by Bart Tuma
“I know Your Word. I know Your presence, but I have looked at the hurt rather than Your love for me. I am that wife who only looks at her husband’s faults. I have said the right things to others, but I haven’t said the right things to You.
“My Lord, I want to be close to You again. But I know my heart is hard with all my scares and bitterness. I need Your help. Forgive me that my love has turned cold, and I have only known You from a distance.”
For the first time in a long time she knew that she was praying from her heart to Him, and not saying words that sounded good.
But to know His forgiveness I better start by asking forgiveness from others. She had to find Erik and let him know that she wasn’t crazy and that He was a great God. She needed to thank Erik for his patience rather than scold him. Then she needed to go back to Gracie and Billings and let her know that her starting over wasn’t for the moment, but for a lifetime.
She needed to see Erik, and go to him rather than wait for Erik to come around. First she would go to work in the morning. Her Saturday shift ended at seven rather than five. She would go to the parking lot of the fairgrounds. She was certain he would be back at his beloved fair. Maybe she could borrow a few dollars from Barbara and buy Erik a pronto pup maybe two, and treat him like a king. She needed to apologize and she wanted to show she could be a normal person. First she needed to get some sleep. Then she needed to go to work.
Her shift went very slow that day. The WinRight was extremely busy with people stopping in either on their way to or from the fair. The fact that Laura’s aisle was constantly full was the only thing that allowed her to maintain her composure. She knew what she had to do, and wanted to do it now.
Finally she pulled into the fair grounds without changing from her WinRight green smock. The main lot did not have Erik’s Chevy pickup, nor did the side lot behind the racetrack or the small one next to the pavilion. He wasn’t there yet.
She stood by the entrance and waited for him to show up. She shifted her feet as she stood guard to make sure he wasn’t missed. The latecomers to the fair, mostly young people, eyed her and her green smock and wondered why this good-looking girl looked so lost.
The thought came to her that Erik might have come with someone else and was already in the gates. It would be almost impossible to find Erik in the maze of the rides and games and animal displays. She hurriedly went to every place they had stopped the day before. Several times she ran across the midway thinking she had found Erik only to find a stranger with little resemblance. Her eyes were playing tricks on her. She could wait for the next day and meet him at church, but what needed to be done, needed to be done today.
When it became clear Erik wasn’t there she decided to go to him at his farm. She knew the farm was straight west of Sweetgrass which would make it straight north of Fairfield. That meant she knew the road, and Erik had described the farm house in such detail she knew she could find it. People would ask too many questions if she asked for directions and she didn’t even know his aunt and uncle’s name. It had already turned dark, so it was somewhat of a long shot that she would find the farm let alone find him there, but she needed to try. She needed to get things right.
Chapter Twenty-Two
The road north to the Cooper’s farm was straight with no variance for twenty-five miles. The only exception was the first half-mile of paved road past the city limit. As the road left the city limits it curved to the right and then a sharp curve to the left. It then crossed over a deep ravine called Flat Rock. After this, the road had no turns.
Laura wasn’t familiar with the road or its two curves. Her single focus was on Erik, wanting to make things right and trying to remember every detail he had conveyed to her about the farm so she wouldn’t miss it. The road was empty with everyone at the fair, and the night was clear. Laura hardly noticed the first curve, but she was into the second faster than she expected. She held the steering wheel hard and heard the distinct sound of tires skidding on the pavement. She thought belatedly that she should have been concentrating on the road more and pushing on the gas less.
She still had the car under control when she heard a sound she didn’t recognize. She turned the wheel to the left, but the car continued straight. The car left the road at the top of the ravine and went twenty yards in the air before it hit the bottom of Flat Rock ravine.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Erik was seated at the dinner table with his aunt and uncle eating the fried chicken that his aunt always made on Sunday’s. He had attended services at the Fairfield Community Church rather than the New Life Center since he didn’t want to see Laura. He had made up an excuse for Mary and Henry why he wanted to go with them without mentioning Laura. It made them feel good that he wanted to go with them. He had said nothing to anyone about taking Laura to the fair. He wanted to think that Laura was just a confused girl, but in the solitude of his bunkhouse he found that hard to do.
Aunt Mary was serving up dessert of warm peach cobbler when they all saw and heard John’s Buick pull up to the back of the house.
“Wonder what he’s doing? I told him I was going to go to church with you two so he shouldn’t be wondering why I wasn’t at New Life today. Maybe he just wants some of your chicken.”
All three met him at the back door. John looked serious in a way Erik had never seen before. “Can I come in and sit down?’
“Of course, you can. I was just serving some peach cobbler. I’ll get you a plate.” Mary immediately took her hospitable role.
“No, thanks. I have some news.”
John didn’t say anything else until they all sat down and Erik tried to guess what brought the worried look to John’s face.
John waited longer than expected, as if he was searching for words. He cleared his throat, not for dramatic effect, but because tears were starting to form in the corners of his eyes. Erik wished he would just tell the news.
