Paper Dolls

by Sienna Mynx

  “Really?” she smiled.

  “Like I said, I got skills you wouldn’t believe.”

  Raven grinned. “I can’t. Not tonight. The flowers were a nice touch to a very confusing day though. Thank you.”

  “Ut oh, this sounds more like a piss-off instead of a piss-on,” he chuckled.

  “It got me to thinking. I need to resolve my issues with my husband—I mean ex-husband. I need to move on. I plan to see him tonight and get closure.”

  “And?” he arched a brow.

  Raven chewed on her bottom lip. “And you can show me your skills—your culinary skills. How’s that?”

  “The best offer I had all day,” he winked.

  “Now, can we please get to work?” she picked up the rose and tossed it to the trashcan.

  “Whatever you say, boss.”

  **

  Raven was late. The sun had already set. The sky was a deep purplish red as night crept up on the south Floridians. She accepted the ticket from the valet and walked through the automatic doors. The Ritz Carlton was located directly on South Beach, and was one of the premiere five-star hotels in Miami.

  Greeted by the cool air-conditioned plush lobby, she was reminded why she and the girls used to love this hotel. It catered to a scene they found exhilarating when they first arrived in this flashy town. Raven’s eyes swept the guests. The spoiled and pampered came in waves, leaving and arriving all at once. She had her own destination and braved the steps for the Lapidus Lounge.

  Tonight was important. She had taken extra care with her appearance, having chosen a black Cavalli dress that rode high on her toned thighs. It had a one-shoulder neckline with a ruched shoulder strap, and a ribbon tied waist that gathered tightly around her petite waistline. Diamond Cartier bracelets were on her wrist, and a three-carat solitaire teardrop pair hung from her ears. The jewelry was gifts from her husband on their honeymoon in St. Tropez. Her eyelids had smoky eye shadow and were darkly lined. Her thick lashes swept outward over her almond shaped eyes. She looked the part of Alexander Katz’s wife in case a photographer’s lens was spying on them for the evening.

  Several men smiled when she passed. Raven smiled back. Inside her gut churned and she suppressed the urge to vomit.

  The lounge had a private, eclectic dining area and an ocean side view for casual seating. The pianist sat near the tall bay windows, tickling a sweet melody from the black and white keys. Several diners chose seats near the windows to face the blue ocean rolling in over the shore in the distance. He did not.

  Alexander was at the bar staring down in what she assumed was his Scotch. Raven smiled. She knew what her husband liked: neat, ice on the back. He wore a dark suit as usual, and a grim look on his face.

  God she hated hurting him. The past few days she kept putting him off, and that had to be hard on him. She heard it in his patient sighs of disappointment. He was still her husband in her heart, and his happiness meant a lot to her. If she didn’t tell him anything else tonight, she’d make sure to tell him that. Sucking in her diaphragm she headed for the bar.

  “Hi, Alex.”

  His eyes went to the mirrored wall with glass shelves and top-shelf liquor. She saw a light of love in them. He turned and looked at her as if he’d never seen her dolled up before. She waited for the usual perusal of his eyes. When they were married he’d take her to hundreds of boutiques to have store clerks dress her so she could model for him. He’d even flown her to Italy to have her wedding dress made by the renowned fashion designer Elisia Battaglia. He cared little for fashion, unless it came and fell off her body.

  Under his examination she felt a flush of heat rush to her cheeks, as flashes of their night of passion returned. The bittersweet memories of what it was like to be his.

  “Hello, love.” He finally spoke, and again the warmth in his voice drew her to him.

  This is why she avoided him. This is why she was in love after the day he cornered her on his boat, and kissed her between her thighs. It was also the reason why after a year of divorce she never could let any other man close to her. He came forward, his face and cologne descended on her. She turned her head in time to give him her cheek. Her eyes closed when he made the effort to kiss a little closer to her mouth.

  She recovered. After a second of weakness, she pulled out the bar seat next to him.

  “I’ll have a martini, dirty,” she said to the woman behind the bar. “I hope I didn’t keep you waiting long.”

