Paper Dolls

by Sienna Mynx

  “You’re doing fine, José!” another person yelled whom Zephyr saw seated in the row across from her.

  José stared at the coin. “I did a lot of things I’m not proud of. Some of it you read or heard about on TV, or in the sports papers. Some of it none of you know. I did it, I can’t undo it, and I gotta live with it. But I found a way to make up for it by believing in myself and learning to like myself. I did it by coming here and working with kids who had the same dreams I had as a boy, but no one to show them how to get there. I did it by facing the woman I love with nothing left and saying in front of all of you to her, that I’m sorry,” he smiled sadly at Zephyr.

  “So thanks! It’s been a120 days 6 hours and 32 minutes since I last used, and that’s just the beginning.”

  People rose and started clapping. Some of his group members went straight to him and hugged him. Zephyr rose slowly with tears in her eyes. It was too much. She didn’t know what to say or do, so many emotions hit her at once she shook from the indecision. Turning she pushed past the small crowd and bolted for the door. José saw her and went after her. She could hear him as she rushed out of the community center and prayed she’d make it to her car first.

  “Zee!” he said. He grabbed her arm.

  “Let me go!” she tried to snatch away so he wouldn’t see her face, see the tear tracks on her cheeks.

  “Zee, please,” he said.

  “Why did you come back here? Why now?” she put her hand to her forehead. “I can’t trust you with my heart. You hurt me so bad, José. I can’t do it again, I can’t. I won’t go back there. I’ve changed.” She started to cry. He embraced her.

  “It’s okay, you don’t have to. Zee, it’s okay if we won’t ever be anything more than friends,” he said.

  She looked up at him through her tears. “You don’t want me?”

  José laughed. He wiped her tears. “I want you happy. Are you happier now?”

  She smiled at him. “Yes. I am.”

  “Then that’s all I need to hear,” he smiled.

  “I’m so proud of you. I can’t believe what you’ve done, how you’ve changed. It’s been just a few months and I feel like the José I had, wasn’t the real you.”

  “No you had José, you just see a better man before you now,” he reassured her.

  Zephyr hugged him. “I’m sorry. I wish things could have been different between us. That we could have been different.”

  “No more than I do, Zee, no more than me,” he said.

  Zephyr stepped out of his arms. “I should go. You should go back in with your friends. They seem like nice people.”

  José wanted to stop her. He opened his mouth to ask her to have some refreshments, or invite her to the nice Cuban restaurant up the street. But the words didn’t come. “I understand, goodbye.”

  Zephyr walked to her car and stopped. “You know, I was thinking that maybe a place like this could use a little style. I could volunteer my salon to come in sometime to do some makeovers, or something. What do you think?”

  José shoved his hands down in his pockets. “I think no one has more style or class than you, Zee.”

  She smiled. “Call me sometime. Coffee maybe?”

  He winked.

  She turned and went to her car. When she started it she saw his sponsor come out and pat his back supportively. The hardest thing she ever did was leaving, but when she saw him turn to go back inside the center she felt a sense of relief. She knew he’d be okay. And even without him, she knew she’d be okay too.

  **

  “Wow…wow!” Raven watched Zephyr pace her living room. They were alone. Alexander left to give them privacy. She heard the story of José’s recovery and found it better than a Lifetime movie. It just seemed too fantastic to be real. No wonder her friend was pumped with nervous energy. She didn’t know this José. Hell none of them did.

  Zephyr tossed her hair and Raven saw her friend’s eyes glistening with tears. “You had to see it, Rae. I mean if I hadn’t seen it I wouldn’t have believed it. You had to see him!”

  “José has changed, I’ll say that,” Raven said. She stood. She had a round belly, one she constantly touched and rubbed. Zephyr sighed putting her hands to her head. “It was so hard to leave him, girl. You have no idea how bad I wanted to just—you just don’t know. But it’s only been a few months, and I don’t trust him you know?”

