The Ruin of Snow

by Lacy Sheridan

  Aurynn bristled, and her growl had to contribute to my sister’s decision to stop. There was something in her wide eyes that made me think another force had stopped her, too.

  Nobody spoke, the silence was so stifling I thought I might scream. My voice was gone, and I stared at Tulia and waited. Waited for one of us to break it, to acknowledge why she was here. We didn’t.

  Kye didn’t interfere, though I felt their eyes from wherever they’d landed behind me. Ready to join the instant I needed it.

  Finally, finally, Tulia drew a slow breath and exhaled, sending wisps of cloud through the air. “You almost killed Sarafine.”

  “She’s lucky I didn’t,” I said, voice thin. Tamsin crept closer from the shadows, fur rising along his spine.

  She looked at him and I saw her piecing everything together. Saw it in the way she studied him, then her eyes flicked to Wesley, then to Aurynn, and over my shoulder to Kye. She took in each of them with care, with the same cold efficiency I had at first, and then looked at me. “What is this?” she asked.

  Maybe it was some subtle change in my posture, maybe it was the catch in my breath—I didn’t know, but Kye knew, like always, and the steady weight of them landed on my shoulder, talons pressing just enough for the security. I shifted my arm to give them room and lifted a hand to stroke the silken feathers along their neck, their warmth chasing a fraction of ice from me. I didn’t look away from my sister.

  So many ways I could answer that. So many lies and so many truths. Even though I was leaving, even though I was going to take care of this without them getting in the way and make sure it never happened again, I went with one of the truths. “This, Tulia, is my family.”

  “I am your family.”

  I’d never heard her voice like that—shocked. Startled. Angry. She managed to keep her expression controlled, but her tone slipped. Tamsin was the one to growl this time, a low warning that Tulia ignored, and none of them moved. Stood by, ready and waiting, but let me handle it. They would protect me without question, but when I asked for or needed it.

  How had I believed anything else to be worthwhile?

  Tulia looked as frozen as I was, and I forced myself not to break our gaze, “You were.”

  A ghost of pain flashed in her eyes but was gone in an flash. I didn’t let myself think about it. “I want you home, Neyva.”

  “No, you want me dead. I’ve made it clear that I will not return, not to what you want me to. Mother has made the alternative just as clear.”

  “Mother has almost lost one daughter, and fears for the safety of another. She’s willing to speak with you about your concerns—if you’ll come back to us.”

  My laugh was humorless. “You’re too smart to believe that, or to believe I would.”

  “I don’t want to hurt you,” she whispered.

  “Then where were you when Sarafine tried to kill me in my bed? When I ran from my home in the dead of night? When Mother ordered her to hunt me down?”

  “I didn’t know, Neyva—”

  I tasted the lie on her, tasted the hint of magic she’d woven into it to make it sound true. “You were the closest I had to a true sister, Tulia. But you’ve always been the same as them, at heart.”

  Her eyes flashed—not pain anymore, but anger. Her shoulders stiffened. “So you betray your blood for a batch of cursed mongrels?” she spat. Her attention landed on Aurynn. Her magic wove through the air and whispered to her who they were, “A worthless huntress.” To Wesley. “A thief.” To Tamsin. “A pathetic street rat.”

  Fury lanced through me, sharp and searing. By the time her gaze landed on Kye, the snow was blood-red. “Don’t you dare,” I breathed, every word a blade.

  I could feel every tensed inch of Kye, their talons digging into my shoulder—a distant pain. One corner of Tulia’s lips twitched, her eyes bright with understanding. “Are you going to stab this one when you get tired of him, too?”

  Wesley’s gaze snapped to me, but I ignored it. Kye ignored it, too, and I silently thanked them. “Tulia,” I started, taking a step forward. “I don’t want to fight anymore. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of seeing people die over this. I know how Mother is with her orders. Whatever it takes to convince them that you succeeded, do it. Leave me to be the witch I am, rather than the one she wants me to be. We both know there’s no hope of it anymore, and there’s no use hurting more people.”