  “No. I just came down from my room.”

  “Oh?”

  Raven felt his eyes on her. Finally she looked over and smiled at him. “You look so sad sitting here by yourself, baby.”

  “Sad? That’s a good word. It describes me perfectly.”

  “Alexander,” she started.

  “Rae, before we—let’s just um, well let’s just talk about your life first.”

  “Talk?” she looked up at the drink put before her. “Thank you.”

  “Yes, about anything. Been a few days since we last saw each other. Talk to me like you used to.”

  Raven suspected he wasn’t as interested as he pretended. He was pulling one of her moves and stalling. Avoiding the conversation. The awkward conversation where she shared that despite her love for him, she wanted off of this emotional merry ground, for good. She wanted him to let her go. She had played it over and over in her head. Where they parted as friends and wished each other well. They’d promise to keep in touch when they both knew they wouldn’t. Then the final goodbye for her was making love to her husband one last time.

  “Drama,” she said. She took a sip.

  “Drama?” he asked.

  She nodded. “I was with Zephyr last night. Actually I think I’ve only had two hours of sleep.”

  “What’s wrong with Zee?” he asked with evident concern. It didn’t surprise her. The two really did care for each other.

  “José Batista, that’s what.”

  “She’s still with him?” Alexander asked.

  “Not anymore. But it’s not pretty. He kicked her cat,” Raven said.

  “He kicked her cat? Why the fuck would he do that?”

  Raven took another sip of the vodka martini. “Never mind. It’s just been a long week. Disney is playing hardball with us. If they drop Liza-Rayne she will lose the last of her endorsements. And she hasn’t been recording, so we’re sinking fast here.”

  “Sounds like you have a lot going on,” he said.

  She stared into the clear liquid. With the move of the stem of the glass she watched the olive bob and swirl in the triangular center. It looked forgotten. Just like her heart. “That’s about it, nothing else to report.”

  “How’s Margene?” he asked.

  “Mom is good, she misses you,” Raven smiled. “You know she still thinks we are getting back together.”

  “She’s a smart lady.” He chuckled and drank a bit more.

  “You’re just a charmer.” She looked over at him. “Always have been. Remember when we signed our first deal?”

  “I do, I offered you a job,” he said

  “Yes, very presumptuous of you to assume I’d take it.”

  He chuckled. “I paid for it. It took me four months to finally get you to agree to have dinner with me.”

  “I can be stubborn,” she said.

  “I love that nothing comes easy with you, Raven. Always have. With a lifetime of people giving me what I want just because I ask, you were the only woman to come in and keep me grounded.”

  “For a while anyway,” she replied. Her smile dimmed. She picked up her martini and sipped. The pianist switched songs and began to play a Toni Braxton ballad. Just what she didn’t need to hear.

  “Alexander, I know you have a lot going on. Your business couldn’t survive a vacation when we were married, but you’ve been staying here in Miami. Why?” she asked.

  “Let’s not do this here,” he said. She turned on the bar stool and crossed her legs. He stared at her legs. Raven lifte
d his chin and made his gaze return to her eyes.

  “Do what?” she smiled.

  “End our marriage, or try to restart it, whatever you decided. Let’s not do it at a bar,” he said

  “Then where?” she asked.

  “My suite.”

  “You think that’s a good idea? The minute we’re alone we can’t stop touching each other.”

  “How can being alone with my wife ever be a bad idea?” he asked.

  “Ex-wife,” she said.

  “Raven, you’re my wife.”

  “You’re my husband. That’s part of the problem. No matter what the divorce decree said we haven’t resolved things.” She put her hand to her brow feeling a headache coming.

  “You still suffer those headaches?” he asked.

  “They come and go. Just like you,” she said without bitterness. He touched her hand and brought it to his lips. She looked at him through her tears. He was right, what she had to say shouldn’t be said at a bar. Not after the kind of love they shared. Looking away she blinked through the tears. He put his arm around her chair and leaned in. She was trapped, as he knew she would be.

