Susan Mallery Bundle: The Buchanans

by Susan Mallery

  “Is Reid even going to show up?” she asked.

  “I don’t know. He’s not here now, you need to leave and I want to come with you.”

  “I’d rather go alone.”

  His dark gaze searched her face. “Are you sure?”

  No, dammit, she wasn’t sure. But she didn’t want to admit that to him.

  Just then Reid drove into the parking lot. He pulled up in front of her. “Sorry I’m late. There was an accident on the bridge.”

  “It’s okay. Park that thing and let’s go.”

  Reid glanced between Penny and Cal. Cal moved closer to her.

  “I’m going,” he said.

  “No, he’s not. Reid, don’t you dare.”

  Reid shrugged. “It’s better this way, Penny. You two need to talk. Besides, he’s seen you naked and I haven’t. It will be easier.”

  “No, it won’t,” she yelled, but it was too late. He’d already driven off. She turned to Cal. “Did you tell him we slept together?”

  “Of course not. He was talking about when we were married.” He put his hand at the small of her back and urged her toward her Volvo. “Come on. We’ll be late. Do you want me to drive?”

  She was so upset, she handed him the keys without thinking. It was only after she’d climbed into the passenger side that she realized she’d abdicated authority to Cal. Jeez.

  She couldn’t believe Reid had turned on her that way. “We’re supposed to be friends,” she muttered, feeling hurt and abandoned. “I’m going to have to explain that to him later.”

  “He understands,” Cal said as he backed out of the parking space. “He’s trying to help.”

  “Which one of us?” Penny muttered.

  “Where are we going?”

  She gave him the address, then settled back in her seat. “This is dumb. I would have been fine on my own.”

  “You still can be. If you don’t want me in the room with you, I’ll wait outside.”

  She swallowed. “Maybe that would be better,” she said, although she wasn’t sure she meant it. While she knew the ultrasound was a perfectly normal procedure, she couldn’t help being terrified by the thought of it. That’s why she’d asked Reid to come along. So she wouldn’t have to face it alone.

  “What’s wrong?” Cal asked after about ten minutes of silence.

  She stared straight ahead. “Nothing.”

  “Do you have to go to the bathroom? Should I stop somewhere?”

  “What?” She sounded deeply insulted. “No.”

  “You’re fidgeting. I wondered why.”

  She shifted in her seat and didn’t answer. Cal considered the possibilities—everything from her hating him so much she couldn’t stand to be in the car with him to—

  “You’re nervous,” he said. “Why? Is there something you haven’t told Reid? Is there a problem with the baby?”

  “No. Not that I know of. I don’t know. I’m just scared.”

  Risking dismemberment, he reached out and took her hand in his. “I know. It’s because you lost the baby before and what if something is wrong this time.”

  She sighed. “Yeah.”

  “There’s no reason to think there’s any problem. You’ll be fine.”

  “You don’t actually know that.”

  “You don’t actually know I’m not telling the truth.”

  She squeezed his fingers. “Okay. Maybe.”

  He sensed her relaxing a little and decided it was a good idea to keep her distracted. “Reid mentioned you didn’t want to know the sex of the baby.”

  “What else did you talk about?” she asked.

  “I agree with you,” he said, ignoring the question. “There are too few good surprises in life these days.”

  “Oh, please. You’re only saying that because you’re assuming I’m having a boy. Typical male. The whole world just lives to be your penis.”

  He chuckled. “Something like that.”

  They parked in the multilevel structure by the medical building. He followed her into the office.

  The waiting room was uncomfortably cheerful and feminine and he was the only guy in sight. Despite feeling awkward, he was glad he’d come. Especially after Penny gave her name, took a seat and then grabbed his hand in hers.

  “You can come in,” she said, not looking at him, but instead staring at the floor and speaking very quickly. “Tell me if you hear them talking about anything. I want to know.”