  Tulia's eyes may have shone with hesitance. Reluctance. Something like the sister I knew, the one I'd played with as a child. The one who had found me kneeling in Desmond's blood and known what to do without asking the question I knew she'd had. My heart crumpled as we stared at each other, but I couldn't move. I just watched her. Waited. Wordlessly begged her to speak, to agree. To murmur a goodbye, turn around, and walk away.

  Maybe I'd never see her again. If she agreed, maybe I could disappear. Never go back to my family. Never worry about it again.

  I knew that was nothing more than wishful thinking. A pretty lie. But it worked. The longer we stood in silence, the closer I came to believing it. Even Kye relaxed on my shoulder, talons uncurling.

  Tulia blinked and looked away . Took in each of my friends, and I knew everything she saw in them. She saw Aurynn's lean strength and fatal teeth. Tamsin's razor claws. Wesley's quick and mute feet. Kye's viciously curved beak and talons, the blazing glare I was sure they had leveled. If it came to a fight, she'd be outnumbered, but that never scared my sisters. For all her pretty paintings and white lace, Tulia was a killer, too.

  For an instant I believed it. Believed she'd agree and we could walk our separate ways. It would hurt, to leave her behind, but it was better than killing her. I'd been willing to do it, when she'd been a memory, but seeing her standing in front of me, flesh and blood, was different. All of them knew it, no matter how I wanted to hide it.

  Then Tulia looked at the snow, or her boots, or maybe mine. Let out a long, uneven breath. The breeze caught on loose strands of her hair, making them dance. “I can't,” she said, shaking her head the slightest. “You know I can't, Neyva.”

  My throat tightened, but adrenaline slipped into my veins. My magic stretched on its own, knowing where this was going. “You can, Tulia.”

  Her green gaze met mine and the faintest ghost of a smile settled on her lips. A grieving smile. “I know you were never quite like us. I've always known. I thought you would see it and fix it, before it became a danger. For a while I thought you had. But you never did, did you? You buried it and pretended.”

  “Was I ever given another choice?”

  “You have a choice,” she argued. “You just don't want to see it.”

  “Because it isn't a choice! I felt it, too, Tulia. I've felt the power and I've felt the...nothing. I don't want it. Not if it does this. We were born to hurt, and you know it. It has to end.”

  “Does it?” she asked in a whisper.

  Aurynn pressed closer, eyes on my sister, but I didn't move. “It does. You know what she did to Father and Alaric. We’re tools to her, the ones lucky enough to carry magic. Nothing will ever change if we all keep acting as her puppets.”

  Tulia pressed her lips together. “I suppose that's one way to see it. I wish you saw it differently. I wish things were different, sister. And I'm sorry.”

  “Go,” I said before everything exploded.

  There was a flurry of motion—snow flew through the air, paws pounded on the ground, branches waved. There was a piercing weight sinking into my shoulder and a deafening rush of air as Kye took off. I was blinded by white, and then my magic snapped into action. Walls to keep the storm out. Track every movement. Wesley, darting through the trees, keeping above us. Aurynn and Tamsin on the ground, searching for my sister. I had no idea where Kye was, but I trusted they would find their way to Tulia or safety. And Tulia...

  I searched for her, throwing my magic into the sudden blizzard, letting it race and weave for any hint of her or her magic, but there was nothing. Only the taste of it
in my throat, cold and bitter and metallic. My heart raced in my fingertips, the one point of heat in me.

  Find her, I ordered, throwing everything into the command. I knew it didn't follow orders, but it listened when I was most desperate. I may not have had the control my mother and sisters did, but I wasn't helpless, and I wasn't wrong. Whatever you have to do, find her.

  It obeyed, and a crack echoed through every inch of me as it cleaved its way through the storm. Like a blade of wind, severing the whirls of thickening ice and snow. The light I'd seen before and never understood—magic catching in the sun.

  My vision cleared in a tunnel, bordered on either side by raging, howling flurries. In the center was nothing but trees and sky. And Tulia, a furry little form huddled in the snow at her feet. My heart stopped.

  Not dead—it clawed to its feet and was knocked down again by the wind, pinned. A stripped tail, ruffled against the cold, waved wildly before it was buried in snow. Wesley.

  I drew a stinging breath but didn't take a step. “Tulia.”

  She glanced up, a wicked smile that belonged not to my sister, but to my mother, on her face. I let my walls drop.

