was the first time she felt secure and in control. She felt safe from getting her heart broken since she didn’t feel as vulnerable as she had in the past, and it was a nice feeling to have for once.
It had been a few months now since they had been involved romantically, and as time kept passing, Eva found herself missing something in their relationship. Ernest didn’t drive her nuts or make her feel that tingle in her belly.
She knew what it was supposed to feel like, and it just wasn’t right. She kept thinking that maybe with time, things would evolve and that it would end up being the perfect relationship. She had been fooling herself. There was no spark between them, and no matter how much she kept trying to make it work, the relationship plummeted after a few more months -- way longer than it should have lasted.
It was a torment for Eva to end it. Unfortunately, Ernest had fallen in love with her, and he had told her so only a few weeks before she broke his heart. She hadn’t meant to, at all. In fact, she never even realized this could happen.
She had never hurt anyone before. Ever. So hurting her best friend of all people made her feel inhumane. Ernest was a mess, and it was all her fault. How can I live with myself now? Here I was, feeling sure I wouldn’t get my heart broken, and I completely misjudged the possible turn out of events.
“Eva, please, things can be different. Give us more time,” he cried as he begged her to give him another chance. Something Eva had considered many times since she felt so badly for breaking his heart. But she couldn’t do it. She didn’t love him the way he loved her, and she couldn’t stand torturing him with her uncertainty anymore. No matter how much she thought she liked him back then, her heart wasn’t moving at the same pace his was. I’m a terrible human being, and I’m going straight to hell.
“I love you, Ernest, I do. I care about you so much. You are my best friend, and I don’t want to lose you. I just don’t love you the same way you love me.”
“But you used to, didn’t you? You’ve been with me this long, so you do like me, don’t you?”
“Of course, I do. I would love nothing more than to keep dating you, but it’s not right. I can’t do that to you; it would be selfish of me to keep leading you on like this. You have to know that the last thing I want is to see you hurt. You are my best friend, and I will never stop caring for you.”
“But if you like me, maybe with more time, you can fall in love with me,” he kept imploring.
Eva couldn’t take it anymore. After their last conversation, her heart was in pieces. She had hurt the only person that had treated her like a queen. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I love him back? He is literally the nicest person I have ever met, and yet that isn’t enough? I need therapy.
Both Cece and Madeline supported her in her decision to end things. Even though it wasn’t easy, they both believed it was the right thing to do.
“But why did I do this, guys? I’m such an idiot. I should have known I wouldn’t fall in love with him from the beginning, but it was hard because I did like him.” Eva cried to both of them the same night she broke up with him.
“You couldn’t have known. These things happen, Eva. You try things, and sometimes they don’t work.” Cece sighed. “That’s why we are in college, to figure it all out.”
“It’s true. You can’t blame yourself. You tried to make it work, and you couldn’t. It hurts, I know. He is your best friend, but he will get over it.” Maddie added. The two of them were sitting down in Eva’s bed, trying to cheer her up.
“I know, but it takes a long time to heal. I know because I have been there, and it’s an awful place. I can’t believe I have done this to him. I’m never dating again. I can’t. It’s always a failure, no matter how hard I try to control things.”
“Maybe that’s the problem. You are trying too hard. You need to stop idealizing the perfect relationship and the perfect guy. There’s no such thing. You need to get out there and kiss a bunch of frogs before you can find your prince charming. That’s the way it goes,” Cece reassured her.
“I can’t do that, though. I can’t play games, and I can’t let go like you do.”
“Well, it might be good for you if you try, maybe not now, but in the future, I mean. The best things come when we least expect them,” Maddie said softly, trying to make her feel better.
“I can’t even feel anything right now other than guilt for hurting him. Why can’t I love him? I feel so numb… He said he loved me and was willing to wait for me to feel—.” Eva sobbed. “I can’t even begin to think about trying new things right now.”
“Eva, you’ve been through some hard stuff in your life. You gotta give yourself a break. Plus, Ernest just wasn’t the right guy, that’s all,” Cece consoled her with a broken voice.
“But you have been through hell too, and you seem fine. How do you do it? I’m always the one with all the boy drama.”
“I have my own issues, you know that. What matters now is for you to get
back on your feet and to enjoy yourself a bit more, whatever that means for you.” Cece added.
“Agreed. You have to stop looking for the perfect love story and for the ultimate soul mate; otherwise, you will keep getting your heart broken over and over again. I have seen failed relationships more times than I can count. That’s why I don’t believe in soul mates or anything of the sort. So if it helps you stay stronger, maybe you should do the same.” Maddie declared with confidence. She always sounded so wise when she spoke. It was hard not to believe her or to follow her advice.
~~
It had been a while since Leo was home. He was feeling relaxed and happy to be able to take some time for himself after all the senseless traveling he had been doing. He was going to be home for a few weeks and was really looking forward to spending time with his parents and some of his friends. He was still going to be working at the office but only half days, which was a relief. Walking by the boardwalk and eating at his favorite restaurants was something he was really looking forward to.
What he was most excited about, however, was sailing. He had literally been counting the days for him to get back on that sailboat and liberate himself. It felt like forever ago since the last time he got on a boat, and he hoped he hadn’t forgotten how to navigate. He wished his brother was home so he could join him. It had been a long time since he spoke with him, and he felt terribly guilty about it. He wanted to hear about his college experiences and his new conquests. Now that he finally had time, it was the perfect moment to call him.
“Hello?” Stefano picked up the phone, surprised.
“Hey, bro. How are you?”
He seemed genuinely happy to hear from him when he answered, “Hey Leo, all good over here, bro, how about you?”
“Same old. I just arrived home, actually.”
“Nice. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Haven’t really heard from you much,” Stefano said, not being able to hide his disappointment.
It’s been too long. I’m so sorry. “Yes, it has. I know. I’ve been so busy. I’ve been traveling literally every week. It’s been crazy,” He justified himself. Though he knew that it wasn’t a good enough excuse.
