Forever Our Boys: A Beaumont Novella

by Heidi McLaughlin

  “He’s in Betty Paige’s class so I see him all the time. I always wonder if he would smile more if Liam and I were his parents.”

  “Why do you say that?” Katelyn asks.

  “His dad bailed when he was almost two and from what I hear around town, he doesn’t pay child support. Meredith tries…”

  “But it isn’t the lifestyle you and Liam would’ve given him?” I ask.

  Her lips go into a fine line as she nods. “I hate thinking about it because I have no doubt in my mind that Meredith loves him, but… I don’t know. If I hadn’t had Paige, I don’t think I would’ve done it again. The heartache was too much even when I knew I was having my own. I missed the son I thought I was getting, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be right for you and Jimmy.”

  The mood seems to turn somber and I can’t help but feel as if I caused this. “What do you say we go and get some ice cream?”

  “Ice cream?” Katelyn looks confused at the notion.

  I shrug. “It makes everything better, at least that’s the line Eden uses on me when she’s hurt, upset, or knows that she’s done something wrong.”

  Josie laughs. “She gets that from Noah. This one time I had asked him to watch Paige while I ran to the store. He was glued to the television, watching some highlight show or whatever. It was my fault for not making sure he listened to me.

  “When I came home, Noah had this big bowl of ice cream waiting for me. He handed it to me with a smile and went and unloaded the groceries from the car without asking. That was where he went wrong. When he came back in, I asked him where Paige was and the color drained from his face. He told me my mom was there and that they were upstairs. Turned out that Noah let Paige color… all over herself with a Sharpie. He panicked and called my mom to come help.”

  “Did he get in trouble?” Katelyn asks.

  Josie nods and starts laughing. “After I finished the ice cream.”

  We leave the room laughing, but I still feel awkward after the adoption conversation. It’s something I should bring up to Jimmy and see how he wants to proceed. Maybe Katelyn is right and we should look at adopting from another country. We could give a child a decent life here.

  After quick showers, we’re walking back toward our hotel when we come across a stand selling shaved ice. “It’s my favorite,” I say as I step up and order one. The girls quickly follow suit. “You know, I always want to do random jobs. I keep telling Jimmy that the next time they go on tour, I’m going to get a job working in a food truck or at the county fair.”

  I glance at Katelyn and Josie, they seem slack jawed at my confession. I shrug. “What?”

  “Why would you want to work in a greasy, hot truck?” Josie asks as if the idea is disgusting.

  “Why not? Think of the people you’d meet. Besides, I’m bored at home. Jimmy is always with Harrison, and Eden is in school.” I take my shaved ice and thank the man. I start eating mine while Josie and Katelyn wait for theirs. “Katelyn, aren’t you bored?”

  She looks at me and smirks. “Yes, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to join the carnival.” She laughs.

  “Why don’t you apply at a florist?” Josie asks.

  “Why don’t you move to Cali and bring Whimsicality with you?” I counter.

  She looks from me to Katelyn and shakes her head. “Our home is in Beaumont.”

  There’s a bit of finality in her voice, the way she tells us that’s where their home is. Sometimes I wonder if she’s mad at us for leaving. With Harrison being from Los Angeles and Jimmy living there when he moved over from England, it made sense that they’d want to move back. Liam had only been there for ten years and Josie was established in Beaumont.

  When they finally have their treats, I stick my very blue tongue out at them. It feels good to be a bit childish to lighten the mood.

  8

  Josie

  It feels good to not have to worry about what people think of me or us as we continue to stick our tongues out at each other. Mine is red, Katelyn’s is purple and Jenna’s is blue. We giggle and join arms to walk along the path as a trio, a solid unit of friendship.

  That’s what we’ve been since Jenna arrived in Beaumont. She fit in right away, as if she had been a part of Katelyn and my life growing up. Jenna got our jokes, understood my plight with Liam, and was there when Mason died. She helped pick up the pieces and mold us all back together.

