Paper Dolls

by Sienna Mynx

  She shook her head and cried. “Well. You win, Alex. I give up. I can’t fight you, and your money, and your power. I can’t. You win.”

  He stood. He walked toward her. He stopped to pick up her clothes she tossed to the floor. “I’ll go. I swear it. I’ll fix what’s done and I’ll stay gone.”

  “It doesn’t matter. Nothing you do or say matters. I’m tired of not trusting you, believing in you, not believing in you. Damn it, Alex.”

  “There’s another way, Raven. A good way to start over. For us both. I should have recommended it sooner.”

  She looked up into his eyes. “What?”

  “Counseling,” he said. “I want us both to go. Separate, or together, I don’t care. It needs to happen. The sooner the better.”

  “Separate works for me.” She took her clothes for him. “Leave. And don’t come back, Alex.”

  He put up his hands as if in surrender. “I’m sorry, love.”

  “Right. You’re sorry.”

  Alex left. It wasn’t until she was sure he was gone that she too surrendered. She dropped to her knees. She clutched her clothes to her naked body. She closed her eyes and felt little anger toward him. She had exhausted that emotion. All that was left between them now was regret.

  Chapter Nine

  Mommy’s Girl

  Raven drove through her old neighborhood. Her house was the third one on the left after the stop sign. Her mom’s old Cadillac was parked under the shade of the carport. She wheeled in behind it and parked.

  It was morning. The fog and dewy grass smell mixed with the breakfast sausage her mother had to be cooking inside. Margene was awake and would be quite surprised about her surprise visitor. Raven had chosen to drive through the night to see her. She hurried up the stairs. She opened the screen door and used her house key to let herself in.

  “Margene?” she called out.

  “Rae? Is that you?” her mother answered.

  The front of the house was a small sunken sunroom––most referred to it as the Florida-room. It was where you could see into the dining room. To the right were two steps that opened to the living room, and the kitchen was off to the left. The bedrooms were set to the back of the house. Margene appeared in her housedress with her hair rolled up under her scarf.

  “Hey, baby!” she said. She walked over to Raven and kissed her. Margene was in her early sixties. But she and Raven were constantly told they looked like sisters. Her mother had found the Lena Horne fountain of youth. Her skin was vibrant and unblemished. Her dark hair had long silver streaks woven in from the root, which naturally highlighted, instead of detracted from her beauty. And her figure was trim, voluptuous. When she dressed up she did so in fifties style glamour, and was often referred to by her friends as the black version of Marilyn Monroe. When Raven was younger every man, from her school principal to Mr. Pete who worked at the butcher, salivated over her mom. And through it all Margene only had eyes for one loser.

  “Hi, Margene,” Raven said. She gave her a big squeeze.

  “You didn’t tell me you were coming. Did you drive all night?” Margene asked.

  “I got in my car and started driving. Next thing I know I’m home.”

  “Well I just started breakfast. I’m gonna cook you something special.” Margene switched off to the kitchen and turned off the breakfast meat. “Be right back, baby.”

  Her mother hurried to her room. In less than ten minutes she returned. She changed into a pair of black carpi pants and a white short sleeve shirt. Her mom had taken out her rollers and ran a comb through her long locks. Margene never let anyone catch her unprepared, even her own daughter.

  “Margene? Seriously?” she asked.

  “Hush. I needed to get dressed anyway. Talk to Mama while I feed you.”

  Raven pushed back from the table. She left her mom’s kitchen and looked around at the pictures of her life. From ballet at four to cheerleading in high school, Margene kept her daughter’s face on every shelf. It was evident to everyone that visited that her mom had made a good home for her, despite it all.

  “Don’t go through that much trouble. I’m not really that hungry,” she said as she walked down the hall. She went to her old bedroom. It was like it was when she left for college. The pompoms from her cheering squad were tacked on the wall above her bed. She sat there and looked out the window. She remembered how Clyde Thomas would sneak in through her window when her mom worked nights. He was careful so Ms. Harriet across the street who watched the house didn’t catch them and tell her mom.