“I decided to come out and see you. I was hardly out of town when I saw police lights. I didn’t see anything but the cars until I looked over the edge into the ravine. There were about ten people moving around an old oil rig thrown away years ago. I couldn’t tell what was going on so I went out and checked.”
Once again John became quiet and cleared his throat several times.
“Come on, what did you find?” Erik asked.
“Laura’s been in a car accident, and it was fatal.”
“Who else was in the car?” It must have been that guy.
“It was Laura, Erik. Laura’s dead.”
“What do mean, Laura’s dead? I just talked to her on Friday. We went to the fair. Laura’s not dead.”
“Yes, she is. They don’t know exactly what happened and the coroner thinks it happened some time last night, but they didn’t find the car till late this morning. They think she was going too fast on that curve right before the ravine. She probably wasn’t used to the road. The police could tell from the skid marks that she also blew out a tire right when she was in the curve. There are some new skid marks even before that. She left the road and went far enough to hit that old oil derrick. They expect she died instantly.”
“Why didn’t anyone see it last night?”
“It was dark. There’s willow bushes and tall grass and then the oil derrick itself. You couldn’t see it from the road. The road must have been empty when she crashed. A girl was riding her horse this morning when she noticed it. The coroner has a way to check to know for sure, but he says it’s pretty definite it was last evening, probably just before dusk or maybe a little after. No one saw her go over…then, with the dark…”
Erik’s head dropped and he remembered. He remembered what had been and thought of what could have been. He remembered the distinct smell of Laura’ perfume or hand cream or whatever it was. That smell would follow him for years, unexpectedly appearing at random times. He remembered how the sunset reflected off Laura’s eye as the Ferris wheel climbed. He remembered Laura bending close to him to take his ord
er at the Mint Bar, and he would forever remember those times when Laura’s voice sparkled as she spoke about the Lord.
Erik only knew Laura in person for a precious short time, but he couldn’t remember a time without her. He knew her in the bunkhouse dreams even before he knew her name. He dreamt of her beauty, her courage, her heart and her wisdom. He hungered for her acceptance and in those dreams he hoped that someone so beautiful could ever love him. Now she was gone.
Tears welled in his eyes when he wondered what she missed in the future life she would never touch. He cried hoping her heart was open to Christ the moment she died. She was too beautiful, too strong, too caring to be snatched from this earth. People, not just himself, needed to know her and the joy she could have added to their lives.
He lifted his head, and immediately felt his aunt and uncle’s stare. Their stare widened the gulf between them and him. They don’t understand. They didn’t know Laura. They didn’t understand Erik, they hadn’t felt the sting of death like Erik had.
And the reality of being left alone returned.
“John, what you’re telling me is that we passed her car on the way to church and on the way back and we didn’t even notice it? She might have been alive. We might have helped if I had only looked.”
“No, Erik. She had a head injury. They think she died instantly.”
“They can think what they want. We might have been able to help! At least we didn’t need to let her lay in her car in the hot sun. We could have done something. We should have seen her.” Erik’s voice was rising with disbelief and a morbid horror that he may have been in the position to help and been oblivious of needing to do so.
“Erik, no one saw her. There is nothing you could have done.”
“Just like with dad and mom. There’s nothing I could have done. If there’s nothing I could have done, why does this keep happening to me? I just want to be loved by someone. I just want to be loved, and not left.”
At that point Erik didn’t say anything else. He would say little else for several weeks. John knew more about Laura than Henry or Mary, but none of them knew the place she held in Erik’s life. He had dreamed about her for months. His going to The Mint had been used by God to find Him. He had prayed on Chief Mountain and then he met her again. Combined, Laura had been a deeper part of his life than anyone would know. Laura was an answer and the answer was now gone. She was dead.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Since Laura had still been a stranger to Fairfield there was little note of her death. There was talk about the accident, but it revolved around how it could have happened with little comment about Laura herself.
Erik called the Fairfield funeral home about the burial. It would be held in Billings on the next Thursday. He would be there. All three, Mary, Henry and John, insisted that they help Erik drive to Billings. “It’s too long for you to make in one day by yourself.” Erik insisted even harder and drove himself.
It had been fifteen years since he had been at a funeral, but they were all the same. To Erik, death was death no matter who lay in the coffin. This was a simple graveside ceremony for Laura while his dad had both a church and graveside, but that made little difference. Someone with unfinished hopes had died. He always wanted to prove himself to his dad, but he died too early. He wanted to share his thoughts and maybe even his life with Laura, and she was gone. Nothing changed in his life. The prairie winds blew each day, the drought would never leave, and those he loved were taken away.
Erik estimated there were about a dozen people at the funeral. He didn’t care to count the exact number since it was too few for someone so special. He felt out of place as the others looked at him and wondered who he was. Fortunately there was a black lady who drew even more stares. No one cared to introduce him or herself, and Erik didn’t want to meet them.