  He turned and touched her chin so she met his gaze. “I promise.” Then he drew their clasped hands to his mouth and kissed her fingers. “Relax. Everything is going to be fine.”

  “You don’t know that. And I’m only letting you be nice to me because I’m scared. Just so we’re clear, I’m still furious with you.”

  He shook his head. “Okay, you can imagine ways to roast me over an open flame after the appointment.”

  She was quiet for a while, then she said, “I appreciate you doing this.”

  “Why wouldn’t I be willing? It’s not that big a deal.”

  She looked at him. “What do you think is going to happen?”

  He didn’t like that question. Or the gleam in her eye. “It’s an ultrasound. They rub goop on your belly.”

  The nurse called her name. Penny stood and smiled at Cal.

  “Sorry, no. We’re not doing it that way.”

  “What other way is there to see the baby?” He frowned as he followed her.

  “From the inside,” she said smugly.

  The inside? How the hell would they get a probe…

  “You’re kidding.”

  “YOU WERE GOING to let Reid see this?” Cal asked fifteen minutes later as Penny lay on a table in a small room filled with equipment.

  “He was going to stand by my head, which is where you’ll be standing.”

  “I’m fine with that. Better than fine. Happy, even.” He might have recently seen Penny naked and touched every inch of her, but he wasn’t excited about watching an intimate medical exam.

  “If you start to get queasy, close your eyes and think of England,” she said with a grin.

  “I’m not British,” he muttered as the door opened and the doctor stepped into the room.

  “Good morning,” she said. “How are you feeling, Penny?”

  “Good. Nervous. This is Cal. He’s a friend.”

  “I know you’re not the father,” the doctor said. “I did the IVF procedure. Hi. I’m Dr. Robins.” She shook hands with Cal, then turned her attention to Penny. “Don’t be nervous. We’re only doing this to check on the baby. There’s no reason for any of us to think something’s wrong.”

  “I know. It’s just…you know. What happened last time.”

  “Yes, I know.” The doctor checked her folder, then reached for the paper sheet covering Penny’s bottom half. “All right. Let’s see what your little guy looks like.”

  Cal did his best to ignore what was happening. He held Penny’s hand, only half listened to the conversation and thought about the restaurant. When that didn’t work, he considered the yearly question of whether or not the Mariners would make it to the World Series. Now that Reid wasn’t playing baseball, he didn’t have to worry about divided loyalties.

  “There we go,” the doctor said.

  “Oh, look,” Penny whispered.

  Cal turned to the screen and saw something moving. It was just a bunch of light and dark patches. Not anything he recognized. Then the picture shifted and sharpened.

  “Is that the head?” he asked.

  “Uh-huh. There we go. A head, the body. Arms and legs.”

  “Just two of each, right?” Penny asked anxiously. She tightened her grip on Cal’s hand.

  “Just two. Everything looks normal.” She clicked a switch and the room filled with the sound of the baby’s heartbeat.

  Seeing the infant move, hearing its heart, was incredibly profound. Until that moment, Cal hadn’t connected Penny’s pregnancy with actual life. Her first pregnancy had
ended before they got to this stage and he realized now that in some ways, it hadn’t been real to him, either.

  She was having a baby. A real baby who would grow up to be an actual person.

  He stared down at her, seeing her smile, watching tears fill her eyes. How could she be so damn confident that she was willing to take this on by herself?

  But he already had the answer. He could see it in the love in her eyes. She’d always wanted children. At first with him, and when he screwed that up, then any way she could.

  The magnitude of what he’d lost slammed into him. A wife. A family. They had all been his to lose and he had. She’d truly loved him. Sure, intellectually he’d known but until this exact second, he hadn’t gotten it down deep.

  Why hadn’t he believed? Why hadn’t he known how much he’d let drift away? She’d accused him of letting her go, of almost not being surprised that she’d left and she’d been right. He’d been waiting for her to walk out from the first day they met.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  PENNY FELT a profound sense of relief. It was as if she hadn’t been able to draw in a deep breath for weeks.

