by Bart Tuma
“I still have to unpack, so I think I’ll pass.”
“Laura, I think you’re facing a losing argument. John’ll keep hounding you until you say yes. It’s a nice little spot with a couple of big oak trees and there will be other people there,” Erik urged.
John interceded with a much softer voice. ‘I’d really like to know what happened. This is my church, and I need to know if there was a misunderstanding or what happened.
“Besides, it’s pretty obvious something is wrong that needs to be talked out.”
“Okay, I’ll follow you, but I can’t stay long. I still have unpacking to do, and this is my only day off.” Laura surprised Erik by agreeing. Laura noticed the over eager look on Erik’s face and quickly added, “It’s just because I have the time. Nothing else.”
“Good,” John said. “We’re going to stop and get some cold pop at the gas station. Can I get you something?”
“Sure I appreciate that. I’ll take a bottle of 7-Up for my stomach.”
Erik picked a park picnic table close to the ravine that carried the Fairfield River, which was more a small creek at this time of year. John handed Laura her pop and they all sat down, Laura on the bench opposite the two men across the table from her.
“Laura, Erik tells me I was sharp at the church, but I didn’t mean to be. You just caught me off guard. Sorry about that.”
“What do you mean, caught you off guard? Aren’t you used to seeing girls getting sick at the corner of the church?” Laura asked. “I’m the one who should be apologizing.” She turned to Erik. “And as for you, Erik, I would have told John if he was rude. I’m a big girl. If I have a complaint, I’ll tell you.” Laura made it clear she didn’t want pity or help.
“Laura, I know what you’re talking about. That’s what I’ve been telling him for years,” John agreed.
“For years? I’ve only known you for a week.” Erik said.
“Well, it’s seem like years having to put up with all your problems.”
The playful sparring made everyone relaxed. Laura took the opportunity to start the conversation.
“If you’re wondering if I had come to church to worship or to use the side of the building, I’d come to worship. It’s just that some things that were said were unsettling. I hope I don’t look like a charity case that needs help.”
“I’d have to say we all need help from time to time,” John interjected, but he knew Laura wasn’t done.
“Something happened a while back. I’ve been trying to leave it behind. I thought I had and then today the sermon brought it all back. John, I’m a Christian and a bad one. Erik, I said I was no good the other night. I committed a sin against God, and I’d told myself and my friends and God it was something I would never do. I lied. I did it.”
John said, “Hate to tell you, but we all are sinners, and we all have made mistakes we can never forget. Good thing for us we have a God who does forgive.”
“I know that, John, but every time I convince myself that God does forgive me, has forgiven me, something happens that brings it all back, like the sermon today. The pastor talked about God’s holiness being as a white sheet of pureness and all I could see was the stain of my mistake. I got sick to my stomach when I saw that sin, as if I had done it that second. Then when I was leaving, I bumped into a mother and her child. The child reached out to me as if she was my own. The baby touched me. The baby looked so vulnerable and I yet I felt more vulnerable than the child.”
Erik wanted to say something, but couldn’t. His silence pushed him further away from John and Laura.
John said with a firm voice, “I know the pastor very well. If he talked about the holiness of God being pure, I know he had something else to say.”
“He might of, but all I could think of is how much I’d failed. I know God forgives and all that, but I know what I did.”
“So I guess that only leaves one question: what is more important, what you did or who God is? Seems to me you’re looking at your problem, but you’re no longer looking at God.”
John continued, “We’ve got to be careful to not define God by our circumstances. If we are in a problem then we tend to see the problem first and how we perceive God changes with the problem. Suddenly He’s forgotten us, or doesn’t care or isn’t close enough. But the reality is if there is a problem, that doesn’t mean God changes. He’s the same God. He doesn’t change. He is always the same. He is consistent.”
“I know that word. The pastor talked about consistency today, but I don’t know what he was saying about it.”
“You can’t define God by circumstances. You define God by who He is,” John said.