  “I won’t touch you. You know me. I won’t do anything you don’t want me to. I just want to talk. The things I have to say, I want to say to you only. Please come upstairs with me, sweetheart. One last time.”

  Raven closed her eyes. She reached for her martini and finished it. “Fine. Let’s go.”

  She eased off the bar seat and walked off. She didn’t look back to see him paying for their drinks. She just went to the front of the restaurant then out, eventually toward the elevators that ascended to the presidential suites. It would be the only ones he’d stay in. The exhaustive day at the office, and night with her friends, had her light-headed and cranky. To be honest she craved sleep more than she did sex or closure.

  At the elevator she watched him approach. When the doors opened he stepped in with her. And then he inserted his card to go up.

  She remembered their second anniversary was spent in this hotel for a surprise dinner before a trip to Israel. His family’s prominence, and his wealth, made the trip a dream. People were so welcoming, and some shocked to their core over Alexander’s choice in a wife. None of it mattered to him. He kept her in bed fucking her the entire visit. She told Valentina she didn’t think she’d be able to sit, let alone stand and walk for a week.

  “Why are you smiling?” he asked. He studied her face.

  “Huh?” she said, caught. “Oh, thinking about work.” She lied.

  He nodded. “Well I’m glad there is still something there that will make you smile.”

  Raven walked out of the elevator to a floor that only had three suite doors. Alexander’s was at the end of the hall. When he opened the double doors she remembered immediately what being his wife brought. The best of everything. She didn’t live like that anymore. She refused to, despite the large amount of money he set aside for her. She wanted to take care of herself in the way that she could afford on her own.

  Immediately Raven was drawn to the lanai. The view of the city was even more magnificent at this level. She’d never tire of Miami beaches.

  He came out with her. “Thanks for coming.”

  “I shouldn’t even be doing this with you, Alexander.”

  “Then why are you?” he asked.

  “Because, well because I can’t let you out of my heart. I keep doing the what-ifs.”

  He nodded and stepped to her side, leaning on the balcony. “Me too. I spent an entire year envisioning our life if we—if I hadn’t betrayed you.”

  “Why?” she asked.

  “Because I love you, I miss you.”

  “No. Why did you sleep with her? I know you said that you were sorry and had been drinking, but I have to know. Why?” She looked at him. He stared straight ahead. Silent. “Do you know that men flirt with me all the time, Alexander? Proposition me too. All of it. Even when we were married the men who worked for you flirted.”

  “I’m sure they still do,” he said. “Make no mistake, I know what I had when you became mine, Raven.”

  “I can’t even imagine another man touching me. Even if I was a total bitch to you, and I admit that I was, Alexander, we were supposed to be for better or worse. Couldn’t you allow me to grieve before turning to another woman?”

  “I wish I had,” he replied.

  “I keep seeing you with her. Making love to her. Doing the things you did to make me feel loved, with her.” She looked away as the bitterness swelled around her heart.

  “Do you really want to do this?” he asked.

  “Yes, damn it! I didn’t want to hear it at first. I didn’t want to hear anything from you. But now I want some answers. You owe me an explanation.”

  “I do. Kim came by the office that night to bring some papers. Everyone knew we were having problems, Raven. We did a poor job of hiding it. I was sleeping and showering out of that office suite. You told me that it hurt you to look at me. That you couldn’t stand the sight of me.”

  Raven remembered saying those mean words. She remembered everything. But she wanted to hear from him how he felt. She was ready to listen. The night she drove her husband into that bitch’s arms.

  “Rae, we have to talk.”

  “No! I’m sick of talking! You want to talk, Zee wants to talk, and Mama wants to talk, all of you! I’m sick of it!”

  “Then what should I do, what do you need me to do?” Alexander asked. He reached for her. She turned and stormed off in the other direction. In her haste to escape him she ran into the baby’s room.

  She tried to slam the door on him but he forced it open. “Just leave me the hell alone.”

  “You blame yourself for losing the baby. It’s not your fault!” he told her.