  We reach our cabana, high on sugar and completely giddy. There are some guys swimming, and we ogle them. They did it to us yesterday, making us feel desired. Liam does that for me every day, sometimes multiple times, but there’s some inner satisfaction knowing I can still turn the head of a nice-looking man.

  From our cabana, we can see the sunset. Aside from the different coloring of the sky, one would never know it’s night. The temperature hasn’t changed. It feels as nice as it did when we walked out here this morning.

  In the pool, I hear the name Noah yelled. I quickly scan the area, looking for my son even though I know there isn’t any conceivable way that he would be here. It’s football season and the Portland Pioneers mean more to him than anything. Well, almost anything. I hate thinking that Dessie could mean more, but that’s where my mind is going.

  I spot the couple, laughing and splashing each other. They seem happy and in love. But they’re young. I remember when I was ridiculously in love with Liam, back in high school. That love was different from what we share now. It was all consuming. He’s all I thought about from the time I woke until the time my brain rested. All day. Every day. I couldn’t get enough of him, and in hindsight, that’s why the breakup was so bad and one sided.

  I was blinded by how I felt and couldn’t see what was in front of me. The love of my life was struggling, and not just at home. He had made a heartfelt decision to attend a school that Mason had been accepted. It was a school that didn’t need him and wouldn’t for a few years, but they recruited him nonetheless. Liam was following his best friend, and that backfired.

  And I pushed him to go back. If I could do it all over again, if I could open that door and hold him, and not encourage him to call the coach, I wonder how my life would’ve been different.

  Would Liam have taken me with him to California? He says he would’ve, but I don’t know. And what about Noah? If I could have told Liam I was pregnant that night, would he have stayed and raised our child, or would he have followed his heart that clearly led him to Los Angeles?

  Over the years, I think about what his grandmother was like, and why she had such a powerful pull on him. Did he tell her about me before she died? Did she know that I would’ve done anything to support Liam in his endeavors, even though I didn’t come across that way to him? When we’re eighteen, we think we know everything. But looking back, I didn’t know shit. And I especially didn’t know how to be a mother.

  “What should we do for dinner?” Katelyn asks.

  “I almost gave Noah up for adoption,” I tell them, blurting it out like it’s common knowledge I need to remind my friends. No one knows this, except for Mason. I never told Katelyn out of fear she would judge me for not wanting my child. It wasn’t that I didn’t want him. I was scared the closer I got in my pregnancy.

  Telling my parents that I was pregnant was the hardest thing I had ever done. Not because I thought they would be disappointed in me, but I had to tell them that Liam was gone. The rage my father flew into will never be erased from my mind. He threatened to go over to the Westburys and demand to speak to Liam, but I promised him I would go instead.

  I did, and it was horrible. Sterling answered the door and I told him I needed to get in touch with Liam, that it was urgent that I speak with him. I was crying, unable to keep my emotions in check. Sterling told me he was happy Liam finally got rid of the trash. I blurted out I was pregnant. “The whore finally did it.” I will never, as long as I live, forget those words.

  That was the time I thought about giving my child up for adoption. Deserted by its fathe
r and hated by its grandparents, everything felt hopeless.

  When I told my mother my plan, she cried and asked me to be very sure of my decision. Thing is, I wasn’t. Deep down, I wanted this child, the one Liam and I created; I knew it had been made from love.

  I cried to my mother, who held me tightly against her chest, promising me that everything would be okay. My parents, as much as they hated the idea that I was eighteen and pregnant, wanted me to keep the baby.

  When the school counselor suggested I consider adoption, I knew I never would. It wasn’t for me. The baby growing inside of me was already loved.

  “What?” Katelyn stammers. I keep my gaze on the young couple in the pool, mostly afraid to look at her. This is the one secret I’ve kept from her.

  Taking a deep breath, I finally turn and glance at my two best friends. Tears well in my eyes and I cover them out of shame. Their arms are wrapped around me instantly. I don’t deserve their love, not right now.