“Laura, you have to take your attention off what you did and remember what He did. He gave His life for you, and the Word said that His forgiveness and love doesn’t end. He doesn’t love you any less because you sinned. Don’t let yourself believe anything else. He wants to embrace you like He did the first time you met Him.”
John was finished talking. Laura fell into silence, thinking.
Erik sat involved in his own thoughts. He didn’t know how to feel. When he dreamed of Laura in the bunkhouse this was never part of the picture. When he talked with her at the Point he had hoped she had been sent by God to be part of his life. Indeed, he thought as all three sat in silence, “was she sent by God in all these strange circumstances to be part of my life for me, or for her to see God again?”
A little poodle dog stopped next to the picnic table to bark at a nearby collie. The little dog alternated barking at the collie and darting behind Erik, using Erik as a shield. All three laughed of the absurdity of such a small dog trying to intimidate the bigger one.
“That reminds me of Erik trying to fight that big farmer. It wasn’t a fair fight from the first punch,” Laura teased.
“But, boy, that was a great first punch,” Erik said, not minding her ribbing.
Chapter Eighteen
Laura knew exactly what John was talking about. She knew all the right words; saved by grace and not by works, He makes all things new, if He saved us when we were yet sinners how much more does He love us now. She went over those words in her mind time and time again the next week back at work.
She rehearsed those words at her first full week at WinRight. When there was a pause as one customer finished and another emptied their carts, Laura remembered those words. She remember them when she went in the break room and pulled out her home made yogurt and fruit parfait. She looked around the cluttered break room and couldn’t believe how her fortunes had changed, even when her break ended, and the morning quickly passed.
“Any chance your till might actually balance today?” Ken joked as he came to Laura’s line and put a “Closed” sign at the head of the counter. Actually, Laura had done very well at the register, never being off more than a few pennies at the end of the shift. Considering she was new and had to key in thousands of items every shift, she had done amazingly well. At the same time, Ken was in a good mood since it was Friday, and this Friday was the start of the county fair.
Friday was the day of running extra errands as he went to the bank to square things up for the weekend, making sure they didn’t have excessive cash on hand, but enough cash to run the store until Monday morning. He counted out Laura’s drawer in preparation for the early run when he deposited all the money up until noon, and he would pick up the coin. Later he would simply put the evening deposit in the bank’s drop box.
There wasn’t much money in Laura’s till since Ken periodically took the larger bills. Laura was amazed at how fast he could count her money. She had already jokingly accused him of making her look bad by his quick counting while she was so slow. Years of doing the same task had allowed his chubby fingers to move instinctively.
Ken raised his voice in a mock game barker’s chant that were in town that weekend for the Cascade County Fair. “We have a winner here today, folks. Give the lady a teddy bear. She has actually finished five hours with no errors. If she can make
it three more we’ll give her a giant panda.”
At first Laura turned red, feeling the stares of the customers in the store, but then she responded in a much lower voice to Ken. “I’ll shove that panda in your mouth if you don’t keep it down. If you make a scene every time I balance, I’ll make sure I never do it again. Maybe you should join the fair yourself.” Laura had only been at the store for a week, but was already accustomed to the verbal jousting.
“Great idea! Everybody loves the fair, and my wife and I can live in a camper and hit the highway and become part of the carnival.”
Every year in August the date of the county fair was marked in bold on calendars. The stores would be fuller than usual and almost every one in a three county area would come to Fairfield for the horse races, the cotton candy, or to exhibit their prize rabbits. Laura had never been to the fair since she had no one to go with, but the talk of everyone else at least made her feel that something different was around. Anything different was a good thing in Fairfield.
“But until then I’m going to the bank,” Ken said. “Since you’re closed, take your lunch and I’ll be back before you’re done.”
“I can’t wait, the store will probably fall apart while you’re gone,” she teased. Even in the short time she had been there Laura had appreciated working for Ken. He didn’t take his job or himself too seriously and allowed other people to do the same.