  Her magic hit me with the force of a hurricane. Ice bit into my skin and drew blood. I held my ground, watching her. “Sarafine already tried the storm bit,” I called over the roaring wind. I forced my voice to stay steady, not to let out the tremor of fear that gripped me with Wesley at her feet. She could kill him as easily as Sarafine had killed Enaelle.

  Her smile didn’t waver. “Sarafine is talented with the wind. My talents are elsewhere, sister.”

  “Where is that?”

  The storm died. The snow fell to the ground, settling itself in my hair and across my shoulders. Aurynn hauled herself to her feet, coat frosted and legs shaking. She shook out her fur and fixed eyes with me, hers burning with understanding. Tamsin looked soaked to the bone, shivering as he watched Tulia and Wesley with wide eyes. I scanned the skies for Kye, but they were empty, nothing but the pale winter blue, and my heart stopped.

  “Where—”Tulia flicked one wrist. A flash of gold buried in the snow caught my eye and I bolted for it, feet sliding. I couldn’t breathe as I flung handfuls of snow away. Lady, there were streaks of blood soaking it, feathers bent and snapped. But breathing. Alive.

  Except frost crawled over their wings, changing drops of blood into scarlet crystals. It kept moving, inch by inch. I faced to Tulia. “Two out of four,” she commented. “Not a terrible job, if I do say so myself.”

  Aurynn snarled and lunged, but icicles sprung from the ground and she leapt back with a yelp. Tamsin stood frozen, tiny clouds of his breath coming quick and fast.

  “They aren’t a part of this,” I growled. “Let them go.”

  “You made them a part of this, Neyva. They’re your family.”

  My hands shook and I wracked my mind for a way out. She knew how to play the game when she was forced to. Make me choose—a choice that would kill me. “I don’t want to hurt you, Tulia,” I choked through the tightness in my chest.

  The tiniest glimmer of something like sorrow flashed in her eyes, but it was gone as quick as it came. “You don’t have to. Come home. They don’t need to be hurt any more than we do.”

  Please, I begged my magic, searching for any hold over the ice eating into my friends. There was none; she had impeccable control, the kind of control I was refusing. Kye was too cold where they had collapsed half across my lap, wings fallen limp, eyes wide as they looked not at Tulia, but at me with a silent message I couldn’t decipher.

  She was making it slow and painful. She could go faster, and she would. I couldn’t move. Couldn’t act.

  “Tulia, please,” I tried again. She was silent, waiting.

  A choice. I’d said I didn’t have one, so she’d created one. Her or them.

  I squeezed my eyes shut, forcing out a breath, and eased Kye onto the ground. They made a little sound of protest as I stood, but I ignored it. Aurynn snapped as I stepped toward Tulia, but I didn’t look at her. One more step. Another.

  Closer.

  Closer.

  I wouldn’t get any more of them killed.

  I opened my eyes when I was feet from my sister, and I met hers. I didn’t look at the others. Every breath trembled, but her smile changed into something more genuine.

  “I knew I’d reach you, Neyva,” she held one hand out to me. “I missed you.”

  I took hers. Her fingers were as cold as the snow. “Now let them go.”

  “Of course. They can live out the rest of their miserable curse in peace. We don’t need them.” I stared at Wesley, dark eyes furious as the frost melted from his fur and relief flooded his posture. He scurried back, far away from us. I clenched my jaw to fight the urge to check on Kye.

  “I missed you, Tulia,” I said, her smile still in place. Eyes glittering with happiness and triumph. The knife in my sleeve was stone against my skin. “I’m sorry it went this way, too.”

  A flick of my thumb to guide it down, and I drove the blade into her stomach. She doubled over with a gasp, both hands gripping my wrist.

  My eyes burned. Her warm blood chased the numbness from my fingers, but the feeling made my stomach churn. I bit the inside of my cheek as I tore the knife free and stepped back.

  The ice cracked and snapped at me, her magic raging in one last desperate, shocked flurry. Mine shot toward it like an arrow, and the crystalline blades shattered as they reached their mark.

  I watched my sister tumble to her knees, pitch forward. I couldn’t look away, as much as I wanted to. I wanted to close my eyes and sink to my knees. Wanted to scream. But I couldn’t move. Not until she’d stopped.