  “How the hell do you know? You were half way across the world when I woke up and was bleeding, you weren’t here!” she shouted.

  “I’m sorry, sweetheart, if I could take that back I would.” His voice broke with emotion.

  “No! Shut up!” she put her hands to her ears. “It hurts to think of my baby girl. It hurts to see all of this stuff!” she went over to the baby gifts and began to throw them at him. “It hurts! It hurts!” She screamed. She snatched the mobile and ripped it free.

  She grabbed the stuffed animals and all the items in the crib, throwing them everywhere. Alexander came behind her and held her. He put his arms around her and grabbed her wrists to keep her still, crossing her arms in front of her. “Sweetie, stop it, stop it!”

  “Let me go!” she broke free of him. He had to release her to keep from hurting her. She whirled around him. “You want the truth, Alexander? It hurts to see your face! Every time I see your face I feel empty inside. Empty! I can’t stand the sight of you! I hate you!”

  Alexander blinked away tears. Nothing she ever said to him hurt so much. He was shocked and confused by her anger.

  “I want you to go. Stop trying to fix me and just go! Please, go! I can’t stand to look at you now. You’re killing me.”

  “I can’t leave you when you’re in so much pain,” he said.

  “But you’re making it worse. God is punishing us, for all of this. Being selfish, you and me living this spoiled selfish life, and taking everything for granted. That damn company is more important. We never put what is really important first. Never!”

  “That’s not fair!” Alexander said. “I had to go out of town, it was a merger and I had to be there.”

  “I told you I was feeling strange. I told you I was afraid to be alone. It was our daughter and she didn’t matter to you. Because you’re a cold hearted bastard. You said you’d be gone a week, how is a month a week? Who leaves their seven-month pregnant wife alone for a month? You never made the right things a priority. It’s your fault my baby is dead!”

  “I didn’t know. I mean I didn’t think you would lose the baby, neither of us knew. God, do you think I wanted to lose our baby, for you to have her alone? Do you t
hink that’s who I am?”

  Raven put her hands to her eyes. “I hate myself. I want you to go. I can’t stand being with you right now. If you love me you will give me some space. Just get the fuck away from me!”

  Alexander wouldn’t or couldn’t move, and she hit him. She didn’t know why but she did. Once she did she couldn’t stop. She hit him, wanting to punish him, or someone for how empty and barren she felt. Who carries a baby for eight months and loses it? A baby she could feel growing? Her baby, where was her baby?

  She collapsed on him and he held her, kissing her face. “I’m sorry, Rae, so sorry.”

  “GOOOOOO!” she screamed, shoving him away and running from the room.

  Raven went to their bedroom and fell across the bed. She heard the door slam as he left. There was another stuffed animal on her bed. The damn things were all over the house. She grabbed it and dug her nails into the soft fur. She pressed it to her chest. She wept. She held it like it was her lost child. The one she could sometimes still feel moving inside of her. God help her but she wanted to die.

  “You okay?” Alexander asked.

  Raven wiped her tears. “I can’t believe I let my pain turn me into that person. The things I said to you. I know now that you were hurting too. You lost the baby too. I just don’t know where all that rage came from.”

  “It was okay to feel rage. It wasn’t okay for me to leave you to it. No matter what you said. I should have stayed. I replay that moment over and over. I should have stayed,” he said.

  Raven put her hands to her eyes and leaned forward, her elbows rested on the balcony. He touched her back and she winced. He removed his hand.

  “You were right. Things have always come easy to me, Rae. Even when I fell in love with you, I never doubted for a moment that you would be my wife. I removed every obstacle in my way to make you mine. You were barely twenty-four. You were still a virgin. You were so damn beautiful and strong-willed. I wanted you to have the world. I wanted you to be the mother of my children. When you were pregnant I just assumed the baby would come as easily to me as everything else. You called me. You said the baby didn’t move. You sounded afraid. You begged me to come home. But in my arrogance I thumbed my nose at God. Dared him to do anything to take my happiness. I should have come home. I should have.”