  “I thought it would be best for the baby if they didn’t grow up in Beaumont. I didn’t know what Sterling and Bianca would do when they saw me with the child out and about, and feared they would try to harm or take the baby away from me. I figured adoption would be best.”

  “Did Mason know?” Katelyn asks. I nod my head. “I thought so,” she says. Katelyn clears her throat, and I turn to look at her.

  “Mason went to Los Angeles to look for Liam,” I tell her.

  “How did you know?” Katelyn asks.

  I clear my throat, and try to smile. “It was in Sam’s journal. She talked about Mason waiting for Liam to show up. She also made sure Liam never got my phone message.”

  “That woman was vile,” Jenna says.

  I laugh. “You don’t know the half of it. We can’t prove it, but Liam and I are pretty sure she paid Alicia to drug Harrison.”

  “Quinn’s mom?” Jenna asks.

  “Biological mother,” Katelyn corrects her. “I’m his mother.” Katelyn is never one to shy away when asked if Quinn is her son, but bring up Alicia and she changes her tune. “That woman… I swear.”

  “She’s as bad as Sam was,” I say. “Sometimes I wonder if they aren’t related. I still feel like Sam is lurking around the corner.”

  “Jimmy’s ex, Chelsea. She calls every now and again,” Jenna says, shrugging.

  “Are her and his father still together?” I ask.

  Jenna shakes her head. “Nope. Left her high and dry with the baby. She calls, looking for James, thinking that Jimmy knows where he is, but he doesn’t. He hasn’t spoken to his dad since he was in the hospital. Chelsea’s tried to get Jimmy to be a big brother to her son. She wants Eden to hang out with him. Jimmy refuses though.”

  “You seem… pensive?” Katelyn suggests.

  “I feel sorry for the boy, ya know? He didn’t ask for his dad to be like this, and I think Jimmy is a bit harsh, but I get it.” She shrugs. “His ex had an affair with his dad and tried to pin it on him. That shit messes people up.”

  “She tried to break you guys up,” I point out.

  “Hey, I said nothing about Chelsea hanging out, just the boy,” she laughs.

  “Have you seen him?” Katelyn asks.

  “Yeah, he looks just like Jimmy. For a while, I thought Jimmy was his dad. I asked for a DNA test. Jimmy took one and it showed that they’re related, but that Jimmy wasn’t his father.”

  “Jesus, have you ever looked at our lives and asked how it is that we’re so normal when everything around us is fucking crazy? We’re like our own reality show,” I say.

  “But with low ratings and no viewers,” Katelyn adds.

  The three of us start laughing. We’re loud and slightly obnoxious. I pull my best friends into a hug, thankful that I have them in my life.

  “For what it’s worth,” Katelyn says. “I’m happy you didn’t give Noah up for adoption.”

  “Me too,” Jenna adds.

  “Me three,” I state. “That boy was the light of my life. He’s my one piece of Liam that I got to hang onto. It’s funny, by the time I gave birth, I was healed. I had Mason and you.” I bump shoulders with Katelyn. “My parents. I was happy.”

  “Where does Nick come in?” Jenna asks.

  I sigh. “Nick was just there. He treated Noah for a cold or something and we just kept talking after that.”

  “I remember in high school that Nick was so smart.”

  “Too smart for his own good,” I say. “The man fast tracked through college and medical school. Who the hell can do that?”

  “Apparently Nick,” Jenna says.

  “Aubrey’s good for him though, and Amelie is the cutest little girl.”

  “And Mack?” Katelyn asks, knowing full well that he’s a sore subject.

  “And Mack is handsome, like his father. Sweet like his mother.”

  “And fancies your daughter?” Jenna adds.

  I nod. “Liam’s going to kill him.”

  “What do you say we go get dinner like you suggested?” I lean into Katelyn. “Then after dinner and a few drinks, we’ll call the guys.”

  “Better yet, we should Facetime them,” Jenna says.

  “Yeah, that sounds fun, as long as we’re all in the same bed.”

  “Josie, you really know how to turn my husband on.” Jenna laughs as we all link arms and head toward the hotel.