  Raven smiled. She walked over and hugged her friend. “I think I have some idea. But I’m proud of you, Zee.”

  “For what? What did I do?” Zephyr frowned.

  “You made a choice.”

  Zephyr frowned. “What? I haven’t made a choice. Clayton, José, hell Jarrod, I haven’t chosen anyone.”

  Raven laughed. “Yes you did. You chose you.”

  Zephyr stared at her for a moment. She realized she did. It all became so clear to her. Smiling she hugged Raven’s neck. “You’re right. I’ve been in a relationship since Tony in the fifth grade.”

  They both laughed.

  “Seriously, Rae. It feels good to have him wanting me, earning my friendship and everything. I think that’s why I like hanging out with Clayton. He just wanted to prove himself to me. In the past I never thought to make a man prove anything. Now I’m kind of expecting more you know? And José, he looked so good, girl.”

  “Did he?” Raven asked with a raised brow.

  “Yes, and he was different. Grounded, and focused, and committed, things I never saw in him before. He walked in on Clayton and me, and I swear you could see it in his face, but he kept it cool. I kind of liked him seeing me with someone else,” she said and tossed her chin upward. “I mean how many magazine articles do I have with him and some cheap tramp?”

  “Hey, some of those tramps were my clients,” Raven said.

  Zephyr laughed. “But he was cool about it. Even invited Clayton to his program.”

  “Now that is a bit much,” Raven said.

  Zephyr nodded. “Girl, he didn’t mean it. He’d rather eat glass, but he tried. And when I told him that I couldn’t do it again, go back to who we were, he didn’t play on my emotions. He just let me go. He just let me walk away. He should have put up more of a fight huh?”

  Raven shrugged. “The man respected your feelings.”

  “That’s it. He was respecting me. Showing me some respect. José Batista was showing respect.”

  “Come on, make me some lunch. I’m hungry and Alexander keeps reading those damn books on what I should and shouldn’t eat.” She took her hand and pulled her toward the kitchen. Zephyr frowned at Raven. She wasn’t in the mood to cook. When she realized lunch was sandwiches she agreed.

  “I think I might see him again though. I mean if he ever calls and wants a cup of coffee or something I won’t be rude or anything,” Zephyr said as she washed her hands in the sink.

  “Mmhm,” Raven said.

  “Besides, the man owes me a happy meal or something. Can’t tell you the last time he and I went on anything like a—like a date.” Zephyr’s voice faded. She got out the bread and laid the slices on the napkin. “I’m so proud of him, Raven. Do you think he knows? I mean the way I left—”

  “He knows, Zee. But you’re the prize. José realizes that now. He has a lot to make up for, good for you for insisting he do it. Hell if he can go through all of this to get his personal life together, imagine what he’d do for the woman he loves.”

  Zephyr frowned. “I thought you couldn’t stand José? He’s a cheater, Rae, and you hate cheaters.”

  Raven leaned on the counter. “I can’t say that I’m in love with the idea of cheating. And I can’t stomach anybody that would purposefully hurt you. But I’m not going to judge him for his mistake, if he’s really trying to change. We make mistakes. We hurt the people we love, and sometimes if we’re lucky we can find ways to start again. If Alexander held the kind of grudges I kept I’d have lost him. There’s a lesson in that for me. So maybe José can be faithful. But I’m with you girl, whatever
you decide I’m with you all the way.”

  Zephyr smiled. “I love you.”

  “And my baby.” Raven pointed at her stomach. “Show the baby some love too!”

  Zephyr laughed. She put her hand to Raven’s belly. “I love our baby too.”

  They hug. “You heard from Valentina?” Zephyr asked.

  “Still in the Bahamas. But she’s coming home soon. Matt took her there to calm her down. He told Alex when we went to dinner she’s driving him crazy, not sleeping or eating.”

  “The album releases next week. Her nerves are wrecked huh?” Zephyr asked. She licked the mustard from her fingertips.

  “That man loves her to death, and you should see her with him. She’ll be okay.”