  Raven smiled. Clyde and she played at sex, but both were too terrified to actually go through with it. They would strip to their underwear and spend the stolen time kissing and fondling each other. Eventually Raven grew bored, and Clyde a bit more adventurous, so she had to put an end to the game. Her entire life was in this house, this room. Raven reclined and stretched out across the bed. Some nights when her father left his other family, she could hear them having sex in the room across from hers. It would go on for hours. Music always played. They’d screw to anything from Barry White to R. Kelly. And then her mother would cry and beg him not to leave. That’s when the cursing and fighting would wake her from her sleep. Over and over she saw this. It felt right coming home again. When her life was in shambles this was the only place she wanted to be.

  “Rae! Come eat, sweetie!”

  Raven’s heart surged to the familiar sound of Margene’s voice. Returning to the kitchen she saw her mom had fixed her a plate despite her protests.

  “Margene? You have to stop eating all these fatty foods. Sausage and bacon? C’mon.”

  “Oh girl hush, your granny lived to 93 and she had this every day. Sit down.”

  Raven shook her head. She pulled the sugar bowl over and dropped the cubes into her coffee. “So what’s been going on?” she asked her mother.

  “The plumbing is out in the guest bathroom. At first I couldn’t get the toilet to flush. Leroy came over to fix it, and now the water won’t run in it at all.”

  “Why didn’t you call a plumber?” Raven asked.

  “I’m on a fixed income,” she said.

  “I told you to call me if you needed anything. I put money in that account for you.”

  “Hush, that’s your money. I’m saving it for you.”

  “Huh?”

  “I don’t touch it. I was the one that took care of you remember? I didn’t raise you to take on my burdens,” Margene smiled.

  Raven rolled her eyes. “What’s the use of me having money if you won’t let me spend it?”

  “Enough, Rae, I swear between you and that ex-husband of yours you’d think I was a charity case! I’m fine.”

  Raven sighed.

  “I watched the news. You in trouble, baby? What’s going on with your company? I heard those horrible things that man is accusing you of. You haven’t returned my calls.” Margene said.

  “I’m sorry. I just knew you’d worry,” Raven answered.

  “Not calling me back didn’t do anything to stop the worrying,” Margene said.

  “That’s why I came, so you can see that I’m alright. See? I’m alright,” she said.

  “No, you came home because you needed your mama. And you should have. I’m always here for you.”

  “Alexander’s back,” Raven said. She sipped her coffee.

  Margene’s eyes stretched. “How’s my baby doing?”

  “I thought I was your baby.”

  “Is he okay?” Margene waved Raven’s comment off.

  “He’s fine, Margene, he’s not an infant,” Raven replied.

  Margene smiled. “So he’s back? Is he back because he missed you?”

  “So he says. But that little drama you saw on television? All of it. You can thank Alex.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “He came back to work things out with me. When I turned him down he cooked up the idea to stir up some trouble in my company.”

  “Why on earth would he wan
t to destroy your company?” Margene shook her head.

  “He wanted to be the one to come in and save it. Make me trust him again. Alex’s way of making me trust him is manipulation.”

  Margene laughed. “That’s so romantic.”

  “What?”

  “Oh baby, relax. The man will do anything to have you. Every woman should be so lucky.”

  “Figures you would say that,” Raven scoffed.

  “I beg your pardon?” her mother replied.

  Raven put her elbow on the table and her forehead in her hand. Margene leaned over and touched her hand. “Sweetheart, all I’m saying is what you already know. Alex didn’t do this to cause you harm. He did it to wake you up. He’s a good man. He still calls to check up on me. I have to send those checks he keeps mailing me back. You tell him to stop that.” She leveled a finger at Raven. And then she smiled. “Oh Raven—”

  “Mama, please!” Raven shouted. Margene withdrew. Raven immediately regretted it. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to snap at you. It’s just—never mind.”

