With My Last Breath

by Courtney Cole

  I froze in disbelief, thinking of Kay’s friendly smile.

  ‚Kay knows of this place?' I breathed.

  Merlin scoffed at me. ‚Heleyne, these men are knights. They are not lambs. They do what they do for the better of the kingdom. What do you think they should do with murderers? Slap them on the hands?'

  ‚No,' I muttered, unconsciously rubbing my stomach. ‚I suppose not. It just surprised me. Kay is so gentle.'

  ‚Yes,' Merlin agreed. ‚He can be. And he can also be deadly. That is a good lesson for you, keeper.'

  ‚And that is?' I raised an eyebrow.

  ‚People are not always what they seem. These knights are chivalrous and brave, but they all possess the ability to be deadly and cruel if need be. Even your beloved Lucan.'

  I hated that thought, but I knew it was the truth. It was the nature of a warrior.

  ‚Why are we here?' I asked again.

  ‚I just wanted you to see it,' he said. ‚I wanted to remind you of that very thing.

  That is all.'

  ‚Then, if we are finished here, I’d like to return upstairs.'

  He nodded and we were once again standing in the solar and I took a deep breath of fresh air.

  ‚I’ll leave you to your hunting,' he told me as he walked toward the door. ‚I hope you find what you are looking for.'

  After he left, I followed him to the door, making sure that he was indeed gone. The halls were empty, so I rushed back to the remaining chests, and hunted through the last three quickly.

  There was nothing but banquet linens, tapestries and silverware. I slumped to the floor with a sigh. No sword. Where in this kingdom was it? My very existence depended on finding it.

  Courtney Cole 68

  With My Last Breath, Book Three

  ‚Heleyne, I’ve been searching for you,' Guinevere called as she padded softly through the door. ‚Merlin told me that I could find you in here. What are you doing?

  He said you were searching for something.'

  Her arched eyebrow raised even further.

  ‚I’ve searched through this castle, mother,' I murmured. ‚I’ve even just been to the oubliette. There is nothing here.' My shoulders slumped. ‚We’ve got to find it.' I heard the desperation in my voice and I hated it, but I couldn’t rid myself of it.

  My mother rubbed my shoulder comfortingly.

  ‚We’ll find it, daughter,' she replied softly. ‚Do not stress yourself so. You must try to remain calm for your child.'

  My hand fluttered to my belly. I had forgotten for a moment that a baby rested within me. I hadn’t yet felt it move, so it was easy to forget, but for the occasional bouts of nausea.

  ‚Where shall we look next?' I asked. ‚How will we travel to Arthur’s parents’ land without someone wondering why?'

  ‚We’ll sort it out,' she replied absently, staring out the window as she spoke. I followed her gaze to find Arthur and his knights in the courtyard. Lancelot had just limped in to join them.

  ‚What a fool!' Guinevere muttered. ‚Can he not just recognize that he is but a mortal right now?'

  I watched him for a moment, observing how even though he limped, he moved just a little too fluidly for someone who had just sustained a near mortal wound.

  ‚He has healed himself,' I announced quietly. ‚Look at him. He moves about too easily. He healed his wound. Perhaps not fully, but enough that it no longer causes him pain.'

  My mother shook her head. ‚What a cheat,' she grinned as she glanced back at me.

  ‚What, daughter? You cannot help but admit his gall.'

  ‚It’s not gall, it is stupidity,' I answered. ‚What if Arthur sends the old woman to check on his wound? And she will find it healed. Then what?'

  ‚We’ll worry about that when the time comes,' she answered without concern.

  ‚I’m sure it will not be an issue. Instead of worrying yourself over such things, let us think about where next to search for the sword. That is enough to worry about.'

  I nodded and absently watched my father interact with the knights. He glowered at Mordred, but did not say anything to the knight who had tried to kill him. I had to give him credit for that. I knew that he wanted to run him through with his sword.

  ‚Time passes us by,' I whispered, palming my slowly growing belly. ‚And with every second, my love remains in the wastelands, cold and alone. Please… let us just find the sword and save him. In doing so, we will save us all.'

  Guinevere turned her gaze from the courtyard and agreed.

  Courtney Cole 69

  With My Last Breath, Book Three

  Courtney Cole 70

  With My Last Breath, Book Three

  Chapter Twelve

  The small brook feeding the courtyard bubbled soothingly, the sunlight reflecting off of the surface in multi-colored prisms. I sat on a nearby stone bench, alone with my thoughts, as Guinevere attended to the evening’s menu with the cook and Lucan hunted with the rest of the knights.

  Around me, everything was quiet. The late-afternoon sun bathed the gardens in warm light, long ago drying off the light rain from the morning. The white roses next to me allowed their sweet scent to waft into the breeze and I inhaled it deeply. For the first time in quite a while, I was alone. And while I enjoyed it, the silence allowed the magnitude of everything that had happened lately to catch up with me.