When Laura got to the break room, she found Barbara and a box boy already there.
“You’re on break or lunch?” Barbara asked.
“Ken sent me on lunch a little early since he closed me to count me. He’s making a quick trip to the bank.” Laura pulled a plastic container from the fridge and put its contents of beans and rice and chicken in a pot on the lone hotplate. She had gotten into the habit of making a large pot of the casserole and then eating it for the rest of the week.
Barbara said, “I guess I better get out there. I don’t want Evelyn and Ann to get swamped, and I’m over my time anyway.” But Barbara still stopped to talk. “How have you been? We’ve been so busy with the fair I haven’t had a chance to talk. I saw you in church. Did you like it?”
Laura had the feeling that Barbara could keep talking and forget about getting back to work. Laura didn’t want to talk anyway. She had said everything to Erik and John. She went to the hotplate and stirred her rice to look occupied and kept her answers short.
“I’m doing fine, just fine. Yes, I liked the church. I’ll be back, but I don’t want to keep you from going back to work with my boring life. We’ll talk later.”
The box boy left soon after Barbara. He felt uncomfortable eating with Laura as all the boys had talked about how pretty she was, and he was just a box boy. He left before his break was done.
The solitude felt good to Laura after the busy morning. She carefully picked out the chicken from the rice and slowly ate. Her back was to the door and she didn’t notice who entered. Slowly it dawned on her that whoever it was was just standing there, staring at her back. Then she heard words in a voice that made her blood run cold.
“There’s my lovely Laura. Damn, you look great!” She knew that voice, had heard it a million times in her nightmares. She knew who it was before she turned to see him, but she still froze in disbelief when she finally forced herself to turn.
It was Marcus the man who had raped her. She said nothing, all her effort going to merely trying to draw a breath. He stood at the entrance to the break room and she immediately felt trapped.
“What are you doing here?” her words were very weak. “How did you find me here?”
I met you boss going out the door and he said I would find you in the back. What a nice guy. I think he liked me. I didn’t have to look to find you in Fairfield. I’m working at Healthy Time, and when we got a call checking your references, I couldn’t wait to see you.”
“You’re working at Healthy Time? What about Linda? Didn’t Linda say anything?” Linda was the one person who was most upset about Laura getting pregnant and sinning against the Lord. She was the one who told Laura she could no longer work at Healthy Time, and yet she hired Marcus.
“Linda accepted the fact that I made a mistake and that I’ve repented. Actually, I’ve learned a lot from all of this and my walk is closer to Him than ever.” Marcus had a laugh in his voice as he mentioned the Lord.
Laura cut him off before he could say anything more. She had heard all his lines before and this was typical Marcus talk.
“What happened to your great job in Denver that you had to leave so fast to take?”
“Laura, I can sense a spirit of bitterness in your voice. I can understand that. I heard you lost the baby. I was as devastated as you were when I heard the news. I was coming back and I hoped to make the three of us a family. But, I guess the Lord just had other plans. His will be done. I lost that great job cause I wanted to build a family, and I found myself broke in Billings. So they gave me a job at the HealthRight store. It’s great to see you again.”
Laura couldn’t even answer. How could he even imply that he was as devastated as me? He didn’t see that blood. He didn’t feel the child alive, and then not. What a creep. If I could believe anything out of his mouth it would be one thing. It’s the same old Marcus. How dare he come to my world?
“I’m told there’s a nice little steakhouse in Valier. Your boss said your shift was over at 5:00. That’ll give me time to check into a hotel and clean up and we can have a nice dinner and talk about the future.”
Laura was still unable to respond. If she had, she would have screamed so the whole store would hear. Dinner, a hotel room, and talk about the future: he’s not wasting any time. At least last time he told several weeks of his lies before he made his move. He’s so pitiful, she’d laugh in his face if she weren’t so sick even just seeing him.