  “Pretty amazing,” she said from the passenger seat of her Volvo.

  “The picture was detailed,” Cal said. “You could see everything.”

  “And more than you wanted to,” she teased. “Were you completely grossed out?”

  “No.” He hesitated. “Okay, I didn’t need her showing us the hole that was going to be the stomach.”

  Penny laughed. “That was a little strange,” she admitted. “But very cool.” All of it had been a miracle. “The baby seems so real now. I knew I was pregnant before, but seeing it like that while hearing the heartbeat…”

  “It changed everything,” he said.

  “Exactly. And I was very tempted to ask about the gender. It would help with getting the nursery ready. The clothes and stuff.”

  “Do newborns wear clothes?” he asked.

  “Oh. Good point. There’s not a formal wardrobe, but they do have things to sleep in. I have some books on babies. I guess I should start reading that part.”

  “The chapter on fashion accessories?” he asked.

  She smiled. “Sure. I don’t want my baby being out of step with what’s in style.” She angled toward him. “Thank you for coming with me,” she said. “I would have hated to do this alone.”

  “I’m glad I was there, too,” he said. “But Reid would have come.”

  She nodded. “I know, but he would have freaked out.” There’d been something intimate about the experience. While she and Reid were great friends, they’d never shared stuff like that.

  She looked at Cal. Happiness, anger and sadness blended uneasily. She’d wanted this experience for them. She’d wanted to have children with him.

  How involved had he been with Alison’s pregnancy? How much of his presence here was to smooth things over? She believed he was genuinely sorry he’d hurt her, and that he hadn’t withheld the truth to be vicious, but she suspected he would have been content to keep his daughter a secret forever.

  “I’m sorry about our baby,” he said.

  She stared at him in surprise. “What do you mean?”

  “I’m sorry we lost it.” He shrugged. “I felt bad before, when it happened, but until today, the experience wasn’t real. Intellectually I knew you were pregnant back then, but I didn’t think about you having a baby. Sorry. I’m not making sense.”

  “No, you are.” She understood how he could have been more disconnected from the experience. It hadn’t been happening to his body. She just wasn’t sure she believed him.

  “I missed out on a lot,” he said, staring straight ahead. “It’s sad, for both of us.”

  Wow. Cal admitting to an emotion. “I’m sad, too,” she told him. “But it was for the best.”

  “You losing the baby?”

  She nodded. “There’s a reason that sort of thing happens. There was probably something wrong with it and it wouldn’t have survived anyway.”

  “I thought you were going to say it was for the best because we got a divorce.”

  “That’s a factor, but not a big one,” she said. “We would have figured out how to be parents without being together.”

  Not that she’d ever expected to be a single mother. Yet here she was, making it happen.

  “You were right before,” he said. “About me expecting you to leave. I was. Right from the beginning. Even when we got married, I always thought the relationship was temporary.”

  “Why? What did I ever say or do to make you think that?”

  “It wasn’t you.” He gave her a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “You were in it for the long haul. It was me. How I was raised. What I believed. There are a lot of reasons that aren’t that interesting. But I wanted you to know you were right.” He glanced at her again. “It’s one of your favorite things.”

  “Usually,” she murmured, stunned by his confession. “This time I would have accepted being wrong.” She hesitated, then asked. “If that’s how you felt, why did you marry me?”

  “I wanted to be wrong.”

  “But you weren’t. I did leave.”

  “You left to get my attention. I’m the one who let you go. I had a good thing with you, Penny,” he said. “When you left, I lost something I’ll never be able to replace.”

  “Thank you for saying that. I always wondered if you’d even noticed I was gone.”

  “I noticed.”

  “Just not enough to come after me.”

  He glanced at her. “You’re still mad about Lindsey.”