  How was everything going to work out? I couldn’t help but wonder. I had been marked as the Chosen One, but I didn’t feel very significant. I hadn’t even seen my own father’s injury coming. The strange thing was that my wrist hadn’t hurt even once since it happened. Apparently, it was something that the Fates had planned.

  I turned my wrist over and examined my birthmark. The bird-like shape had lost its vibrant red coloring since I had left the Spiritlands and had once again faded to a natural light brown.

  The Chosen One. I had the power to command the phoenix, something I had only recently remembered. Something that had saved my skin not too long ago. As the goddess of harmony and contentment, I was naturally inclined to fix issues, to smooth over problems.

  But this… this was one massive problem. And I just wasn’t sure that I was strong enough or skilled enough to make it work. And I was in uncharted territory. I subconsciously palmed my belly again. I had to face the unknown while I protected a baby.

  ‚What are you thinking?'

  Merlin was suddenly beside me and I flinched from surprise, yanking my hand from my stomach.

  No matter what body he resided in here, he was always going to be Ahmose to me.

  And no matter how many times he did it, I would never enjoy his sudden appearances.

  I scowled at him and replied with my customary answer.

  ‚Can you please stop doing that?'

  He smiled with crooked teeth, but quickly sobered.

  ‚I cannot read your mind, dear Heleyne, and that is very strange. You’ll have to tell me what you are thinking.' He patted my arm with his wrinkled hand nonchalantly, but I could see on his face that it was very troubling to him.

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  With My Last Breath, Book Three

  Apparently, my goddess mind blocked his thoughts, something that he wasn’t used to. When I was mortal, before my goddess tendencies had been awakened, he had been able to use my mind as a playground. If I wasn’t careful, I would give myself away. I quickly focused on the inadvertent protective wall surrounding my mind. I consciously let the wall fall away, exposing it to Merlin’s inquisitive poking.

  He smiled.

  ‚Ah, there we are. How strange. That has never happened before.'

  I made a conscious effort to quickly hide certain thoughts from him, tucking them back behind the invisible wall, giving him access only to the most inane and unimportant things. He wrinkled his brow.

  ‚Strange,' he murmured, searching my face quizzically.

  I kept my expression blank. I felt badly for him, I knew he did his best to protect me from the Fate
s, but in the end, he was still their pawn. They controlled him and I well knew it.

  ‚What do you think of Mordred?' I asked randomly. Merlin had no idea that I already knew Mordred’s purpose here. I watched him try to form an answer, something that I couldn’t help but find amusing.

  ‚I know not,' he shook his head. ‚I doubt his intentions are good, but we cannot help that, can we? We do what we do and they do what they do. It is out of our control.'

  He shrugged his bony shoulders and I could swear that I caught a whiff of the thick incensy scent that had always accompanied him in Alexandria, but before I could even process that, the smell was gone.

  I found myself wondering how much he truly did know, how much the Fates allowed him to understand. From what I knew of them, they probably kept his knowledge limited. He was simply their puppet, something thankfully I no longer was.

  ‚I have a feeling that you are right,' I agreed. ‚Something doesn’t feel right with him. He gives me chills. And I think he purposely tried to kill Lancelot.' I ran my hands up and down my arms automatically, even though he was nowhere near.

  Merlin glanced at me before staring into the distance. ‚I need to find Arthur. Are you alright here?'

  ‚Of course,' I assured him. ‚I was just…taking a break. I needed some alone time.'

  He nodded in understanding. ‚Alright then, Keeper. Enjoy your quiet time. I’ll see you at dinner.'

  He was gone before I could even answer and I shook my head. I gathered up my skirts and started to get up myself when a bird landed beside me. I startled again, sinking back into my seat.

  Courtney Cole 72

  With My Last Breath, Book Three

  A falcon, large and beautiful, sat beside me with rich golden-brown feathers.

  Falcons were used for sport here, for hunting games and for sending messages. But there was something different about this one, about the way it was watching me.

  It cocked its head and examined me, lifting a sharply taloned foot.

  A rolled missive landed in my lap. I glanced at the bird before picking up the little rolled paper. It was as still as stone, waiting for my response, its fathomless black eye unblinking.

  Unrolling the message, I found the feminine scrawl of Lachesis, the middle sister of the Fates.

  By the waterfall at midnight.

  Strange. Lachesis typically appeared to me whenever she felt like it. She didn’t orchestrate meeting times. She simply felt that I would adapt to whenever she chose to visit. This was very unusual and it put me quickly on edge. Did she know about the child? Surely not. She would wait to confront me.

  The falcon flapped its wings one time, demanding my attention. It cocked its head.