  “What? What is it?”

  “I’m going to sign up for therapy,” Raven said.

  “Therapy? Good lord, why? Those places teach you to blame your mother for everything.”

  “That’s not true.” Raven sighed.

  “Well, why go to therapy? Is it because of that man Max Steele? What he’s trying to do to your company?”

  “No, it’s because I love Alexander, and I hate him, and I don’t know what that means anymore. I want a clean break from all of this. So I have to fix me.”

  Margene pushed back from her chair. She walked over to her daughter and sat closer. She pulled her over into her arms. “It’s okay.”

  “Okay? Is that what you think?” Raven asked. “I just told you my husband brought scandal into my business. My life is spiraling out of control, and all you can say is that it’ll be okay?”

  “Why are you so angry, Raven? I’m trying to be supportive.”

  “Why don’t you understand what I’m going through? Any of it. All you do is make excuses for Alex. You’ve been through what I’m going through, and you never give me any real advice. How was it for you when daddy left over and over again? Was it okay that he chose his wife over you? Was it okay when you moved us here to chase after him and it still didn’t work?”

  “Alright that’s enough!” her mother said.

  “No! It’s not, Margene. Nothing Alexander does to make up for cheating on me is enough. And now he does something that should really piss me off, and I feel nothing. I’m afraid of feeling nothing. Why didn’t I fight for my marriage before it turned into this? Any reasonable woman would be able to forgive her husband. Right? But I can’t!”

  The blood siphoned from Margene’s face. “You think your father and Alexander are one in the same? Is that what this is about?”

  “Cheating is not a mistake! Betraying your vows is not the same thing as forgetting to pay the light bill. How come I never can get you to agree with that?”

  “Hush your mouth! Not another word!” Margene snapped.

  Raven lowered her gaze to her coffee. Margene reached out and touched her daughter’s hair. “Walter is nothing like Alexander.”

  “You were so weak with him, Mama. It’s the first lesson I learned about love, that it makes you weak. I vowed never to be that way. I never wanted to be you.”

  “Good, because I raised you to be better than me,” her mother chuckled.

  “Every little girl wants to be like her mother,” Raven said.

  “And every mother wants her little girl to have all the things in life she didn’t. You did that, baby. Before there was an Alexander Katz you did that. And when that man broke your heart you didn’t fold. You became even better. I’m proud of you.”

  Raven looked up at her mother. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to talk to you like that. You don’t deserve that.”

  “I always taught you to speak your mind with me. I just never showed you when to temper your tongue. My poor baby, how could you even compare Alexander to your father? It’s ridiculous.”

  “How could I not? Look at what he did to you. How he disrespected you, abandoned you, left you to work two jobs and take care of me alone. He used you. Even if he was married, he should have been with you.”

  Margene pulled the chair over and sat next to her daughter. “You’re old enough to know the truth. And, sweetie, if I had known your version of my life I would have shared it with you sooner. Especially when you walked away from your marriage. But you were in so much pain, and so stubborn, just like your father.”

  “Don’t mention him.”

  “You brought him up. Now listen. Mama’s no saint or victim.” Margene dropped her eyes and looked away. “When I met your father, before you were born––he was married.” Margene smiled and wiped the tears from her daughter’s face. “His wife was the same age as me, and already pregnant when we started our affair. After she gave birth, he divorced her and he married me.”

  “Wait? Married you?” Raven asked. “Are you saying you and Daddy were married?”

  “Yes. We were married. The woman he divorced had to pack up and move to Jacksonville to live with her family. To have someone help her take care of her baby, because I had her husband put her out in the streets. I did that to her, and I justified it because I thought I was in love. That was until she turned around on me and got justice.”

  “Why did you keep this from me?”

  “Walter only stayed with us until you were five, and he was cheating way before then, sleeping wherever his head lay. You start out wrong, baby, you end up wrong. And that’s how Walter and me ended up, right where we started. I let him come and go because I didn’t think I deserved better after what I’d done. I couldn’t tell you this. You were just a baby. I thought seeing Walter here at times would give you a sense of family, not destroy your belief in it.”