  “Mad doesn’t cover it, Cal. It’s not like you were hiding a tattoo. You kept a huge part of your life separate from me. Not just that you had a daughter, but that you loved her so much, you couldn’t love anyone else.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “Isn’t it?”

  “Penny, you were my wife. I wanted…”

  “What? To stay together forever? To have a family?”

  “I wanted us to make it.”

  “I don’t believe you. I think you wanted to be alone with your guilt. At least your lack of interest wasn’t about me specifically. You would have done this to anyone.”

  His hands tightened on the steering wheel. “You’re not going to give me a break, are you?”

  “Do you deserve one? You fundamentally changed everything about our past. I’m still dealing.”

  “Are you going to be able to work with me?”

  “Offering to leave?” she asked.

  “If it helps.”

  Would it? “I meant what I said. I don’t hate you.”

  “Will we ever be friends again?”

  Friends? They’d been married before. They now worked together and just about a week ago, they’d been lovers. She wasn’t sure they’d ever been friends.

  “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I’m not sure it’s…”

  Suddenly she felt a fluttering in her stomach. Her breath caught.

  “What?” he asked. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m great. It’s the baby. It’s moving.”

  He smiled at her. “Yeah? What does it feel like?”

  Anger and hurt battled with a need to share the wonder. She hesitated a second, then pulled up her sweater and placed his hand on her bare stomach.

  “Can you feel it?” she asked. “It’s right there.”

  He glanced at her, his eyes wide, his mouth parted in amazement. “I can feel it. Not a kick. More of a brushing.”

  “Yes. That’s it.”

  They smiled at each other, then he turned his attention back to the road. Still, he kept his hand on her stomach and she kept her hand on top of his. The moment seemed to stretch on endlessly. Despite everything, they were connected.

  He’d been so much a part of her past and now he was in her present. She wanted to hate him and couldn’t.

  At least she no longer loved him. Only a fool would want her heart bro
ken by the same man twice.

  CAL CHECKED over the figures from the previous night. He glanced up as his office door opened and Dani stepped inside.

  “Hi,” he said before he realized she was crying. He stood and walked around to hug her. “What’s wrong?”

  Instead of answering, her tears turned into sobs. Her whole body shook as he held her. He felt her pain, even if he didn’t know what caused it, and he was more than willing to go do battle on her behalf.

  “Whose ass do I have to kick?” he asked, as he rubbed her back and kissed the top of her head.

  “I w-wish it was that simple,” she said, her voice muffled against his chest. She straightened and looked into his eyes. “It’s Hugh.”

  Cal grimaced. He wasn’t comfortable picking a fight with a guy in a wheelchair, but if necessary…“What did he do?”

  “He left me.”

  “What?” Cal had expected to hear anything from a major disagreement to the unlikely statement of an affair. But not this.

  “He left me,” she repeated.

  “Not possible. He loves you.” What he was really thinking was that Hugh owed her. After his accident, she’d been the one to stand by him, to insist that they were still getting married, even if he was never going to walk again. She’d loved him and bullied him when necessary, all with the goal of making him want to live, despite being paralyzed from the waist down. She’d stayed at Burger Heaven to keep their insurance so he could continue with his physical therapy.

  She’d succeeded. Hugh had slowly returned to the land of the living and he’d carved out a good life for himself.

  “Maybe you misunderstood him.”

  She gave a strangled laugh and walked to one of the chairs by his desk. He took the other, then leaned toward her and grabbed her hand.

  “I don’t get it,” he said.

  “That makes two of us.” She wiped her cheeks with her free hand, then fished in her coat pocket for a tissue. “I told him I wanted to talk about in vitro fertilization. We were going to need some help to get pregnant and I thought this was a good time. Okay, I was a little selfish because I knew I wasn’t going anywhere at Burger Heaven and I thought maybe this would distract me. Being a mom and all.” She sniffed. “It’s not that I didn’t want kids, it’s just that I thought I’d have my career together first.”