“Sorry, I’ve got a busy life and I have to get back to work. Nice seeing you, but I don’t want to see you again,” was all Laura could muster as she headed out of the break room. She tried to maneuver around him, skirting as far away from him as possible. He still didn’t quit despite her abrupt ending of their meeting, but reached out for her as she tried to dart past. Her skin moved in revulsion as she felt him put his arm around her waist just below her belt line.
“Laura, I know you’re hurt and bitter. I have it coming, but the Word says you need to forgive me in order for yourself to receive forgiveness. Let’s start over from the beginning.”
Laura evaded the man’s hand and her pace didn’t slow. She knew better than to respond at this point, and sought the refuge of her work and register. He followed even faster and once again put his hand on her hip. Laura could no longer hold back.
Chapter Nineteen
Erik’s week could not have been better. He was thrilled at three encounters with Laura in one week’s time, and he felt a kinship had been formed. Her life had faced many hardships, but so had Erik’s. It was so perfect. It seemed so planned; first his bunkhouse dreams of her, the fight for her which ended in him finding the Lord, the “chance” meeting at the Point and the perfect timing at the church. No person could have orchestrated these events.
The workweek was also easy on the farm. The summer fallow had been plowed and it was two weeks before hay season and then harvest. The only chores were getting the machines ready for haying and harvest. This meant Erik and Henry could work in the shade of the shop and eat every meal at the dinner table rather than from a paper bag. Erik could finish the workday without a layer of dust on his body and he was in the bunkhouse early to study the Scriptures between his thoughts of Laura.
It was also the week of the Cascade County Fair that was an opportunity to get away from the farm and all the questions of the last few days. As long as he could remember the farm would shut down, and they would all go to the fair. Erik loved the taste of the fair’s Pronto Pups. They weren’t like the corn dogs he could find at the store or bought at a service station. These Pronto Pups were fat with do
ugh and the covering had a taste that could not be duplicated. He’d spend more money than he would admit to win a stuffed animal at the games, and then watch the younger kids ride The Whirling Storm.
Friday was the best day to attend. Thursday was set up day, and the weekend was too crowded on the midway. Friday was perfect. When the family quit work at noon and he changed to his town clothes, he had his plans set. He hadn’t told John or his aunt and uncle, he knew what their response would be, but he had planned all week to stop by the WinRight store and see if Laura wanted to go to the fair. He would pick up a few items as if that was the only reason he was there, and then he rehearsed what he would say to Laura.
“Laura, how has your week been? I got off early to go to the fair. It happened at the last minute so I’m just going alone, but I would be glad to show you around if you want to go.” Erik had practiced the words for days in the bunkhouse. He chose the words carefully to make sure it didn’t look like a date. He wanted to give her the opportunity to say no, and for him not to look like a fool if she did. It was a perfect plan, and one that held his thoughts for the past days.
He checked his hair in the rearview mirror when he pulled in front of the WinRight store, and brushed his pants of any last dust as he walked in the front door.
Erik hadn’t seen Laura at the checkout stand so he checked the aisles to see if she was stocking shelves. As he came to the end of aisle Nine, he caught a glimpse of her to his right at the far side of the produce section. He saw her, but she didn’t see him. When he came closer he saw a man with her. Erik first thought it was a boyfriend she hadn’t bothered to mention.
He had never seen the man before. He knew he wasn’t from Fairfield. He wore a leather coat on a hot August day, and no one from Fairfield would do that. Erik didn’t know him, but Laura obviously did as the man arm was forcefully holding her waist. Erik stopped his approach. His first guess was wrong. Erik felt Laura’s panic. This wasn’t a friend. Laura pulled loose to escape. It was clear she was in trouble. Laura shook loose from the man’s hand at her waist and turned to walk away. The man once again put his arm around Laura, and his grip seemed even more forceful. Laura spun in anger to face him.