  9

  Katelyn

  Our week is half over and it feels like we just got here. It could be because all we do is sit around and gossip, or reminisce about our past, and think aloud about what the future might hold for us. Thing is, we could’ve done this is Beaumont or Los Angeles and saved ourselves a ton of money. Don’t get me wrong, being in paradise is great. Being doted on by staff has its perks, but I miss home.

  I miss Harrison. I miss the kids. I miss my condo on the beach that has become my home.

  As I stare out into the ocean, the surfers all settle and wait for the next wave to ride in. Harrison taught the girls to surf, and I remember their first time out in the waves I was so scared. Even though I had watched Quinn do it many times, something about the girls being out there freaked me out.

  But they conquered. Peyton and Elle learned to ride the waves, right along with Harrison and Quinn. It’s hard to put a finger on what the girls have taught Harrison. When he came into our lives, he had everything, except for a wife, and he didn’t need that. I had a hard time fathoming why a man would want a widow with two small children.

  I asked him once and his reply was, “Why wouldn’t I?”

  My phone rings, tearing my eyes away from the surfers. The picture I use of Quinn shows on the display on my phone.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, Mom,” he says. Just hearing him makes my day brighter. “Are you having fun?”

  “I am, sort of. I miss you guys. I’ve been thinking we need a family vacation.”

  “That’d be fun. Maybe we should go skiing around Christmas?”

  “Oh yes, that would be lovely, although Peyton may want to go somewhere warm.”

  Quinn laughs because he knows I’m right. “Probably. We’ll compromise and do two weeks. One in Vail and the other wherever she wants to go.”

  Before Harrison and I took the plunge and became a couple, I had heard horror stories about merging two families. I had nightmares about the girls not getting along with Quinn or him tormenting the girls. The thought that they’d grow up hating each other was enough to make me sick. Thankfully, the kids proved the statistics wrong.

  “That sounds like a plan. So, what are you up to today?”

  “Nothing much. I’m thinking about driving down to see Dad, maybe take the boards out.”

  “That’s what I’m doing now, watching the surfers. I think you guys would love it down here.”

  “Did you go on the big water slide?”

  I start to laugh. “No, that’s today. I’m just waiting for your aunts to be ready to go. I think we’re swimming with the dolphins too. Your dad and u
ncles certainly spared no expense making sure we were well taken care of.”

  “Did you expect anything different?”

  My head shakes, even though he can’t see me. “Honestly, no. But I was under the impression this was supposed to be a low-key affair. I don’t know if Josie and Katelyn know this or not, but we have a bodyguard. He hangs in the shadows but he’s there, watching.”

  “Lurking,” he adds.

  “Quinn, you know it’s for protection.”

  When the kids were little and word got out that the band was living in Beaumont, the paparazzi were sometimes relentless. They weren’t always around unless the guys had a new album coming out or they were on tour and reporting some ridiculous scandal. The guys didn’t take too kindly to the kids being followed, and hired bodyguards. It was for their protection, but when you’re a teenager and trying to date, having someone watching your back can be a bit unwelcoming.

  “I know, but doesn’t mean I had to like it. Anyway, I wanted to check to see how your trip was going and thought you’d want to come up when you get home and check out my new set? I have a few new gigs lined up. One is at this pretty happening coffee shop.”

  “You know I’ll be there, Quinn.”

  “I love you, Mom.” He hangs up before I can return the sentiment. Deep down, I know he knows that I love him, but I like telling him. When he was younger, he liked to hear it. I think it was reaffirming for him to know that he was loved, especially with how Alicia had treated him and his dad.

  I’ve never understood how a mother could do that, especially to someone like Quinn. Although, had she met him, I fear we would’ve been entangled in a war over custody, visitation, and money. For the longest time, that’s what I thought she wanted, but Harrison told me she never asked for a dime. The day she showed up at his apartment with Quinn in his carrier, she just left them there. Every day, I thank God she didn’t want to be a mother to that boy because I did, and I have cherished every moment since he was brought into my life.