  “I think we will all be okay. It’s our season for happiness,” Zephyr said.

  “You got that right! It’s our season for happiness! Say it loud!” Raven winked.

  EPILOGUE

  Zephyr –

  She smiled. How could she not? Charmaine looked beautiful. After pressing her hair and trimming it, Zephyr gave her a very youthful cut that framed her round face. She added bangs that brought more focus to her eyes.

  “I’m so nervous, I can’t mess this up. I really need this job,” Charmaine said.

  “Hey, you have a lot to be proud of. Look at you. Clean and sober for three months. You have your kids back, and José told me that they found you an apartment. This is your season for change, and it’s just the beginning.”

  Charmaine actually glowed with happiness. Zephyr felt such pride over the young woman’s transformation.

  “You are a really sweet person, Zephyr,” Charmaine said. “Everyone here says it. We all appreciate you coming and doing stuff with us. Even in group we talk about it.”

  “Thank you,” Zephyr said and tried to mask her shyness.

  Charmaine grabbed Zephyr’s hand and forced her to look at her. Unsure of what motivated the action Zephyr paused. “Something else?” Zephyr asked.

  “José is such a good guy, he really loves you too. I bet he’d crawl through glass to get you back,” Charmaine said.

  “I don’t think—”

  “And yawl can make some pretty babies. He’s so fine. Those Dominicans make pretty babies!”

  It was Zephyr’s turn to smile. Deep down inside it was Zephyr’s fantasy to be a wife and mother with José. But that was a different dream. That version of her was gone.

  “He is a good guy,” Zephyr agreed with her. “But enough about José and me. Candace is waiting to take you to your interview. You better get going.”

  “Thank you!” She grabbed her purse and Zephyr opened the door for her. Charmaine wore a conservative dark blue suit that Zephyr and Candace bought from Macy’s. It complimented the figure Charmaine covered up under loose fitted t-shirts and jeans. And thanks to Zephyr, her hair bounced and behaved beautifully.

  “I don’t even recognize myself.” Charmaine giggled. She put down the large hand mirror, and hurried through the door.

  “Knock ‘em dead!” Zephyr called out after her. She looked out into the hall to see Candace and José waiting for her.

  “Come on, Char, we gotta go. You’ll be late.” Candace said. She then hit José’s arm. “You don’t have to stay, you can lock up the center for me. I won’t be back for a few hours.”

  “It’s okay,” José said, “I have some work to do. Good luck, Charmaine.”

  “Thanks!”

  Having seen enough, Zephyr went back inside to the director’s office. It was the place she used to work her magic for the women of the center. The bathroom shower and sink were perfect to wash and rinse with. She had mentioned to José about building a grooming annex to the building, a place to open up for cosmetology classes. She knew several salons that would volunteer to teach students. If she weren’t so busy taking turns waiting on baby Katz to be born she could invest in the venture. They agreed to revisit the idea when their schedules permitted.

  Zephyr was so excited over the pending birth of their little angel. Raven was so cute when pregnant. And the happiest Zephyr had seen her in years.

  “Look at this mess, I better unplug these irons and let them cool,” she sighed. She snatched up her things and started to put them in her case. And then she paused at all the hair on the floor. She would definitely have to sweep away Charmaine’s locks.

  “That was really nice. What you did for Charmaine,” he said from behind her. Zephyr glanced back and saw José watching her from the door. At first he lost weight when he stopped the drugs. Now the hard work and good healthy eating habits brought the weight back to all the right places.

  His jeans hung on his narrow waist, and tightened around his thighs. He wore a yellow and white striped shirt that was pulled tight on the short sleeves around the bulge of his arms, now crossed before him. He’d shaven. The first few months she had grown used to his beard and mustache.

  José was handsome. All the women in the center said so. Even the commentators on those trashy blog sites that criticized and scoffed at his recovery said so. At times it was easy for her to understand why women flocked to him like bees to honey. It was another reason why she wasn’t foolish enough to believe that his playboy days were behind him.