  “What happened? Are you still married to him?” Raven asked.

  “I threw him out. By then he was seeing her again. Whenever his trucking route took him into Florida he was with her. And then one day he came home and said he found religion. He said I was the mistake. He wanted a divorce, wanted to go back to her. I refused. He left. I packed our things and we went after him. I spent years of my life sharing him with another woman. He’s married to me on paper. But it doesn’t matter. He’s told me a hundred times that she’s the one he wants.”

  Raven let go a deep sad sigh. “I can’t believe you could do that, Mama. No wonder Asia did it to me. Karma.”

  “That’s not true, Raven. My mistakes aren’t yours by default. You said Walter was selfish and disrespectful, that he abandoned us. Has Alexander ever done any of those things? Can you call him those names?”

  Raven remembered the holidays when her father would breeze in. How her mother would dress them both up. How he’d open presents and the two of them would dance as she played with her dolls. Then how her mother wouldn’t even argue when it was time for him to go. Why was it Margene could settle for so little? Therapy would be good for them both.

  **

  Raven’s eyes opened to the sounds of whispers. Eventually she had made her way to her bedroom and crashed. The long drive without sleep had come down on her. Her head was pounding. She sat up and touched her brow. She needed her purse. The ibuprofen was the only cure. She walked out of her bedroom and headed down the long hall to the front of the house, but stopped at the sound of a man’s voice.

  Her father turned and looked at her. Raven hadn’t seen him since she left for college. She blinked out of her confusion. Her mother stepped forward.

  “Sweetheart, I don’t want you to be upset. I called him,” her mother said.

  Raven walked over to her purse. “I don’t have time for this.”

  “Make time, baby girl,” he said in a fatherly tone.

  “Baby girl? I’m a grown woman!”

  “Raven!” Margene gasped. “You stop being like that. Si
t down, honey. Sit down.”

  Raven looked from her mother to her father and then back to her mother. With a deep sigh of defeat she dropped down on the sofa.

  “I’m going to the store. You need to talk to your daughter,” Margene announced. She pointed at Raven. “And you need to listen.” She watched in shock as her mother collected her purse and keys then walked out. Walter chose to sit on the sofa chair directly in front of Raven.

  “I read the papers, and saw the news. I’ve seen you on TV. You’re doing really well baby-girl. I’m very proud of you.”

  When Raven didn’t answer Walter scratched his brow and cleared his throat. “You have brothers. Six of them. They really want to know you. I’d like for you to meet them.”

  Raven shook her head with a sly smirk. Walter was a baby-making machine.

  “I have always loved you,” he said.

  “You’ve always loved me? Well I’ve always hated you. I hated you for so long that now I can’t muster up enough emotion to pity you. So don’t come sharing your feelings with me. It’s too late. I stopped caring long before you started feeling like a father.”

  “I understand,” Walter said. “Each of my children share some disappointment in me. I guess my being a rolling stone has crushed many of you along the way. But it’s never too late baby-girl. I want to start again. I want your forgiveness. No. I want to earn your forgiveness. I’ve been thinking on it. Even before Margene called me, I was thinking on it.”

  “I have a question for you,” Raven said. “Why now? What brought on the epiphany?”

  “Life. Mine. I’m getting older. Things I never thought would matter do now. Did you know your mother almost gave birth to you in the back of my Chevy? We had a real bad windstorm and flooding in Biloxi that year. The roads were blocked every which way we went. I was so scared for Margene, even more scared for you. When we got you to the hospital you were what the doctors called crowning. I swear the doctor wasn’t in the room good before you just pushed yourself on out. So stubborn. So strong. So beautiful. I thought you were going to be a boy. In fact you’re the only girl out of my seven children. I cried when I held you because you were so pretty. I wanted to give you a pretty name. That’s why I named you Raven. Look.”