  When her green eyes were glassy, my legs gave out and I fell into the blood-soaked snow beside her.

  I wasn’t sure how long I sat there, or what happened next. At some point, Aurynn nudged me to my feet. Somehow Kye was in my arms as I stumbled in whatever direction Aurynn guided me. Within seconds of crossing into the tunnels Idris was there, rushing to our bloody and battered group, Rayick a step behind him. I was shaking too much to speak, too much to do anything but stand there, like every muscle had seized up. Kye was shivering, too pale, crisscrossed with gashes from the ice, but folded me into their arms without a word.

  “I’m sorry,” I breathed the words. “If I’d left before—”

  “Shh. It’s not your fault.”

  “What happened?” Idris demanded.

  “Another of her sisters,” Aurynn said, grim. Rayick swore.

  “Is anybody hurt? Kye?”

  “I’m fine.”

  I curled my fingers into Kye’s shirt, eyes closed. Let their heartbeat surround me. “Breathe,” they murmured in my ear. “Just breathe, Neyva.”

  “She was the only one of them I ever cared about,” I whispered. Their arms tightened around me, fingers running through my hair. “I thought she felt the same, and I knew when I left—I knew it meant she didn’t but…” I couldn’t finish.

  They pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “But seeing it was different. I know.”

  “We all know,” Aurynn added. She laid a slim hand on my arm.

  Wesley stood beside her, arms crossed and eyes steely. He managed to be a fierce sight even half-frozen. “They aren’t worth it. None of them.” I swallowed the lump in my throat.

  I looked at Tamsin, silent and penetrating. His perpetually-startled expression had melted into true shock. He murmured, “You called us your family.”

  Idris and Rayick exchanged a look, a hesitant smile tugging at Rayick’s mouth. “I knew it,” he said under his breath. Idris elbowed him.

  My voice was rough and unsteady, but at least it came out. “Somebody has to keep you all from getting on the wrong side of any more witches, right?”

  Rayick laughed, and Idris shook his head with an amused huff. Wesley grinned, and Aurynn gave me a wry half-smile. Tamsin blinked and ducked his head. Kye’s voice stirred my hair as they breathed,
“Neyva, I think I fall for you more every time you speak.”

  I closed my eyes again and we stood there, all of us, until I believed what I’d told Tulia. This was my family, whoever and whatever they were. If I was the snow, beautiful and cold and perfect, then I’d been thoroughly ruined. Stained by blood, and shattered by talons, and melted by molten gold eyes. And Whatever new monster I was becoming was ready to fight tooth and claw for them.

  Twenty-Six

  The others had offered to help, but I’d turned them all down. I didn’t want help. I didn’t want magic; I wanted to feel the bite of the wood on my palms, the resistance of the frozen ground as I dug , the weight of every shovelful of dirt. So, I stood there, the cold leaking through my cloak, my palms stinging and eyes burning. Sunset streaked across the sky like flames; I’d been working for hours. I gazed at the way it caught on the snow, at the gaping hole at my feet.

  Eyes were on me, but I ignored them. I knew I wouldn’t see Kye wherever they’d found to perch, but they would stay until I went back to the tunnels. Not to interfere, but to watch over me.

  I remained there, letting the darkness of the empty grave suck at my soul, as the reds and oranges of sunset faded to purple twilight and steps crunched across the snow. “Are you alright?”

  “No.” Kye stopped at my side. “I think, if things had been different, she could have been like me,” I said. There had always been something gentler about Tulia than my mother or Sarafine. Gentler than me. She’d been a killer, under all the pretty white lace, but she’d never reveled in it. And with all her paintings—she’d seen something beautiful in the world, beyond gold and jewels and fancy gowns.

  “I’m sorry,” Kye whispered, voice strained.

  “She was an artist,” I said. They met my eyes. “She painted the most beautiful things. We weren’t allowed to have hobbies like that but somehow she talked Mother into it. I always wished I could do something like that. Create. But I just destroy. Tulia was…she was good at both.”

  They looked at the grave and murmured, “She made a choice, like you did. I wish it was a different choice, but it wasn’t.”