  “She’ll do fine.” Zephyr said and dropped her gaze to her cleaning activities. “I called Rae and told her to make sure she put in the word to give her a try. She’ll get the job.”

  “Zee, you shouldn’t have done that,” he said.

  Was he kidding? Of course I should have.

  “What’s the point of having friends and contacts when you can’t use them for people really deserving?” she asked. “Charmaine is going to make it, just like you did. I’m just giving her a little support.”

  He winked at me, Zee thought to herself.

  I really like it when he winks at me. Actually that’s how he first caught my eye. At one of Valentina’s parties, he was across the room and when I looked up and our eyes met, he winked. I’ve been a sucker for that wink ever since.

  “You’re right, of course you’re always right, Zee,” he said. There wasn’t a hint of sarcasm in his voice. He sounded genuine. To be cautious she ignored the other thing she detected in his tone. The past few months they’d been friendly. Valentina kept advising against friendship, but Raven encouraged her to trust her instincts. The truth was her feelings for him were as mixed up today as they were the day they broke up. For her own self-preservation she mastered the art of keeping José at arms length, but within her circle of reach.

  “You in a hurry?” he asked.

  “Got plans. I need to hurry,” she answered. The flat irons had cooled enough to put them in her case. All she had left to do was sweep up the hair.

  “A date?” he asked.

  “Yes,” she answered. She didn’t bother to look back. She could sense his disapproval.

  “Can you give me a hand before you go? I got to put up the supplies, and I need you as a door stop.” He walked out before she could decline. This is going to make me late, but what did he care, if it meant I was seeing another guy. Zephyr shook her head at his tactic and followed.

  “What do you mean by doorstop?” she asked.

  “The door’s broken, the damn thing locks shut from the outside. Can you hold it open while I bring in the things from the car?”

  “Go ahead,” she sighed. She checked her watch. She really did have to get to Raven and check in on her. They had three days left to delivery, and her girl was on edge. When Zephyr looked up he hadn’t returned. After she visited Raven she had plans with Jarrod. Things with him were progressing nicely. She learned a valuable lesson with Clayton. He threw in the towel when she took sex off the menu. Zephyr was done with doing what men wanted, and now only focused on her needs. Clayton had the nerve to get nasty when they broke things off. He accused her of being fickle and a tease. Just because I didn’t want to have sex with a one-minute man again? The accusation hurt. Jarrod was on a trial run. He ma
de reservations for them at a new Colombian restaurant she wanted to try. They were going to a night concert on the beach afterwards.

  He returned. His arms were loaded. He could barely look over the box he carried.

  Candace told her that plenty of women were vying for his attention, but he didn’t entertain them. It was as if the entire center was on José’s side. She was constantly told good and positive things about him. Everybody focused on the singular mission to get Zephyr to give José one more chance. It was cute but exhausting. And through it all, she kept coming back.

  She pressed her backside against the door to keep it open. “So what do you got planned for tonight?”

  “The game, some beer, that’s about it.” He grunted as he passed through.

  “You should go out,” she said. “Hey, when was the last time you been out with someone by the way?”

  He dropped the box on a stool, and pealed back the flaps. Is he ignoring me? He began to stock the shelves with the box contents.

  “I asked you a question,” Zephyr said.

  “I’m not interested in dating anyone, Zee, you know that,” he sighed.

  “What have you been doing then?” she asked.

  “Not much of anything,” he mumbled.

  “Excuse me? Are you saying you do nothing, night after night?” Zephyr asked.

  “That’s what I said.”

  “What’s wrong?” she asked.

  He glanced up at her as if she should have a clue. He actually looked angry.

  “It’s been five months since I came back to you,” he said. He turned from Zephyr and clenched his fist. Something he often did when he was unsure of himself. At the very least she knew that what he was about to say was going to come from his heart. And her ex-lover did have a heart. She’d seen evidence of it when he coached little league. She heard about it in the praise from all the new friends he’d made.