He didn’t notice that the black lady had slipped away, and he jumped when she whispered behind him.
“You’re that guy that got in the fight at the Mint.” Gracie said.
“How did you know that was me.”
“Cause you’re the only one that looks like they care, and the way Laura described you, I knew right away.”
“Yes, that was me. If I hadn’t started that fight we wouldn’t be here today. She would be still working at the Mint and none of this would have happened.”
“Things happen as they do, and what you do or don’t do won’t change a plan,” Gracie said. “Besides, one of the best things that happened to her was that fight and her losing that job. She told me so herself. If that fight hadn’t happened, she still would be stuck in her misery and now she’s sitting with the Lord. Sounds to me like you did her a favor.”
“Standing in my shoes, it doesn’t seem like much of a favor. She told me the same thing about the fight, but I don’t know if I believe her.”
“She told me you two talked about God when you were at the Point, so you must know God.”
“Yes, but only for a couple weeks. I accepted Him right after that fight.”
“Well, then that fight was for good, and you ought to know better than to blame yourself.”
“Sounds like you know the Lord, too.”
“I’ve known about Him since I was a child but I don’t know Him like Laura knew Him. I know about Him. Laura knew Him. That knowing is different. Are you different?”
“Yeah, I guess you would say I’m different.”
“Then you’re a lucky man and a lucky man for getting to know Laura. You’re a lucky man for even being close to that lady. I rode a Greyhound bus for eight hours and used my last food money for the month to get here. I’d ride for forty hours and sell my last dress if I had to. There aren’t many ladies like her. I knew that the first time I met her. I could only imagine what she was like before she got hurt. She was amazing, even after the hurt.
“She was a lady of class. She was a lady that had her problems, but never let that keep her from helping other people. It’s a funny thing about class. There are people who have money and try to act classy, and there are people who are classy just the way they are. She had class and she made me feel like someone just being around her. Now that’s class.”
Erik looked down at the ground. “Yes, I’m a lucky man. I just hope my luck makes sense some day.”
It was 11:30 at night by the time he got back from Billings. He had went the long way through Sweetgrass to drop off Gracie. When he got to the bunkhouse it wasn’t long before John was at the door. Erik knew that John would be there, but he didn’t expect it to happen so quickly. John must’ve waited for hours to catch Erik. John didn’t say anything when he walked in. He waited to see if Erik wanted to talk.
“Does anyone know where Laura was going when she crashed?”
“Not that I’m aware of. I talked to the sheriff, but he didn’t say much. He was investigating the car accident, but there wasn’t much to investigate. They took all her things from the apartment to the funeral home. I don’t know what happens then. I guess they sent them to her family.”
“Do you think she was coming out to see me?” Erik had mulled that question on the way home.
“Like I said, I don’t know, but if she was, it wasn’t your fault. She had a blowout. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. It’s an accident.”
“I’m not talking about whose fault it was. I was wondering if she was coming out to see me, and what she wanted to say. I had a long time to think on the trip back. I was hoping that maybe she wanted to apologize. More than that, I was praying she had a chance to get things right with God before…” The thought of the crash quieted Erik.
“We went the county fair on Friday.” Erik didn’t bother to tell about the guy at the grocery store. He didn’t want John to think Laura had a troubled background. Erik kept telling himself she didn’t. “We had a nice time, but I talked her into going on the Ferris wheel and she panicked when it started to rock. Then I said too much and she got mad, again. I thought she might have been coming out to apologize. It�
�s a crazy thought, but I thought it might be true.”
“I couldn’t tell you, but I guess it’s a possibility. Whatever was the reason, God’s eyes were on her. For whatever reason she was driving and the tire blew at that exact moment. God was still in control when she went into the ravine. I’m not saying God wanted her to get in a wreck, but I am saying He was still in control.”
Erik shook his head, “There were so many things that happened in such a short time, I can’t make sense out of any of it. She was the reason I went to the Mint, got in the fight and spent the night in the pickup. I just prayed that He would help me with my future in Fairfield and I come back to the Point and she’s sitting there when I walked in the door. There were just too many things to cause me to wonder if He had a place for her in my life.”
“He did have a place for her in your life,” John confirmed. “There’s no question. It’s just there is no way to know what that meant. Sometimes we try to out guess God, but, again, all we can know is that He is in control and the best for us will happen.
“Remember one other thing, Erik. He used you to touch her life. It sounded to me like she needed to be close to Him again, and it sure seemed like with all that happened He used you to make that happen. Never try to out guess God, but never underestimate how He’ll move mountains to have His plans fulfilled.”
“But I don’t understand why she had to die. I guess I don’t understand a lot right now.”
“I told you the first time we talked to keep things simple, and that hasn’t changed. He came to you that night because He wanted to love and care for you. That will never change No matter what happens, put that in the front and the other questions will make a lot more sense.”
“What I need to do right now is to sleep,” Erik sat in total exhaustion. “I just need to sleep and get back to work. Maybe things will make sense later.”