  ‚Alright,' I murmured. ‚You may tell her I will be there.' As if I had another choice. To defy the Fates would tip our hand.

  The falcon dipped its head in acknowledgement and flew away. The message in my hand burst into flame and I jumped away from it. It burned with a bright blue fire for a scant second, before absolutely nothing, not even ashes, remained.

  Still annoyed, I gathered fresh roses to put in a vase in my room and then gathered a few more for Guinevere before heading inside to ready for dinner.

  * * *

  King Arthur had taken too much ale. He stood at the head of the main table, laughing and attempting to speak to the dining crowd. He started to speak, slurred his words, laughed and started over. Everyone in the room laughed with him. He very seldom was carefree and seeing him so tonight was enjoyable, even to me.

  ‚My countrymesh…men. Countrymen,' he corrected. Grabbing onto the ledge of the table, he steadied himself before continuing. ‚We’ve worked so hard thesh, er, these past few months and we deserve a break this eve. I’m having bottles of fine wine brought around to your tables. Pleash. Please, enjoy with my compliments and gratitude. With you, Camelot is becoming one of the greatest nations to be found.'

  He raised his glass, sloshing dark red wine onto the white linens gracing the table as he lost his balance. He grinned sheepishly at Guinevere, who smiled gently at him, patting his arm and murmuring into his ear. Craning my goddess ears, I focused in and listened.

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  With My Last Breath, Book Three

  ‚My love, you may want to ease up on the wine this eve. I think you’ve had enough.'

  I raised my eyebrow. My mother was exhibiting caution? This was unusual.

  King Arthur laughed and answered. It was clear that he thought he was whispering, but I definitely did not need to employ goddess hearing in order to understand him. He shouted loudly enough for the closest four tables to hear.

  ‚Wife, let us make merry. Then let us make love. Let ush make love this eve. It’s been too long.' The crowd tittered and my mother blushed delicately.

  ‚There’s a reason for that, you besotted fool,' Lancelot growled softly from my left.

  Only my mother and I heard him, since he spoke so low, but both of us shot him warning glances. Ares’ jealousy was legendary. It would not do for it to raise its ugly head while he was Lancelot.

  He leveled his dark gaze at me, gripping the table so tightly that his knuckles turned white. I heard a crack and saw a piece of the thick wood table break off in his hand. I glared at him even more sharply and he let go of the table, tossing the broken piece onto the floor. Thankfully, no one noticed.

  ‚Your highness,' he called, making his way through the chairs until he reached Arthur’s side. ‚I have some important matters to discuss with you. Might you have a free moment?'

  Arthur nodded seriously before lurching to a shaky standing position.

  ‚Of course, my champion. But then I must go. I musht attend to my wife.'

  I felt sorry for him- only because he would never normally discuss Guinevere in public in such an indelicate way. He was honorable to the extreme. His behavior tonight would leave him humiliated tomorrow. Down the table from him, I found Morgan smirking into her goblet and I briefly wondered if she had put something in his wine. It really was unlike him to become so sotted.

  Lancelot discreetly allowed Arthur to lean onto his arm, helping him walk from the hall with dignity and I felt a deep sense of gratitude to my father. It was kind of him to help Arthur in such a way. Mordred thoughtfully watched them retreat, silently eating as he observed his drunken king and uncle.

  They disappeared into the hall and I returned my attention to my dinner. At the end of the room, the jester was already singing a ballad about the intoxicated king of Camelot. I shook my head and picked at my roasted pheasant. I had never been a big pheasant lover. But when in Rome… I picked up my fork.

  Just at the tines reached my lips, the warning bugles sounded the alarm outside and everyone froze for a second, before jumping to their feet, silverware clattering all around me. Everyone began clamoring every which way before Lucan leaped from my side and shouted above the din.

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  With My Last Breath, Book Three

  ‚Everyone, listen! Calmly walk back to your quarters. Calmly. We will have the matter well in hand soon.'

  Since he had absolutely no idea what the alarm was being sounded for, his statement was pretty brazen. But everyone listened. They stopped running and quickly filed out of the hall, presumably to return to the safety of their chambers.

  ‚You too,' Lucan instructed in my ear, before brushing a quick kiss on my lips. ‚I’ll return soon. Stay safe in your chambers. Bar the door behind you.'

  He crossed to where the other knights were congregating at the head table and waited for Arthur and Lancelot before they quickly exited to the outdoors.

  ‚Stay safe,' I murmured after them to the empty room.

  Guinevere and I silently sat staring at each other. Even Merlin was gone, a fact that was slightly troubling. Usually in situations like these, he found his way to my side in an effort to keep me in check. But there was no trace of him now.

  ‚We should go,' Guinevere suggested. ‚
You know that we can help them